“Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.”

Colin Powell

 
Who might be considered among the most popular and inspiring politicians in our last century? Presidents Franklin Roosevelt, Kennedy, and Reagan immediately come to mind. They each faced extraordinary challenges but offered Americans a spirit of hope in times of great fear.
 
            We saw this positive attitude in the leadership of Lee Iacocca, who successfully resurrected the Chrysler Corporation from the economic disaster in the 1980s. We also witnessed it in Paul Azinger who led the USA golfers to a smashing victory over Europe in the 2008 Ryder Cup after years of humiliating defeats.
 
            Most successful people have inspiring “can do” attitudes. They embrace challenges rather than complain and achieve more in the process.  AND, they not only accomplish great things themselves, but they also bring out the best in others.
 
Bringing out the best in people means looking for positive qualities and calling them out. Sometimes when you observe a negative quality, that can be a real challenge!  But it’s always possible if you begin by focusing on the positive (i.e., see the glass as “half full”), help others to do the same, and coach them in an uplifting and constructive manner rather than critically and harshly.
 
If you’re one who has a tendency to “see the glass half empty,” consider how an attitude change can improve your life and relationships. It’s not hard; it just requires a mindset adjustment and a few simple principles:
1. Cultivate a can-do attitude.
2. Focus on the positive (“see the glass as half full”).
3. Embrace challenges and use them to your advantage. Remember that the best character growth comes from successfully handling adversity.
4. Focus on (and bring out) the best in the people around you; inspire them to have a can-do attitude as well!
 

This pointer appears in my book under the subtitle of “Don’t expect your spouse to change his/her ways.” I include it in response (and warning) to the many young people I encounter who stick with a troubled relationship WAY too long.
 
Not every dating relationship is meant to last. By nature, dating is a “trial and error” process, and you’ll soon realize that most aren’t a perfect fit for you.  When that happens, don’t force it or settle for less. And don’t delude yourself into thinking, “When we get married, things will change.” 

            It’s NOT likely to happen.

            When two people start getting serious, something bothersome inevitably surfaces. It might involve something major or something minor like irritating habits or disappointing attributes. The tendency, when blinded by love, is to either suppress these concerns or assume that the person will change after marriage. WRONG on both counts!

            One of the surest paths to marital disappointment is assuming you’ll have that kind of influence on your spouse. Yes, it may happen in the minor areas, but more often than not you’ll be powerless to change the other person. As the saying goes, “Old habits die hard.”

            I‘ve known many people who compromised on their spousal choice due to the naïve assumption that their partner would change after marriage. After learning their lesson the hard way, they became filled with regret and disappointment. The end result was chronic misery and one complaint after another—NOT fun!

            If you’re getting serious and troubling issues surface, be sure to address them in a kind way and see where the conversation goes. Is the other person flexible and open to adapting? If not, you need to ask whether you can live with these “flaws”—and be willing to walk away if they’re insurmountable.

            My advice: Abide by the wise old proverb, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!”

Now here’s a thought for all the students in your life who are back in high school and college after the holidays. Hopefully the New Year has provided new impetus for a fresh start and a renewed outlook on the school year—maybe even on life!
 
Here’s the thought: You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to get GOOD GRADES!

 
There are METHODS students can learn for doing well in school. To discover them, it’s important to understand the secrets to academic achievement: 

1. PLAN.  The first success ingredient is good planning. This involves making a study calendar a few days out. You can find a reproducible homework and study planner on our website.
2. PREPARE.  This means staying committed to your study schedule, becoming a skilled time manager, and finding a study environment that works best for you. You can use the reproducible daily schedule on our website to help with this.
3. PERFORMANCE. Deliver what your audience (i.e., teacher or professor) is looking for and enter your exams with supreme confidence that you’re prepared to excel. Be rested, alert, and ready to go.

 
If your students can fully appreciate the need for planning, preparing, and performing, they’ll be well on your way to achieving repeatable academic success. In this increasingly competitive world, academic performance is critical!
 
