Parenting

4 Tips to Help You Learn from Your Defeats

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In recent years I’ve had the great privilege of visiting an alternative high school that serves the neediest and most challenged of students. One particular encounter with a high school  principal—a man who had given his life to reach and impact disadvantaged youth—left me inspired and encouraged. His stories of the ups and downs of working with that student population reminded me of the unforgettable introduction to “ABC’s Wide World of Sports,” when the narrator would dramatically announce, “…the thrill of VICTORY and the agony of DEFEAT.” Seeing a homeless student with a violent gang background graduate from high school—victory! Seeing another go back to the streets—defeat.

No matter where our life path takes us, we’ll experience victories and defeats. Whether it’s sports, contests, career, dating, education, or business ventures, you win some and you lose some. Most of us don’t have too much difficulty with the winning part.

But sometimes, we don’t win. But does this mean that we’ve technically lost? No!  Many of our “losses” prepare us for our victories later on. They can be a major stepping stone—that is, if we choose to learn from our defeats.

Vince Lombardi of Green Bay Packer fame used to say that winning “is the only thing.” Famed basketball coach John Wooden, on the other hand, simply asked his players to play their best, and that was good enough for him. Although he set a very high bar for his players, he was more process driven than outcome driven.

I’m probably more in John Wooden’s camp (despite growing up 20 miles from Green Bay!). Winning may be an important goal, but I don’t believe we’re losers if we don’t finish in first. The key is to learn from a defeat and use it as input for the next practice and for future strategy.  Want a couple tips for making this happen, just in case? Try these:

  1. Don’t see a defeat as an “end all.” In most cases, it’s not the end of the road. Always be on the lookout for new opportunities, new relationships, etc. Something better may be around the corner! Consider if it’s a teachable moment and a catalyst for personal growth. As Helen Keller said, “A bend in the road is not the end of the road…unless you fail to make the turn.”
  2. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone. Change is not always a bad thing.
  3. Accept that you are not always right and you won’t always have the best strategy. Seek out advice and perspective from others.
  4. Approach situations with the mindset that you’re going to give it your all. You can’t be dissatisfied when you’ve done your very best!

It pays to humbly celebrate your victories and gain and grow from your defeats. You’ll be positioned you to do better the next time (perhaps with a better outcome!), and it will take some of the sting out of your losses! Helen Keller had a great perspective.

How have you handled your victories and losses? Do you view a short-term loss as a learning experience?? Are you satisfied with the outcome if you did your best?

Building a Rock-Solid Foundation for Our Teens: One Community’s Response

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How do we set our teens on a pathway to their destiny—to help them fulfill their dreams and purpose?

It’s a fundamental question for their future—and our future—and the answer is multi-faceted. But, for now, I’d like to focus on one of the most vitally important prerequisites—a healthy and solid support system.

Research experts such as Dr. Chap Clark conclude that every adolescent needs at least five loving, trusted adults in his/her life to develop the emotional health, stability, and self confidence to succeed in adulthood. While other factors such as education, skills, and opportunities also matter, relationships with adult role models are key.

The reasons are many. Adults who have strong relationships with teens can offer love, friendship, support, affirmation, life wisdom, advice, and essential network connections. They’re tremendous assets to our children and invaluable third party voices for parents. Speaking personally, it’s been a major parenting priority for us, and our children have benefitted immeasurably from their relationships with many adult friends.

It’s great to see that some visionaries and communities are taking a proactive stance to connect our youth to caring, adult mentors. One such community is nearby University Place, Washington where community leaders of Project 5:1 recently brought speakers and resources to area parents, educators, mentors, service organizations, and the faith community at a weekend conference. Illustrating the broad-based support for this initiative, the conference was sponsored by numerous businesses; service, parent, mentor, and school organizations; non-profits; and churches. Feedback was overwhelmingly positive.

Local media supported the event as well, an indication of the compelling need for supporting our youth. As shown in the following news segment at King 5 TV in Seattle, I was honored to serve as a workshop leader on my topic, “Relationship Building Strategies to Help Teens Soar.” http://www.king5.com/story/news/local/2014/11/15/project-51-event-helps-parents-connect-with-teens/19110123/

In my talk, I shared four relationship keys with teens: 1) valuing their uniqueness, 2) affirming their worth, value, and potential, 3) communicating to build relationship capital, and 4) recruiting positive third party voices (the 5:1 concept being a perfect example). It was encouraging to see how many people are committed to building strong relationships with teens!

