relationships

Don’t Define Success by Riches

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What does success mean to you?
 
Over the last couple of weeks, we’ve talked about purpose and significance. So, let’s say you do discover your “life purpose.” How will you know you’ve achieved it—by how much money you make? By the status symbols you’ve acquired or a particular title you’ve earned?
 
Really, how will you know when you’ve achieved “success” in your lifetime?
 
Our culture tends to define success in terms of wealth, possessions, and power. We’re bombarded by “get rich quick” schemes and star glamour. Forget the fact that some of history’s most miserable people have amassed great fortunes; WEALTH is easily the most common barometer of success.
 

Don’t believe it. Money does not buy happiness.

 
Consider the following quote first penned in the Lincoln Sentinel on November 30, 1905 by Bessie Stanley:
“He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth’s beauty or failed to express it; who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction.”
 
Rather than basing your definition of success on monetary wealth, consider a more comprehensive definition, including how you applied your gifts to the betterment of others, the quality of your relationships with others, and the strength of your character. If you focus on these elements, rather than on wealth, power, and possessions, you’ll be much more likely to fulfill your life purpose and feel a genuine sense of satisfaction and success.
 
Whom do you consider to be the most successful people and why? Looking ahead, how will you define success in your life? Share this blog with the young adults in your life and ask them these questions; they make for great conversations! Then comment below and share your experiences and ideas with our online community; we’d love to hear from you!

Don’t Allow Work to Consume Your Life

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Last week we talked about work ethic, and the need to educate our young people to work hard, take personal responsibility, and say “no” to the entitlement mentality. All important!

 

On the other hand, there is an equally insidious trap we want to help them avoid: workaholism.
 
My own father worked very hard at his job of coloring the bright construction paper at a Wisconsin paper mill. But when his work was done, it was done. He was able to devote his free time to family and interests by not taking his work home with him.
 
Today’s workplace is completely different. We’re now a service economy in the information age. Consequently, our work life today is much more knowledge-based and open-ended. While this makes for a more exciting work environment, it does have its downside. We tend to take our work home with us, and, if we’re not careful, it can easily consume our free time.
 

And now with our cell phones becoming virtual appendages, we’re always “on call” –a new source of overwork and distraction.

 

Don’t get me wrong. Your career will be a key component of your life. However, more than any other aspect of your life, it has the greatest risk of taking over if you’re not careful. And, if you’re a student, remember there’s more to life than your books. Your studies, too, can be all consuming if you let them.
 
If you allow your work or studies to dominate, and can’t let them go during your free time, you’ll suffer burnout and starve your relationships. (Recall from a previous blog that the most common life regret of elderly people is not spending enough time with loved ones.)
 
Always remember to stay balanced and invested in other areas of your life to keep things healthy and happy. People need you and you need them!
 
Are you able to leave your work behind and “switch off” at the end of the work day? Consider passing this along to a friend or young adult for them to consider, “tweet” it, or share it to Facebook. And please share YOUR thoughts with US by commenting below; we’d love to hear from you.

Recognize What True Love Is

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It’s unfortunate the English language has only one word for love. We can say we love our friends, family, and spouse—and we can also say we “love” chocolate, our dog, and our favorite TV show!
 
It’s also unfortunate that the media and other cultural drivers constantly send distorted messages to young people about what love is. Sadly, too many believe those messages and end up making terrible life decisions and bearing deep emotional scars as a result.
 
I believe it’s our responsibility as parents and educators to do what we can to instill a healthy understanding of what true “love” really looks like. My definition would include:

  • enduring emotional regard for another
  • steadfast loyalty
  • strong affection arising out of kinship or personal ties
  • admiration, benevolence, or common interests
  • unselfish loyalty and genuine concern for the good of another
  • putting another’s interests ahead of your own

 
Many times people will say they’re in love when, really, they are in “lust.” Some definitions to describe “lust” might include:

 

  • passionate or overwhelming physical desire
  • craving another
  • intense, impatient, or unbridled sexual desire or appetite
  • pursuit of fulfilling one’s own satisfaction/needs/wants

 
 
For young people, knowing what true love really is can be confusing—and intimidating. Sometimes they think when they feel attraction that it is love.  But at this point it might more accurately be called infatuation or, if it’s especially intense, lust. Love involves much more than a physical attraction—although that’s certainly part of it.
 
Especially for people who may be experiencing attraction, infatuation, and “love” for the first time, it can be hard to tell the difference.  Remind them, real love takes time and timing and a healthy relationship will go through a  natural progression of growth stages.
 
Encourage the young adults in your life—whether your own kids, students you teach, or teens you mentor—to stand firm and not be fooled. Regardless of what they see on TV or hear on the radio, love isn’t just a bundle of intense feelings, emotion, and attraction. It’s all of the deeper elements mentioned above. They need to learn to know the difference.  Their most important love relationship depends on it!
 
How have you encouraged the young people in your life to think about their most important love relationship, either now or in the future? Can they see the importance of making sure it’s built on the right foundation?  Share your comments on our website; we’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas!