What I Wish I Knew at 18

Control What You Can, Accept What You Can’t

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Let’s face it. Most of us like to be in control. Control gives us freedom, power, and confidence that we can steer our course.
 
As kids head off to college, they’re about to be in the driver’s seat for the rest of their life. Ah, the sweet feeling of “control.” They can’t wait! But is it really that easy?  The answer, of course, is “No.”      
 
Soon college students and those heading out into the work force will be free from their parents’ oversight, but much will remain outside of their control.  Are they prepared for it? Consider these potential real world examples:
 

  • Their roommate is a disaster
  • They just bombed their calculus final—so much for majoring in math!
  • Just when they’re about to graduate and search for employment, the economy tanks
  • They don’t land the job they desperately wanted
  • They don’t care for their new supervisor
  • It rains on their wedding day
  • A boyfriend or girlfriend announces he or she wants to date other people
  • Someone they love is diagnosed with a life-threatening illness

 
Control? Yeah, right! Although young adults are increasingly becoming more independent, they’ll quickly learn that not even they have control over their lives. Unexpected road bumps and potholes are the norm. When they occur, we all have to deal with each unique situation the best we can. Incidentally, most of the above happened to me!
 
Basically, we all have two choices. A common approach is to stew about the circumstances and be consumed with self-pity. The other approach is to accept the things you can’t control and make the best out of the situation. You may not like the circumstances, but you work the problem and focus on what you can control. For those who believe in God, it’s also a time of prayer, trust, and faith that things will work out okay. PERSEVERE!
 
It’s important for young people—for all of us, really—to understand that we have a choice in how to deal with matters beyond our control. For your own sake and for those around you, adopt the second approach. It’s not always easy but it’s far better than the alternative!
 
How do you handle things when life doesn’t go your way? Do you dwell on the things you can’t control, or can you let them go? How have you taught healthy strategies to the young people in your life … please share your ideas and comments below!
 

Diversify Your Life

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“Crazy busy!”
 
These days, that’s the most popular answer when I ask someone, “How have you been?” We’re either rushing ourselves or our kids from here to there, getting stuck in a fast-paced rut, and all too often not finding the time to do the things we really want to do! Something tells me it wasn’t always this way.
 
Are you someone who focuses your life in just a few areas? Do you find yourself complaining about being stuck in a “rut,” or are your interests varied and your experiences diverse? Do you pace yourself, or run full steam ahead?
 
One way to gauge this—and have a more measured approach to life—is to take a “personal diversity survey.” Think of the following important areas of your life:
 

  1. Relationships—family and friends
  2. Marriage and parenting
  3. Career or school
  4. Spiritual life
  5. Entertainment
  6. Learning
  7. Physical activity
  8. Travel and leisure
  9. Arts and nature
  10. Hobbies
  11. Community service/volunteerism
  12. Down time

 
Consider how you’re allocating your time to these areas. Is it spread out or concentrated in only a few areas? Variety will diversify who you are and enrich your life. But, it means taking control of our “busyness.”
 
Here’s a suggestion: This week, talk to your family about how each person might diversify his or her life. Ask them to contribute some of their ideas for how to pursue new interests and activities. Then take one idea from your discussion and DO IT!
 
How varied are your interests and how balanced is your life? Reflect on the above list and identify potential areas in which you are “under-spending” in your life. Is it time to spread things around a little? Share your comments below; we’d love to hear from you!

Indonesian Reflections: An Unforgettable Two-Week Adventure

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I have just returned home after experiencing the two most amazing weeks of my life. It will take some time to fully comprehend what just happened. In the meantime, I am filled with joy and gratitude toward the people of Indonesia.
 
On this, my first trip to Southeast Asia, I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect. Would my message of developing young leaders resonate with children and adults? Would I make it without saying something culturally stupid? Would I like the food? Would we have a productive trip that would build strong momentum for our What I Wish I Knew at 18 book and course? All of these thoughts ran through my mind as I departed from Seattle on July 29.
 
Before I left, I told my co-publisher, Laura Prinsloo of Kesaint Blanc Publishing, that I was there to serve them. That meant I wanted a full schedule of meetings with as many influential leaders as possible. She took me up on my offer…and then some! I was booked from early morning to late evening with speaking engagements throughout the Jakarta and Bali areas—worship services, schools, radio broadcasts, book launchings, conventions (World Harvest and Call2Business), business/parenting seminars, you name it. I would be speaking to young people and adults…and to people of all faiths. We would speak, have Q&A, and sign books and take lots of pictures.
 
