4 Ways to Avoid Being Socially Awkward

Posted by lifesmartblog

Have you ever noticed that there are some people who seem to have it all (good looks, book smarts, sense of humor), but come across as socially awkward in business or social settings?

There have been times that each of us has lost an audience for one reason or another. Whether it is from talking too much about ourselves, excessive detail, arrogance, bad body language, or even an unappealing communication style, we sometimes miss the mark. It’s never fun for the people involved, but the good news is we can reduce the odds and limit the damage when it happens.

Here are four markers of great communicators.

Great communicators analyze nonverbal cues. By studying your audience’s facial and body language, you will be able to gauge the impression you’re making. If they seem bored or disinterested (their eyes will show it!), raise your enthusiasm level or change the topic to something about them. This brings us to our second point.
Great communicators are good listeners. No one wants to listen to a 10-minute monologue about your great grandpa’s bubblegum business[DT2] . When talking with others, be sure to engage them in the conversation and ask lots of questions about themselves. (Here, it’s wise to use the 60/40 rule…let the other party do 60% of the talking.) Where did you grow up? How did you meet your spouse? How do you spend your free time? These questions are easy to answer and can take uneasy tension away from a conversation. People love to talk about themselves!
Great communicators make sure to clarify. Some of the best conversations can get detailed or technical, especially in professional settings. In order to hit the mark, be sure you’re clear and don’t talk over their head. Just because you know what you’re talking about doesn’t mean your audience does. Check in during conversations, or pause and allow time for them to ask questions.
Great communicators learn from the best. Let’s face it, some people just “get it” when it comes to communicating with others in social and professional settings. Carefully observe them and learn from their secrets. It’s easy and it’s huge! Also, if you’re really feeling insecure about your social skills, ask your BFF how you can come across better. They’re on your side!

Your ability to successfully communicate is a vitally important skill to master. By being sensitive to your audience’s nonverbal cues, listening well, and being a clear communicator, you’ll improve your odds immensely. With these tips, hopefully you will end up not only appearing like you have it all, but communicating like you do, too!

Have you learned how to monitor others’ reactions to you? What do you feel is your best communication asset? Do you have any other personal tips you’d like to share?

Get Outside!

Posted by lifesmartblog

I have been incredibly fortunate to live in areas surrounded by nature. Growing up in Wisconsin, I would shoot mice by the creek during the winter, pick strawberries in the spring, and collect bird eggs for our collection during the summer. During the fall, I would pick wild hickory and hazel nuts. Being outdoors was simply the best. And, it remains true today as I live in the stunning marine community of Gig Harbor, Washington. The beauty is everywhere.

Back then, it was totally normal for parents to allow their children to spend a day in the woods and have total peace of mind. Safety was never an issue during that innocent time, but neither were video game consoles, social media, cell phones,, cable television, and year-round sports commitments. Kids’ lives weren’t crammed and scheduled with various activities like they are today. We had the freedom to truly immerse ourselves in nature. We had balance, and, frankly, I think we were healthier for it.

I wish everyone (both young old) could have the same experience that I did as a child. The outdoors—the fresh air, the amazing smells, the beauty—has a way of bringing things into perspective. It’s a place to meditate, refocus, calm down, be active, and grow.

It fills our spirit, and strengthens our bodies.

In fact, a study conducted in 2009 found that people who live closer to nature (and away from the city) are physically healthier! Live in the city? That’s okay, too. Researchers have also found that joggers who exercise in a natural setting (with trees and lots of greenery) feel less anxious and more restored than runners who do the same amount of exercise in a gym or urban atmosphere. So, it looks like the verdict is in. Get outside!

Whether it is hiking into the forest, taking a walk on the beach, photographing wildlife, admiring sunsets and sunrises, looking for rainbows, or watching clouds, I encourage you to get yourself outdoors and into nature. There’s truly no substitute for it! It’s good for your body, mind, and soul.

Handling Situations You Can’t Control

Posted by lifesmartblog

As much as we hate to admit it, most of us like to be in control. Control gives us freedom, power, and even confidence. It allows us to steer our own course. Be the captain of our own ship.

But what happens when we lose it? Click here to read more…

As young adults head off to college or into the workforce, they’ll be in the driver’s seat for the first time; free from their parents’ day-to-day oversight. At last, they will experience the sweet feeling of “control.” They’re excited about their newfound freedom. But is it really this easy? Of course not. After all, much will still remain outside of their control. How will they handle this new reality? Have you prepared them well?