How have YOU helped the students in your life become organized and disciplined studiers? Share your ideas with our online community of parents, educators, and youth organizations; we’d love to hear from you!
 

Looking back on your life so far, do you have any regrets? Are there things you did and wish you hadn’t—or things you didn’t do and wish you had? Any relationships that are strained? Opportunities missed?  Bridges burned?
 
Although these are some of life’s most important questions, too many people wait until the end to ask them—and by then, it’s too late.  We’ll all have regrets from time to time. However, you can minimize big ones (or avoid them altogether) if you periodically ask yourself the regret question (and then actually do something about it!).  New Year’s is a great time to start!
 
When it comes to considering our regrets, there is wisdom to be gained from older citizens who are in a naturally more reflective stage of life.  If you ask them about their life regrets, you’ll likely hear the following:
 

1. I didn’t spend enough time with my loved ones
2. I didn’t tell my family and friends that I loved them often enough
3. I was too stubborn or proud to admit my mistakes and apologize
4. I chose bitterness over reconciliation
5. I allowed my life to be consumed by work
6. I was too hesitant to take risks and try new things
7. I wasted too much time
8. I didn’t appreciate the little things in life
9. I valued things over relationships
10. I worried too much

 
Do any of these apply to you? Be honest! Although regrets run the gamut, did you notice that most involve relationships and priorities? This is why it’s so important that your life is balanced and your priorities are right.
 
This discipline is a great one for all ages.  Consider sharing it with the young people in your life. It will help you—and them—make needed midcourse corrections and “relationship repairs” along the way.
 
Be forewarned, though: it’s not easy, and it takes a strong dose of courage, humility, and determination. Wouldn’t it be great, though, to get to the end of the New Year—and even to the end of life—and be able to say, “NO (or few) REGRETS!”
 

What have YOU done to minimize regrets in your life–and to help young people minimize theirs? Share your ideas with our online community of parents, grandparents, educators, and youth mentors!

Christmas is a time when I’m at my most nostalgic, having grown up in Norman Rockwellian Americana. I can remember the littlest things from 50 years ago like they happened yesterday, but somehow forget why I just went downstairs into the den. Christmas had such a wonderful intensity back then and that included baking everything from scratch as a family to shopping in the falling snow in downtown Appleton to meeting my brother Rick at the train depot when he was on leave from the Navy. One year, the night before he would return to base, I even asked him if he was God. Now, that’s what I call intense wonder!
 
Everything seemed so filled with wonder back then through the lens of a child. Some of it was because I was younger and firmly believed in everything (you should have witnessed my “debate” with mom involving the existence of Santa!). Some of it was that the decorations and festivities didn’t start until after Thanksgiving so the excitement was much more concentrated in time. All that said, we were never hurried, even though it seemed we were baking or decorating or playing in the snow 24-7. I think it was because most of it was spent together as a family around the house rather than on the plethora of errands and shopping stints that are more prevalent today. Perhaps writing this will prove as motivation to simplify next year!
 
I love the word “wonder.” When we’re young, we experience it a lot because there are so many “firsts.” Then, as we age and grow busier, we sometimes miss the wonder that’s right beneath our nose. It can also happen when we let cynicism distort our perspective. I think this is why one of my favorite quotes in my book is “Some things need to be believed to be seen” by Ralph Hodgson. It is SO true.
 
So, how is it that, at the ripe old age of 57, I just experienced one of my favorite years of my lifetime? I think it’s because I experienced “wonder” on almost a daily basis, capturing that same, intense feeling of awe as I did as a kid. Only this time, it’s in an entirely different context than a visit from Santa. Rather, it’s a sense of wonder about how my life experiences, passions, and relationships were, in retrospect, a preparation for this new life mission and purpose. A wonder of how in this entirely new context, I’ve been blessed to meet such incredible people who would serve on my team or become ambassadors for our mission of offering honorable life wisdom to young people. A wonder of how so many introductions to amazing people could not be happening by “chance.” Or, the wonder of how God would answer my prayer of some eight years ago that my life could become more centered on kids and relationships. Unreal.
 