Armed with 12 different Powerpoint presentations, I came prepared for any circumstance…and everything went without a hitch! And, each time, I was greeted so warmly by the people of Indonesia.
 
I have too many memories to list here, but a few really stand out. One was my first presentation…to a Muslim school in Jakarta. The room was filled with some 100 students and educators. My talk was called “Developing the Great Leaders of Tomorrow.” My reception and message from this audience were overwhelming. (In fact, we received three invitations to speak at other schools that week!) I loved interacting with the students (mostly high schoolers) afterwards for book signings and pictures. But, it was my conversation with an elderly lady that was the most memorable of all.
 
She told me that Indonesian children are often raised by absentee fathers and implored me to tell the adults in each of my upcoming meetings that the fathers must get more involved in raising their children. It was a very powerful and moving conversation and I promised her I would. And, I did.
 
I met with four Muslim schools and each time my message was overwhelmingly received. The questions I received from these children were so heartfelt and deep. Questions like:

  • Mr. Dennis, I am not strong in academics. Can I still become a great leader?
  • Mr. Dennis, can you help me learn to enjoy the process of life?
  • Mr. Dennis, can you tell me how to convince my father that I want to live my own dream?

 
After each talk, the children came up to me and said that I inspired them. But, as far as I’m concerned, they were the ones who did the inspiring! It is an indescribable blessing to be placed in a role where I can share wisdom and hope to young people around the world. I am grateful to God and for the people of Indonesia who gave me the chance.
 
In less than two weeks, we made amazing connections with leaders of influence in each of our target audiences. We are off to a great start and discussions are already underway regarding my next visit (and maybe even a TV show!). It’s truly difficult to capture in words how our work is being received and the Divine appointments we received each day.
 
So, Indonesia, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your warmth and affection.  I’m looking forward to seeing you again soon!
 

 
 
 
 

Live Within Your Means (& Generate POSITIVE Cash Flow!) – Pt. 2

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In last week’s blog we discussed how to live within your means and generate positive cash flow by conservatively estimating your INCOME. But that’s only half of the equation. You must also carefully manage and control what you spend.

 
When it comes to the EXPENSE side of the equation, your goal is to spend less than you earn on a regular basis. This is how you generate positive cash flow and have money available to invest. However, for many people, this is the most difficult part of managing their finances, for several reasons:

 

  1. They don’t keep track of it and develop a budget. Those small items can add up!
  2. They fail to consider seasonal expenditures (e.g., gifts, vacations, and property taxes).
  3. They have no idea how expensive children and pets are!
  4. They don’t appreciate how much more expensive it is to own a home than rent an apartment.
  5. They forget about finance charges on credit card balances.
  6. They live a more lavish lifestyle than they can afford:
    1. They’re lured into spending on impulse items.
    2. They purchase big-ticket items such as homes and cars that are far too expensive for their budget.
    3. They assume that if they purchase it on credit, they’ll figure out a way to pay for it later.
    4. They place too much value on possessions and expensive brands in order to impress others.
    5. They’re too impatient—wanting it now rather than saving up for it.

 
It’s essential to discipline yourself to spend less than you make (thereby generating positive cash flow) and regularly measure your progress. Remember that if your cash flow is negative, your options are to: 1) increase your income (not always possible!) and/or 2) reduce or postpone your expenses.
 
One of the best ways to generate positive cash flow is to set up an automatic savings plan where a set percentage of your income is placed in an investment program each month. It will force you to save and help you resist the temptation to overspend.
                                                                     
Do you monitor your spending versus your income to ensure you’re living within your means? This is true whether you’re a college student on a modest income or an executive earning seven figures. Share your comments and questions: we’d love to hear your experiences and ideas!

Live Within Your Means (& Generate POSITIVE Cash Flow!) – Pt. 1

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Money will never make you completely happy—but mismanaging it can be a life wrecker!
 
Money problems are among the top reasons for divorce, alcoholism, and suicide in our country. For these, and many other reasons, it’s critical to become a wise manager of your financial resources. You should consider this one of your greatest priorities and our nation’s educators should too.
 
Having a positive (and growing net worth) is essential for all of us, and the good news is it’s not rocket science. Simply put, it requires two things: 1) living within your means by spending less than you make and 2) building long-term wealth through a regular savings and investment program. This will set you up for success in both the short- and long-term.
 
In order to generate positive cash flow, you must spend less than you make. That means conservatively estimating your income and ensuring you have a “cushion” left over after all of your spending. Trouble sets in when you either overestimate your income or underestimate your spending.
 