Consider these real-world scenarios:

They don’t get along with their roommate
They just bombed their first science final—so much for majoring in biology!
Just when they’re about to graduate and search for a job, the economy tanks
They don’t land the job they desperately wanted
They don’t care for their new supervisor
It rains on their wedding day
Their car broke down
A boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with them
Someone they love is diagnosed with a life-threatening illness

Control? Think again! Although young adults are becoming more independent, they’ll quickly learn that this idea of control is a myth. Unexpected road bumps are the norm and will continue to be for the rest of their lives. They’ll have to deal with each unique situation the best they can, like we all do. Incidentally, most of the above examples happened to me!

Essentially, we all have two choices in facing tough, out-of-control situations: 1) stew and sulk about the circumstances and be consumed with self-pity or 2) accept the things you can’t control, work the problem, and make the best of it. You may not like the circumstances, but you can focus on what you can control, and try to glean something positive from it.

For example, you can’t control a roommate who you don’t get along with. However, you can choose to accept the situation and control the way you communicate with him or her. You can’t control not getting your dream job, but you can control your resume and sharpen your interview skills. See where I’m going?

It’s important for young people—for all of us, really—to understand that we have a choice in how to deal with matters beyond our control. For your own sake and for those around you, adopt the second approach. It’s not always easy but it’s far better than the alternative!
Remember, control what you can, but accept the things you can’t!

How do you handle things when life doesn’t go your way? Do you have a strategy that works well for you? If you have young people in your life, please share your ideas and thoughts with them so they are properly equipped, too.

6 Interview Tips to Help you Land that Summer Job

Posted by lifesmartblog

If you are a young person getting ready to embark on the search for a summer job or know someone who is (hello parents, teachers!), then this post is for you!

Whether you’re attempting to land your dream position, an internship, or a temporary summer job, everyone needs to be in top form for interviews in this challenging job market. Here are some tips that will help set you apart and avoid any deal breakers when the pressure is on.

Tip 1: Make a great first impression. You might not realize this, but the first 30 seconds of an interview can make or break your chances of landing a job. Your chances could be shot if you don’t make an strong first impression. Be friendly, confident, enthusiastic, and polite. Smile, keep good eye contact, and have a firm handshake.

Tip 2: Be likeable! Employer surveys routinely identify “likeability” as one of the most important selection factors among similarly qualified candidates. In most job searches, there are any number of eligible applicants, but employers will not hire someone unless they think they would enjoy working with them. Think of it as a “next door neighbor” test. Can they see you as their next door neighbor? You’d better hope so!

Tip 3: Avoid negativity and arrogance at all costs. You want to portray yourself as friendly, positive, enthusiastic, and relaxed (but not causal!). Highlight your strong points and achievements with humility.

Tip 4: Be professional in your appearance and grammar. Many job candidates don’t think to eliminate slang or text jargon from their vocabulary during an interview, but it’s important. Be crisp and present yourself as if you’re applying for your dream job, even if this isn’t it.

Tip 5: Don’t do all the talking! Engage the interviewers with thoughtful questions about the company or open position. Do your research before the interview by reading the company’s website, mission statement, current news, etc. This will give you insight and provide fuel for some engaging questions that will create conversation.

Tip 6: If you’re a nervous wreck before an interview, cough! It sounds silly, but it truly helps. It’s actually more therapeutic than a deep breath. It also doesn’t hurt to keep a handkerchief in your pocket!

What kind of impression do you make on others who don’t know you well? How would they rate you on the likeability scale? What have your past interview experiences been like? Successes? Failures?

Are you a Role Model around Children? Some Important Questions to Ask Yourself.

Posted by lifesmartblog

One of the funny things in life is that kids like to play “grown up” while grown ups wish they could be kids again!

Kids are highly impressionable creatures. They mimic their heroes through the clothes they wear, the way they talk, the music they listen to, and the hairstyles they choose. In honor of Father’s Day approaching, I urge you to consider the person you are around younger children (even if you’re a teen!). Are you a role model? Ask yourself these questions… READ MORE….

1. Are you an example of healthy living to the young people around you?
2. How do you handle hard times? Are you an example of how to constructively handle adversity?
3. What kind of language and manners do you project around children?
4. Do you put others first before yourself? Is kindness a way of life? Are you an encourager to others and see the best in people?
5. How’s your attitude? Do you face life with optimism and joy, or are you pessimistic? Children will notice this!

