holidays

The Joy of Living Generously

Posted by

0

The value of a man resides in what he gives
and not in what he is capable of receiving.
~Albert Einstein

Really, life’s greatest joys come not in the getting, but in the giving. Don’t you agree?

People who live generously—not just with their money, but with their whole person—deserve special admiration. They’re not motivated by fame or fortune, but rather by joyful service. Their qualities of generosity, empathy, compassion, and kindness make them inspiring treasures to us all. And although those values tend to get more press at Christmastime, they are values we should all aspire to live by all year long.

Generosity is a paradox. The culture around us screams materialism and commercialism – Buy, buy, buy. Accumulate. Indulge. On the other hand, there is a whole world out there that desperately needs what we have to offer. It invites us to give, serve, help, and empower. The paradox of generosity is this: the more we give, the more we get! It’s counter-intuitive, but it’s true. We find our life by losing it. We win by losing. We gain by giving away. And, our greatest memories are of the gifts we gave rather than the ones we received.

This kind of generosity requires sacrifice—not just financial, but personal. Yes, it can be stretching and uncomfortable. But slowly, we begin to realize there’s more to life than what we own and can hold onto.

Have you ever wanted to change the world? This is where it starts. In fact, how you eventually impact the world will be driven not merely by what you have to offer but what you choose to offer. It’s the ultimate generosity test, isn’t it?

What do you uniquely have to offer the world? There are many different avenues that can allow you to allocate your personal resources to serve others. To decide how best to give what you have to benefit others, there are three main questions to consider:

  • What talents, skills, and resources do I have to offer?
  • What groups or community segments (e.g., youth, elderly, homeless) do I feel most called to help
  • What organizations will allow me to use my time, talents, and treasure to help those I feel most passionately about?Could your answers to these questions be a New Year’s resolution in the making

What would happen in our communities if we all cultivated and demonstrated this heart of generosity, of “other-centeredness” as a way of life, embodying the qualities of generosity and compassion in our everyday dealings with people? I think the world would be a more welcoming place! With that in mind, here are some ideas for living generously this holiday season—and throughout the year:

  • Make a donation to an organization serving people and causes you are passionate about.
  • Look for ways to be creatively generous if you are on a limited budget. How can you give time? Attention? Acts of service? Material possessions? You could sell something you own and give away the proceeds.
  • Volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter in your city.
  • Visit a nursing home or hospital. Listen to their stories, or tell some of your own. Just sit with them if that’s what brings comfort.
  • Allow yourself to be interrupted without being irritated—this is a mark of a generous spirit. (Or, put down your mobile device and give the people around you your undivided attention.)
  • Make yourself available to people or organizations, free of charge, for consulting on an area or topic in which you have expertise.

This short list of ideas just scratches the surface—you may even come up with better ones! The bottom line is this: Living generously will bring help and hope to others and immense joy to you in return. You’ll receive far more than what you give. Nothing compares with using all of you to serve and improve the world around you. This is the true spirit of Christmas!

Have you experienced the deep satisfaction that “giving yourself away” evokes? What have you done and how has it impacted you. Looking ahead, what new ways do you envision using your time, talent, and treasure to make the world a better place? Share your thoughts; we’d love to hear your stories and ideas!

6 Tips for Maximizing Family Togetherness (and Avoiding Conflict)

Posted by

0

One of the greatest things about the holiday season can also be the most challenging:

“Hooray! The whole family will be together!”
“Oh nooooo! The whole family will be together!”
Even the happiest of families has conflict, especially when large numbers of people are indoors for extended periods. Add to the mixture the complexity of holiday activities and expectations, kids coming home from college, relatives travelling from afar, and other friends and family popping in and out. It’s not hard to see why the holidays can be stressful on our relationships!

It helps to have a good strategy for dealing with the (inevitable) conflicts that will surface when extended family and friends gather. When tension or arguments arise, you’ll be able to keep your cool, extend grace, and navigate the holidays with a “peace on earth and goodwill toward men” mentality!

Here are six tips to help you manage (and preferably avoid!) conflict this holiday season:

Be sensitive to the need for private space. Having a full house during the holiday season means that people who typically do not live together are now under one roof. This can be particularly stressful for teens in the family, and for “introverts” who tend to feel drained rather than energized by crowds of people. Sometimes this is hard for the “extroverts” to relate to! Respecting these differing needs for personal space can help avoid resentment and conflict.
Ask yourself, “Does this issue need to be addressed now?” Keep your emotions in check; pause before you respond to a snide comment, an inconvenient request, an entitled attitude, a grievance, or even a simple difference of opinion. The less we react emotionally in the moment, the more we’re able to respond gracefully and tactfully at the right time with the right attitude. Circle back to discuss the problem when you are feeling less heated about it. You may find it doesn’t need to be discussed at all.
If it does need to be addressed now, respect yourself and your right to be heard. Sometimes we allow others to intimidate or dominate us out of fear or embarrassment. Although conflict is uncomfortable, sometimes we do need to speak up about an obvious problem that is causing distress for us or another person. In the process, we want to respect ourselves by speaking up about it, while being respectful to the other party.
Strive to be an agreeable disagreer. So often, conflict arises from misunderstandings that could have been prevented or at least controlled. Sometimes they’re based on different philosophical views or perspectives where there isn’t a right or wrong answer (Hello politics!). Always strive for mutual understanding, but agree to disagree if that’s the case. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. If needed, have a heartfelt conversation about it once things have calmed.
Choose reconciliation over grudges wherever possible. We’ve all been victims of a wrong, and injustice, or a mistake. It causes anger, shame, resentment, depression, and worse. When we harbor grudges or struggle to forgive, it can be like an all-consuming cancer, and generally the person who suffers for it is you. Strive for forgiveness, and reconciliation whenever possible—and don’t hesitate to seek support.
Remember “FLPP.” In our book Parenting for the Launch: Raising Teens to Succeed in the Real World, we offer a strategy for dealing with conflict, restoring strained relationships, and rebuilding trust. It involves keeping your communication with that person FREQUENT, LOW-RISK, POSITIVE, and PERSONAL. What can you talk about that doesn’t provoke irritation or conflict, is encouraging and positive, and shows you care? Focus on these kinds of interactions to build a platform for deeper conversations at a later date.

May your holidays be peaceful and merry!

We’d love to hear your stories about how you avoid or negotiate conflict in your family over the holidays. Please share your thoughts and suggestions. We can all learn from one another!

4 Tips to Help Your New Year’s Goals Really Stick

Posted by

0

Wow, the holiday season really flew by, didn’t it? There is so much anticipation leading up to Christmas, and in one wonderful, joy-filled day with family, it’s over. The lights come down, the Christmas music goes away, and life returns to normal. Couldn’t it last just a little longer?

I know I’m not the only one who experiences a post-holiday funk from time to time. But, I’ve found the best antidote is having new things to look forward to. When I take a fresh start to the new year with a sense of purpose and adventure, it makes all the difference in the world. It involves setting new goals to better myself and exploring new ways to contribute to things I’m passionate about! There’s a LOT to look forward to when we take a strategic approach.

So, in this season of new hopes and resolutions, here are a few tips to make your 2015 goals really stick and take your life to a whole new level:

  1. Set tangible goals, not generic For example, saying “I want to become more philanthropic and outward-focused in the coming year,” doesn’t give you something tangible to work towards. Instead, make a more specific resolution, such as “I would like to start volunteering at the soup kitchen once a month and donating 5% of my income to my favorite charity/mission.” See the difference? Measurability improves accountability!
  2. Be realistic. Don’t tell yourself you’d like to buy a new Mercedes if you can’t afford it, or hope you’ll lose 50 pounds if you don’t have time to go to the gym or plan to drastically change your diet. Instead, resolve to buy a safer vehicle with less than thirty thousand miles on it, or to exercising daily and eat healthier. Success with small steps builds momentum!
  3. Involve a friend. If you’re hoping for big change in your life but you’re in it alone, it’ll be much more difficult. With the buddy system, you’ll have accountability and someone to keep you on track (and you can do the same for them). Encouragement builds hope and confidence! Plus, it’s a lot more fun!
  4. Give yourself grace. Above all else, be kind to yourself. No one is perfect, and even a small upward movement is better than no movement at all. If you made a mistake and did something you swore you wouldn’t do last year, IT’S OKAY. Tomorrow is a new day, with new opportunities for growth and impact. More often than not, achieving our goals is a “two steps forward, one step back” reality. So, don’t get discouraged when you regress a little. Shake it off, resolve to get back on track today, and remember, you’ve got this!

So, have at it! As you put away your holiday gifts and decorations, start thinking about what you can do to make 2015 really count for you, your family, and your friends. Instead of feeling disappointed that the season is over, be filled with anticipation for what is to come. It’s never too late to make an effort to better yourself, and this is the perfect time to do it. Good luck!

The Two Stages of Life and What Really Matters

Posted by

0

“What do you want for Christmas?” is probably the most asked question right before the holidays. You’ve probably been asked, and even asked it yourself, more times than you can count over the last couple weeks. Sure there was a time in my life that my list was a mile long, but things change. Now, my Christmas list is filled with hopes for others—especially the young people in our communities.

It’s said that the first half of one’s life is the “accumulation stage” and the second half is the “distribution stage.” During the accumulation stage, you’re in gathering mode, spending your efforts on life’s needs and wants.  You build a career, buy and furnish a house, start a family and buy the things necessary for your children, save for retirement, and buy lots of things along the way. Many of us could probably go in our closets or garages and pull out items we haven’t touched in years, or forgot we had! But is that all there is to life?

But then, one day, around the age of 50, it hits you. You have all the toys you need, your kids’ braces are paid for and they’re in college or beyond. You have a boat and a new deck and a comfortable car. You discover that the joy of giving is greater than the joy of receiving, and your perspective changes dramatically. I’m a typical case—it happened to me around 49! That’s when my life focus really shifted to helping children and young adults lay a solid leadership foundation for life. Pursuing my passion of equipping young people to succeed in the real world has been more fulfilling than anything I could have imagined.

