Qualities of Workplace Superstars: Work Ethic/Motivation

Some people dream of success while others wake up and work hard at it.

~Winston Churchill

The harder I work, the luckier I get.

~Samuel Goldwyn

It’s supposed to go like this: We convince the employer we’re the best person for the job. The employer agrees and offers it to us, complete with a compensation package. We accept the offer and celebrate, recognizing they could have easily offered the position to someone else. In return for the paycheck, we work our tails off, do our best, and… WAIT, STOP THE TAPE! Not so fast!

In my conversations with employers of young people, I hear more complaints about work ethic and dependability than any other traits. Among the issues they cite: absenteeism, late arrivals, distractions, failure to meet deadlines, deficient work, whining (especially toward more “menial” tasks), and entitlement attitudes. Some employers have given up and are now recruiting retirees to avoid the “baggage.” (Their word.)

And, they’ll tell you it wasn’t always this way.

To be honest, I think the responsibility for this generational shift lies primarily with parents. We do our children’s chores, either to keep them happy or because we can do them better or quicker. We overcommit them with one activity after another and feel guilty if we also ask them to sweep the garage. We allow play to come before work. We permit hours and hours of time with their endless technology, media, and entertainment options. It all adds up and manifests itself in a big way during the teen and young adult years.

Oh, and, educators will tell you the lack of motivation is apparent in their classrooms, too.

There are many, many reasons why a strong work ethic and motivation (both inextricably linked) are so important in the workplace and in life:

  • It is an admired character trait and a MUST for a productive life
  • We owe it to our employers who are paying us for excellent work
  • It directly affects our job performance, pay potential, reputation, job security, and promotability; also, several careers pay directly by output and sales, which are heavily influenced by our work ethic and productivity
  • Our team members are depending on us
  • It is a necessity for building grit and resilience
  • We make ourselves easier to manage in the eyes of our supervisor
  • Businesses are much more “bottom line” focused than in the past and less tolerant of mediocre performers; we have to compete to keep our jobs!
  • A strong work ethic can overcome an average skillset
  • We receive the “psychic benefits” from a job well done
  • And, we accomplish so much more

Individuals with a strong work ethic and motivation:

  • are self starters and needn’t require reminders
  • don’t require rewards each time for hard work; it’s intrinsic
  • are proactive and take initiative
  • are productive and efficient with their time; they focus just as much on working smart as working hard and accomplish more than others during their work time
  • are conscientious, take directions, and follow policies and guidelines
  • are lifelong learners
  • avoid complaining about the less interesting aspects of their job
  • meet or exceed the requirements of the job
  • give their employer a high return on investment

Parents, here are some tips to help build these essential qualities:

  • Instill the values of a strong work ethic and motivation by modeling it yourselves and teaching your children why it’s so important
  • Have your children do age-appropriate chores and message that doing them is not optional (this is where your tough love really pays off!). Introduce them to a wide range of chores, but be somewhat flexible when choosing which ones they are routinely responsible for. Use chores as a learning experience. They’ll be on their own soon!
  • Limit the amount of time they spend on technology and media and adopt a “work before play” strategy
  • When it comes to career selection, encourage them to choose options they will enjoy and be interested in. We are naturally more motivated when we do the things we like.
  • Encourage them to choose friends who take these qualities seriously. Peer influences are huge. If our kids surround themselves with positive and productive people, it will rub off. And if they don’t, that will rub off, too!

Let’s do everything we can to build an intrinsic work ethic in our younger generation and reverse these trends. Today’s tough love will pay dividends in the long run, and, one day, they might just thank you for it.

Next up: Resourcefulness. Have a great week!

Qualities of Workplace Superstars: Dependability

I learned that, “Mike, you get your first job on your ability and every job after that
on your dependability.”

~Mike Royer

If your actions don’t live up to your words, you have nothing to say.

~Da Shanne Stokes

“You can count on me.” Hearing these words is every supervisor’s dream! Just as every parent loathes having to give reminders to their kids to do their chores or homework, bosses are in the same boat with their employees when they fail to deliver. And, in my conversations with employers who hire young people, unreliability is easily one of their most common complaints. To wit…

A teen working as a server for an area restaurant was to show up for her 5:00 p.m. shift. Rightfully, the owner could count on that. However, imagine his surprise when he received a call at 4:55 that she was sick and unable to come to work. Apparently unaware of the inconvenience this would cause, she obviously felt that five minutes notice would suffice. As if that wasn’t enough, at 5:10 she would be posting pictures on Facebook of the beach party she was attending a mere ten miles away. To add insult to injury, she was surprised when she showed up the next day and was promptly fired. Sadly, variations of this story are more common than you’d think.