If you would like more information about the event, the movement, or my talk, please contact me via www.dennistrittin.com or check out www.projectfiveone.com.

In this season of gift giving, it’s hard to think of a more meaningful gift than an investment in the lives our children.

How to Be an MVP Employee — A Lifesmart DVD

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Are the young people under your supervision—children, students, or employees—prepared to soar in their eventual career? Not just to land the job, but to be a workplace MVP?
With high youth unemployment and all-consuming scholastics and activities driving their schedules and priorities, many of today’s young adults are entering the work force sorely lacking the skills and maturity they need to thrive in the real world.
We hear from employers all the time: “They may be book smart, but they’re certainly not life smart,” or, “They can write a resume and complete an application, but they lack the intrinsic qualities and life skills we need in our employees.” Many students understand how to succeed in the “front end” (resume and interview skills), but aren’t trained to succeed once they land the job.
At LifeSmart, we’re excited to announce our newest resource designed to help create future workplace superstars!
offers invaluable perspectives from employers and four road-tested strategies for succeeding in any career:
Selecting a career that plays to their natural strengths and interests
Modeling the qualities employers value
Delivering on-the-job excellence
Contributing to their employer’s success
This 45-minute live presentation at Appleton West High School includes illustrations, skits, training, and strategic insights to promote career readiness and workplace excellence. Viewers will gain practical wisdom about what separates those who soar from those who stagnate in their careers.
For $79, you can bring this valuable training into your own classroom or group. How to Be an MVP Employee will help prepare the young people in your life to reach their career heights and to succeed in the increasingly competitive landscape of today’s workplace.
For more information or to order, call (920) 319-3169 or email at dtrittin@dennistrittin.com.

Cyber Sale 2014!

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There’s nothing like a gift that keeps giving. It’s one reason why we look forward to the holiday season when we offer our keepsake books at substantial savings. It’s our way of spreading a little cheer and saying “thank you” to our many friends.
So, here’s a “head’s up” that our 2014 cybersale is just around the corner!
For the teen and young adult in your life, there’s our acclaimed,What I Wish I Knew at 18: Life Lessons for the Road Ahead. This conversational book of life wisdom based on the practices of honorable and successful leaders builds the skills young people need and the marketplace demands. Its 109 life success pointers serve as a valuable third party voice for parents, a natural tool formentors, and a resource for leadership/life skills programs foreducators. Help encourage, equip, and empower the young people in your life with this gift of essential wisdom.
For parents and guardians, we offer our Parenting for the Launch: Raising Teens to Succeed in the Real World. Praised by parents, business leaders, educators, and mentors, this book is filled with compelling strategies to help cover the bases, build leadership and decision-making skills, create strong and enduring relationships, and position teens to thrive in adulthood. It offers powerful ideas to help parent with purpose and let go with confidence! And, it’s perfect for individual and group use.
We’re looking forward to serving you, your families, and organizations once again this holiday season. So, stay tuned!
Cheers,
The LifeSmart Team

Reversing the Pattern of Entitlement in Young People

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As I was enjoying a much needed three-day weekend, I was reflecting on how the employment world has become so competitive. It struck me how we have to raise the bar in order just to stay even.

 

The question is: are we even staying even?       

 

Two groups of people immediately came to mind when considering who could best answer this question: employers of young people and school counselors. After all, they’re the respective “consumers” of the nation’s schools and key leaders in guiding our students.

 

I talked to a manager of a coffee shop the other day who teaches high school “tech-ed.” He vented about the lacking social skills and work ethic of his employees and students, lamenting how they act like they’re owed something. He faces an uphill battle because their parents are routinely feeding these attitudes, enabling their child’s sense of entitlement.

 

This insightful insider commented that when parents do things like make last-minute absentee calls on behalf of their teen, give teachers flak when their students aren’t doing well in a class, or make nasty phone calls to employers when their child doesn’t get the promotion, raise, or extra hours he/she “deserved,” they’re doing their children a huge disservice in the long run.

 

Another person I spoke with, a veteran school counselor, shared how the first week of school has already had its share of student disrespect and parental entitlement issues. Regrettably, this is consistent with a survey of school counselors I conducted a few months ago. Student apathy, “entitlement mentality,” and lack of parental support were among the top five issues they cited.

 

Juxtapose this with a conversation I had with a determined Indonesian high school student after my talk, “Developing the Great Leaders of Tomorrow” during my book  tour.

