Four Words for Our Time

Posted by lifesmartblog

At LifeSmart, the topic of communication has been on our mind a lot. With students entering a new grade or environment, and summer vacations replaced with non-stop schedules, it’s easy to see how this can affect our communications—in a negative way. Add to that the news media hype (in their quest for ratings), a supercharged political climate, and promptings from our social media outlets, and we have a recipe for fireworks and communication breakdowns. It’s everywhere.

Effective communication is a two-way street. When we’re the initiator, miscommunication usually happens in the following ways:

We say things that were better left unsaid, like the common “self-control failure,” or comments that are simply unkind.
We choose the wrong words. Our rhetoric incites rather than shares.
We say it the wrong way. Our tone turns off and shuts down the conversation.
We use the wrong method (text or email versus verbal or in-person).
Or, worse yet, we use a combination of the above!

On the other hand, when we’re the receiver, we don’t always listen to understand. When we don’t see “eye to eye,” we can shut down or shout down instead of respectfully agreeing to disagree and letting it be. It’s next to impossible to compromise and reach solutions this way.

What to do? How can we increase the chances that our communications are productive, constructive, and worthy? One solution is to embed the following four words into our internal communication filter before we initiate or respond:

HOW IS THIS HELPFUL?

How might this look on a practical basis? The following table can serve as a guide:

More Less
Sharing Shouting
Encouragement Criticism
Good will Acrimony
Temperance Rashness
Unity Division
Compassion Judgment
Other-centeredness Self-centeredness
Humility Arrogance
Open-mindedness Closed-mindedness
Confirming Assuming
Respect Dishonor
Responsibility Blame
Kindness Rudeness
Decency Crudeness
Truth Manipulation
Integrity Deceit
Solutions Complaints
Positivity Negativity

If we all committed to the above, it would change the world. We’d achieve more understanding, respect, harmony, joy, and kindness, and even make better decisions.

So, let’s try taking these four words to heart and mind, and see how this changes us and how we relate to others. It’s a great goal for a new school year.

Win Some, Lose Some

Posted by lifesmartblog

Coke or Pepsi

Miracle Whip or Mayonnaise

Big Mac or Whopper

iPhone or Galaxy

Rap or Country

Republican or Democrat or ______

We all have our tastes and preferences, and we make our choices accordingly. Sometimes we like our options. Other times, we choose what we dislike least.

And so it goes with our elections—especially last week’s. Like you, I “won” some and “lost” some. (Thankfully, my life goes on because I don’t define my hopes and dreams or faith in America by which person or party is in office. That would be giving them way too much credit.)

But, after observing the aftermath of this election, I’d like to share a couple of thoughts to help us keep things in perspective:

Our nation is clearly divided, but this shouldn’t be news to anyone. In most of my voting years, the Presidential election is always pretty close. Usually, only a few percentage points separate the winner from the loser. So, you should expect half the people will disagree with you! And, yes, they did their homework, too.
Knowing this, the question is how we deal with our victories and losses. Are we constructive or destructive in the aftermath? Do the winners rub it in? Or, do they respond with humility and kindness, knowing that the losers may be struggling with fear, anger, or disappointment? Do the losers resort to whining, blaming, name calling, protesting, and shaming to make the winners feel guilty or stupid? Do they really believe these misguided efforts to “enlighten” will change minds? No, they reinforce!
Let’s remember that citizens consider many different factors when casting votes. What tips the scales one way or the other may be the candidate’s person, specific policies (of which there are many), party loyalty, or other factors. Our decisions are not only influenced by the candidates’ philosophies and positions, but also in how we uniquely weigh their importance. I might emphasize economic policy and someone else foreign policy or social issues, and that’s okay. For these reasons, it is highly presumptuous (not to mention silly, useless, arrogant, and obnoxious) to judge another’s votes. Please, let’s stop this.
There is a tremendous disconnect between the worldview composition of the “mainstream” media and college complexes with the people of the United States. In other words, our population is much more philosophically and politically diverse than are our primary news sources and the educators teaching our young adults. This imbalance is a concern. Judging by our governorships, congressional memberships, and the White House, our nation’s political offices (and our general elections) are quite balanced between Republicans and Democrats. Therefore, so long as our primary media outlets and college educators’ worldviews are skewed (presently Leftward) rather than balanced, there are significant implications:
1. We are more subject to bias and alarm (intended or otherwise) and less likely to understand different points of view and election outcomes we may not like. If our news and opinion sources are primarily Left-or Right-leaning, we are more apt to consider their information as unbiased truth, when it’s often opinion. In contrast, when we pursue a variety of information sources with differing worldviews, we develop more complete, objective, and informed arguments.
2. We become more polarized and intolerant of differing views, considering people who disagree with us as uninformed, misguided, or worse. We argue rather than respectfully seek mutual understanding and new perspectives. Or, sadly, as is becoming more prevalent on college campuses, we simply shut others down. Ironically, we often agree on the ends, but simply differ about the means to achieve them! A good example of this is the use of tax cuts or government spending to stimulate the economy. Reasonable and really smart people disagree!
3. We lose friendships. Now, this is just dumb.

The bottom line is that, politically, we are pretty much a 50/50 nation because of legitimate differences of opinion. So, let’s be respectful and resilient. When elections don’t go our way, let’s spend a little more time respecting the judgments of others, accepting that we don’t hold a monopoly on truth, learning more about opposing views, diversifying our friendship circles and information sources, and finding constructive ways to advocate for our positions the next time around.

And, yes, there will be a next time. After all, we Americans are a fickle bunch.

Be On Guard for Media Bias

Posted by lifesmartblog

Consider this hypothetical set of facts: the US Government just reported that the nation’s GDP (gross domestic product, an indicator used to gauge the health of a country’s economy) grew at 4.0 percent last quarter. This compares with 6.0 percent for the prior quarter and 3.2 percent for the long-term average.

How might this be reported by the purveyors of our news?

Well, first let me tell you how I’d report it: “US economic growth remained strong by historical standards, although it decelerated from the previous quarter.” Accurate and unbiased.

But, let’s say that the media outlet is biased in favor of the sitting President. You’re liable to see something like: “US economic growth remained stellar by historical standards in the latest report, exceeding the long-term average by 25 percent!”

Now, let’s say the news outlet is biased against the sitting President. You’re more likely to see something like, “US economic growth plunged 33 percent from the prior quarter, causing some to believe a recession is on the horizon.”

See the difference? The fact is, media bias is everywhere! And, in election years like now, it’s on steroids!

I must confess that when I was 18, I had no clue about how much distortion, bias, embellishment, selective reporting, and outright falsehoods exist within the media and among supposed authority figures. We assume that our news reports are accurate and truthful, until we realize that many outlets have an agenda. After all, they have a bully pulpit and can influence our perception of the facts. And, the uninformed and undiscerning will never know. But, not you!

Here are some of the more common clues that your news sources have a slant:

Their sensational headlines steer readers toward the perception they want
Their opinions don’t stay on the editorial page, confusing readers over what is fact versus what is spin; their opinions are embedded in the articles, often by emphasizing “experts” that reinforce their view
They locate positive news items (to their leaning) in the front pages and negative reports toward the back
They deliberately feature news items favorable to their views while avoiding news hostile to their view (note this is incredibly common and difficult to detect because one needs to review sources on both sides to notice what’s missing)
During elections, their editorial boards strongly favor candidates of one party over the other
They take “snipits” of comments or video clips out of context to deliberately mislead
They “rereport” articles from news agencies and sources friendly to their editorial leanings

In addition to the print and online journalists, we also observe media bias in our national news reporting and, especially, among radio shows. In addition to the above list, it’s commonly revealed by: 1) the mix of guests they select (skewing in their “favor,” 2) the nature of questions they ask during interviews (often editorialized and slanted), 3) the tone and body language they exhibit with their guests (friendly versus hostile), and 4) the airtime they allow guests favorable versus disagreeable to their views.

Interestingly, when you review the national and state political scene in our country, Americans are essentially split in their leanings. However, studies consistently report that America’s news media and college professors lean left of center, on average. It’s something to be aware of as we filter our news.

The bottom line is this: some try to inform, some try to persuade, and some think they’re informing when they’re really persuading in disguise. That’s why being a discerning skeptic of all we read, hear, and watch is so important.

So, in this election year, have your media (and professor) bias detector on overtime, and use this season as a learning experience for your children and students. Have them watch/read/listen to folks on the political Left like Chris Matthews and Rachel Maddow, and news sites like the New York Times and Slate), and contrast that with the reporting you’ll receiving on the Right from the likes of Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, and the National Review. Watch the post-debate commentaries on different news networks to gauge their different perspectives and angles.

It’ll be an eye opener, for sure.

How do you detect media bias? Do you factor it into your interpretation of the news? Do you consciously seek out alternative views when you develop your political opinions?

The Media and Your Teen: What is the Entertainment Culture Telling Them?

Posted by lifesmartblog

Has this happened to you? You tell your teenager something a hundred times over and get nowhere. Then someone slightly cooler comes along, says the same thing, and gets an instant response. Don’t worry. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s a normal phenomenon!

As the teen years progress, most moms and dads notice their teens pulling away and gravitating more to peers and other “voices” in their life. As their parent, it pays to get to know who those other voices are—both the good and potentially not-so-good. It will prepare you to understand, support, and let go at the right times with confidence (and to reel them in a bit when necessary). Some “voices” you’ll want to be paying attention to are:

Other adults
Friends
Your home
Their inner voice (conscience)
The media/internet/entertainment industries

There is a host of voices competing for our teens’ attention and not all of them are human. The media, entertainment industry, and the internet are great examples. What are these all saying to your teen? And just how powerful a voice are they in shaping their values and behaviors? The answer is extremely.

The average American teen:

watches approximately three hours of television a day
views TV an average of 17 hours per week and listens to several hours of music per day
spends more than 38 hours per week using media in general (TV, videos, computers, tablets, smartphones, and video games)
uses the internet an average of two hours for four days per week
has watched 15,000 hours of TV by the time he/she graduates from high school, compared to 12,000 hours spent in the classroom.

Our kids belong to the most technologically connected generation ever. Today’s teenagers are watching more video on mobile devices (computers, laptops, tablets, smartphones, etc.) and less on the traditional TV. Online, they shop, post and view photos, read messages and articles, chat, play games, and glean all kinds of information about the world and life in general. This dramatically affects our kids. Every day they are receiving hundreds of messages about what is true (or not), what is important (or not) and what is cool (or not). The values they absorb from these voices can have a huge impact on their later success in life. Take sexuality, just for example.

Typical teen media consists of heavy doses of sexual content. Sex is often presented as a casual, recreational activity without risk or consequences. Don’t think this doesn’t affect our kids’ values and choices! It has tremendous potential to distort their sense of reality. If kids see a behavior on TV and in movies often enough (or hear about it in song lyrics), they can start to think it’s not a “big deal,” even if personal or family values urge otherwise. Peers can reinforce this.

So, guess what listening to these particular “voices” produces: earlier and earlier sexual activity.^{^[i]}Teens who said they listened to music containing overt sexual messages were found twice as likely to become sexually active within the following two years. Not cool.

Regardless of what parents tell them is right, safe, or wise, media content is often a loud voice encouraging teens to act contrary to their (and their family’s) established values. Does this mean we shut it all off and take away the tablets, computers, TV, and iPods? No. It does mean we should make an effort to know these voices in our child’s life, just like we want to know what the other voices in their lives are saying to them—their teachers, coaches, and peers. A parent’s role is not simply that of a police officer (especially the further you get into the teen years); it’s moderator, counselor, and guide.

