Success Pointers

Is He/She the One?

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It goes without saying that love and a lasting marriage are two of the most amazing gifts life can bring. Finding that special someone you love, trust, enjoy, and with whom you want to spend your entire life is a wonderful experience, something most people hope for.

However, despite best efforts, many marriages eventually fail. The reasons are varied, but an often-preventable one is that they didn’t fully examine their compatibility (or lack thereof!) before tying the knot.
 
How can you determine if someone is right for you?
 
Frankly, it’s hard to think objectively when we’re smitten. We often dismiss cautionary words from parents and friends, even if they have our best interests at heart. Unfortunately, by doing so, many people enter love relationships for the wrong reasons with the wrong person or at the wrong time. Inevitably, those kinds of relationships end painfully.
 
Because of the joy that comes from a successful love relationship and the painful consequences of a failed one, it’s essential to know what you’re getting into before committing yourself to another person. Marriage is arguably the most important human relationship you’ll ever have, and ought to be treated carefully, cautiously, and respectfully. This means everything from understanding what love really means, gauging compatibility, ensuring that goals are in sync, respecting each other’s individual life while enjoying a strong relationship, and understanding the investment required for a successful partnership.
 
If you’re single, before even thinking of getting married, note the qualities that are really important to you in a partner—the deal breakers. That way, when that (potentially) special someone comes along, you can put him or her to the test and see if it survives.
 
What key areas ought to be evaluated for compatibility if your goal is a forever marriage? Try these ones for starters:

  • Goals and dreams—near and long-term
  • Values and character qualities such as integrity, respect, trust, empathy, commitment, and unselfishness
  • Commitment to the partnership first, while also respecting individual needs
  • Ability to satisfy emotional needs
  • Spiritual life and religious affiliation
  • Quality of communication
  • Interests and activities
  • Children—how many and when
  • Finances—spending authority, risk appetite, and living within means
  • Work situation for each spouse after you start a family
  • Responsibility for household operations, meals, housework, etc.
  • Living location
  • Physical/intimacy desires
  • Listening skills, temperament, and willingness to work together to solve problems
  • Ability to handle constructive criticism and respect differences of opinion
  • Personal motivation and commitment to excellence
  • Personal vices and any dependencies
  • Family history/relationship quality

 
Evaluations like these will take time, but isn’t your eventual marriage (and lifelong happiness) worth it? If the results of your investigation aren’t to your liking, it’s certainly better to know sooner rather than later. If you’re really serious about having a forever marriage, it pays to objectively evaluate your compatibility beforehand. If it’s meant to be, you’ll know it.
 
How important do you think compatibility is in a relationship? What are some ways you’ve discovered to determine if another person is right for you? Have you shared these thoughts with the young people or students in your life? Please share your insights and experiences with us; we’d love to hear from you!

Plan, Don’t Procrastinate

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Are you sabotaging your own success? If you’re a chronic procrastinator, chances are … you  might be.
 
Procrastination is the act of putting off what seems like a mundane, intimidating, or unpleasant task to some (usually vague) future date, replacing it with a task or activity that feels more comfortable, exciting, or pleasant. This is not a genetic trait; psychologists tell us that procrastinators are made, not born.  This is good news for procrastinators! Though it takes work and retraining, you CAN increase your follow through and productivity and multiply your chances of success.
 
 
As you may have already discovered, life becomes increasingly challenging for the procrastinator, especially when things get hectic. When we’re kids, most of the deadlines we face are school-assignment driven. However, that quickly changes when we’re in college and worsens precipitously with careers and family. Keeping it all together without missing deadlines becomes almost impossible when you juggle a million balls and chronically wait until the last minute to get things done.
 
What does procrastination sound like in your head? It says things like, “I’ll feel more like doing this tomorrow,” or, “I work best under pressure.” But, in fact, you don’t feel like doing it the next day and you don’t really produce your work best under pressure.
 