If kids are impressionable and prone to imitate, we who are older (and presumably wiser) ought to be on our best behavior when we’re around them. After all, they look up to us! Kids will automatically assume that what’s good enough for us is good enough for them. And, why shouldn’t they?

Unfortunately, many of today’s younger and less mature stars, athletes, and celebrities fail to appreciate or even accept this role. Sadly, you can see it reflected in the crude behavior of their fans and followers…whether at games, concerts, or the mall.

I have special admiration for Taylor Swift’s recent comments in this regard. When asked how she felt about being a role model to younger girls, she responded:

“I’m not uncomfortable with it. You have to be conscious of that. If you’re choosing to put out music and be out there in the public, you have to be conscious of the fact that you are a part of the raising of the next generation and you do have an impact on that. So, choose your outfits and your words and your actions carefully. I think it matters. I think it really does. You can pretend it doesn’t, but it does.”

I wish all entertainers would take this to heart.

You have the power to positively influence younger people through your behavior and mentoring. There’s no substitute for positively impacting a kid. Seize those opportunities, but remember: they’re watching you like a hawk!

How did you rate yourself on the above questions? Do you make it a point to be on role model behavior when kids are around? In what ways? Share your experiences and ideas with our online community!

3 Important Reasons to Preserve your Reputation

Posted by lifesmartblog

What is a prized possession you can rarely get back once you lose it?

The answer is your reputation.

These days, one of the growth industries is brand management. (In fact, branding “experts” are seemingly everywhere—ask any business owner!) At the core, the “brand” is what the company represents and constituents (e.g., customers) can expect to receive. Any successful business must develop and sustain its brand and view it as a core asset. Companies spend enormous sums each year refining and marketing their brands to do just that.

So, what’s your brand? What values and attributes are at your core? After all, a great brand applies equally to people, doesn’t it? That means to be our best, we should consider our brand or reputation as a priceless asset. Here’s why:

Good reputations give you something to strive for. How do you develop a good reputation? Be a person who is deserving of one. This means considering the person you want to be and the characteristics you want to embody (generosity, honesty, kindness, determination, leadership), and focus on modeling them.
Good reputations help you market yourself. When looking for a new job or to advance in your career, your reputation will precede you and give you a leg up on the competition. They also build an invaluable network of ambassadors!
Good reputations set an example and inspire others. People will want to be around you, glean wisdom from you, and take your advice.

I was fortunate to have worked with George Russell, the Chairman Emeritus of Russell Investments. He always took pride in saying, “Our company operates with non-negotiable integrity.” He meant it. George always said, “If you’re wondering whether or not to do something, ask how you would feel if it became tomorrow’s headline in the New York Times.” It challenged all of us to preserve the company’s reputation!

What a great rule to live by as individuals, too. When you’re faced with a tough decision, consider how you would feel about your choice being published in a newspaper for all the world to see? How would it affect your reputation? Remember, it’s a priceless asset!

No matter what you do, preserve your integrity, values, and reputation with every ounce of strength. Be the person who is deserving of a great reputation. You will absolutely, positively, and totally regret it if you don’t!

How would you describe your brand or reputation? Which aspects are you proud of and which could use some improving? How have you handled situations where you were tempted to compromise your integrity or your values? Join the conversation with your comments!

This Father’s Day, Give the Gift of Confidence

Posted by lifesmartblog

Moms! Dads! Did you know you can CONFIDENTLY raise your teenager?

If you have put thought into “launching” your children and releasing them into the real world as an adult, you probably have a few qualms. Our book, Parenting for the Launch, will prepare and equip you for this extremely monumental milestone.

Consider this as a Father’s Day Gift for the dads in your life, or grab a copy for yourself. Parenting for the Launch equips you with all that you need to develop confidence, while battling the anxiety many parents encounter when it’s time for their children to be launched.

You might be thinking: Have we covered our bases? Will my child still like me? Will they make good decisions? These are weighty questions for parents at this landmark event. So, when it’s our turn, will we confidently release an eagle to soar, or hold on for dear life?!?

