Success Pointers

When Adversity Strikes, Reach out to Help Others

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When we face adversity, it’s easy to lose perspective and get consumed by our own situation. Sometimes, the depth of our pain or anxiety is well founded. Other times, we might be making more out of our plight than it deserves. (This can happen when we become self-absorbed.)

Whether or not that is the case, there’s a proven solution for working through loss and adversity that may surprise you. It comes through not solely focusing on our situation, but by seeking opportunities to help others. It is a total “win-win” proposition. In face, here’s the inspiring story of a courageous woman who did just that:

“A few years ago in a small rural town in Oregon, a teenage boy died in a drowning accident. In all likelihood his death could have been prevented if an ambulance and trained medical personnel had been available. However, this small town was too poor to afford these services.

The boy’s mother grieved for the loss of her son, but she also transformed her grief into a service to her community. While she could not regain her son, she worked to prevent a similar tragedy. This woman trained and became an Emergency Medical Technician. After completing her training she raised money to purchase an ambulance and trained volunteers to help her. It is estimated that this volunteer ambulance service has saved the lives of over 100 people that might have died, as her son did, due to a lack of emergency care. When interviewed, this woman said, ‘It’s easier to forget your own loss when you are busy helping others.’”*

If you’re experiencing a life trial, find a way to help others even less fortunate than you. This could be a community service opportunity, a mission trip, a visit to a soup kitchen, retirement home, or hospital, or helping a friend or neighbor in need. When you focus outside of yourself, amazing things can happen. One is that you may find your situation isn’t as troubling or bleak as you thought. Another is that you’ll experience the joy and satisfaction from helping others. You’ll begin to count your blessings, which are easy to forget when you face tough challenges. It also helps you forget your own problems for a while and gives you a completely new perspective (which, many times, is exactly what you need!). It might even turn into a new life mission—you just never know!

Can you describe the perspective you gain in your life when helping people less fortunate than yourself? Think about people you know right now who are experiencing adversity of some kind. How can you be a source of support or encouragement to them?

 

*Story excerpted from The Healing Power of Service, by Edward V. Brown, as shared on www.energizeinc.com.

 

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow? Learn to Analyze Your Spending

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When it comes to “budgeting,” many find it right up there with dieting and root canals in terms of the pleasure factor. However, tracking your spending and disciplining yourself to live within your means and save for the future is definitely worth the effort. If budgeting is not a natural bent for you, don’t give up on the idea altogether. You just need a willing attitude and some good resources to help you stay disciplined and on track with your finances.

How do you stay on top of your financial game?

The basic report you should complete (on at least a quarterly basis) is a cash flow statement. This report tallies your income and expenses in several key categories. It’s the surest way to see whether you’re living within your means and where your spending may be excessive. After subtracting all of your expenses from your income, you’ll see whether your net cash flow for that period is positive or negative. Remember, the goal is positive, positive, positive!

There are many online tools to help analyze your cash flow  (e.g., www.quicken.com and www.mint.com). In the past, analyzing cash flow was a lot more work—you had to save your receipts and organize them manually. But nowadays, if you use a debit card and checks for your purchases and bills, and you link your bank account to your online budgeting program, it will automatically categorize your spending and indicate where your money is going. It will even send you an email in the middle of a month to let you know if you’re over budget in a particular category (it knows if you’ve been bad or good)!

Even if it’s just a 75-cent daily newspaper or a $3 latte as you head to work each morning, make sure you account for every single dollar you spend. That’s how you can see exactly where your money is going. You may be surprised when you look at your spending after even just a couple of weeks. The nickels and dimes add up!

Analyzing spending and developing budgets are great skills to develop in the young people in your life. For young adults just starting out, tracking their spending will help determine how much they can afford for rent/housing and a car, significant expenses each month. How much should average living expenses cost? The following are typical expenditure categories and the rough percentages each should represent:

  • Housing/rent (includes utilities)    30-35%
  • Household/personal items                     20
  • Autos/transportation                              10
  • Charitable giving                                      10
  • Savings and investments                        10+ (not an expenditure per se)
  • Entertainment and leisure                       7
  • Debt/loans                                                  5
  • Insurance                                                    5
  • Miscellaneous                                             3

While the above percentages are ballpark figures (and they do change through life),  spending more than five percent above these levels is getting “up there,” with the exception of savings and investments and loans for new college grads. It’s also important to reflect periodic expenses like gifts and vacations in a budget. Holiday spending tends to spike in December, as does vacation spending in the summer. Therefore, it pays to update statements on a monthly or quarterly basis to avoid underestimating expenses. Compare actual spending to these ballpark figures, and you’ll have a good sense of whether you’re overspending in particular categories. And, take special precautions against buying too much house or car—these fixed expenses get many people in trouble.

Wise financial planning requires knowing where your money goes. You’ll make better financial choices, build a stronger credit rating, and develop good savings habits that help build wealth.

Do you track and analyze your spending?  How do you do it?  Have you trained and modeled this to the young adults in your life and, if so, how? We’d love to hear your insight and experiences!

 

Be the Only You

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“Progress” can often be a two steps forward and one step backward proposition. The technological advances of the last two decades are a good case in point. We are so much more efficient and productive (albeit more distracted!) and, in many ways, connected. The access we have to information boggles my mind compared to what it was a mere 15 years ago.

This progress, however, has come at a cost. For one, our lives are not as private as they used to be. In some cases, it’s the result of information or images that wind up in places we didn’t expect (the most egregious example being “racey” photos). In other cases, identities are stolen and manipulated by shady characters. In this latter case, others can literally pretending to be you. This is real and no laughing matter.

Do you and your family know how to protect yourselves?

Identity theft is when an imposter uses your personal information without your permission. It’s a crime and can cause untold problems for the victim. Generally speaking, it’s caused by lost or stolen credit cards, careless disposal of investment/banking statements, providing personal information (Social Security Number and PINs) where you shouldn’t, and various viral and malware attacks. The perpetrator may open credit cards and accounts in your name, forge your signature, and even obtain a driver’s license in your name.

There is an ever-growing list of ways to avoid identity theft. Some of the key ones are:

  • Shredding your financial documents after their use
  • Keeping PINs (for debit cards) and passwords in a safe, private place and changing your passwords regularly
  • NEVER sharing your banking information, passwords, or PINs with anyone (an especially good reminder for young people, who are often used to  “sharing ” everything, to the point of too much!)
  • Signing credit cards immediately and destroying outdated ones promptly
  • Not keeping your Social Security Card in your wallet or purse
  • Not disclosing your Social Security Number unless it is absolutely required
  • Calling your financial institutions and credit card providers immediately if your wallet or purse is stolen
  • Never taking phone solicitations that seek your Social Security Number and never emailing your Social Security Number or PINs to anyone.
  • Only opening email attachments when you are certain as to their safety
  • Treating your personal information as personal and private!
  • Being extremely wary of phone solicitations. If offers sound too good to be true or the sales party is aggressive, steer clear! Personally, I just avoid solicitors altogether. Period.
  • Report suspicious behavior immediately
  • Use the best anti-virus and anti-malware software for your computers

Finally, there will be situations when you simply don’t know if it’s a safe bet. Here, you should consult with trusted people in the know before releasing any information that is private. Always err on the conservative.              

How careful are you with your personal, financial, and computer information? Have you discussed this with the young adults in your life—your children, students, or young adults you mentor? Share your tips and stories with us by commenting below; we’d love to hear from you!

Build and Maintain a Good Credit Rating

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January is National Financial Wellness Month. It’s a great opportunity to do some assessing of our financial well being. It’s also an opportunity to think about how well we’re modeling and training the young people in our lives—our children, students, mentees, etc.

Here’s a good example. Can we be trusted to repay a debt? I hope the answer is a resounding “Yes!”

That’s what we want lending institutions to answer when we apply for a loan or home mortgage. They’re making a bet on us to repay our loans with interest on time, all the time. But, in order for them to conclude that we’re worth the risk, they’ll need to analyze our financial condition. In that evaluation process, one of the key measures they consider is our credit rating. It’s their way of getting independent advice on our creditworthiness.

Most young adults don’t think about this when they’re starting out, but it’s an important principle to instill at a young age—and to be reminded of throughout life. Do you know what it takes to have a good credit rating?

The most commonly used credit measure is your FICO score. Scores from 680-850 are considered good by lenders. Your keys to a favorable credit rating include:

  • Modest debt relative to your assets and income
  • Reputation for paying your bills fully and on time
  • Making regular deposits into your savings and investment accounts
  • Having a modest number of credit cards and preferably with low or zero outstanding balances
  • Paying off debt rather than replacing it with other debt
  • Not bouncing checks
  • Having a positive and growing net worth

When you have a good credit rating, you’ll receive better access to loans, larger available credit lines, and lower interest rates. It also affects your insurance rates and whether or not a landlord wants to take a risk on leasing a house or apartment to you. That’s why achieving a favorable credit rating should be a priority.

What if your credit rating isn’t so hot? You can turn it around. The sooner you start building—or repairing and RE-building, the better. It generally takes seven years for negative items to drop off your credit reports.

One thing to note if you are rebuilding your credit is that simply closing your revolving accounts to improve your credit score won’t necessarily work.  Closing credit accounts not only lowers the number of open revolving accounts (which generally will improve credit scores), but also decreases the total amount of available credit. That results in a higher “utilization rate,” also called the balance-to-limit ratio, which will actually lower your credit score! So, though it seems counter intuitive, just closing accounts is not the answer; rather, you want to pay them off and then wait patiently. When repairing bad credit, TIME is one of your greatest allies, along with PATIENCE and PRUDENCE.

How would a financial institution assess you as a credit risk? If the answer is “good,” then well done! If the answer is “not good,” what are the primary drivers? What specific steps can you take today that will turn it around?

Fresh Plans for a Fresh Year

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Have you seen the movie The Bucket List? In it, two terminally ill men run away from a cancer ward and travel around the world to fulfill a list of things they want to do before they “kick the bucket.”  Since the movie’s release, the term “bucket list” has gained popularity and now commonly refers to a list of all the things a person would like to do in his or her lifetime.  Essentially, a “bucket list” is just a list of specific goals.  If you’ve ever made a bucket list, you’re already on your way to being a goal-setter! And, goals foster motivation and intentionality in our lives.

A fresh year always inspires fresh dreams. Most successful people begin with dreams and then establish goals and plans to help make them come true. And, they know that the most effective goals are both specific and measurable (as opposed to vague and difficult to evaluate). As you start to identify your dreams for your life, it’s important to develop short-, intermediate-, and long-range goals to help get you there.

Even if you’re not naturally a goal-setter, it’s not difficult to become one. Start by imagining what you want your life to look like. What are the large-scale goals you hope to achieve? These are your long-term or lifetime goals.  It’s important to set these first because they will shape your overall perspective and help frame your smaller and shorter-term goals. Think about such areas as:

  • Education and learning
  • Career
  • Marriage and family
  • Finances
  • Community service
  • Relationships
  • Spiritual life
  • Physical goals (sports, etc.)
  • Talents and skills
  • Travel
  • Experiences
  • Retirement

Once you’ve established your long-term goals, you can set some medium-term goals (e.g., five years) that will help you achieve your long-term goals.  From there, you can set one-year, six-month, and one-month goals, all of which will ultimately contribute to the larger picture.

Periodically check on your long-term goals to make sure they remain high on your list. Also, monitor your progress on your medium-range goals to make sure you’re on track. (Parents, you may want to make some parenting goals … check out our new book, Parenting for the Launch, for some ideas to help you set goals and create a family mission statement.)

Finally, start making daily to-do lists. If you do, you’ll be contributing on a daily basis toward the things that will make your lifetime goals and dreams possible. Here are some guidelines as you do:

  • Phrase your goals in the positive, not the negative
  • Make them realistic goals—ones that are possible and achievable
  • Make them measurable and specific, such as “visit five continents” as opposed to “travel around the world”

 

What’s on your “bucket list?” How do you keep track of what you’ve accomplished and what’s left to do? This can be fun and lively discussion with family and friends over the holiday season. Make a plan to check back with each other next New Year’s and see who has crossed the most items off their list.

 

Introducing the What I Wish I Knew at 18 Leader’s Guide for Middle Schoolers!

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One of the most common questions we receive from educators is whether the What I Wish I Knew at 18 Leadership/Life Skills program can be used in middle and junior high schools. The answer is a resounding “YES,” especially with our new Middle School Leader’s Guide!

We reviewed our current program for ways to best reach a somewhat younger audience. The result is a leader’s guide with specific suggestions and ideas for adapting the What I Wish I Knew at 18 Student Guide to middle school grades. Many of the lessons in What I Wish Knew at 18 regarding the transition from high school to college can easily be applied to the transition from middle school to high school.

Middle school is a great time to introduce What I Wish I Knew at 18. Students at that age are often more open to life skills training as their habits and attitudes are less ingrained. Principles referencing character, relationships, communication, adversity, personal productivity, and other aspects of a Personal Leadership Foundation can be instilled while they are still forming many of their values, behaviors, and relational networks.

Ninth grade is arguably one of the most critical in a student’s educational career—setting the stage for decisions and attitudes in the pivotal high school years. A leadership foundation will prove an invaluable asset to their academic and relational performance in these years and throughout life.

The best news is that the What I Wish I Knew at 18 Middle School Leader’s Guide is a free download from our website! Simply click on the link above and save it to your own computer.  The guide includes supplemental suggestions for the lessons in the student guide for middle school adaptation, as well as charts and forms to assist you in your lesson planning.

We want to remind you that bulk pricing of What I Wish I knew at 18 for classroom use is always available. Call us directly at 920-319-3169 or email us at dtrittin@dennistrittin.com to discuss your particular needs. We wish you all the best on the adventure of reaching a new generation of leaders and grooming them for every success!

Great News! Our New Book for Parents is Here!

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Launch Cove Web ResGreat news!  Our new book for parents of teens is here! Parenting for the Launch: Raising Teens to Succeed in the Real World is now available for you to order, just in time for Christmas.

We never envisioned writing a parenting book when we began collaborating on What I Wish I Knew at 18. But, through our work with educators, counselors, business leaders, employers, and families, we regularly hear feedback about the training today’s kids are not getting, and what’s needed—from the perspectives of those receiving the kids we’re raising – i.e., employers, colleges, schools, and youth organizations.

Click here for sample of Introduction, Chapter One, and Video Trailer

As part of parent communities ourselves, we’re also keenly aware of the emotions and concerns that surround the launching and releasing of our children into society—out of our arms and into the real world. Questions about whether we’ve covered the bases, built an a enduring relationship, and set them up for a smooth transition keep us awake at night! All of these reasons are precisely why we wrote Parenting for the Launch.

Here’s how you can order:

Parenting for the Launch page at Atlas Books

Or call 1-800-BOOKLOG

Use coupon code P4TL

only $12.99 (regularly $18.95)

now through December 31, 2013.

It’s our joy and privilege to serve other parents, who, like us, want to set their children up for every success in life. And, it’s an honor to help educators build stronger bridges with parents. We hope you enjoy the book, spread the word to others, and join us on our journey at www.parentingforthelaunch.com! Stronger parenting for stronger kids!

Holiday wishes,

The LifeSmart team

Exciting News! – Our Innovative New Book for Parenting Teens

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Dennis_Arlyn_smaller

We have exciting news to share!  We are releasing our new book, Parenting for the Launch: Raising Teens to Succeed in the Real World, in just a few short weeks. Co-written by What I Wish I Knew at 18 authors Dennis Trittin and Arlyn Lawrence, people are calling it “the book that parents of teens have been waiting for” and one that “every educator will want every parent to read!”

 

We wrote this book in response to the desires of parents for a comprehensive guide for preparing teens, of educators who want to build stronger bridges with parents, and of business leaders who are demanding greater leadership and life skills in the workplace.