 

“Mr. Dennis,” he said, “I’m not as smart at academics as I’d like to be. But, can I still become a great leader?” he asked with great concern.

 

This kid gets it. It’s not just about “book smarts.” It’s about being smart about life, without an attitude of entitlement. It’s about having the willingness to work hard and deliver excellence in all you do.

 

All of us—parents, school teachers, politicians, and media/culture drivers, have a stake in reversing this trend of entitlement. This means honoring and modeling hard work, strong ethics, perseverance, and preparing young people for a life that isn’t always fair. It means teaching that failure is part of life and self-esteem is something best earned. It means that as parents, our value isn’t defined by a perfect performance from our children, but whether they are people of excellence who strive to do their best.

 

So, now that Labor Day is over, it’s time to get to work…on this!

 

6 Things to Talk about with Your Teen Before College

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As summer draws to a close and the school year starts up again, change is in the air. Many of us have children who are about to leave our homes and head off to college or the workforce for the first time. Many people are uncomfortable with change, especially big ones like this! They don’t know how things will turn out and often expect the worst. That’s too bad—because change can be incredibly positive!

This year’s recent high school graduates are about to experience the greatest decade of change in their lives. Some of it will be voluntary and some of it not. Some of it will be clear and some of it will have highly uncertain outcomes. Some of it will be easy to handle and some will be highly stressful. It’s all part of their journey, and their journey is what will make them, THEM!

These six topics will help you open up conversations about what may be in store. Share your stories about how you faced these similar changes—warts and all. Change doesn’t seem as intimidating when someone else you know has navigated it successfully and learned important life lessons along the way.
 

  1. College majors and career paths. They will probably change their choice in career or major several times over, and this is NORMAL. The anxiety associated with this big decision is considerable and far too many high schoolers are placing undue pressure on themselves to know their future major/career. Let them know that it’s okay to change their mind and that you will be supportive no matter what.
  2. Future jobs. They will probably have five to seven jobs in their life. They will have to deal with new employers, new managers, new coworkers, new technology, and new locations multiple times.
  3. Moving. They’ll likely move several times, whether for long periods or for short-term assignments. The assimilation involved in each situation is significant.
  4. Dating. They’ll most likely date several different people before potentially settling down into marriage. Since there is much more at stake than during high school dating, the pressure is that much greater.
  5. Social adjustments. It is important for them to make new friends once they go off to college, but it’s also important to maintain their long-term friendships. They’ll face lots of peer pressure (and you won’t be there to coach them through it), so it’s crucial for yours to know that they should never compromise their values to fit in with a certain social group. Self confidence when meeting new people is HUGE.
  6. The academic transition. There’s no way around it—college is much harder than high school. Like with me, their Freshman year might come as a shock as they’ll have to work and study much harder than they did in high school. Help them build the disciplines necessary to succeed.

Change can seem overwhelming, especially when it comes out of the blue.. Since life is so unexpected, it’s wise to view change as a constant and become as adaptable as possible. That goes for all of us, no matter what season of life we’re in!

In the end, we all have a choice when it comes to change. We can either withdraw in fear or we can embrace it as an opportunity for growth, adventure, and preparation for even bigger things down the road. Sure, change will be unsettling at times, especially when it involves relocation and “starting from scratch.” However, there are countless examples of people who have endured enormous upheavals that proved transformational and purposeful.   So, encourage the young people in your life to be confident and courageous—and take it to heart yourself. Take change by the reins and make the most of it!

How do you react to change? Do you have a young person who is leaving your home soon? Have you talked about any of the above topics? We’d love to hear from you, so please feel free to share your own thoughts or comments!

Are you a Role Model around Children? Some Important Questions to Ask Yourself.

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One of the funny things in life is that kids like to play “grown up” while grown ups wish they could be kids again!

Kids are highly impressionable creatures. They mimic their heroes through the clothes they wear, the way they talk, the music they listen to, and the hairstyles they choose. In honor of Father’s Day approaching, I urge you to consider the person you are around younger children (even if you’re a teen!). Are you a role model? Ask yourself these questions… READ MORE….

1. Are you an example of healthy living to the young people around you?
2. How do you handle hard times? Are you an example of how to constructively handle adversity?
3. What kind of language and manners do you project around children?
4. Do you put others first before yourself? Is kindness a way of life? Are you an encourager to others and see the best in people?
5. How’s your attitude? Do you face life with optimism and joy, or are you pessimistic? Children will notice this!