Honestly, I think I experienced “wonder” more than ever this year. On the other hand, I also know that I was more intentional in looking for it. Maybe that’s my “lesson learned” for 2011…a renewed commitment to see wonder and blessings in everything I do.
 
So, as I look ahead to 2012, I do so with an expectation that I will again be filled with wonder about all that is good and amazing about life. And, about the opportunities that God has given me to make a difference in the lives of others, just as He did in mine.
 
May you experience untold joy and fulfillment and wonder in the year ahead.
 
Merry Christmas with Love and Anticipation,
Den
 
 
 
 
 
 

During my childhood, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was always “Santa Claus.” My reasons were simple: 1) he has a fun job and 2) he spreads joy to children. What’s not to like about that? As funny as that seems now, I think I knew myself pretty well back then. 
 
How is this relevant to my life today? Thankfully, I’m now at a place where my greatest joy comes from cheerfully giving to causes that help kids. It may not be in the same league as Santa, but I get a little taste of it just the same.
 
Each of us has three things to offer the world: our time, talent, and treasure. In business lingo, these represent our assets. Like a business, we need to be good managers of our assets in order to maximize their value and impact.
 
Take a moment now and reflect on your assets—in each of the above categories. In order for your life be one of significance and impact, you’ll need to be a good steward of your assets. This means being:
 

1. An excellent manager and generous giver of your time
2. A person committed to developing your talents
3. A wise manager of your financial resources

 
Anyone who does these well is halfway toward becoming a person of significance. Why only halfway, you ask? To cross the finish line, you need one more attribute—the heart of a cheerful giver. That means proactively seeking opportunities to demonstrate generosity. Oh, the joy that comes in return.
 
If you commit to becoming a good steward of your assets and a cheerful giver to benefit others, you’ll be well on your way to a life brimming with impact! Maybe not quite in Santa’s league, but pretty darn close.
 

Take a few moments to list your assets (time, talent, and treasure). Which of these do you actively use to help the world around you? Share your thoughts with our online community of parents, educators, and youth organizations by commenting below!

Watched any good Christmas movies lately? This season is a great time for digging out the oldies. A great favorite among many people is the Bing Crosby classic, White Christmas. In one scene, Bing croons to Rosemary Clooney,
 

When I’m worried and I can’t sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings.

 
As I reflect on the people I’ve known, those who regularly count their blessings (big or small) seem to be the most content in life. They take very little for granted, appreciate life’s simple pleasures, and have the most joyful spirits. They also take life’s major challenges in stride because they remember what they’re thankful for.
 
Your disposition, outlook, and ability to handle life’s disappointments will improve if you take this bit of wisdom to heart.  And what better time to begin than during the holiday season, when we are more likely to be thinking about home, relationships, a new year starting, and the things that really matter in life.
 
Start your blessing list today by writing down everything you’re thankful for, and keep your list in a handy place. Refer to it often, especially when you’re worried and you can’t sleep.  Count your blessings instead of sheep!
 
Do you regularly count your blessings, even in difficult times? Who are the people in your life who do this the most? Do you notice the difference in their disposition and outlook on life?
 

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Some days (like maybe during this month!) your biggest decision is no larger than what gift to choose for that hard-to-buy-for person on your Christmas list. Other days, it seems the weight of the world is bearing down on your shoulders and the impact of YOUR decision could be life changing—for you or for others.
 
Often, people make important decisions impulsively and based on emotion rather than on a thorough and objective evaluation. However, you needn’t be this way. Making tough decisions is never easy, but if you practice the following six decision steps, your odds of making the right one will be significantly greater:
 
Step 1: Get the facts.
Gather all of the facts you can, along with any accompanying assumptions. In some cases, you’ll have to use your best guess.
 
Step 2: Determine your key decision criteria.
Identify the key factors in making your decision, prioritizing your criteria from most to least important.  
 
Step 3: Identify all of your alternatives.
Consider all realistic options without prejudging. No choice is a “bad choice” at this stage.
 
