Communication

4 Ways to Avoid Being Socially Awkward

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Have you ever noticed that there are some people who seem to have it all (good looks, book smarts, sense of humor), but come across as socially awkward in business or social settings?

There have been times that each of us has lost an audience for one reason or another. Whether it is from talking too much about ourselves, excessive detail, arrogance, bad body language, or even an unappealing communication style, we sometimes miss the mark. It’s never fun for the people involved, but the good news is we can reduce the odds and limit the damage when it happens.

Here are four markers of great communicators.

  1. Great communicators analyze nonverbal cues. By studying your audience’s facial and body language, you will be able to gauge the impression you’re making. If they seem bored or disinterested (their eyes will show it!), raise your enthusiasm level or change the topic to something about them. This brings us to our second point.
  2. Great communicators are good listeners. No one wants to listen to a 10-minute monologue about your great grandpa’s bubblegum business[DT2] . When talking with others, be sure to engage them in the conversation and ask lots of questions about themselves. (Here, it’s wise to use the 60/40 rule…let the other party do 60% of the talking.) Where did you grow up? How did you meet your spouse? How do you spend your free time? These questions are easy to answer and can take uneasy tension away from a conversation. People love to talk about themselves!
  3. Great communicators make sure to clarify. Some of the best conversations can get detailed or technical, especially in professional settings. In order to hit the mark, be sure you’re clear and don’t talk over their head. Just because you know what you’re talking about doesn’t mean your audience does. Check in during conversations, or pause and allow time for them to ask questions.
  4. Great communicators learn from the best. Let’s face it, some people just “get it” when it comes to communicating with others in social and professional settings. Carefully observe them and learn from their secrets. It’s easy and it’s huge! Also, if you’re really feeling insecure about your social skills, ask your BFF how you can come across better. They’re on your side!

Your ability to successfully communicate is a vitally important skill to master. By being sensitive to your audience’s nonverbal cues, listening well, and being a clear communicator, you’ll improve your odds immensely. With these tips, hopefully you will end up not only appearing like you have it all, but communicating like you do, too!

Have you learned how to monitor others’ reactions to you? What do you feel is your best communication asset? Do you have any other personal tips you’d like to share?

6 Interview Tips to Help you Land that Summer Job

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If you are a young person getting ready to embark on the search for a summer job or know someone who is (hello parents, teachers!), then this post is for you!

Whether you’re attempting to land your dream position, an internship, or a temporary summer job, everyone needs to be in top form for interviews in this challenging job market. Here are some tips that will help set you apart and avoid any deal breakers when the pressure is on.

Tip 1: Make a great first impression. You might not realize this, but the first 30 seconds of an interview can make or break your chances of landing a job. Your chances could be shot if you don’t make an strong first impression. Be friendly, confident, enthusiastic, and polite. Smile, keep good eye contact, and have a firm handshake.

Tip 2: Be likeable! Employer surveys routinely identify “likeability” as one of the most important selection factors among similarly qualified candidates. In most job searches, there are any number of eligible applicants, but employers will not hire someone unless they think they would enjoy working with them. Think of it as a “next door neighbor” test. Can they see you as their next door neighbor? You’d better hope so!

Tip 3: Avoid negativity and arrogance at all costs. You want to portray yourself as friendly, positive, enthusiastic, and relaxed (but not causal!). Highlight your strong points and achievements with humility.

Tip 4: Be professional in your appearance and grammar. Many job candidates don’t think to eliminate slang or text jargon from their vocabulary during an interview, but it’s important. Be crisp and present yourself as if you’re applying for your dream job, even if this isn’t it.

Tip 5: Don’t do all the talking! Engage the interviewers with thoughtful questions about the company or open position. Do your research before the interview by reading the company’s website, mission statement, current news, etc. This will give you insight and provide fuel for some engaging questions that will create conversation.

Tip 6: If you’re a nervous wreck before an interview, cough! It sounds silly, but it truly helps. It’s actually more therapeutic than a deep breath. It also doesn’t hurt to keep a handkerchief in your pocket!

 

What kind of impression do you make on others who don’t know you well? How would they rate you on the likeability scale? What have your past interview experiences been like? Successes? Failures?

3 Important Reasons to Preserve your Reputation

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What is a prized possession you can rarely get back once you lose it?

The answer is your reputation.