Your child’s use of media, internet, and entertainment can provide you with a great opportunity to initiate conversations about values, discernment, and choices. Be aware of what your child listens to and watches. Create safe venues to discuss your respective thoughts, feelings, and values related to the content. Make sure they have positive growing relationships with other adults that will tell them the same things you would. Don’t let the negative voices of culture do all of the talking, particularly on potentially life-altering subjects.

Are you aware of the messages your teen is receiving from the media? What have you done to combat the negative voices your teen is receiving that may contradict your family’s values? Do you have TV and/or internet use rules in your home?

Photo: Freedigitalphotos.com, by stockimages

Building a Rock-Solid Foundation for Our Teens: One Community’s Response

Posted by lifesmartblog

How do we set our teens on a pathway to their destiny—to help them fulfill their dreams and purpose?

It’s a fundamental question for their future—and our future—and the answer is multi-faceted. But, for now, I’d like to focus on one of the most vitally important prerequisites—a healthy and solid support system.

Research experts such as Dr. Chap Clark conclude that every adolescent needs at least five loving, trusted adults in his/her life to develop the emotional health, stability, and self confidence to succeed in adulthood. While other factors such as education, skills, and opportunities also matter, relationships with adult role models are key.

The reasons are many. Adults who have strong relationships with teens can offer love, friendship, support, affirmation, life wisdom, advice, and essential network connections. They’re tremendous assets to our children and invaluable third party voices for parents. Speaking personally, it’s been a major parenting priority for us, and our children have benefitted immeasurably from their relationships with many adult friends.

It’s great to see that some visionaries and communities are taking a proactive stance to connect our youth to caring, adult mentors. One such community is nearby University Place, Washington where community leaders of Project 5:1 recently brought speakers and resources to area parents, educators, mentors, service organizations, and the faith community at a weekend conference. Illustrating the broad-based support for this initiative, the conference was sponsored by numerous businesses; service, parent, mentor, and school organizations; non-profits; and churches. Feedback was overwhelmingly positive.

Local media supported the event as well, an indication of the compelling need for supporting our youth. As shown in the following news segment at King 5 TV in Seattle, I was honored to serve as a workshop leader on my topic, “Relationship Building Strategies to Help Teens Soar.” http://www.king5.com/story/news/local/2014/11/15/project-51-event-helps-parents-connect-with-teens/19110123/

In my talk, I shared four relationship keys with teens: 1) valuing their uniqueness, 2) affirming their worth, value, and potential, 3) communicating to build relationship capital, and 4) recruiting positive third party voices (the 5:1 concept being a perfect example). It was encouraging to see how many people are committed to building strong relationships with teens!

If you would like more information about the event, the movement, or my talk, please contact me via www.dennistrittin.com or check out www.projectfiveone.com.

In this season of gift giving, it’s hard to think of a more meaningful gift than an investment in the lives our children.

Be a Discerning Skeptic

Posted by lifesmartblog

Consider the following (hypothetical) news release: “The government reported third quarter economic growth at 5.4 percent. This compares with 6.0 percent for the second quarter and a long-term average of 3.0 percent.”

Now, pretend you’re a journalist charged with reporting “the news.” If it were me, I would say something like, “Third quarter growth remained strong by historical standards, although it decelerated modestly from second quarter levels.” This is an accurate portrayal of the facts.

So what do you think happens when the journalist and his or her news publication don’t care for the sitting president and his political party? In today’s biased news media, you’re more likely to see something like the following: “Third quarter economic growth fell a disappointing 0.6 from second quarter levels, causing some to believe a slowdown is at hand.”

See the difference?

Most people have no clue about how much distortion, bias, embellishment, and outright falsehoods exist within the media and among supposed “authority figures.” You see it in infomercials (this or that miracle diet or hair loss cure), political campaigns (“I will reduce spending”), investment experts (“Now is the time to invest in ___”), news stories that are editorials in disguise, and even in college classrooms (professors conveying their opinions as fact and discriminating against students who happen to disagree).