Here’s where many run into trouble on the INCOME side:

  1. They forget that their take-home pay is roughly 60% of their gross salary (after taking into account deductions like federal and state income taxes and Social Security)
  2. They assume that a spike in their income is the new “normal” level of earnings and ratchet up their spending accordingly.
  3. They assume their strong investment returns in the recent past will persist.

 
It’s important to recognize whether your career provides a steady or volatile income. Generally speaking, the more your income is tied to sales (e.g., real estate agents) or project work (e.g., writers, architects, actors) the more it will fluctuate over time. This income pattern presents unique challenges in your financial planning because you can’t forecast the next few years based on the recent past.
 
Consequently, people often overestimate their future income when they just had a great year. Then, they increase their spending just when their income falls back to normal. Not good!
 
Don’t fall into this trap. Plan your income conservatively—it’s far better to be positively surprised than disappointed!
 
What are some ways you’ve learned to live within your means and generate a positive cash flow? Have you developed creative and effective ways of showing these principles to your own children or students? Share ideas and questions by commenting below; we’d love to hear from you!

Recognize What True Love Is

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It’s unfortunate the English language has only one word for love. We can say we love our friends, family, and spouse—and we can also say we “love” chocolate, our dog, and our favorite TV show!
 
It’s also unfortunate that the media and other cultural drivers constantly send distorted messages to young people about what love is. Sadly, too many believe those messages and end up making terrible life decisions and bearing deep emotional scars as a result.
 
I believe it’s our responsibility as parents and educators to do what we can to instill a healthy understanding of what true “love” really looks like. My definition would include:

  • enduring emotional regard for another
  • steadfast loyalty
  • strong affection arising out of kinship or personal ties
  • admiration, benevolence, or common interests
  • unselfish loyalty and genuine concern for the good of another
  • putting another’s interests ahead of your own

 
Many times people will say they’re in love when, really, they are in “lust.” Some definitions to describe “lust” might include:

 

  • passionate or overwhelming physical desire
  • craving another
  • intense, impatient, or unbridled sexual desire or appetite
  • pursuit of fulfilling one’s own satisfaction/needs/wants

 
 
For young people, knowing what true love really is can be confusing—and intimidating. Sometimes they think when they feel attraction that it is love.  But at this point it might more accurately be called infatuation or, if it’s especially intense, lust. Love involves much more than a physical attraction—although that’s certainly part of it.
 
Especially for people who may be experiencing attraction, infatuation, and “love” for the first time, it can be hard to tell the difference.  Remind them, real love takes time and timing and a healthy relationship will go through a  natural progression of growth stages.
 
Encourage the young adults in your life—whether your own kids, students you teach, or teens you mentor—to stand firm and not be fooled. Regardless of what they see on TV or hear on the radio, love isn’t just a bundle of intense feelings, emotion, and attraction. It’s all of the deeper elements mentioned above. They need to learn to know the difference.  Their most important love relationship depends on it!
 
How have you encouraged the young people in your life to think about their most important love relationship, either now or in the future? Can they see the importance of making sure it’s built on the right foundation?  Share your comments on our website; we’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas!
 

Indonesia, Here We Come!

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When I wrote What I Wish I Knew at 18, I was hopeful that its message had global appeal. But, like any author, you put your work out there for all the world to see, having no clue whether this would ever become a reality—especially for an upstart self publisher!
 
Imagine my surprise, then, when a global educational consultant specializing in Asia, Gaylord Anderson, urgently invited me in January to his home. (A friend had given him a copy of our works and, after his review, he had a BIG idea to share.) After describing his background of training teachers around the world and his love of, and expertise in, Indonesia, he boldly stated that our leadership program is exactly what the country has been looking for. And, he wanted to help make it happen!
 
For the next few months, Gaylord strategically handed out his limited quantities of books and guides to Indonesian leaders in the business, education, faith, and media communities. In each case, their feedback was overwhelming. They asked if he could convince the author to offer this work in their country. 
 
Encouraged by their comments, Gaylord “happened” to see an area publisher’s sign on a walk from his hotel and he stopped in to meet the president. “You must read this work and see for yourself whether this should be published in Indonesia,” he stressed. A week later, their answer was “yes,” and they wanted to be the ones to do it.
 
Ten days later, I received a proposal to co-publish our work from the president of Kesaint Blanc Publishing, Laura Prinsloo, who was effusive about the opportunity for these resources to impact her country. It was clearly meant to be. In a few months, a wonderful partnership has grown between LifeSmart Publishing and Kesaint Blanc Publishing. It couldn’t have gone any better…despite tight deadlines and creating English and Bahasa language versions of our resources before August!
 