She made the mistake of thinking that the employer existed to serve her rather than the other way around. For her sake, I hope it was a lesson learned.

In the workplace, and in life, dependability is one of our most valued character qualities. It means that we do what we say. That we can be trusted. That we are confidently willing to be held accountable for our actions and actions. And, that we will be easy to manage!

Here’s what dependability looks like in the workplace:

  • You deliver excellent work on time, every time. No reminders necessary. A good practice is to complete your work one to two days ahead of the deadline. That way, if something comes up, you have some cushion.
  • You comply with company policies, ethics, laws, and regulations without failing.
  • You represent the company and its values both internally and externally with customers, prospects, suppliers, and the community.
  • You not only do your work well, but you also seek opportunities to advance the overall organization.
  • You don’t make promises you can’t keep. If anything, you “underpromise and overdeliver!”
  • You are punctual and bring a positive attitude to work every day.
  • If something comes up that threatens your ability to meet a deadline, you inform your supervisor as soon as possible. No last minute warnings and excuses! Remember, bosses hate negative surprises!

Dependability serves us well beyond the workplace, too. Whether it’s in marriages, friendships, community service, etc., we all admire this quality in people.

Parents: sometimes it seems like dependability is a quality you’re either born with or need to learn! Our more compliant children do their chores or homework without our reminders, while it’s a struggle with others. Why not make dependability a family value and help our children understand why it’s so important. In this day and age, many young people seem to view it as optional, only to experience a rude awakening when they enter the workforce. One day they’ll thank you for it.

 

Next week’s topic: work ethic/motivation. Stay tuned for more in this series, and please share with your friends–especially if they have teens are students who will soon be entering the workforce!

In case you missed last week’s post in this series, you can find it here.

Qualities of Workplace Superstars: Commitment to Excellence

Every job is a self portrait of the person who does it. Autograph your work with excellence.

~Ted Key

I long to accomplish great and noble tasks, but it is my chief duty
to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.

~Helen Keller

“A job well done.” Few words are more gratifying to hear from our supervisors or clients than these. We should all feel proud when we deliver excellence, even when it isn’t always recognized!

But, let’s face it. Doing great work isn’t always easy. We might have the skills, but are lacking in attitude, energy, or health. We might have the right attitude, but are still on the learning curve. Or, quite commonly, we’re distracted by some issues in our personal lives that we struggle to “compartmentalize.” We bring our problems from home to work. And, sometimes we procrastinate and run out of time.

Perhaps after integrity, high standards and a commitment to excellence might be our second most valuable workplace quality. Here’s why:

  1. The surest way to build customer loyalty is to consistently deliver top quality products and services that meet or exceed expectations. This results in consistently higher revenues than otherwise. It can onlyhappen when employees are motivated to do their best.
  2. One of the most important aspects of successful companies is their brand and reputation. Tremendous damage can result when companies lower their standards or deliver inconsistent quality. We’re all familiar with companies and industries that skimped on quality and suffered.
  3. We live in an extremely competitive world. Businesses are constantly challenged by others entering their market or by existing competitors who offer new products. A consistent commitment to excellence helps companies preserve, if not expand, their market share. Otherwise, it will shrink.
  4. Depending on the career, it can even be a matter of life and death! Think neurosurgeons, EMTs, and aircraft repair personnel!
  5. It builds our dependability and reputation where we work. This is huge. Reputation means a lot.
  6. Employers are paying us to do our best. It’s up to us to give them a return on their investment. Our commitment to excellence will affect our performance, and ultimately our pay, promotability, and job security.

It’s important to note that a commitment to excellence extends beyond the quality of our work. Other affected areas include our attitude, professionalism, relationships, and teamwork. Having high standards is especially important when we work in teams, because others are depending on us to do our part. We’ve all worked in group projects where one member slacks. It’s no fun. Don’t be “that guy.”
Our Best Tip
Every job has different specifications, and every supervisor varies in management approach. Also, some positions have detailed performance metrics (sales) while others are more vague (management). Therefore, it pays to “get inside your manager’s head” in order to set yourself up for success. It sounds crazy, but it’s so true! And, it’s really quite simple.
On your first day on the job, ask your supervisor to show you the performance review form. (Most have subjective rankings, say, from one to five, on a number of factors, as well as goals.) Then, (and this is key!) ask him/her how they “define excellence” in this position. The more you can understand their preferences, the better positioned you are to deliver the goods. Next, ask what would be the top two or three most important accomplishments you can deliver in the next six months. Finally, ask about the ways you can help them, the team/department, or the company achieve its goals. (Obviously, achieving your goals is primary, but your value will increase if you can also support your supervisor and the broader organization). You’re looking for impact.