Did you notice how the first half of life tends to be more skewed toward self and family, and the second half is more focused on others? Had I known this earlier, I would have sought more balance in my accumulation stage and started my distribution stage sooner. The joy and satisfaction that comes from giving our time, talent, and treasure so far outweighs the fun of accumulating that I regret not starting this process earlier.

With Christmas just a few days away, opportunities for giving and sharing abound. This is the easiest time of year to find ways to positively impact others and give of our excess. But hopefully, directing our lives toward others will not be a once-a-year event. By starting earlier and making it last the whole year long, we receive far more in return than we will give. So, where is your heart and passion leading you today?

Do you want your life to have more balance, your spirit to soar, your heart to be filled with joy, and your life impact to be maximized—all while making the world a better place? Embrace the gift of giving yourself this holiday season and see where it takes you. Then, make it the gift that keeps on giving, into January, the New Year, and beyond.  Next time you hear “what do you want for Christmas,” do a self-check. Let’s all make the resolution to begin our distribution stage earlier and put an end to accumulating stuff we’ll rarely use and may even forget about!

Take a few seconds to reflect: Where are you centering your life? How are you modeling this principle to the young people in your life? Have you begun the distribution stage? Share your insights and ideas with us; we’d love to hear from you!

Practical Ways Your Family Can Serve Others This Christmas

Posted by

0

“I will honor Christmas in my heart,
and try to keep it all the year.”
~Charles Dickens’ Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol

One of my annual highlights is watching the film classic, A Christmas Carol. I love watching the transformation of Ebenezer Scrooge when the self-centered miser develops a servant’s heart. Granted, it takes a dramatic, catalytic experience late in life to get him there, but he becomes a changed man all the same. Every time I watch this film, I reflect on what more I could have done in the past year to help others. It’s a time of accountability, complete with a promise to do better in the year ahead.

I have special admiration for people who commit their lives to serving others.They’re not motivated by fame or fortune, but rather by joyful service.

I’m convinced our daughter Lauren was born with a servant’s heart. I first noticed this when she was four during a visit to a McDonald’s playground. She befriended a devastated little girl who had been deliberately abandoned by her big sister (Ronald would not have been happy!). The girl’s tears were soon replaced with joy for those ten brief minutes. While this example may seem ordinary, it is illustrative of the many times that Lauren has nurtured people who were socially excluded. Her empathetic heart has often been a blessing to others. Not surprisingly, she is considering a career in child psychology and counseling. I think she’ll be a natural.

The holiday season is a time when our thoughts often turn to practical ways we can serve those less fortunate. At a time when we are counting our own blessings, what are the ways we can include, encourage, or assist people in need?

This is not an exhaustive list, but here are some of our family’s ideas:
–       take a shift ringing a bell for the Salvation Army (we just did this last week; it’s a hoot, you meet great people, and it’s such a worthy cause)
–       volunteer at a local food bank
–       gather a group to sing carols at a retirement home
–       go out of your way to compliment those who are in service positions (including the Military)
–       send a note to a teacher expressing your gratitude
–       donate money to a local ministry that pays electric bills for the needy
–       adopt a family for gift giving
–       send a personal note to someone who lost a loved one in the past year

What do you and your family do to serve and bless others during the holiday season? Please share your ideas and stories with us; we’d love to hear your experiences!

What Do YOU Uniquely Have to Offer the World?

Posted by

0

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I’ve been reflecting on how thankful I am—not for what I have for myself, but for what I have to give away. Really, life’s greatest joys come not from the getting, but from the giving. Don’t you agree?

I have special admiration for people who commit their lives to serving others. They’re not motivated by fame or fortune or power or things, but rather by joyful service. Their qualities of generosity, empathy, compassion, and kindness seem to come naturally to them, and they’re inspiring treasures to us all.

How you impact the world will be driven by what you have to offer and what you choose to offer. Well then, what do you uniquely have to offer the world?

“What do I have to offer the world?” It’s a profound question, and one that will continually evolve throughout your lifetime. At any point, though, your assets will generally fall into three categories: your time, your talent, and your treasure.

There are many different avenues that allow you to allocate these resources to serve others. To decide how best to give what you have to benefit others, there are three main questions to consider:

  • What talents and skills do I have to offer?
  • What groups or community segments (e.g., youth, elderly, homeless) do I feel most called to help?
  • What organizations will allow me to use my talents to help those I feel most passionately about?

Then, it becomes a matter of deciding which of your assets to offer to have the greatest potential impact in each situation. Your time, talent, and treasure offer you tremendous opportunities to give the gift of yourself.

Living life with the heart of a giver will bring help and hope to others and immense joy to you in return. You’ll receive far more than what you give. Nothing compares with using your gifts and talents to improve the world around you. This is the true spirit of Thanksgiving!

Have you experienced the deep thankfulness that “giving yourself away” brings about?  Looking ahead, what new ways do you envision using your time, talent, and treasure to make the world a better place?