Have you ever noticed that some people who seem to have it all (e.g., good looks, smarts, sense of humor) often “flunk the test” in social and business settings?
At one time or another, each of us loses an audience. Whether from excessive detail, uninteresting subject matter, overlong monologues, or an unappealing style, we sometimes miss the mark. It’s never fun for either party, but the good news is we can limit the damage.
Great communicators carefully analyze nonverbal cues. They study their audience’s facial and body language to see the impression they’re making. Where needed, they make midcourse corrections along the way.
Conversely, we’ve all been around people who have no idea how poorly they’re coming across—especially in social situations. It can take the forms of poor hygiene, irritating habits, boring conversation, or trying too hard to impress. Usually, we don’t have the heart to tell them, hoping they’ll eventually get the hint from our cues.
When you’re with others—socially or professionally—be attentive to how they react to you. Their feedback, often unspoken, is extremely valuable and will allow you to adapt if it’s unflattering. Study their eyes and facial expressions, as well as their body language. If they appear bored, quickly get to the point, raise your enthusiasm meter, or involve them more in the conversation.
Your ability to successfully communicate is a vitally important skill to master. By being sensitive to your audience, you’ll improve your odds immensely.
Have you learned to monitor others’ reactions to you? How do you respond?
Post your comments here on our website or visit us on my Facebook fan page; we’d love to hear from you! And, as always, please share us with your followers,friends, colleagues, or young adults in your life. We’ve all got room to grow!
Year: 2012
Honoring FCCLA Leaders and Students!
Imagine a massive hotel venue filled with nearly 7,000 conference attendees … 5,000 of which are teenagers! Sound like a recipe for chaos? Most definitely not! Red jackets, friendly smiles, courteous attitudes, and a sprit of enthusiasm were the name of the game this week at the national Family, Career, and Community Leaders of America conference in Orlando, Florida.
It was an honor and privilege for our LifeSmart team to meet the hundreds of teachers and students across this nation who visited our workshop and booth at the FCCLA convention. All of us at LifeSmart were filled with hope as we witnessed a new generation of leaders in the making, shaped by the principles imparted by such a dedicated group of FCS teachers. (FCS teachers reading this: You ought to be extremely proud!)
At a time when many schools are regrettably cutting back on life skills programs, it appears that FCS teachers are carrying the torch to develop these leadership attributes that our society desperately needs. Over and over, FCS teachers, your stories reinforced our view that our nation faces a life skills crisis that’s compromising student potential. It is a delight to partner with organizations like FCCLA and program leaders like you to counter this trend and holistically prepare students for a lifetime of leadership and success.
Let’s keep in touch! We would love to hear your thoughts about the conference, our workshop/resources, and key “hot button” issues or topics that are of special interest to you.
So, with that in mind…what did you think?
Job Interview Strategy: Be Likeable!
In this challenging economy, everyone needs to be in top form to land the dream job. With a new crop of graduates seeking employment, there’s a whole lot of interviewing going on! That means setting yourself apart and also avoiding the deal breakers.
You may not realize this, but the first 30 seconds of a job interview will make or break your chances! No, I’m not joking. They may not get you the offer, but they will certainly kill your chances if you don’t make a strong first impression. The reason is that your interviews are brief and it’s simply too difficult to overcome a rocky start.
Employer surveys routinely identify “likeability” as one of the most important selection factors among similarly qualified candidates. In most job searches, there are any number of eligible applicants, but employers will not hire someone unless they think they would enjoy working with them. Think of it as a “next door neighbor” test. Can they see you as their next door neighbor? You’d better hope so!
When it comes to likeability, just be friendly, positive, enthusiastic, humble, relaxed, and yourself. Be professional in your appearance and in your grammar. Finally, avoid arrogance and negativity at all costs.
Your odds of landing the job just improved…a lot! Oh, and one more thing—if you’re a nervous wreck before the interview, cough! It’s much more therapeutic than a deep breath. Seriously!