Now you know what they’re looking for and you’re positioned to deliver a home run! I did this all the time in my career and it never failed! In addition, be sure to finish your work on time, every time. That’ll make you easy to manage… a supervisor’s dream!

Finally, a special message to parents. When your children are little, they simply will not have the skills to do chores with the same quality as you. So, it pays to praise on effort. However, as they improve, praise that. It will build a growth mindset. Then, when they become teenagers, it’ll be a habit, and you might even consider giving “incentive pay” depending on the quality of their chores. If they underperform, give them tips on how to get a bonus the next time around. This will actually help prepare them for their coming reality in the workplace!

If you want to be an MVP in the eyes of your employer, a commitment to excellence is a must!

Next week: the all important quality of dependability.
In cased you missed it, here’s last week’s post on our first quality of workplace superstars, integrity.

Qualities of Workplace Superstars: Integrity

Integrity is choosing your thoughts and actions based on values
rather than personal gain.

~Chris Karcher

Character is much easier kept than recovered.

~Thomas Paine

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot
to the town gossip.

~Will Rogers

In any list of most desirable workplace qualities, you’d be hard pressed not to find the word “integrity.” In fact, I would argue it’s probably number one. During my three-decade career at Russell Investments, our CEO, George Russell, would often say, “We operate on non-negotiable integrity. And, if you’re wondering whether to say or do something, imagine it being the headline in tomorrow’s newspaper.” Simple as that. Zero tolerance.

So, what is integrity and why is it so important? Dictionary.com defines “integrity” as “adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.” While integrity is essential to strong personal character, it is even more important in a workplace context. That’s because employers must adhere to policies, laws, regulations, and governing authorities. A simple misrepresentation can literally lead to a company going out of business. Or, more commonly, for an employee to be fired. It’s always important to remember that in a workplace context, you’re representing yourself and your employer.

Here are some descriptors of integrity in action: trustworthiness, honesty, authenticity, respectfulness, compliance (to policies, procedures, regulations, etc.), courage (to do what’s right), taking responsibility for mistakes or shortfalls, and accurate representations. In the workplace, values can be challenged, career shortcuts tempting, and ethical standards gray. In these and all situations, integrity should be our guiding force.

Just as important is knowing what integrity does not look like. Here are some common examples in a workplace context: falsifying records, misrepresenting product qualities/performance, abusing power or position, cheating, stealing, spreading falsehoods/rumors/gossip, and blaming others for one’s underperformance. More often than not, self interest is the catalyst.

Of course, integrity is just as relevant in our personal lives too, as the above descriptors clearly show. Healthy relationships demand it. At LifeSmart, we encourage people, organizations, and schools to take the “integrity challenge:” not communicating anything negative about someone else who is not present. Imagine how this could change our culture! And, reduce bullying and social drama!

Whether we’re parents, educators, or mentors, here are some tips to help the young people in our lives practice integrity as a way of life:

  • Model it ourselves every time, every day.
  • Commend them when they model it. (Especially when they own up to mistakes or poor choices.)
  • Apply a zero tolerance approach when they don’t. Children need to know the importance of trust and that repercussions of violating a trust will be stronger as a result. It is very difficult to recover a broken reputation.
  • Review the above evidences of integrity and the opposite. Which areas are easier to model than others? Where is there room for growth?
  • Look for examples in society (including movies and television) where integrity is either modeled or not and have conversations about them. How might they have handled situations differently? There are great opportunities for real life cases to reinforce lessons.

Integrity. It’s one of the most important character qualities of all.

Next week we’ll cover commitment to excellence.

 

 

 

10 Qualities of Workplace (and Life) Superstars

Character is higher than intellect.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

In my experience, one of the greatest myths that young people believe is that success is all about smarts. While intelligence certainly helps, it is by no means a lock. In fact, many smart people will argue that character and relational skills are just as important. To that end, I’d like to share a fitting personal story with you.