If kids are impressionable and prone to imitate, we who are older (and presumably wiser) ought to be on our best behavior when we’re around them. After all, they look up to us! Kids will automatically assume that what’s good enough for us is good enough for them. And, why shouldn’t they?

Unfortunately, many of today’s younger and less mature stars, athletes, and celebrities fail to appreciate or even accept this role. Sadly, you can see it reflected in the crude behavior of their fans and followers…whether at games, concerts, or the mall.

I have special admiration for Taylor Swift’s recent comments in this regard. When asked how she felt about being a role model to younger girls, she responded:

“I’m not uncomfortable with it. You have to be conscious of that. If you’re choosing to put out music and be out there in the public, you have to be conscious of the fact that you are a part of the raising of the next generation and you do have an impact on that. So, choose your outfits and your words and your actions carefully. I think it matters. I think it really does. You can pretend it doesn’t, but it does.”

I wish all entertainers would take this to heart.

You have the power to positively influence younger people through your behavior and mentoring. There’s no substitute for positively impacting a kid. Seize those opportunities, but remember: they’re watching you like a hawk!

How did you rate yourself on the above questions? Do you make it a point to be on role model behavior when kids are around? In what ways? Share your experiences and ideas with our online community!

This Father’s Day, Give the Gift of Confidence

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Moms! Dads! Did you know you can CONFIDENTLY raise your teenager?

If you have put thought into “launching” your children and releasing them into the real world as an adult, you probably have a few qualms.  Our book, Parenting for the Launch, will prepare and equip you for this extremely monumental milestone.

Consider this as a Father’s Day Gift for the dads in your life, or grab a copy for yourself.  Parenting for the Launch equips you with all that you need to develop confidence, while battling the anxiety many parents encounter when it’s time for their children to be launched.

You might be thinking: Have we covered our bases? Will my child still like me? Will they make good decisions? These are weighty questions for parents at this landmark event. So, when it’s our turn, will we confidently release an eagle to soar, or hold on for dear life?!?

How successfully we launch our children into adulthood is based on the preparation that comes before. In Parenting for the Launch, you’ll learn these three keys to a successful launch, plus MUCH MORE:

  • Developing a personal leadership foundation and instilling wisdom and principles for key life decisions (Destination Preparation)
  • Valuing their uniqueness and building an enduring relationship (Relationship Preparation), and
  • Setting them up for a smooth transition into independence and moving from the driver’s seat to the passenger seat (Transition Preparation)

The good news is this isn’t rocket science. But, it does take a game plan and effective strategies for tackling the above. This is what Parenting for the Launch is all about—strategies to set our sons and daughters up for every success in life.

For parents at launch time, our most common anxiety is whether we’ve taught them all they need to know and prepared them well for the real world. In many respects it’s the test of our own “performance” as a parent! While no parent is perfect, we can cover most of the bases by:

  • Having the right attitude. This requires a mind shift from “raising kids” to “raising future adults.” It means empowering them to live their dream rather than overly controlling their lives. It means giving them wings, not strings.
  • Setting goals together. What are your teen’s goals in life? What are his or her special gifts, talents, interests, and passions? It helps to develop a list of goals that are both intrinsic (personal and values based) and extrinsic (accomplishments based). Compile your goals individually and then share your thoughts together. You’ll gain new insights into their dreams and plans.
  • Sharing practical, before-the-fact wisdom, for key life decisions involving college, career, marriage, family, and finances. How do the most successful and admired leaders make decisions and live life? The more we can offer these perspectives in advance of their decisions, the more likely they’ll succeed in life. And, by sharing your own experiences with humility, your relationship will soar.

You Can Do It!

Parenting for the Launch is the perfect gift to give to a father of children any age. It is never too late to begin a strategy. Being fully equipped to launch your child, as well as having the confidence to battle the anxiety that comes with releasing your child into the real world, is a priceless gift. You don’t want the fathers in your life to miss out on this pivotal book and its strategic insight!

5 Ways to Help Teens Build Self-Awareness

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Many of you may not realize that May is National Teen Self-Awareness month. (Where was this in 1970 when I needed it?!?) Regardless of your family or career role, you probably know some teenagers you’d like to see thrive. How can you help them become self-aware?