Here are some other strategies you can use to put your best foot forward and land the job:
1. Do some research ahead of time on the company, what it does, any current news items about it, its reputation, its products, etc.
2. Practice an interview with a friend or family member to help you be thoroughly prepared. Use a list of common interview questions (insert link) and best answers.
3. Arrive early for your interview.
4. TURN OFF your cell phone!
5. Greet your interviewer with good eye contact, a warm smile, and a firm, confident hand shake.
6. Have some thoughtful questions of your own to ask during the interview (and it shouldn’t be about how much time off you can get!). Demonstrate that you care about the company, not just yourself.
7. At the end of the interview, thank your interviewer and follow up later with a personal thank you note.
Have you practiced your interviewing skills? What kind of impression do you think you make on others who don’t know you well and are evaluating as a possible new hire? How would they rate you on the likeability scale? Leave your comments here; we’d love to hear from you!
To Independence!
Fireworks, barbeques, apple pie, family reunions, and another year to celebrate our nation’s independence! I love summer, although for those of us in the Pacific Northwest, we’re impatiently awaiting its arrival. No sign of global warming here!
So, on yet another cool and rainy day, I’ve been reflecting on the word, “Independence,” but this time in an entirely different context…
As I meet with schools and business leaders across the nation, I’m hearing some alarming comments and stories:
- A 24-year old man brought his mother to his final interview for a major sales position; she wanted to make sure her son landed the job (he didn’t!)
- Companies are now training their managers to deal with parent threats when their son/daughter didn’t receive a “deserved” pay increase or promotion
- Colleges administrators are enduring parent pressure when students earn less than an “A” in their courses
- Young people are becoming increasingly risk averse for fear of failure
- Counselors report marked increases in student apathy, disrespect, and an entitlement mentality
- Record numbers of adults are living with their parents
How did it come to this?
Could these be the unintended consequences of parents who are overmanaging/overprotecting their children? And, of schools that are cutting back on leadership and life skills programs in favor of other priorities? Are we missing the big picture by not holistically preparing our children for independent life?
Whether as parents or educators, we’re called to develop today’s young people into the honorable and productive leaders of tomorrow. It’s a mission of the highest order and it requires high expectations, accountability, and shifting our parenting approach from “control” to “influence.”
How do we promote independence in our young people? The answer is to TRAIN, EMPOWER, and RELEASE them.
It takes all three to set them free!
Happy 4th of July! We’d love to hear your solutions.
The Bright Side of Adversity
“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.”
Frank A. Clark
I can’t recall when I first realized that life isn’t always fair. Compared to most, I had cruised through life by the time I was 18. The tragic death of my two-year old nephew in a car accident was a devastating loss to our family, but most of my other challenges were relatively minor—mostly girlfriends breaking up with me! All in all, I’ve had much to be thankful for.
Whether you’ve had a “smooth sailing” life or have already experienced major trials, adversity is a fact of life. It comes in many forms such as personal loss, disappointments, mistakes, bad luck, and mistreatment. It can affect us physically or mentally or both. In some cases we’re prepared for it, but in other situations it comes out of the blue when we least expect it.
Repeat after me: “Adversity happens to everyone—always has and always will.”
Now, take these words to heart. In order to succeed in life, you must be able to accept adversity as part of your journey and remember that you’re not alone when it happens! If you don’t, you’ll not only be badly mistaken but you’ll also find it hard to deal with when it comes. Your adversity isn’t some “payback” for something you’ve previously done. It just happens to everyone as a part of life.
For example, sometimes our best isn’t good enough to win. Sometimes bad things happen to good people (my nephew’s accident and my brother’s untimely death at age 50 being classic examples). Sometimes our partner decides to throw in the towel. Sometimes we lose our job after 25 years of service. Although sometimes our adversity is self-inflicted, it often arises from circumstances beyond our control.