How successfully we launch our children into adulthood is based on the preparation that comes before. In Parenting for the Launch, you’ll learn these three keys to a successful launch, plus MUCH MORE:

Developing a personal leadership foundation and instilling wisdom and principles for key life decisions (Destination Preparation)
Valuing their uniqueness and building an enduring relationship (Relationship Preparation), and
Setting them up for a smooth transition into independence and moving from the driver’s seat to the passenger seat (Transition Preparation)

The good news is this isn’t rocket science. But, it does take a game plan and effective strategies for tackling the above. This is what Parenting for the Launch is all about—strategies to set our sons and daughters up for every success in life.

For parents at launch time, our most common anxiety is whether we’ve taught them all they need to know and prepared them well for the real world. In many respects it’s the test of our own “performance” as a parent! While no parent is perfect, we can cover most of the bases by:

Having the right attitude. This requires a mind shift from “raising kids” to “raising future adults.” It means empowering them to live their dream rather than overly controlling their lives. It means giving them wings, not strings.
Setting goals together. What are your teen’s goals in life? What are his or her special gifts, talents, interests, and passions? It helps to develop a list of goals that are both intrinsic (personal and values based) and extrinsic (accomplishments based). Compile your goals individually and then share your thoughts together. You’ll gain new insights into their dreams and plans.
Sharing practical, before-the-fact wisdom, for key life decisions involving college, career, marriage, family, and finances. How do the most successful and admired leaders make decisions and live life? The more we can offer these perspectives in advance of their decisions, the more likely they’ll succeed in life. And, by sharing your own experiences with humility, your relationship will soar.

You Can Do It!

Parenting for the Launch is the perfect gift to give to a father of children any age. It is never too late to begin a strategy. Being fully equipped to launch your child, as well as having the confidence to battle the anxiety that comes with releasing your child into the real world, is a priceless gift. You don’t want the fathers in your life to miss out on this pivotal book and its strategic insight!

Be Your Best Self

Posted by lifesmartblog

Are you your “best self” in everything you do? Are you committed to excellence?

Consider this scenario: A young man (let’s call him Joey) finds a job opening in his chosen career field. He lands an interview and arrives for it ten minutes early, dressed to the nines. Joey wants this job, so he is determined to be on his “A game.” He sells himself in the interview and lands the job with his knowledge, gregarious personality, and unique skillset. He is told that there is a 30-day probationary period for the job, at the end of which they will determine if his position will become permanent. Joey does a great job during his 30-day “trial run.” He takes initiative, is excited to work with his team members, and pushes himself to excel. He thinks outside of the box and goes above and beyond all required tasks. At his review, his superiors tell him the job is his for good.

However, something isn’t quite right. Once Joey is given the permanent position, things go downhill. His performance in the workplace greatly suffers—he begins showing up late to work, becomes increasingly uncooperative with his co-workers, and misses important deadlines. Because of his sudden change in performance, his team members also suffer. Projects are unfinished; meetings are cancelled. When Joey realized the job was his and he didn’t need to try and “impress” anyone anymore, he got lazy and content. His efforts were on winning the trophy, not keeping it. He lost the motivation to continue being his best self.

When we participate in anything, whether it’s a class project team, job, sports team, volunteer effort, etc., we contribute two things: our TALENT and our ATTITUDE. In this situation, Joey’s talent was constant but his attitude was variable. His loss of motivation caused his performance to suffer, even though he had all the talent to do an excellent job.

When you’re involved with anything individually, your own dignity and self-respect is at stake. However, when you’re operating as part of a team, you shoulder the additional responsibility of contributing to the group effort—the end result. When you choose to let your negative attitude overshadow your talent, these things are compromised.

Never take lightly the responsibility of being your best self. This does not mean that you’re not allowed to rest, sit down, relax, or treat yourself for a job well done. It simply means to remain aware of why you’re in the role you are. You’re at your job because of your specific skillset. You’re on the sports team because of your talent and athleticism. You’re in the church choir because of your natural gift for singing. Maintaining a conscious and thankful mindset will help keep your attitude right and showcase your greatest talents, helping you be your best.

Whether in the workplace, at school, or on the field, if you always be the best you, regardless of whether it’s a major project or minor task, you’ll be respected and admired. That’s the hallmark of a true winner.

Do you find yourself “slacking off” in certain areas of your life? Why or why not? What helps you give your best performance when it comes to working with others?

5 Ways to Help Teens Build Self-Awareness

Posted by lifesmartblog

Many of you may not realize that May is National Teen Self-Awareness month. (Where was this in 1970 when I needed it?!?) Regardless of your family or career role, you probably know some teenagers you’d like to see thrive. How can you help them become self-aware?