As busy as teens are with schoolwork and activities, home responsibilities, jobs, college prep, family and social life, and more, self-reflection is probably the last thing on their minds. However, being self-aware and cultivating healthy self-esteem will help them in life more than they can fully realize. Here a few suggestions to help encourage the teenagers in your life to become self-aware:

  1. Journaling. Does your teen journal? If not, encourage them to take a couple moments a day to quietly reflect. Have them write down what they’re passionate about, what they value, who they aspire to be. Suggest they write about their emotions, too. They’ll be surprised at how cathartic it can be!
  2. Set them up with a mentor. We all need mentors! Mentorship relationships provide great learning opportunities for people both young and old. They allow us to model our life after someone we admire and aspire to be like, and learn practical life wisdom from the pros. Your teen’s mentor could be a relative, friend, pastor, or someone in their desired career field.
  3. Be open about your own life experiences. A huge part of being self-aware is the ability to identify key people and events that played a role in creating our worldview and life perspective. Talk to your teen about the people who played essential roles in your own life (i.e. your parents, grandparents, a favorite college professor, an author, etc.). One of the greatest gifts we can give the young people in our lives is encouragement and wisdom from our own life experience (the good and the bad!).
  4. Don’t always gloss over mistakes. When your teen messes up in a relationship or in school, it’s easy for us to gloss over the shortfall and boost their self-esteem because we want to see them happy. However, it is important for our teens to know their strengths AS WELL as their weaknesses. Knowing areas of needed improvement will help your teen improve his or her character and mature.
  5. Have them develop a “Personal Balance Sheet” of their assets (special qualities they have to offer) and their constraints (things holding them back). This exercise is both revealing and inspirational as teens reflect on themselves and receive invaluable input from others. The assignment is found at: http://www.dennistrittin.com/resources/PersonalBalanceSheet.pdf.

Self-awareness is a product of careful introspection. When teens focus on their own personal character, including her values, beliefs, heroes, goals, struggles, shortfalls, etc., they soon reap the benefits of being self-aware. People who are self-aware learn to act intentionally and deliberately instead of being reactionary. They are able to redirect negative thoughts, be true to who they are, and be a positive light to the people around them.

How would you rate your own level of self-awareness? What have you done to encourage the young people in your life to become self-aware?  Are there any tips you would like to share? We’d love to have you join in on the conversation!

Financial Literacy: Keep It Simple!

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As a nation, we have been witnessing a tragedy of epic proportions. Debt, deficit spending, and credit card use have taken control of the lives of millions. The result has been skyrocketing bankruptcies and enormous stress on individuals and their families. How can we avoid this situation? One way is to AVOID the credit card trap altogether!

           

I grew up in a family with a very modest income. However, we were never financially strapped. My parents’ method of managing their finances was a simple one, but it worked. They stuffed with cash for key expenses and lived on what was inside. No credit cards, no loans, no overspending. No more money in the envelopes meant no more spending. Simple. I have adapted my parents’ conservative, simple approach through budgeting and banking and we’ve always lived financially stress-free.

 

The same is not true for the majority of Americans. The credit crisis is enormous on both a national and an individual level. Bankruptcies are at a record high and most families would say that they are experiencing at least some level of financial stress. How did this happen? A couple of things have caused it:

 

·      The widespread availability of credit cards, coupled with a lack of discipline to use them responsibly (studies show spending via credit cards is substantially greater than cash only)

·      Financial literacy is not a priority in many education institutions, despite the importance of budgeting and investing in daily life

·      The rise in consumerism and the strong focus on buying “things” in our culture

 

The long and short of it is that easy access to credit cards and loans has given consumers a false sense of financial security. This lures them into spending more than their income can support. The debt builds and accrues interest, making the monthly payment grow every month. Today’s average family has several credit cards with monthly balances well into the thousands? Eventually, there has to be a day of reckoning and these large balances and interest charges MUST be tackled.

 

Fortunately, you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to live debt free. It’s easy—just be disciplined and abide by this basic principle: Use credit wisely and sparingly and resist making purchases if you can’t pay with cash. Keep it simple—avoid the credit trap and you’ll relieve your financial stress.

“Credit buying is much like being drunk.

The buzz happens immediately and gives you a lift. The hangover comes the day after.”

Joyce Brothers

 

Do you have some good strategies for (or questions about) avoiding or overcoming credit card spending and debt?  Do you keep it simple? What’s YOUR method? Jump into the conversation on my website and leave your comments. Then keep the conversation going: please forward this to friends and encourage them to sign up for our weekly email at www.dennistrittin.com/newsletter.aspx..