A few years ago during my book launch tour through Indonesia, I gave a talk, “Developing the Great Leaders of Tomorrow,” at a high school in Bali. Afterwards, the audience exited for lunch in the courtyard while I remained up on stage to sign certificates. Some ten minutes later, I was finished and prepared to join the group. As I stood up, however, I saw a student approaching me from the center aisle. Once he reached me, I looked down with a smile and said, “Hi. What’s on your mind?” He looked up with a shy countenance and confided, “Mr. Dennis. I’m not that smart in academics. But, can I still become a great leader?” It was straight from the heart.

We chatted about academics for a bit, and I encouraged him that a certain chapter in What I Wish I Knew at 18might help him greatly. We talked about other things, too, and he listened intently. Then, when it was time to leave, I closed our conversation with this: “Ten minutes ago, you asked me a question, and now I’m going to answer it. With the courage, humility, and desire to learn that you just displayed, yes you can become a great leader.” He looked up at me, brimming with pride, and said, “Thanks Mr. Dennis!” And then with a spring in his step, he walked away.

This was one of the most touching moments I’ve ever experienced, and although I’ll probably never see him again, I’m confident he’s on his way.

This story illustrates why it’s so important to instill belief in our young people and to bust this myth every opportunity we can. You don’t need to be an Einstein to be successful in your career or in life. No way.

So, what is important, besides intellect, to succeed in one’s career? What are some of the qualities most highly prized by employers? Qualities that we parents, educators, and mentors can and should be instilling now?

Simply stated, employers are looking for three basic things… someone who: 1) does good (preferably great!) work, 2) works well with others, and 3) advances the mission and success of the organization.

But, let’s get more specific. Here are our top ten qualities of workplace superstars, excluding the intellectual and technical skills needed for specific jobs and careers:

  1. Integrity
  2. Commitment to Excellence
  3. Dependability
  4. Work ethic/motivation
  5. Resourcefulness
  6. Positive Attitude
  7. eam minded
  8. Friendliness
  9. Resilience
  10. Professionalism

Over the next few months, we’ll be taking a deeper dive into each of these essential qualities for career and life success. If your children, students, and mentees learn to model these well, they will be well positioned to fulfill their dreams and positively impact the world.

We hope you’ll enjoy this series and share it with your friends.

Next week, we’ll tackle integrity, which, arguably, is most important quality on the list.

Unintended Consequences of Parenting Styles

The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility

and the wings of independence.

~Denis Waitley

Parents: I think all of us can agree that we want to see our children happy, admirable, and successful.  But, how we help them achieve this is all over the map, isn’t it? When I grew up, authoritarian parenting was the norm. Those were the days of “Because I said so,” and non-negotiable chores. Teens were expected to leave home after graduation, whether that meant to college, a job, or the military. The ball was in their court to sink or swim. Tough love ruled the day.

Times have changed, in part because of the pitfalls associated with this approach to parenting. However, as it usually happens, the pendulum swings to the opposite extreme. We overcorrect and new issues surface. Like now.

Despite our best intentions, sometimes our parenting methods can get in the way of achieving our objectives. Although our children bear the primary responsibility for how their lives turn out, parenting influences are significant. With this in mind, and understanding that there are no perfect parents, we’d like to share some inadvertent consequences we see in three of today’s most common parenting styles.

 

Helicopter Parenting

In our efforts to be an involved parent and protect our kids from failure, we can micromanage and control them if we’re not careful.  Figuratively speaking, we can’t let go of the handlebar. We hover, orchestrate, remind, nag, interfere, and even do their homework and chores. Although we don’t like to be treated that way by our own supervisors, we often display these tendencies with our children. The bottom line is this: we stunt their social-emotional growth and skill development and rob them of the joy of doing things themselves.

Here are telltale signs of children and young adults who have been helicoptered: low self confidence, co-dependence, poor life skills, difficulty with problem solving, lacking resilience/coping, weak conflict resolution, and a poor work ethic and motivation. College administrators and employers are regularly observing these.

 

Performance Parenting

Although we all want our children to succeed, some parents take this to such an extreme that they appear to value performance more than the person. They view their children’s outcomes as a direct reflection of their parenting and can apply intense and unfair pressure to perform to unreasonable standards. Common parent behaviors are harsh responses to report cards, competitive comparisons to siblings or friends, forcing their careers onto their children, complaining to teachers and coaches when grades/play time are disappointing, and defending poor child behavior in teacher/administrator meetings.

