Live With an Outward Focus

Posted by lifesmartblog

Parents, teachers, and mentors alike, this is a great message to share with the young people in your life. I encourage you to start a conversation with them and talk about how they can focus on others.

Follow your passion. March to the beat of your own drum. Pursue your dreams. Find yourself.

Sound familiar? It should. The message is everywhere these days. And it sounds great, doesn’t it, to encourage young people to discover themselves and follow their dreams? We do it all the time (me included).

But isn’t it also paradoxical that, at the very time young people are heading off into the world to become part of a college community, part of a business or organization, part of a marriage someday … they are hearing it’s all about them? No wonder colleges and employers are complaining about the entitlement mentality in today’s incoming students and employees!

Are our teens getting the wrong message from our “it’s all about me” culture?

Maybe it’s time we pay attention to combining that message with a healthy dose of other-centeredness.

In reality, the most successful individuals are those who have realized that a successful life is not all about them. In fact, most people who have achieved a full measure of success (i.e., in their personal life as well as their professional life) will tell you the best things are found not in what they have gained for themselves, but in what they have given to others.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all learn this sooner rather than later?

The first half of one’s adult life can be aptly called the “accumulation stage” and the second half is the “distribution stage.” During the accumulation stage, you are in “gathering mode,” filling your bushel basket with life’s needs and wants. In some ways, it might feel like it’s all about YOU. You build a career, buy and furnish a house, start a family, save for retirement, and buy lots of things along the way.

Then, one day, usually around 50 when the kids have left the nest and you have all the toys you need, you become more motivated to give back. You discover that the joy of giving is greater than the joy of receiving, and your perspective changes dramatically. You realize it never was about YOU. I’m a typical case—it happened to me around 49! My life is so much more focused now on others than it was when I was a young person, and I doubt I’m an exception.

When I left my dream 28-year career in investment management to teach finance and life skills to young people, I had no idea it would lead to a total career change to that of author, publisher, mentor, and speaker. But, oh, the fulfillment of being able to direct my life toward others on a regular basis.

Had I known this earlier, I would have sought more balance in my accumulation stage and started my distribution stage sooner. The joy and satisfaction that comes from giving our time, talent, and treasure so outweighs the fun of accumulating that I regret not starting this process earlier.

Where are you directing your life right now—toward self or toward others? Give it some thought. By shifting your focus toward others, you’ll receive far more in return than you give. Your life will have more balance, your spirit will soar, you’ll make new friends, and you’ll maximize the impact of your life. Oh, and you’ll also make the world a better place in the meantime! What’s not to love about that?

How differently do you feel when you give versus when you receive? Which will have more lasting impact? How have you impressed this principle on the young people in your life? Share your ideas and stories with us by commenting below; we’d love to hear from you!

Be an Encourager (Not a Critic)

Posted by lifesmartblog

How many coaches have you had in your lifetime? 20? 30? 40? However many there have been, each was responsible for developing you in some subject or skill area. They helped grow your strengths and correct your weaknesses. When delivered in the right setting and in the right manner, their constructive criticism was a good thing, wasn’t it?

There can be a dark side to criticism, though. It can be sharp, abrasive, and downright mean-spirited. This kind of advice comes off sounding like a slap in the face instead of an arm around the shoulders. People do it because they think it gets results. Are they right?

What’s the best way to motivate people?

I’ve known people who are natural critics of everything, including themselves. It’s as though they thrive on negativity and find pleasure in correcting others. They have a distorted view of reality and can often be angry depressed, insecure, mean-spirited, or all of the above. These types usually operate on the assumption that correcting weaknesses is the way to maximize results. They are stingy with their praise. “Coaches” like this can be tough to handle.

There is another philosophy that operates from a completely different paradigm. It embodies inspiration and constructive feedback. Here, others are challenged to build on their strengths and correct their weaknesses through positive instruction and effort. Communication includes both positives and negatives, but the style embraces praise and encouragement over harsh criticism.

Let’s think about this self-reflectively for a minute:

1. Which style works better for you when you’re on the receiving end of criticism?

2. Which style do you employ when you’re on the delivering end of criticism?

I’m pretty confident we will all respond to the first question with “the first style.” But, our answers are going to vary on the second. Are we humble and self-aware enough to be honest if the truthful answer is, “the second style?”

There’s a proverb that says, “The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry, and a wise friend’s timely reprimand is like a gold ring slipped on your finger.” Wouldn’t it be great to have that kind of impact in other people’s life? Not only that, wouldn’t it be more effective?

Throughout your life you’ll face countless situations where you give feedback to others. You may become a teacher or coach yourself, or perhaps a manager of people. You might be asked for guidance from a friend who is going through a difficult time or a tough decision. Which coaching philosophy will you adopt? Remember, how you say it matters—a lot.

In order to bring out the best in others, the encouragement approach is far more effective. Not only is the feedback more balanced and accurate, but people put forth a more inspired effort to reach new heights when they work with someone who cares. Simply stated, people try harder to please someone they like and admire.

So, whenever you have the opportunity, be an encourager, not a critic—and always look for the best in people.

Consider the favorite teachers, coaches, and mentors in your life. What coaching style did they use? Which one comes more naturally to you? Do you actively seek opportunities to praise and encourage others? Please share your thoughts, experiences, and questions with us by commenting below; we’d love to hear your perspective!

Notice How Others React to You

Posted by lifesmartblog

Have you ever noticed that some people who seem to have it all (e.g., good looks, smarts, sense of humor) often “flunk the test” in social and business settings?

At one time or another, each of us loses an audience. Whether from excessive detail, uninteresting subject matter, overlong monologues, or an unappealing style, we sometimes miss the mark. It’s never fun for either party, but the good news is we can limit the damage.

Great communicators carefully analyze nonverbal cues. They study their audience’s facial and body language to see the impression they’re making. Where needed, they make midcourse corrections along the way.

Conversely, we’ve all been around people who have no idea how poorly they’re coming across—especially in social situations. It can take the forms of poor hygiene, irritating habits, boring conversation, or trying too hard to impress. Usually, we don’t have the heart to tell them, hoping they’ll eventually get the hint from our cues.

When you’re with others—socially or professionally—be attentive to how they react to you. Their feedback, often unspoken, is extremely valuable and will allow you to adapt if it’s unflattering. Study their eyes and facial expressions, as well as their body language. If they appear bored, quickly get to the point, raise your enthusiasm meter, or involve them more in the conversation.

Your ability to successfully communicate is a vitally important skill to master. By being sensitive to your audience, you’ll improve your odds immensely.

Have you learned to monitor others’ reactions to you? How do you respond?

Post your comments here on our website or visit us on my Facebook fan page; we’d love to hear from you! And, as always, please share us with your followers,friends, colleagues, or young adults in your life. We’ve all got room to grow!