What does procrastination look like? It looks like distraction—which is particularly easy to come by these days. Most procrastinators actively look for distractions, especially those that don’t require a lot of commitment. Checking e-mail is a great example. It appears productive, but is often little more than a time-waster in the face of more important things that need to be done. And then there’s Facebook …
 
If you tend to procrastinate important tasks, here are five steps to help break this habit:
 

  1. Start by setting your deadline the day before your task is due. Then, simply work backwards by estimating how much time you’ll need and the number of days over which you’ll have to spread the work. Once that’s done, you’ll have your plan in place with a beginning and end and a series of in-between days with their required time allotments.
  2. Promise yourself some “feel-good” rewards at the end of your task. Often we procrastinate because the benefits of completing a task don’t seem beneficial enough when compared to the amount of work and time required. Increasing the “win” factor for yourself—even if only psychologically—can be motivating.
  3. Ask your friends to check in on your progress and hold you accountable—and to NOT accept your excuses. Peer pressure is another great motivator.
  4. Improve your ability to make decisions. Much procrastination occurs when decision-making skills are weak or underdeveloped.
  5. Regularly make and keep a “to-do” list so you can’t (conveniently) forget those unpleasant or intimidating tasks. And, be sure to block your time sufficiently to get the job done.

 
Once you practice these suggestions a few times, it becomes a piece of cake and you will be more effective. I have no doubt your success factor will shoot up exponentially: you’ll be a better student, a more valued employee, a more organized parent, and you’ll dramatically lower your stress level as well.
 
How have you learned to overcome procrastination and increase your productivity and effectiveness? Share your ideas and experiences with us by commenting below; we’d love to have the benefit of your insights and experiences.
 
 
 

I Still Believe in Happy Endings

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“You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth

 may be the best thing in the world for you.”

Walt Disney


 
We’re just now coming out of the holiday season where the focus is often on joy, peace, love, and hope. That’s all well and good on a Christmas card, but we can’t gloss over the fact that, in the midst of all the cheer and goodwill, some people are going through very tough times. In our every day world, many are dealing with any number of personal tragedies or crises that are magnified during the supposedly festive season. Financial hardships. Divorce. Illness. Job loss. Estranged family members. You name it. Bad news can come at any time to you or me.
 
One of life’s greatest adventures is seeing what becomes of our trials. At our bleakest hour, it’s hard to fathom that something good might come of our challenges. Often, though, this is precisely what happens.
 
One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned (but certainly didn’t appreciate when I was younger), is that good things often arise from our most difficult times. It may take years for us to realize it, but our toughest times might be preparation for something better. Consider these real life examples:

  • My wife’s health challenges prepared her to mentor others who are experiencing similar issues.
  • Bombing my calculus final made me aware of my math limitations and motivated me to select a different (and better fitting) major.
  • A difficult investment performance period taught me important lessons about humility and how to service clients in tough situations.
  • A heart attack victim’s extended hospital stay gave him the needed time to reflect on his life and repair broken relationships.
  • The employer who didn’t hire me conducted massive layoffs in the next year.

 
Periods of adversity don’t always turn out rosy, but it happens more often than you’d think. You just don’t know it while you’re living through it.  Experience tells me that, more often than not, something good will come from something bad—even if it’s a needed life lesson. That’s why, even when things look bleak, I still hope for—and believe for—a happy ending.
 
When you’re experiencing a personal trial, it pays to consider that it might be preparation for something greater. After all, our greatest character growth comes from enduring life’s greatest challenges!
                                                                     
Consider some of the major life trials you’ve experienced. Are you able to see some good that came out of those periods? How was your character affected by it? Can you think of people you know who have experienced significant adversity? How has it shaped them for the better? Share your experiences and encouragement with our online community; we’d love to hear from you!

Time Is Precious – Use It Wisely

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Where did 2012 go?  It seems like last New Year’s Eve was just last week, not last year! Life is flying by at 58!
 
Time is a funny thing, isn’t it? When we’re having a blast, it’s like someone is pushing the “fast forward” button. In contrast, if we have a two-point lead with three minutes left in the game, it seems like an eternity.
 
Whether time flies or moves at glacial speed, we have 24 hours in a day and no choice in the matter. We use it or lose it. And, because time is one of our most prized possessions (recall it’s one of our three primary assets—along with talent and treasure), we need to use it wisely.
 