Don’t let anyone pull the wool over YOUR eyes. Learn to be a discerning skeptic of everything you read and hear …

There was a time when the news media and America’s universities were more balanced in reporting news and views, but those days are long gone. You can detect it in how they convey the “facts,” as well as in what they choose to report (news contrary to their opinion is often ignored altogether or is shown in fine print on page 17 where no one will read it). Increasingly, we see media outlets with a strong political slant completely color the news through their own lens—rather than reserving their opinions for the editorial page.

How do you deal with this unfortunate situation? Here are a couple of suggestions for remaining well informed and not being easily misled:

Try to get all sides of an issue. Be wary of people who are unable or unwilling to convey the opposing view or who won’t acknowledge what is fact and what is opinion.
When it comes to political campaigns, recognize that candidates will tell you what they think you want to hear (and hope you’ll forget by the next election!)
When it comes to news outlets, 1) watch different channels with different political tendencies (e.g. , Fox News versus CNN) and 2) look at the election endorsements of your newspaper to gauge their political tendencies
Remember if it sounds too good to be true, it isn’t
Read the footnotes and caveats in infomercials and in any advertisements or promotions

The bottom line is whenever there’s an agenda or an incentive, you can expect a positive or negative spin and selective sampling and reporting of the “facts.“ It’s an increasingly biased world out there so be on the lookoutl

Do you believe most of what you read and hear from news outlets? Have you noticed how closed minded some are to differing points of view? How do you think this influences our culture, and young people in particular? Please share your comments with us; we’d love to hear your experiences and point of view!

Let’s Reclaim Our Innocence

Posted by lifesmartblog

Like most of you, my heartache from the horrific news of Sandy Hook lingers unabated. When the unthinkable happens, your emotions run the gamut, and aside from praying powerful prayers, you feel so helpless…especially when you live clear across the country. Connecticut holds a special place in my heart, having lived in Rowayton for two wonderful years in the 80s. And, as someone whose first career desire was to be Santa Claus, and who lost a three-year old nephew to a tragic car accident, you can understand why anything that takes away the innocence of childhood just rips me apart.

Now that my emotions have swung from anger to profound sorrow, I’m asking whether it’s possible for something good to come out of this tragedy. I’m wondering if, to honor the victims, families, friends, and caregivers, we can band together and heal our nation and our culture. Let’s not simply say, “enough is enough.” For once, can we actually do something about it?

What exactly is “it,” you ask? “It” is reclaiming the childhood innocence that has been gnawed at and chipped away with each passing year—a loss that is devastating our families and our nation.

What does that involve?

First, it means we demand better from those who influence the lives of children through their messages, their lyrics, their images, their advertisements, their products, their movies, their TV shows, their video games, and their laws and regulations. I grew up during a time and place when most entertainment was family friendly and parents didn’t need to have their finger poised to the off switch of the TV, radio, and turntable. Back then, mature adults seemed in charge of the cultural messages and content sent to our children, and we all survived just fine! In fact, the statistics on divorce rates, children born to unmarried parents, dropout rates, teen suicide, gang violence, unplanned pregnancies, abortions, STDs—you name it—were a whole lot better.

Can’t we just acknowledge that today’s sexualized and violence-obsessed culture isn’t working? And stop the denial?

Second, it means our culture drivers and schools promote honorable and universal values that are celebrated for their virtue. Values like modesty, kindness, generosity, respect, and dignity are the “new cool.” That what’s on the inside is emphasized more that what’s on the outside. That the voices demonstrating the courage to stand up to immorality are honored and respected. That those defending irresponsible messages to children as “simply reflecting culture” are rebuked for the lie they are perpetrating. That those who want to voluntarily pray are not discriminated against. And, that those influencing our children start putting their content and messages through a “child innocence filter.”

This is not meant to take away from the national conversations we need about our policies and regulations regarding mental illness and weapons. They, too, are deserving. But, on this day, I can’t seem to get out of my mind the image of a child from the great place of Newtown asking of us, “Can’t we be kids for just a little while longer?”

They deserve better. And, I pray we have the courage to deliver it.

With Love and Blessings to the People of Newtown,

Dennis Trittin