Relationship

Peer pressure is part of growing up. I wish that weren’t true as we grow older, but I think it’s just as much a reality for adults as it is for teens.

For some reason, some people feel compelled to tell us who our friends ought to be, what brand of jeans we should wear, whom we should date, and how we should deal with relationships, politics, money, faith, and so on. We’ve all been in that uncomfortable situation when we disagree with the “sage advice” we receive from our peers. Sometimes we push back, but other times, we’re reluctant to defend our beliefs out of fear or embarrassment.

How do you respond when you’re challenged to stand up for your beliefs or values?

Besides the pressure young adults receive from their peers, today’s colleges present a new form of pressure, and students had better be prepared for it! They’ve become increasingly more politicized than when I was in college, especially in the classroom. All too often, we hear stories of professors acting like agents of indoctrination (i.e., “You have a right to my opinion”) rather than agents of education where the objective is to present all sides of an issue. Has this been your (or your student’s) experience? Sadly, sometimes there is outright hostility, intimidation, and grading bias when students do not conform to their professors’ views.

There will also be instances on the job where we disagree with our manager or employer regarding a business practice or issue. As with the college professor situation, much may be at stake if an employee resists or pushes back.

These situations are difficult and need to be treated sensitively and carefully. Here are some tips for standing up for your beliefs and values when they are challenged:

· Know what your beliefs and values ARE. You need to know this before you can stand up for them!

· Always remember that you have every right to your opinion, and being able to share that opinion with respectful conviction will serve you well in life.

· You should respectfully confront such individuals in private to share your position and concerns (who knows, you might become a change agent yourself?).

· Be willing to walk. Remember, not everyone is meant to be your friend. And in job situations if there is significant conflict with your values, it may be time to move on to greener pastures.

Do you respect your beliefs and values enough to defend them in the face of hostility? How have you learned to communicate them clearly and stand up for them? We’d like to hear your advice and experiences!

How many coaches have you had in your lifetime? 20? 30? 40? However many there have been, each was responsible for developing you in some subject or skill area. They helped grow your strengths and correct your weaknesses. When delivered in the right setting and in the right manner, their constructive criticism was a good thing, wasn’t it?

There can be a dark side to criticism, though. It can be sharp, abrasive, and downright mean-spirited. This kind of advice comes off sounding like a slap in the face instead of an arm around the shoulders. People do it because they think it gets results. Are they right?

What’s the best way to motivate people?

I’ve known people who are natural critics of everything, including themselves. It’s as though they thrive on negativity and find pleasure in correcting others. They have a distorted view of reality and can often be angry depressed, insecure, mean-spirited, or all of the above. These types usually operate on the assumption that correcting weaknesses is the way to maximize results. They are stingy with their praise. “Coaches” like this can be tough to handle.

There is another philosophy that operates from a completely different paradigm. It embodies inspiration and constructive feedback. Here, others are challenged to build on their strengths and correct their weaknesses through positive instruction and effort. Communication includes both positives and negatives, but the style embraces praise and encouragement over harsh criticism.

Let’s think about this self-reflectively for a minute:

1. Which style works better for you when you’re on the receiving end of criticism?

2. Which style do you employ when you’re on the delivering end of criticism?

I’m pretty confident we will all respond to the first question with “the first style.” But, our answers are going to vary on the second. Are we humble and self-aware enough to be honest if the truthful answer is, “the second style?”

There’s a proverb that says, “The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry, and a wise friend’s timely reprimand is like a gold ring slipped on your finger.” Wouldn’t it be great to have that kind of impact in other people’s life? Not only that, wouldn’t it be more effective?

Throughout your life you’ll face countless situations where you give feedback to others. You may become a teacher or coach yourself, or perhaps a manager of people. You might be asked for guidance from a friend who is going through a difficult time or a tough decision. Which coaching philosophy will you adopt? Remember, how you say it matters—a lot.

In order to bring out the best in others, the encouragement approach is far more effective. Not only is the feedback more balanced and accurate, but people put forth a more inspired effort to reach new heights when they work with someone who cares. Simply stated, people try harder to please someone they like and admire.

So, whenever you have the opportunity, be an encourager, not a critic—and always look for the best in people.

Consider the favorite teachers, coaches, and mentors in your life. What coaching style did they use? Which one comes more naturally to you? Do you actively seek opportunities to praise and encourage others? Please share your thoughts, experiences, and questions with us by commenting below; we’d love to hear your perspective!