It is especially painful to visit with students on the receiving end of this parenting style. Telltale signs in children are lacking self worth/value, anxiety, depression, intense fear of failure, untruthfulness, resentment, isolation, cheating, coping challenges, blaming tendencies, and sibling rivalry. Additionally, significant relationship strains are common when the child doesn’t perceive the parent as a safe person with whom to share fears, dreams, and life. Not surprisingly, resentment and distance are frequent outcomes, especially in the adult years.

 

“Buddy” (or Permissive) Parenting

Parents also have an intense desire to raise happy children and provide a harmonious home environment. Often, the teen years are challenging on both fronts as pressure builds and children express their independence. These years are exhausting! In response, many parents are pursuing a child-centric approach to life and inadvertently raising children who think the world revolves around them. At the extreme, these parents treat their children as friends, abdicating any sense of authority. Common examples of this are enabling, failing to enforce discipline/consequences, doing their children’s basic chores, allowing excessive time allowances for technology, etc., living vicariously through their children, passivity in the face of disrespect, and endlessly giving in to their children’s desires.

Telltale signs in children affected by this parenting style are entitlement, disrespect for authority figures and rules, arrogance, lacking motivation and work ethic, manipulation tendencies, and addiction to pleasure sources. They believe the world owes them a happy life and often struggle in the competitive adult world.

Do any of these sound familiar in your parenting or your children? Most of us can “plead guilty” to at least a few. So, with the dawn of a new year, why not take a pulse check to your parenting? Are any midcourse corrections in order?

Here’s to making 2018 your best parenting year ever!

 

 

Want to Change the World? You Don’t Have to Wait.

 

I don’t know about you, but the times in my life when I experience pure joy are when I do something that has a lasting impact on others. I mean, is there anything better than knowing you’ve made a positive difference in the world! Deep down, we all dream about being earth shakers.

Unfortunately, many people wait until their later years (if at all) to serve others and truly impact their community. History is filled with hermits who leave large nest eggs after they die, never having taken the time to give back while they were living. What a colossal waste! Similarly, there are many people who spend their lives focusing on themselves and their present wants, and completely ignoring the possibility of using their resources to help others.

You can avoid that mistake by committing to making your life a living legacy. In fact, there is no better time than now. This new year, make it your resolution to live your life with an outward focus. In this way, you’ll see your impact firsthand while inspiring others in the process. And, you’ll be changed for the better, too!

Not long ago, I spent a day with high school students at a prestigious prep school. It was technically a “day off” on the school calendar, but over 150 courageous students showed up for this special program focused on tackling difficult life issues. The stories in my group ran the gamut, but they mostly involved a lack of parental love or excessive pressure to perform (by parents) and to be popular (with peers). Seeing their lack of self worth was gut wrenching to me.

What struck me about this experience was: 1) the willingness and transparency of the students to admit their needs and be open to the wisdom of the adult mentors, and 2) the humility and commitment of the adult volunteers to also be transparent and real, and to invest their time and energy in our younger generation.

This was but one small opportunity in a field of millions, and I felt honored to serve. All around us there are people of all ages and causes that would benefit from our time, our energy, our input, our investment. Are you paying attention to the ones who would benefit from you?

In What I Wish I Knew at 18, I encourage my readers to take some time to evaluate what “causes” inspire them and provide some guidelines for discovering what those are. In the same vein, this free resource also gives students (and parents and educators) the opportunity to take inventory of their most prioritized values.

Which opportunities will you take today to invest in others and help make life a little (or a lot!) better for someone else? Whether you’re a student or an adult, strike while the iron is hot (and before it’s too late to set New Year’s goals!) and build a living legacy. Someone out there needs exactly you!

Don’t wait to change the world!

What are some examples in your life where you experienced pure joy and fulfillment? Or, where you had a significant impact on something or someone?

 

 

The Best Gift I’ve Ever Given. . .

What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? How about the best gift you’ve ever given? Can you come up with your top three? What’s the common denominator between them all? What makes the gifts so special?

More often than not, when I ask people these questions, they usually respond with gifts that:

  • were not expected
  • were ones they (or the other person) really needed
  • showed how much one person knew or understood the other
  • were not necessarily things, but experiences
  • were sacrificial on the part of the giver

That’s how I would describe the favorite gift I have ever given. And today, I’d like to tell you about it. Grab a nice cold glass of egg nog and enjoy . . .