One of life’s greatest adventures is seeing what becomes of our trials. At our bleakest hour, it’s hard to fathom that something good might come of our troubles. Often, though, this is precisely what happens!
“You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth
may be the best thing in the world for you.”
Walt Disney
Are you one who accepts that adversity is a part of life? How do you handle it when it comes? Remember, you’re NOT alone when it’s your turn.
Happy Fathers Day – Joe’s Story
My friend Joe is a highly successful financial manager with an 18-year-old daughter, Julie.
As last summer approached and Julie was preparing to leave for her first year of college the following September, Joe wondered if he had done everything he could to prepare her for life on her own. He knew that as a freshman living away from home for the first time, Julie would encounter a whole new world of challenges, decisions, and opportunities.
And then something unexpected happened that would change their lives and their relationship…
A friend gave Joe a copy of my book, What I Wish I Knew at 18.
Even though Joe had a positive relationship with Julie, he quickly realized by perusing the book’s life success pointers that he hadn’t covered all the bases. He suggested to Julie that they go through it together. With two months left before her departure, they decided to review a chapter each Friday at their favorite breakfast place.
Joe shared with me that this was one of the best things he ever did with his daughter. They discussed important issues—some of them for the first time. They became closer and more connected as father and daughter than ever before. They could discuss any topic openly, without concern, because of the new level of trust they developed. Not only did they enjoy sharing the book’s wisdom, Joe said, but they also they developed a deeper understanding of each other. Each week they talked for hours and hours, building special memories along the way.
The result? When Julie left for college last September, Joe knew that he had prepared her well for the world of adventures she would experience as a freshman. He says he’s grateful for the role that What I Wish I Knew at 18 (and their special breakfasts) played in preparing them for Julie’s new life chapter.
As I write this post, Father’s Day is fast approaching. If you know a Dad – or if you are a Dad – who wants to explore new levels of relationship with his son or daughter, I hope Joe’s story is an encouragement.
Preparing sons and daughters for a thriving adulthood is the mission of LifeSmart Publishing–and we believe fatherhood is a special role. If you’re a dad, we honor you for the important position you hold, the sacrifices you make, and the influence you have on the next generation.
Happy Father’s Day, Dads!
Whom do you know who would appreciate a copy of What I Wish I Knew at 18: Life Lessons for the Road Ahead? Click here to order now!
Why You Need an Emergency Savings Fund
Sometimes the unexpected 
happens. You lose your job. You have to take a pay cut when your employer faces a business downturn. Your car just died. You just got in a wreck and will be out of work for months. Your roof leaked (or, in our case, our septic system backed up!) while you were on a long vacation. What will you do?
Hopefully you’ve planned for emergencies.
According to a 2011 survey by the National Foundation for Credit Counseling, 64% of Americans don’t have enough cash on-hand to handle a $1,000 emergency. This means that if a crisis strikes, big or small, and you DON’T have money put away for emergencies—you could be in for some real stress and heartache.
An “emergency fund” is an account set aside with money earmarked solely for high impact situations that could substantially affect your wellbeing or quality of life. As a rule of thumb, a fund that contains four to six months worth of average monthly expenses (invested in safe, short-term investments) will help serve as a buffer in these unfortunate situations. During periods when the economy is weak and your job may be in jeopardy, it’s sensible to build a six to twelve-month emergency to give you an extra cushion. Establishing an emergency fund should be your first financial priority once you begin your career.
To determine how much you should have in your emergency fund, you should first identify what constitutes six months’ worth of expenses for you. Add up what you spend each month on normal household budget items and multiply by six. Make sure you include what you pay for your mortgage, utilities, loans, insurance, gas, groceries, and other essential expenses, allowing a small amount for incidentals and entertainment, etc.
Then, to avoid being tempted to spend the money you need to use to build your emergency fund, it may be helpful to set up automatic account transfers (or automatic deposits from your paycheck if your employer offers this). You’ll also need to be disciplined and NOT give into the temptation to withdraw from your emergency fund for vacations, high tech toys you think you can’t live without, or for any other non-emergency expenses or indulgences.