 

Launch Cove Web Res

 

Parenting for the Launch will help readers grow in their effectiveness and confidence in preparing teens for a successful launch. It’s filled with principles, strategies, thought-provoking questions, and exercises to guide today’s parent and guardian. It also offers the invaluable, “real world” perspectives of workplace leaders who are working with young adults. Readers will learn to:

  • Develop an empowering parenting game plan
  • Prepare teens for key life decisions and the demands of adult life
  • Build an enduring relationship with their young adult and affirm their worth
  • Set them on the path to success and a strong start

 

We have already had overwhelmingly positive early reviews from parents, educators, and the business community:

 

Troy Alstead, Group President & Chief Financial Officer, Starbucks Coffee Company:

“In a comfortable and engaging style, Trittin and Lawrence offer valuable guidance to parents confronting the transition of their kids to adulthood. The book is inspirational and practical, insightful and encouraging—a must read for parents of teens.”

 

Cynthia Ulrich Tobias, M. Ed, Speaker & Author of How They Learn, and You Can’t Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded):

“Dennis and Arlyn have once again delivered a book full of invaluable insights and practical strategies for parents who want to help their children succeed.  You’ll find dozens of great ideas for preparing your son or daughter to hit the ground running when its time to enter the world of work and tackle an adult life full of challenge and change.”

 

Jeff Kemp – Former NFL Quarterback and Vice President, Family Life:

“Dennis & Arlyn have captured what it takes to nurture & release real world-ready kids.”

 

Want a sneak peak? Here’s a link to the Introduction and Chapter One, “Give Them Wings, Not Strings.”

 

Parenting for the Launch will be released in mid-November, 2013. You can follow us in the meantime on www.parentingforthelaunch.com. On our website, be sure to check out our new book trailer video!

 

We are grateful for the friendship we’ve developed with you over the years, and we’d love to enlist your support, our e-newsletter network! For a limited time, you can order your copy of Parenting for the Launch for $12.99, a special 30% discount, by using our coupon code:  P4TL. You can access it through this link, our website, or by calling 1-800-BOOKLOG. It’s our way of saying, “Thanks for your ambassadorship!”

 

Please grow our circle by “liking” our FB page and following @Parent4Launch on Twitter. Forward this email to your networks, encourage them to sign up for our email newsletter, and help us spread the word by sharing Parenting for the Launch with your friends, family, and associates.

 

Thanks for joining us on our journey!

 

Warmly, and with anticipation,

 

Dennis and Arlyn

 

P.S. Here’s what other reviewers are saying:

Pam Wickman, an FCS educator in Wisconsin, said, “This is an awesome book for parents! It is filled with such great advice for how to “prepare and let go” when our teens don’t always want to listen. I especially appreciated the strategies for building stronger relationships through personality profiling and affirming their uniqueness and value.”

 

Willie Stewart, a retired school administrator from Tacoma, WA, said, “What a powerful book! Personal, engaging, and entertaining, Dennis and Arlyn offer sound guidance for parents, families, mentors, and educators who are equipping young people for adulthood.”

 

 

 

 

 

Be an Encourager (Not a Critic)

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How many coaches have you had in your lifetime?  20? 30? 40? However many there have been, each was responsible for developing you in some subject or skill area. They helped grow your strengths and correct your weaknesses. When delivered in the right setting and in the right manner, their constructive criticism was a good thing, wasn’t it?

 

           

There can be a dark side to criticism, though. It can be sharp, abrasive, and downright mean-spirited. This kind of advice comes off sounding like a slap in the face instead of an arm around the shoulders. People do it because they think it gets results.  Are they right?

 

           

What’s the best way to motivate people? 

 

 

I’ve known people who are natural critics of everything, including themselves. It’s as though they thrive on negativity and find pleasure in correcting others. They have a distorted view of reality and can often be angry depressed, insecure, mean-spirited, or all of the above. These types usually operate on the assumption that correcting weaknesses is the way to maximize results. They are stingy with their praise. “Coaches” like this can be tough to handle.

 

           

There is another philosophy that operates from a completely different paradigm. It embodies inspiration and constructive feedback. Here, others are challenged to build on their strengths and correct their weaknesses through positive instruction and effort. Communication includes both positives and negatives, but the style embraces praise and encouragement over harsh criticism.