It would be my first Christmas away from home. Four months earlier, I trekked from Wisconsin to my new home in Seattle to seek my MBA degree. Having left all of my family and friends behind, I knew Christmas of 1979 would be tough.

After experiencing (and not enjoying) my first solo Thanksgiving, I decided to see if my meager bank account could support a surprise trip home. Although a flight to Green Bay was out of my price range, I could pull this off if I flew to Chicago and had someone drive me the remaining four hours north. Bless his heart, my friend Bruce offered to be my chauffeur to and from O’Hare.

Once my top secret trip was scheduled, I made a point of sounding extra lonesome on my weekly calls home. (Yes, a little nasty but in the end they wouldn’t mind!) My parents were having mixed emotions about this Christmas, too.

After our long, snowy ride, we arrived at my brother Rick’s house late on the 23rd and reviewed our plans. Rick had acquired a large empty cardboard box, big enough to fit yours truly. It would be addressed to my parents from the North Pole, and the grand unveiling would be set for 9:00 a.m. Christmas eve on their upstairs apartment doorstep.

As Rick drove me to my parents’ place, the suspense became almost unbearable. When we arrived just outside their door, I placed the box over my head and crouched down, sitting on top of the bottom flaps to hold it in place. After giving the “all clear” signal to Rick, he rang the doorbell and rushed down the stairs out of sight.

Let’s pause so you can fully imagine this. You are an unexpected Christmas gift on your parents’ doorstep and are about to shock the living daylights out of them! My heart was about to explode.

My mom, in her mid-Sixties, answered the door and shouted, “Oh my, Lil, what’s this?” (Lil was a similarly aged neighbor visiting.) Her presence only added to the raucous. Next was “My, this is heaaavvvvyy! What could be in here?” Lil added, “I don’t know, but let’s try lifting it.” Listening in on their speculation, I almost lost it!

Well, to make a long story short, these ladies tried their best to lift it (while I, inside, was desperately holding down the flaps!). When one of my boots stuck out, I knew it was time. I counted to three and in one move jumped out of the box and cried, “Merry Christmas!” Just try to imagine their shock. It was truly priceless. And, within five minutes, it was all around the entire complex.

A Christmas present no one would ever forget.

This season, we focus on what I personally consider to be history’s greatest gift—a savior, named Jesus. He was and is an unexpected gift that came to mean everything to this world, and He came from a Giver who knew exactly what we needed.

Over the next week as you spend time with those you love, think about the reasons behind your gifting. Is this the year for your greatest gift?

Merry Christmas from the LifeSmart family.

How to Handle Transitions with Confidence

What do entering kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, high school, college, and your first career job have in common? The answer is transitions. BIG transitions. In these cases, they’re based on stages of life, while other biggies include moves, job changes, a new marital/relationship status, and having kids.

As I look back on my life and reflect on my conversations with today’s students and young adults, I’m reminded of how difficult these transitions can be. You would think the adventure and excitement of the “next chapter” would prevail, but often, it doesn’t. We figure our transitions will be smooth, but instead we can find ourselves depressed, lonely, and filled with doubt. If so, we flounder and underachieve, wondering how we’ll get out of our funk. We might even resort to false comforts and make life choices we later regret. Ouch.

Why can transitions be so darned hard? Here are some common reasons:

  1. We’re unprepared. Have you noticed how educators focus primarily on their stage (elementary, middle, high school, college) rather than also preparing students for the next step? One reason is that administrators aren’t held accountable (and therefore don’t feel responsible) for success in the next step. Parents can fall into this trap too, focusing on the immediate term, rather than also on what comes next. Students are often caught off guard.
  2. Out with the old, in with the new. For students who are content with their current stage, they may feel a sense of loss and anxiety as they begin their new chapter. (On the other hand, if the current stage isn’t going so hot, it can be a relief!) Transitions often come with new environments, social settings, teachers/evaluators, and expectations (with increasing performance pressure), and some handle this better than others. Arguably, the greatest transition comes after college where there is a loss of the common denominator of the college environment, often relocation, social disruption, career and financial pressures, and the reality that life will never be the same as an independent adult. That’s a lot to absorb!