Ultimately, what an emergency fund buys you is peace of mind. If something comes up, you won’t have to scramble to come up with the money you need and you won’t have to turn to credit cards or other debt. It’s like an insurance policy that you’ll be glad you have when life throws you a big fat lemon!
How have you created an emergency fund? It’s never to soon or too late to start. Share your ideas, experiences, and questions with our online community; we’d be glad to hear from you. And pass our site along to a friend and suggest they subscribe; they might be thankful for it!
Meeting New People: Be All Ears and Less Mouth
Are you the kind of person who thrives on meeting new people, or one whose palms break into a sweat at the very thought? Whether we like it, love it, or hate it, it’s something we all need to do—and the more comfortable we become with it, the better.
Being skilled at getting to know new people isn’t about winning a popularity contest, being good-looking or smart, or even about being remarkably interesting. Here’s the scoop: to be well-received (and liked) when meeting new people, your best bet is simply to ask questions and be a good listener.
My mother-in-law Lea likes to talk about the parties she attended with her rocket scientist husband, Dale. She was far less educated than her husband’s “high tech” peers. Theoretically, these should have been intimidating situations but, for Lea, they were a piece of cake. Her Dale would receive one compliment after another about his wife’s graciousness and intelligence!
That’s because Lea had a secret when meeting new people. She figured she couldn’t compete with their smarts, so she listened intently and asked them lots of questions. Lea instinctively knew that if they did most of the talking (which most people like to do!) her encounters would be a success. And, that’s exactly what happened, time and again.
When you meet new people (especially in college!) or are in a social setting where you don’t know the others very well, take a page from Lea’s playbook. Take the pressure off yourself by letting them do most of the talking. (Note that this works especially well if you’re shy by nature.)
Here are some tips to help you be on the winning end of the people-meeting game:
- Put the other person at ease by your friendly smile and relaxed, open body posture.
- Make and maintain eye contact.
- Give them your full attention. Don’t let your eyes wander to the TV, out the window, or worse yet, to your cell phone. NO TEXTING.
- Don’t be too quick to disagree, criticize, or argue. Let the other person share his point of view without interrupting or trying to make a counter point.
- Ask lots of questions.
- Don’t talk too much yourself. Listen, nod, make affirmative comments, and ask for clarity when needed so she knows you’re engaged in what she’s saying.
- Show a keen interest in the other person. You’ll be amazed at how they respond to your responsiveness!
When you’re in situations where you don’t know many others, do you take the initiative to talk to strangers? Do you mostly talk about yourself or inquire about them? Share your ideas for learning to be a good people-meeter—or for helping your teens develop this skill—by leaving us a comment. And, as always, please pass this along to a friend by email, Facebook, or Twitter!
Winning the Educational Trifecta
or, How One Program Can Improve Student Performance, Narrow the Achievement Gap, AND Foster Healthier School Cultures
Sue White is a business teacher equipping at-risk students to overcome the odds and reach their full potential.
Brad Johnston is a high school principal who returned to the classroom to promote high academic achievement and a healthier school culture.
Jennifer Blake is an eighth grade English teacher who is instilling powerful life principles to prepare students for academic and social success in high school.
What do these three educators have in common?
They all want to establish a legacy of high academic performance, strong personal leadership, and healthy social environments in their schools.
Sue, Brad, and Jennifer also represent the larger picture. Based on our many conversations with school leaders, there’s an emerging consensus of the top three educational priorities:
1) improving student performance (including graduation rates and
career/college readiness),
2) narrowing the achievement gap, and
3) growing a healthier school culture and learning environment.
Clearly, these “Big Three” are worthy objectives, and they’re somewhat related. The challenge is achieving all three without regressing on the others. That’s not an easy proposition.