 

           

Let’s think about this self-reflectively for a minute:

 

1.    Which style works better for you when you’re on the receiving end of criticism?

 

2.    Which style do you employ when you’re on the delivering end of criticism?

 

           

 

I’m pretty confident we will all respond to the first question with “the first style.”  But, our answers are going to vary on the second. Are we humble and self-aware enough to be honest if the truthful answer is, “the second style?”

 

           

There’s a proverb that says, “The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry, and a wise friend’s timely reprimand is like a gold ring slipped on your finger.” Wouldn’t it be great to have that kind of impact in other people’s life? Not only that, wouldn’t it be more effective?

 

           

Throughout your life you’ll face countless situations where you give feedback to others. You may become a teacher or coach yourself, or perhaps a manager of people. You might be asked for guidance from a friend who is going through a difficult time or a tough decision. Which coaching philosophy will you adopt? Remember, how you say it matters—a lot.

 

          

In order to bring out the best in others, the encouragement approach is far more effective. Not only is the feedback more balanced and accurate, but people put forth a more inspired effort to reach new heights when they work with someone who cares. Simply stated, people try harder to please someone they like and admire.

 

          

So, whenever you have the opportunity, be an encourager, not a critic—and always look for the best in people.

 

                                                                   

 

Consider the favorite teachers, coaches, and mentors in your life. What coaching style did they use? Which one comes more naturally to you? Do you actively seek opportunities to praise and encourage others? Please share your thoughts, experiences, and questions with us by commenting below; we’d love to hear your perspective!

 

 

 

Diversify Your Life

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Sports psychologists tell us that athletes who play one sport experience burnout at much higher rates than athletes who play a variety of sports. The principle is true across the board: no matter how good something is, whether a sport, a career, a relationship, or an investment, it’s diversity in all those areas that makes life richer. 


Are you someone who focuses your life in just a few areas? Or, are your interests varied and your experiences diverse? Here’s a great example of how life diversification can work. Take PGA golfer Brandt Snedecker, who won the 2012 PGA tour championship, and also the Fed Ex Cup, for a whopping $11.4 million purse. It would be easy to assume Brandt’s victory was due to his exponential driving ability and fantastic putting (in this tournament he was number one for both). But that’s only part of the picture.
 

In an interview, Brandt said he has learned a powerful lesson as he has gotten older: Having balance in his life gives him a better golf game. These days, Brandt says, he doesn’t practice as much as he used to (sounds counter-intuitive, doesn’t it?). He works out in the gym much less. He gives more time to family. The results? A renewed sense of well-being, a better mental state, and, he feels, an overall a better golf game.

How about you? Are you someone who focuses your life in just a few areas? Or, are your interests varied and your experiences diverse? Think of the following important areas of life. Rank them from one to 12 in order of their importance to you:

               1.     Relationships—family and friends

               2.     Marriage and parenting

               3.     Career / school

               4.     Spiritual life

               5.     Entertainment

               6.     Learning

               7.     Physical activity

               8.     Travel and leisure

               9.     Arts and nature

               10.  Hobbies

               11.  Community service/volunteerism

               12.  Down time

                                                           

Now, consider how you’re allocating your time to these areas. Is it spread out or concentrated in only a few areas? While each person is different, variety will diversify who you are and enrich your life.

This lesson is as true for young people as it is for adults. Excessive pressure to achieve at academics or sports can cause teens to over-allocate their time and energy in those two areas, leaving little time for family, hobbies, and just plain ol’ “down time.” Whether you’re 16 or 60, this is a sure-fire recipe for burnout and it’s becoming increasingly common in the younger generation.

 

For all of us, making time for family, and for meaningful activities that enrich our life, will reduce our stress and burnout—and may actually help us perform better at the other things we do! Yes, variety is the spice of life!

Have you learned how to create balance in your life? How have you done it?  Or, are you one who is looking for ways to diversify your life?  Please share your comments and questions below; we’d love to have this conversation with you!