These days, one of the growth industries is brand management. (In fact, branding “experts” are seemingly everywhere—ask any business owner!) At the core, the “brand” is what the company represents and constituents (e.g., customers) can expect to receive. Any successful business must develop and sustain its brand and view it as a core asset. Companies spend enormous sums each year refining and marketing their brands to do just that.

So, what’s your brand? What values and attributes are at your core? After all, a great brand applies equally to people, doesn’t it? That means to be our best, we should consider our brand or reputation as a priceless asset. Here’s why:

  1. Good reputations give you something to strive for. How do you develop a good reputation? Be a person who is deserving of one. This means considering the person you want to be and the characteristics you want to embody (generosity, honesty, kindness, determination, leadership), and focus on modeling them.
  2. Good reputations help you market yourself. When looking for a new job or to advance in your career, your reputation will precede you and give you a leg up on the competition. They also build an invaluable network of ambassadors!
  3. Good reputations set an example and inspire others. People will want to be around you, glean wisdom from you, and take your advice.

I was fortunate to have worked with George Russell, the Chairman Emeritus of Russell Investments. He always took pride in saying, “Our company operates with non-negotiable integrity.” He meant it. George always said, “If you’re wondering whether or not to do something, ask how you would feel if it became tomorrow’s headline in the New York Times.” It challenged all of us to preserve the company’s reputation!

What a great rule to live by as individuals, too. When you’re faced with a tough decision, consider how you would feel about your choice being published in a newspaper for all the world to see? How would it affect your reputation? Remember, it’s a priceless asset!

No matter what you do, preserve your integrity, values, and reputation with every ounce of strength. Be the person who is deserving of a great reputation.  You will absolutely, positively, and totally regret it if you don’t!

How would you describe your brand or reputation? Which aspects are you proud of and which could use some improving? How have you handled situations where you were tempted to compromise your integrity or your values? Join the conversation with your comments!

3 Ground Rules for Playing the Dating Game

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Why does “The Bachelor” have such a rabid following? It’s beyond me, but it sure appeals to lots of people! Maybe it’s because people know the drama of trying to find that “special someone,” and watching someone else go through it has a kind of vicarious romantic appeal (without the heartache, of course!). Whatever the reason, it’s a big hit.

 

           

Dating can be the best of worlds and the worst of worlds, particularly for young adults. There are so many new, fun, and interesting people to meet as one’s circles expand, but it’s also a mystery because you never know what will become of the people you meet. I recall feeling like I was on an emotional roller coaster at Six Flags at that stage of life wondering if she was Mrs. Right. Yes, I, Mr. Analytic, even lost his objectivity from time to time. It never worked.

 

           

Do you (or does the teen/young adult in your life) have a random or a strategic mindset when it comes to dating?

 

 

 

Although true love can happen opportunistically (e.g., when my college sweetheart and I were successfully matched at a computer dance!), it pays to lay down some personal ground rules in your dating life.  One way is to become a “3D dater!” Seriously! Here’s what I mean by “3D”:

 

 

Be Discriminating

 

Be highly selective with your choices of dates. Sadly, so many people define their self worth by whether they’re dating someone that they “date for dating sake” and often compromise their values along the way. It always pays to be choosy by focusing on people who share similar interests, values, and goals.

 

 

 

 Be Discerning

 

Be wise when you date. Many approach dating so impulsively and emotionally that they simply don’t think clearly. Understand what you want in a relationship, like your goals and expectations, and have the courage to move on if it’s not a great fit. Also, avoid placing yourself in “high risk” situations with people you don’t completely trust.

 

 

 

Be Deliberate

 

Be patient. This is often the hardest thing to do when the infatuation is intense (or when a computer matches you!). However, if the relationship is truly meant to be, it needn’t be rushed. If you’re feeling pressured, have the strength and self respect to put on the brakes. If they’re not willing to, they’re probably not the best choice for the long term and you’re only delaying the inevitable.

 

 

By being a 3D dater, you’ll set yourself up for long-term success rather than settling for short-term, superficial gratification that’s so common today. You’re much more likely to find Mr. or Mrs. Right with fewer peaks and valleys (and heartaches) along the way!

 

                                                                       

 

As you reflect on any dating you’ve done in the past, how would you rate yourself along the 3D dimensions? If you are a parent or youth mentor, how can you communicate what you’ve learned with the young people in your life?

 

8 Ways to Communicate You Care

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Valentine’s season reminds us of the value of relationships—and not just romantic ones.  Not only do sweethearts profess their admiration and affection for each other, but so do parents to their children, children to their teachers, friends to friends, and so on. In a rare creative moment, I once wrote a love letter using strategically placed candy hearts to share my thoughts. Bingo!