How do you become a good manager of time? Try the following:
 

  • Treat your time as a precious asset with limited capacity
  • Organize a to-do list by urgency (deadline) and priority (importance). Take both into account when deciding what to focus on each day.
  •  “Block” your time (i.e., group it in 30-60 minute intervals without interruption) in order to complete your highest priority assignments. Avoid interspersing lower priority tasks within your high priority assignment intervals. Take control of your time!
  • Don’t hesitate to politely tell someone that it’s an inconvenient time for you. Interruptions can destroy your productivity if you allow it.
  • Learn to multi-task (i.e. simultaneously performing) your lower priority responsibilities. For example, I rarely watch television without doing something else like reading the newspaper.
  • Keep your cell phone somewhere else when you need focused time. The temptation to answer calls and texts is a major distraction.
  • Find your best venue for focused work.
  • Take periodic breaks. Studies show we’re less productive when we work over an hour straight without a five-minute break. Breaks help our mind recharge.
  • Respect and honor the time of others by being punctual.
  • Always remember that you can’t recover the time you waste!

 
Becoming a wise time manager is an admirable New Year’s Resolution. Is it yours?
 
How productive are you with your time? Do you view it as a precious asset and focus on your most important priorities? What are some ways you have learned to become a more effective time manager? Share your thoughts and ideas with us!

Express Yourself!

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“Family togetherness” can be as challenging as it is rewarding. I’ve heard some people say after a holiday season (where they spent LOTS of time in close quarters with family) that they’d had enough family time to last until NEXT holiday season!

Why is it that extended time with the people we (should) love can be so difficult?
 
Well, for one, it’s because we often put on our “everything is A-okay” masks and don’t express ourselves as honestly and deeply as we could. We’re afraid to share how we really feel about things to avoid vulnerability.  So we stuff our emotions, pretend everything is okay, and sweep any conflict or complaints under the carpet (‘til next year). Or, we find the path of least resistance is to keep a grudge rather than reconcile. Hmm…how’s that working for you?
 
For some reason, many believe that sharing feelings is a sign of weakness…especially us guys! But whether from our upbringing or a distorted perception of “weakness,” we pay a price if we don’t express our feelings.
 
First, it deprives the other party of knowing how you really feel. Second, suppressed feelings can cause stress and, if severe, illness and depression.  Third, they can cause explosive reactions when they’re eventually released (usually at the worst possible moment). The balloon pops rather than gently losing its air. Not good!
 
Wouldn’t the world be a better place (and all of us healthier) if we learned to freely and appropriately express our feelings to each other? Here’s a short test to help you judge how easy (or not) it is for you to be “real.” Consider the following phrases and ask yourself how often you share them with others:
 
I love you                   I’m proud of you                   I respect you             
I appreciate you        I made a mistake                   I admire you
I was wrong               I care about you                    Please forgive me
I’m sorry                    I’m grateful for you              I’m worried about…
 
Some of these are naturally easier to express than others, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Expressing your feelings and communicating openly and honestly are life skills that CAN be learned and refined.
 
I hope you prioritize and enjoy your times of family togetherness. Use them to practice expressing the “real you” and maybe to repair a strained relationship. Remember, successful people express themselves not only for their own benefit, but also for the benefit of others. It’s a gift that keeps giving.
 
How would you rate on the “express yourself meter?” Are there phrases on the above list that you have difficulty saying? Why? Please share your ideas and experiences with us by commenting below.
 

Let’s Reclaim Our Innocence

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Like most of you, my heartache from the horrific news of Sandy Hook lingers unabated. When the unthinkable happens, your emotions run the gamut, and aside from praying powerful prayers, you feel so helpless…especially when you live clear across the country. Connecticut holds a special place in my heart, having lived in Rowayton for two wonderful years in the 80s. And, as someone whose first career desire was to be Santa Claus, and who lost a three-year old nephew to a tragic car accident, you can understand why anything that takes away the innocence of childhood just rips me apart.
 
Now that my emotions have swung from anger to profound sorrow, I’m asking whether it’s possible for something good to come out of this tragedy. I’m wondering if, to honor the victims, families, friends, and caregivers, we can band together and heal our nation and our culture. Let’s not simply say, “enough is enough.” For once, can we actually do something about it?
 
What exactly is “it,” you ask? “It” is reclaiming the childhood innocence that has been gnawed at and chipped away with each passing year—a loss that is devastating our families and our nation.
 
What does that involve?
 