At LifeSmart Publishing, we believe a comprehensive solution is possible—one that uniquely addresses all three goals for an Educational Trifecta. That solution is to develop a strong Personal Leadership Foundation in every student. Here’s how it works…
To reach their full potential, your students must have a healthy perspective on life, leadership, and success—one that’s holistic and based on the universal values that guide honorable, productive people. Students who don’t have a vision for this (from both home and school) will lack the sturdy foundation necessary for a successful life. That’s like building a house on san—and it’s becoming all too common. At LifeSmart, we believe it’s a societal imperative to do better.
The Personal Leadership Foundation diagram (click here to view) illustrates the six key components to effective student leadership development for a lifetime:
As shown, a holistic Personal Leadership Foundation encompasses:
- Life Perspective—understanding how to live strategically with purpose and impact
- Character—knowing how to exemplify, in all situations, the qualities, attitudes, and behaviors of honorable people
- Relationships—understanding the secrets to building and maintaining healthy relationships and communicating well with others
- Productivity—making the most out of life through effective decision-making and personal discipline
- Health—understanding and embodying healthy living
- Overcoming Adversity—knowing how to persevere through, and learn from, the challenges we face in life
Each student is unique, but they all possess leadership potential. Some need hope and an understanding of their worth. Some need vision and practical direction. Some need help overcoming the adversity they’re facing. Some need help making real friends and standing up for their values. Some need motivation and discipline.
… and, some simply need to know someone else believes in them.
At LifeSmart, we believe in each one of your students. We know you do, too. That’s why we would be honored to partner with you to equip your students with the powerful principles embodied in a Personal Leadership Foundation—principles that permeate the What I Wish I Knew at 18 Leadership/Life Skills program.
We hope you’ll view the link to the free downloadable PDF copy of our Personal Leadership Foundation resource you can use to evaluate and plan your program. As always, let us know how we can serve your school mission.
Sincerely,
The LifeSmart Team
Matt’s Story
When I wrote What I Wish I Knew at 18, I thought it would especially speak into the lives of young people who desperately need a roadmap to healthy, honorable living. Kids who aren’t receiving it from home for the reasons we all know. Kids who deserve the best modeling but who are in circumstances beyond their control. Kids who need an advocate to give them the best chance at an amazing life.
A few months ago, I met with Matt, an incredible man who epitomizes a life of significance. He devotes his life to serving others—mainly teens and young adults in a very “tough” community—and had a story he wanted to share with me.
Two months earlier, at a youth gathering, 16-year old John asked Matt to meet in private. Desperate, John begged for advice. “I have no father in my life and my mom is a severe alcoholic. I’m trying to learn to parent myself and have nowhere else to turn.”
Needless to say, Matt was overwhelmed by the depth of John’s situation, by his loss of hope and lack of direction. Matt promised John they’d walk through this difficult period together and…there was a book he wanted to share.
For the next two months, Matt and John met regularly, going through What I Wish I Knew at 18 one chapter at a time. In Matt’s eyes, it was “mentoring with a purpose.” Each week he saw changes in John and their relationship deepened. Matt could already see the impact of their weekly discussions.
After finishing the last chapter, John thanked Matt profusely for investing in him. Fighting back tears, his concluding words said it all, “Now I know what it must be like to have a loving dad in your life.”
Do you know a young person who could use some hope, encouragement, and direction? Someone you’d be willing to invest in with the help of a third party voice of life wisdom written just for them? YOU might be just the gift they’re looking for.
Are you—or do you know—a mentor who can step into the gap with a young adult?
Are you—or do you know—a parent trying to prepare a teen for a successful life?
Are you—or do you know—an educator endeavoring to develop college and career ready students prepared to achieve their full potential?
We’re here to help. Preparing young people for a thriving adulthood is the mission of LifeSmart Publishing. Click here to order your copy of What I Wish I Knew at 18:Life Lessons for the Road Ahead and the accompanying student manual. And share this with a friend. Together was CAN empower the next generation.
Time for Excellence 