At the same time, Valentine’s Day can expose our vulnerability to these conflicting priorities: relationships versus things. While our society has progressed in many respects over the past 50 years, it’s clear that we’ve regressed in terms of relational health and depth. Sadly, with the distractions of technology and busyness, it seems to be getting worse.

Have you thought about what you really value in life? What are you communicating about your priorities to the ones you love—whether intentionally or unintentionally?

Relationships are enduring—things are not. The way we communicate this to our loved ones lies in how we prioritize our time, attention, and money. You can use the following list as either a self-check or a to-do list. Either way, we hope it gives you some inspiration and ideas for communicating your love to others:

1. Be fully in the moment. When you’re with someone, be completely engaged (not on your phone, your Facebook, your Instagram, your Candy Crush game, etc.)

2.  Keep family and close friends at the top of your priority list in terms of time, energy, etc. Don’t just give them leftovers.  They’ll notice, even if they don’t mention it.

3. Focus on the important, not the urgent.  Sometimes maturity and experience are the best teachers on this lesson, but the sooner it’s learned, the better! Our tasks may seem urgent, but our relationships should take priority. This is especially important when our children want or need to talk.

4. Tune in to their uniqueness. Gifts, experiences, and expressions engender different responses from each of us. What uniquely means the most to them? Customize your giving wherever possible and you’ll surely hit the mark.

5. Express appreciation regularly. Be grateful for the people in your life and tell them how much you appreciate them. You don’t always have to communicate with outward displays of affection. Sometimes simple actions, like saying, “I appreciate you,” packing a family member’s favorite lunch (with a note in it), or doing an unasked favor can be just as meaningful.

6. Praise them in front of other people.  Say something nice about them when they are in earshot. You will help build their self worth and indirectly communicate how much you value them. (Great parenting pointer!)

7. Set aside time and money for special occasions and gifts. This may be harder for those whose “love” languages are not gift giving or quality time.  But for those who really need these things in order to feel loved and appreciated, they mean the world.

8.  Forgive offenses quickly and let them go. After all, you’d want your loved ones to do the same for you, right? Related, pick your battles carefully and when arguments do arise, keep your cool.

It pays to examine how we prioritize our time, energy, and finances to build strong relationships with family and friends. Do you the people you love know you care? How so?

Be Proactively Nice

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Looking for a great gift idea this holiday season? I’ve got a terrific one. No, it’s not a sweater—and it won’t cost you a dime. It’s the gift of being proactively nice.

Sadly, our world is becoming more impersonal each day. We’re consumed with busy-ness.  Phones and computers seem to command our undivided attention. We text and email instead of talk to each other. People enjoying meals at local restaurants pay more attention to their phones than to each other. Busy-ness has infiltrated our manners and our demeanor—especially in places like our freeways, restaurants, and airports where patience seems a rare commodity these days.  Compliments are rare—great service is expected, so why bother rewarding service providers when they deliver it? Anything less, and out pours the wrath.  

This holiday season, I suggest we start a little “rebellion” of sorts against the impersonal status quo. Here are some things I’ve adopted, to give a glimpse of what I’m talking about:

  • I say “hi” when I pass people on my running route, regardless of whether I know them or not
  • I let a driver who has waited longer go ahead of me
  • When asked by a restaurant server how my day is, I return the question (I always get great responses to this simple gesture)
  • I go out of my way to express appreciation and gratitude
  • I smile more
  • I call rather than text (okay, not always but I try!)
  • I don’t allow the rudeness of others get to me

Clearly, none of this is profound or particularly creative. I’m sure you can come up with better ideas than I did! Nevertheless, I’m struck by the reactions of others when I do it (especially at restaurants where they’re often startled). It’s amazing how these small acts of random kindness make someone’s day a little better. You can tell it in their faces.

What a wonderful gift to offer during this busy, and hectic holiday season!

What are ways you’ve been on the receiving end of a random act of kindness? How did make you feel?  Do you have any interesting ideas to share with our online community about how we can do this for others?

Stand up for Your Beliefs and Values

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Peer pressure is part of growing up. I wish that weren’t true as we grow older, but I think it’s just as much a reality for adults as it is for teens.