First, it means we demand better from those who influence the lives of children through their messages, their lyrics, their images, their advertisements, their products, their movies, their TV shows, their video games, and their laws and regulations. I grew up during a time and place when most entertainment was family friendly and parents didn’t need to have their finger poised to the off switch of the TV, radio, and turntable. Back then, mature adults seemed in charge of the cultural messages and content sent to our children, and we all survived just fine! In fact, the statistics on divorce rates, children born to unmarried parents, dropout rates, teen suicide, gang violence, unplanned pregnancies, abortions, STDs—you name it—were a whole lot better.
 
Can’t we just acknowledge that today’s sexualized and violence-obsessed culture isn’t working? And stop the denial?
 
Second, it means our culture drivers and schools promote honorable and universal values that are celebrated for their virtue. Values like modesty, kindness, generosity, respect, and dignity are the “new cool.” That what’s on the inside is emphasized more that what’s on the outside. That the voices demonstrating the courage to stand up to immorality are honored and respected. That those defending irresponsible messages to children as “simply reflecting culture” are rebuked for the lie they are perpetrating. That those who want to voluntarily pray are not discriminated against. And, that those influencing our children start putting their content and messages through a “child innocence filter.”
 
This is not meant to take away from the national conversations we need about our policies and regulations regarding mental illness and weapons. They, too, are deserving. But, on this day, I can’t seem to get out of my mind the image of a child from the great place of Newtown asking of us, “Can’t we be kids for just a little while longer?”
 
They deserve better. And, I pray we have the courage to deliver it.
 
With Love and Blessings to the People of Newtown,
 
Dennis Trittin

Live to Give

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“I will honor Christmas in my heart,
and try to keep it all the year.”
~Charles Dickens’ Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol

 
One of my annual highlights is watching the film classic, A Christmas Carol. I love watching the transformation of Ebenezer Scrooge when the self-centered miser develops a servant’s heart. Granted, it takes a dramatic, catalytic experience late in life to get him there, but he becomes a changed man all the same. Every time I watch this film, I reflect on what more I could have done in the past year to help others. It’s a time of accountability, complete with a promise to do better in the year ahead.
 
I have special admiration for people who commit their lives to serving others.They’re not motivated by fame or fortune, but rather by joyful service.
 
I’m convinced our daughter Lauren was born with a servant’s heart. I first noticed this when she was four during a visit to a McDonald’s playground. She befriended a devastated little girl who had been deliberately abandoned by her big sister (Ronald would not have been happy!). The girl’s tears were soon replaced with joy for those ten brief minutes. While this example may seem ordinary, it is illustrative of the many times that Lauren has nurtured people who were socially excluded. Her empathetic heart has often been a blessing to others. Not surprisingly, she is considering a career in child psychology and counseling. I think she’ll be a natural.
 
The holiday season is a time when our thoughts often turn to practical ways we can serve those less fortunate. At a time when we are counting our own blessings, what are the ways we can include, encourage, or assist people in need?
 
This is not an exhaustive list, but here are some of our family’s ideas:
–       take a shift ringing a bell for the Salvation Army (we just did this last week; it’s a hoot, you meet great people, and it’s such a worthy cause)
–       volunteer at a local food bank
–       gather a group to sing carols at a retirement home
–       go out of your way to compliment those who are in service positions (including the Military)
–       send a note to a teacher expressing your gratitude
–       donate money to a local ministry that pays electric bills for the needy
–       adopt a family for gift giving
–       send a personal note to someone who lost a loved one in the past year
 
What do you and your family do to serve and bless others during the holiday season? Please share your ideas and stories with us; we’d love to hear your experiences!
 

Unforgettable Conversations

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The year 2012 will easily go down as the most amazing of my life. It seems every day is a new adventure of unplanned connections, unexpected emails from appreciative readers, visits with new ambassadors, first-time experiences, and unforgettable conversations with very special people. Life is great at 58!
 
In my new role as author, educator, and speaker, I find myself in new territories and circumstances that touch the lives of young people. It can involve a talk to schools or parent groups, meeting with youth mentors, attending educational conferences, or doing a book launch halfway around the world in Indonesia. I love being “in the trenches,” experiencing firsthand the hopes, dreams, and struggles of today’s youth. These kids have left an indelible mark on me, especially those who have been dealt a weak hand.
 
