family

Express Yourself!

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“Family togetherness” can be as challenging as it is rewarding. I’ve heard some people say after a holiday season (where they spent LOTS of time in close quarters with family) that they’d had enough family time to last until NEXT holiday season!

Why is it that extended time with the people we (should) love can be so difficult?
 
Well, for one, it’s because we often put on our “everything is A-okay” masks and don’t express ourselves as honestly and deeply as we could. We’re afraid to share how we really feel about things to avoid vulnerability.  So we stuff our emotions, pretend everything is okay, and sweep any conflict or complaints under the carpet (‘til next year). Or, we find the path of least resistance is to keep a grudge rather than reconcile. Hmm…how’s that working for you?
 
For some reason, many believe that sharing feelings is a sign of weakness…especially us guys! But whether from our upbringing or a distorted perception of “weakness,” we pay a price if we don’t express our feelings.
 
First, it deprives the other party of knowing how you really feel. Second, suppressed feelings can cause stress and, if severe, illness and depression.  Third, they can cause explosive reactions when they’re eventually released (usually at the worst possible moment). The balloon pops rather than gently losing its air. Not good!
 
Wouldn’t the world be a better place (and all of us healthier) if we learned to freely and appropriately express our feelings to each other? Here’s a short test to help you judge how easy (or not) it is for you to be “real.” Consider the following phrases and ask yourself how often you share them with others:
 
I love you                   I’m proud of you                   I respect you             
I appreciate you        I made a mistake                   I admire you
I was wrong               I care about you                    Please forgive me
I’m sorry                    I’m grateful for you              I’m worried about…
 
Some of these are naturally easier to express than others, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Expressing your feelings and communicating openly and honestly are life skills that CAN be learned and refined.
 
I hope you prioritize and enjoy your times of family togetherness. Use them to practice expressing the “real you” and maybe to repair a strained relationship. Remember, successful people express themselves not only for their own benefit, but also for the benefit of others. It’s a gift that keeps giving.
 
How would you rate on the “express yourself meter?” Are there phrases on the above list that you have difficulty saying? Why? Please share your ideas and experiences with us by commenting below.
 

GUEST POST: A Call to Invest Wisely

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Note: This post was writting by Noel Meador, Executive Director for Stronger Families in the greater Seattle area (www.strongerfamilies.org). 

 

“Before you criticize the younger generation,
remember who raised them.”
-Unknown Author

 

We live in a culture that sees more screen time than family dinner times, that talks more through text and Facebook than eye to eye, and that praises performance and “beauty” over the heart and soul of a person. We have some big problems on our hands.

But take heart: tonight you will have the opportunity to change the world.

You can invest in the stock market, have the best house and car, and know great success, but when you die, it will all die with you. All that hard work and dedication, good stewardship, understanding of investment will be gone.

Sure, you can pass on your monetary inheritance but, if it is to a generation that hasn’t been taught responsibility, it will be squandered.

If it is to a generation that hasn’t been taught the value of family and investment in others–a heritage will fade.

If it is to a generation that is self-focused and distracted–your generosity and kindness will end.

So, how can we ensure our heritage will live on?

 

If we want to invest in something that will live beyond our time and have the ability to change the world, let’s sit down at our table tonight and look at the faces of our children. Take time to talk, listen and teach.

They are it! They are the change we hope to see in the world! The future of this country and our families. I hope and pray I’m investing wisely.


Noel Meador is the Executive Director for Stronger Families in Bothell, Washington and the author and creator of the Oxygen for Your Relationships seminar. Noel has a passion to see families and relationships revitalized and srengthened. He resides in Woodinville, Washington with his wife Karissa and their two sons.
 
 

Diversify Your Life

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“Crazy busy!”
 
These days, that’s the most popular answer when I ask someone, “How have you been?” We’re either rushing ourselves or our kids from here to there, getting stuck in a fast-paced rut, and all too often not finding the time to do the things we really want to do! Something tells me it wasn’t always this way.
 
Are you someone who focuses your life in just a few areas? Do you find yourself complaining about being stuck in a “rut,” or are your interests varied and your experiences diverse? Do you pace yourself, or run full steam ahead?
 
One way to gauge this—and have a more measured approach to life—is to take a “personal diversity survey.” Think of the following important areas of your life:
 

  1. Relationships—family and friends
  2. Marriage and parenting
  3. Career or school
  4. Spiritual life
  5. Entertainment
  6. Learning
  7. Physical activity
  8. Travel and leisure
  9. Arts and nature
  10. Hobbies
  11. Community service/volunteerism
  12. Down time

 
Consider how you’re allocating your time to these areas. Is it spread out or concentrated in only a few areas? Variety will diversify who you are and enrich your life. But, it means taking control of our “busyness.”
 
Here’s a suggestion: This week, talk to your family about how each person might diversify his or her life. Ask them to contribute some of their ideas for how to pursue new interests and activities. Then take one idea from your discussion and DO IT!
 
How varied are your interests and how balanced is your life? Reflect on the above list and identify potential areas in which you are “under-spending” in your life. Is it time to spread things around a little? Share your comments below; we’d love to hear from you!

Have Children When You’re Married AND Ready

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Over the past year, I’ve had many unforgettable opportunities to speak with school counselors/faculty and students about work and life. It’s been a joy to hear the dreams of our young people and the life-changing impact of their teachers and mentors.
 
It’s also been gut wrenching to hear educators relay what’s happening in the home lives of far too many students who are living without the stability and support of married and loving parents. It’s arguably one of the major social justice issues of our lifetime.
 
Children are the most vulnerable members of our society. They enter this world with no control over their genes or the parents who brought them into being. They live the consequences of their parents’ (and others) decisions and actions every day.
 
Over the past 20 years, a body of research has developed on how patterns of family structure, in particular, affect children. Most researchers now agree that children do best when raised by their two married, biological parents who have mature, stable relationships. The poverty, dropout, and yes, crime statistics are irrefutable.
 
So, if this is true, wouldn’t we want our most vulnerable creatures to be born into this world with loving, married parents who intentionally created them into existence? Where they can grow up in a secure environment with the unique perspectives of loving, married parents who are mature enough and financially capable of raising a child? In short, shouldn’t they be given the best chances to succeed in life?
 
I grew up in a time when this view and message to young people were the cultural norm and most people acted accordingly. However, with many culture drivers sending conflicting messages, the numbers of children being born to unmarried and young parents continues to rise. This trend is wreaking havoc on the academic success, values, and emotional maturity of our younger generation. Ask any experienced school counselor and they’ll tell you that the lack of a mature and stable support structure at home is the most common issue they wrestle with daily when working with students. We owe it to future generations to reverse this course.
 
I want to challenge us, the adult generation, to consistently communicate this message to young people:

Hold off starting a family until you’re married and ready to have children, not only for the sake of yourselves and your future dreams, but especially for the sake of your future children. You deserve the best chances to fulfill your dreams and be a great parent, and your children deserve the best chances to grow up in an emotionally and financially secure and stable environment. If nothing else, do it for them—after all, it’s their life you are creating!

¥¥¥¥
 
What are your thoughts and opinions? Do you agree we can make a better life for upcoming generations if we commit ourselves as a society to the message of being mature, thoughtful, and intentional about when and how we bring children into this world? Young adults: For the sake of yourself and your future children, are you prepared to wait until you’re married and ready to have children?