Tonight I leave for the adventure of my lifetime—my first trip to Indonesia to officially launch our work at major conferences and workshops throughout the country! I’ll be meeting with major dignitaries in the education, business, media, and faith communities, spreading this universal message of honorable leadership to a country that’s hungry for it. I’ll also meet with parents and young people at my various talks, seeing firsthand the warmth of a people I’ve heard so much about.
 
What a blessing it’s been to see this completely unexpected opportunity unfold and to make such great new friends across the globe. Sure, I’m a little nervous, but I know I’m in great hands…both from above and at the airport in Indonesia who will be there to welcome me.
 
Hello Indonesia! See you in a bit!

Have Children When You’re Married AND Ready

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Over the past year, I’ve had many unforgettable opportunities to speak with school counselors/faculty and students about work and life. It’s been a joy to hear the dreams of our young people and the life-changing impact of their teachers and mentors.
 
It’s also been gut wrenching to hear educators relay what’s happening in the home lives of far too many students who are living without the stability and support of married and loving parents. It’s arguably one of the major social justice issues of our lifetime.
 
Children are the most vulnerable members of our society. They enter this world with no control over their genes or the parents who brought them into being. They live the consequences of their parents’ (and others) decisions and actions every day.
 
Over the past 20 years, a body of research has developed on how patterns of family structure, in particular, affect children. Most researchers now agree that children do best when raised by their two married, biological parents who have mature, stable relationships. The poverty, dropout, and yes, crime statistics are irrefutable.
 
So, if this is true, wouldn’t we want our most vulnerable creatures to be born into this world with loving, married parents who intentionally created them into existence? Where they can grow up in a secure environment with the unique perspectives of loving, married parents who are mature enough and financially capable of raising a child? In short, shouldn’t they be given the best chances to succeed in life?
 
I grew up in a time when this view and message to young people were the cultural norm and most people acted accordingly. However, with many culture drivers sending conflicting messages, the numbers of children being born to unmarried and young parents continues to rise. This trend is wreaking havoc on the academic success, values, and emotional maturity of our younger generation. Ask any experienced school counselor and they’ll tell you that the lack of a mature and stable support structure at home is the most common issue they wrestle with daily when working with students. We owe it to future generations to reverse this course.
 
I want to challenge us, the adult generation, to consistently communicate this message to young people:

Hold off starting a family until you’re married and ready to have children, not only for the sake of yourselves and your future dreams, but especially for the sake of your future children. You deserve the best chances to fulfill your dreams and be a great parent, and your children deserve the best chances to grow up in an emotionally and financially secure and stable environment. If nothing else, do it for them—after all, it’s their life you are creating!

¥¥¥¥
 
What are your thoughts and opinions? Do you agree we can make a better life for upcoming generations if we commit ourselves as a society to the message of being mature, thoughtful, and intentional about when and how we bring children into this world? Young adults: For the sake of yourself and your future children, are you prepared to wait until you’re married and ready to have children?

Notice How Others React to You

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Have you ever noticed that some people who seem to have it all (e.g., good looks, smarts, sense of humor) often “flunk the test” in social and business settings?
 
At one time or another, each of us loses an audience. Whether from excessive detail, uninteresting subject matter, overlong monologues, or an unappealing style, we sometimes miss the mark. It’s never fun for either party, but the good news is we can limit the damage. 
 
Great communicators carefully analyze nonverbal cues.  They study their audience’s facial and body language to see the impression they’re making. Where needed, they make midcourse corrections along the way. 
 
Conversely, we’ve all been around people who have no idea how poorly they’re coming across—especially in social situations. It can take the forms of poor hygiene, irritating habits, boring conversation, or trying too hard to impress.  Usually, we don’t have the heart to tell them, hoping they’ll eventually get the hint from our cues.
 
When you’re with others—socially or professionally—be attentive to how they react to you. Their feedback, often unspoken, is extremely valuable and will allow you to adapt if it’s unflattering. Study their eyes and facial expressions, as well as their body language. If they appear bored, quickly get to the point, raise your enthusiasm meter, or involve them more in the conversation.
 
Your ability to successfully communicate is a vitally important skill to master. By being sensitive to your audience, you’ll improve your odds immensely.
 
Have you learned to monitor others’ reactions to you? How do you respond?
 
Post your comments here on our website or visit us on my Facebook fan page; we’d love to hear from you! And, as always, please share us with your followers,friends, colleagues, or young adults in your life. We’ve all got room to grow!