Step 4: Engage wise counsel.
Solicit the views of experienced and insightful people who know you well and understand the decision at hand. (If you’re a person of faith, this is a good time to pray!)
 
Step 5: Conduct an objective pro/con analysis for each option.
Record the advantages and disadvantages and weigh them by importance. This is a particularly valuable step for visual learners since the right decision often emerges when the pros significantly outweigh the cons.
 
Step 6: Consider your “gut instinct” or intuition.
Chances are, by the time you’ve completed the fifth step, your best choice will have emerged. However, the final test is what your intuition is telling you. If, after completing steps 1-5, you have a nagging feeling that your preliminary choice isn’t right, sleep on it.
 
If you’re still uncertain the following day, have a heart to heart talk with yourself and your most trusted advisors. This will either reinforce your preliminary decision (which will provide the needed conviction) or it will compel you to more seriously consider your other alternatives.
 
When I look back on my own life, I can honestly say that I’ve never made a major decision that was personally wrong for me. I think this is one reason that I have very few regrets—and that’s something I’m forever thankful for!
 

How have you approached major life decisions up to this point: Are you diligent and methodical or are you more casual in your approach? How might the six-step approach identified here help you make wise decisions? Share your responses below; we’d love to hear from you!

The holiday season presents us with one of our greatest priority challenges of all:  relationships versus things.  As we wander through the mall, we can try to tune out a child’s plea of “I want this, I want that.” We can channel-surf on TV to avoid the constant barrage of commercials. We can even toss our stacks of seasonal catalogs into the recycle bin without so much as a peek.
 
But let’s be honest. Despite best intentions—if we’re not careful—the focus of the holiday season can easily drift toward THINGS.While our society has progressed in many respects over the past 50 years, we’ve gone backwards in this respect…BIG TIME!
 
 
Relationships are enduring—things are not. Not surprisingly, most regrets in life involve relationships and priorities—rarely possessions. The more this can be modeled and ingrained in our children, the more quickly they will develop lives centered on others and experience true richness in life. In fact, the holiday season provides parents and educators tremendous opportunities to instill the values of relationships and service in our young people. 
 
The holidays are not supposed to be about the presents—what you give or what you get.  Gifts will come and go and no one will think twice about them. But you can never get back the time you didn’t spend with people. That’s a life regret you want to avoid at all costs!
 

By my senior year in college, my two summer jobs consisted of being a grocery stock boy and a paper mill worker. Those jobs were simply a means to funding my college education rather than long-term career interests. As long as I was reliable and my work was of high quality, my bosses were happy. Although I didn’t care much for the work, it was valuable experience and enabled me to pay my way through college. A worthy cause!
 
Back in those days, jobs for high school and college students were plentiful; most of my friends were able to pay at least part of their way through college. More recently, however, jobs for teens and young adults have become tougher to come by.
 
Because of this scarcity of jobs—and the challenge of advancing in a job after landing it—it’s important for young people to demonstrate the character qualities most highly valued by employers. By modeling these qualities, they’ll increase their chances of getting hired and achieve greater career success. Here are the traits of a true workplace MVP in the eyes of employers:

 
Enthusiastic                                     Accurate
Reliable                                           Courteous
Honest                                             Adaptable
Innovative                                        Positive
Motivated                                        Globally Aware
Timely                                             Independent
Excellent Communicator                  Team Player
Leader                                             Good-Humored
 
Are you in a position to influence young adults who might benefit from this list? Ask them to consider these valued qualities and rate themselves on a one-to-five scale. To confirm their impressions, invite them to ask someone who knows them well (but who is not a peer) to rate them in the same manner and compare notes.
 
Do others see them the same way they see themselves? Have them identify the top three qualities they think could stand improvement, and develop a game plan. They’ll be well on their way to a winning career—and to being an employer’s  MVP!
 
 

Are you an employer who wants to see these qualities increased in your employees? A teacher who would like to see them modeled by your students? Share your comments below; we’d love to hear your insights and ideas!