As busy as teens are with schoolwork and activities, home responsibilities, jobs, college prep, family and social life, and more, self-reflection is probably the last thing on their minds. However, being self-aware and cultivating healthy self-esteem will help them in life more than they can fully realize. Here a few suggestions to help encourage the teenagers in your life to become self-aware:

Journaling. Does your teen journal? If not, encourage them to take a couple moments a day to quietly reflect. Have them write down what they’re passionate about, what they value, who they aspire to be. Suggest they write about their emotions, too. They’ll be surprised at how cathartic it can be!
Set them up with a mentor. We all need mentors! Mentorship relationships provide great learning opportunities for people both young and old. They allow us to model our life after someone we admire and aspire to be like, and learn practical life wisdom from the pros. Your teen’s mentor could be a relative, friend, pastor, or someone in their desired career field.
Be open about your own life experiences. A huge part of being self-aware is the ability to identify key people and events that played a role in creating our worldview and life perspective. Talk to your teen about the people who played essential roles in your own life (i.e. your parents, grandparents, a favorite college professor, an author, etc.). One of the greatest gifts we can give the young people in our lives is encouragement and wisdom from our own life experience (the good and the bad!).
Don’t always gloss over mistakes. When your teen messes up in a relationship or in school, it’s easy for us to gloss over the shortfall and boost their self-esteem because we want to see them happy. However, it is important for our teens to know their strengths AS WELL as their weaknesses. Knowing areas of needed improvement will help your teen improve his or her character and mature.
Have them develop a “Personal Balance Sheet” of their assets (special qualities they have to offer) and their constraints (things holding them back). This exercise is both revealing and inspirational as teens reflect on themselves and receive invaluable input from others. The assignment is found at: http://www.dennistrittin.com/resources/PersonalBalanceSheet.pdf.

Self-awareness is a product of careful introspection. When teens focus on their own personal character, including her values, beliefs, heroes, goals, struggles, shortfalls, etc., they soon reap the benefits of being self-aware. People who are self-aware learn to act intentionally and deliberately instead of being reactionary. They are able to redirect negative thoughts, be true to who they are, and be a positive light to the people around them.

How would you rate your own level of self-awareness? What have you done to encourage the young people in your life to become self-aware? Are there any tips you would like to share? We’d love to have you join in on the conversation!

6 Questions to Help you Find your Purpose

Posted by lifesmartblog

What are you passionate about? Did you know simply discovering your passions can help lead you to your life purpose?

Your life purpose is an incredibly powerful force that will direct your life and determine your legacy. Find a successful person who is content and fulfilled, and you’ll likely find a life guided by an inspired purpose or mission, and a person who has applied his or her natural talents to a worthy cause.

In fact, without a strong sense of life purpose,

even the most successful accomplishments can seem empty.

Knowing your life purpose – what makes you tick, what motivates you, what you are alive on earth to do – is what ignites passion. Passion inspires initiative and creativity. It builds momentum and creates enthusiasm. It also sustains hope and perseverance in difficult times, and provides a reason (and enthusiasm!) for getting out of bed every morning.

Life purposes can be cause-driven (e.g., curing a disease, educating disadvantaged youth, sheltering the homeless, cleaning the planet, protecting our country) or skill-driven (e.g., athletes, artists, mathematicians, designers).

How can you discover your life purpose? Here are some questions to consider:

What causes (e.g., global or community needs, people, situations, organizations) am I most passionate about? What problems would I most like to solve? What needs or people tug at my heart?
What inspires me the most?
What brings me the greatest joy and sense of fulfillment?
Whose lives would I most like to emulate and why?
What are my special gifts and talents?
Where can my skills have the greatest potential impact?

Once you ponder these questions, see if a picture emerges about what inspires and motivates you. Then, as that picture solidifies into an identifiable sense of purpose, calling, and passion, start thinking about how you can live it out.

Whatever you do, don’t set your life purpose on a shelf and forget about it. You are a unique individual with gifts, talents, and perspective only YOU can give to the world. No amount of money, fame, or accomplishment can ever compete with that.

Someday, you’ll want to be able to look back on your life and say, “Mission accomplished!” What’s your mission? Are you living it out with purpose and passion? Please share your comments; we’d love to hear from you!