What to do? How can we position ourselves to confidently handle the transitions in our lives? Although each stage is unique, here are some tips to help master your transitions and those of your children/students:

  1. Adopt the POP mindset. That means being Patient, Optimistic, and Proactive.  Patience is incredibly important, especially on the social front as you seek new friends. Recognize that your adjustment will take time, just like your previous ones. Self-imposed pressure adds unnecessary stress and can lead to compromising your standards. Optimism is also key. When things don’t go as well as expected, keep the faith and a positive attitude. You’ve done this before and can do it again! Finally, as you progress into the later stages, it becomes increasingly important to be proactive and take the initiative. I know many young adults who are floundering because they don’t fully grasp this. The more independent they are, the more responsible they are for their success and happiness. Instead, too many are waiting in vain for it to come to them.
  2. Meet people in your next step. Go out of your way (parents take note!) to meet people who are a few years into the stage just ahead of you. That means high school students should be meeting with college students and college students with early career adults. Be sure they are positive and empowering influences who can offer fresh perspectives with no sugar coating.
  3. Explore your interests and passions. It helps to identify your greatest interests (intellectual, recreational, community/service, vocational, spiritual) for both personal enjoyment and to meet like-minded people. What are the common denominators of the people and activities you enjoy the most?
  4. Go for it! Once you’ve identified your greatest interests, research the places, programs, and courses that offer what you’re looking for. Check out the Web, library, Chamber of Commerce, YMCA, school counselors, club fairs, tourist information centers etc. to discover the outlets you can plug into. Not only will you enjoy yourself by doing what you like, but also you’ll be more likely to meet people with common interests. Momentum is huge, but you have to create your own.

 

Transitions aren’t always easy, but they’re a necessary part of life. We hope these tips will help you and your students master yours. Good luck!

Holiday Traditions to Start with Your Kids and Teens

We’ve arrived the holiday season and the hustle and bustle abounds. There’s a holiday activity to attend at every turn—tree lightings, festivals, family parties, cookie exchanges, Christmas pageants, church services, and much, much more. For a family with kids—especially ones in early teen to older teen age range—it can be hard to find activities that “fit” their current interests.

It’s not too uncommon for teenagers sense the independence in their future and pull away slightly from parents and family (we wrote a bit more about this phenomenon here). In fact, I recently had a conversation with a friend who was trying to enjoy holiday traditions with her teen son, but she described him as disinterested and sullen. This mom was frustrated and nearly at her wit’s end—she said these things were so much easier when he was younger.

As a parent with two adult children, I’ve been through this stage myself. I can understand the pull between wanting to enjoy the holiday season with your kids, and also wanting to respect their changing interests. In order to help, all of us at LifeSmart have put together a list of ideas for things to do with the teens or young adults in your life during the month of December. Without further ado’, here it is:

  • Go to an outdoor ice skating rink. These are becoming increasingly popular and are popping up in shopping centers or city centers all over.
  • Watch a Christmas movie, their choice. Don’t try and push “White Christmas” or “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Let your teen pick the flick . . . and the snacks.
  • If you celebrate Hanukkah, let your teen pick the theme of each night. As they get older, they may not be as interested in the little gifts. Choosing a theme allows your family to branch out and participate in activities that engage even the older kids.
  • Donate to a charity or complete a service project of their choice. Is there a kid at their school who may need help with Christmas gifts or food this year? A cause your teen is passionate about? Make your holiday giving about something that’s important to them.
  • Have them invite their friends over to do some holiday baking. Teens are often more likely to enjoy a family activity if one or two of their friends get to join as well.
  • Let your teen lead the Hanukkah rituals and activities—and allow them to invite their friends to participate as well.
  • If you’re up for helping to host, let your teen host a Christmas party. Planning it can be their job. It can be a great chance for them to learn administrative and organizational skills! And, if the Christmas party idea isn’t a hit, perhaps a get together to watch the NCAA football conference championship games.
  • Paint Christmas ornaments at a local pottery painting studio.
  • Go skiing, snowboarding, or sledding as a family.
  • Check out an area play or concert, including local high school performances
  • Ring the Salvation Army bells as a family or as a group with their friends.

Creating new winter holiday traditions as your children grow and change their interests can be hard to navigate as a parent. The important part is communicating that you care, and are willing to adjust your own expectations in order to spend time with them. It’s a great opportunity to let them take the lead on ideas and event planning. And, most of all, to share in their world a little bit more.

May this season bring you love, joy, friendship, and endless fun with family.

Happy holidays from LifeSmart!