 

For some reason, some people feel compelled to tell us who our friends ought to be, what brand of jeans we should wear, whom we should date, and how we should deal with relationships, politics, money, faith, and so on. We’ve all been in that uncomfortable situation when we disagree with the “sage advice” we receive from our peers. Sometimes we push back, but other times, we’re reluctant to defend our beliefs out of fear or embarrassment.

 

How do you respond when you’re challenged to stand up for your beliefs or values?

 

Besides the pressure young adults receive from their peers, today’s colleges present a new form of pressure, and students had better be prepared for it! They’ve become increasingly more politicized than when I was in college, especially in the classroom. All too often, we hear stories of professors acting like agents of indoctrination (i.e., “You have a right to my opinion”) rather than agents of education where the objective is to present all sides of an issue. Has this been your (or your student’s) experience? Sadly, sometimes there is outright hostility, intimidation, and grading bias when students do not conform to their professors’ views.

 

There will also be instances on the job where we disagree with our manager or employer regarding a business practice or issue. As with the college professor situation, much may be at stake if an employee resists or pushes back.

 

These situations are difficult and need to be treated sensitively and carefully. Here are some tips for standing up for your beliefs and values when they are challenged:

·      Know what your beliefs and values ARE. You need to know this before you can stand up for them!

·      Always remember that you have every right to your opinion, and being able to share that opinion with respectful conviction will serve you well in life.

·      You should respectfully confront such individuals in private to share your position and concerns (who knows, you might become a change agent yourself?).

·      Be willing to walk. Remember, not everyone is meant to be your friend. And in job situations if there is significant conflict with your values, it may be time to move on to greener pastures. 

                                                                   

Do you respect your beliefs and values enough to defend them in the face of hostility? How have you learned to communicate them clearly and stand up for them?  We’d like to hear your advice and experiences!

 

Be an Encourager (Not a Critic)

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How many coaches have you had in your lifetime?  20? 30? 40? However many there have been, each was responsible for developing you in some subject or skill area. They helped grow your strengths and correct your weaknesses. When delivered in the right setting and in the right manner, their constructive criticism was a good thing, wasn’t it?

 

           

There can be a dark side to criticism, though. It can be sharp, abrasive, and downright mean-spirited. This kind of advice comes off sounding like a slap in the face instead of an arm around the shoulders. People do it because they think it gets results.  Are they right?

 

           

What’s the best way to motivate people? 

 

 

I’ve known people who are natural critics of everything, including themselves. It’s as though they thrive on negativity and find pleasure in correcting others. They have a distorted view of reality and can often be angry depressed, insecure, mean-spirited, or all of the above. These types usually operate on the assumption that correcting weaknesses is the way to maximize results. They are stingy with their praise. “Coaches” like this can be tough to handle.

 

           

There is another philosophy that operates from a completely different paradigm. It embodies inspiration and constructive feedback. Here, others are challenged to build on their strengths and correct their weaknesses through positive instruction and effort. Communication includes both positives and negatives, but the style embraces praise and encouragement over harsh criticism.

 

           

Let’s think about this self-reflectively for a minute:

 

1.    Which style works better for you when you’re on the receiving end of criticism?

 

2.    Which style do you employ when you’re on the delivering end of criticism?

 

           

 

I’m pretty confident we will all respond to the first question with “the first style.”  But, our answers are going to vary on the second. Are we humble and self-aware enough to be honest if the truthful answer is, “the second style?”

 

           

There’s a proverb that says, “The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry, and a wise friend’s timely reprimand is like a gold ring slipped on your finger.” Wouldn’t it be great to have that kind of impact in other people’s life? Not only that, wouldn’t it be more effective?

 

           

Throughout your life you’ll face countless situations where you give feedback to others. You may become a teacher or coach yourself, or perhaps a manager of people. You might be asked for guidance from a friend who is going through a difficult time or a tough decision. Which coaching philosophy will you adopt? Remember, how you say it matters—a lot.

 

          

In order to bring out the best in others, the encouragement approach is far more effective. Not only is the feedback more balanced and accurate, but people put forth a more inspired effort to reach new heights when they work with someone who cares. Simply stated, people try harder to please someone they like and admire.

 

          

So, whenever you have the opportunity, be an encourager, not a critic—and always look for the best in people.

 

                                                                   

 

Consider the favorite teachers, coaches, and mentors in your life. What coaching style did they use? Which one comes more naturally to you? Do you actively seek opportunities to praise and encourage others? Please share your thoughts, experiences, and questions with us by commenting below; we’d love to hear your perspective!