I think of the students I met while volunteering at an area private and public school. This particular program helps students build stronger bridges with each other and identify some of the personal obstacles getting in their way. It’s a profoundly moving all-day retreat that allows kids to get real and deep with each other. You might think that the students of an elite college prep school have it all…but you would be mistaken. While sharing deeply from the heart, these kids either struggle from a lack of love and value shown to them at home or they face unbearable performance pressure from their parents and can never measure up. As their tears flowed, I kept wondering why their parents, who intentionally brought them into this world, had allowed it to come to this. 
 
My visit to the public school had a somewhat different cast, but the lack of a loving, healthy support structure for these kids was even more intense. Fatherlessness was a huge issue and you could instantly see the walls these kids have built. Initially “chilly” remarks of, “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me” were later replaced with tears of pain. They don’t feel valued. They don’t feel listened to. And, they don’t feel understood. So, is it any wonder why some of them seek false comfort in the wrong places?
 
I left these retreats with a heavy heart and a strong personal desire to serve as their advocate. Ideas are already being formed, and you will be hearing about them in the coming year.  
 
Contrast this with our appearance at the FCCLA national conference  in Orlando. We exhibited our What I Wish I Knew at 18 leadership/life skills curriculum and spoke with countless advisors and students from around the country who were participating in contests and trainings. These students were engaging, confident, professional, and destined for leadership. In case any of you suffer from hopelessness about today’s younger generation, I’d invite you to attend an FCCLA conference! FCCLA is doing an amazing job in preparing young people to be tomorrow’s honorable leaders in their families and communities. Well done!
 
It made me wish that every young person could have this same sense of worth, hope, and confidence in themselves and their future.
 
I’ve often wondered whether America’s youth are indicative of the rest of the world. To my delight, I had many conversations with the young people of Indonesia this summer as I delivered my talk on “Developing the Great Leaders of Tomorrow” at several schools. Perhaps because they’ve struggled more with poverty and have had to start working at a very early age, I found their questions deeper and more mature than from their American peers. They share many of the same interests and passions, but there was a noticeable difference in our conversations.
 
One that stood out was when a 16-year old boy approached me after my talk in Bali. I was alone on stage ready to leave for lunch when I saw him coming up the aisle. After arriving, he looked up and said, “Mr. Dennis, may I ask you a question?” 
 
“Sure,” I said, “What’s on your mind?” 
 
Then, totally heartfelt, he said, “Mr. Dennis, I’m not very smart in academics. But, can I still become a great leader?”

 
I’ll never forget this moment. For the next 15 minutes we talked about academics and leadership and how my book might serve as an encouragement to him. What courage and humility that he demonstrated! “Yes, by your actions, you’ve shown me you have what it takes to become a great leader,” I said. 
 
He looked up, and with a spirit of hope, said “Thank you, Mr. Dennis” and walked away.

 
I’ll never forget these conversations. While some were painful, many were hopeful. They renew my passion for today’s youth and young adults and for our mission to help them see a worthy vision for their lives.

 
So, as we develop our New Year’s resolutions, let’s all commit to the following with the young people in our lives:

  • To appreciate and honor them for their uniqueness and worth
  • To listen to them
  • To seek to understand them, even when we may not always agree

 
It’s a priceless gift that costs us nothing!
 
Merry Christmas from all of us at LifeSmart!
 
 
 

Develop (and Stick to) Your Financial Goals Part 2

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Last week we talked about the importance of setting (and sticking to) financial goals. One of the most common reasons many people DON’T is that they fail to take into account their need to save and invest each month. Why not? Poor planning. Lack of foresight and/or self-discipline. Ignorance. Overspending. To name just a few!
 
Goal-setting—and the discipline needed to accomplish those goals—is critically important in the area of finances. You’ll find that many of your goals involve substantial sums of money, and it takes planning to reach them. Among the most common financially-related goals are your: 1) education, 2) car, 3) down payment on your home, 4) children’s education, and 5) retirement. Some of these goals will come soon (short-term), some will be in the next five to10 years (intermediate-term), and some are much further down the road (long-term).
 
For each of these goals, you need to develop a financial plan that gets you there, and determine how much you’ll need to save and invest for each goal. This process  shouldn’t be intimidating. In fact, it’s actually pretty easy.      
 

  • Consider items requiring (your) major spending over the next one to five, five to 10, 20-30, and over 30 years.
  • Then, come up with an estimate of how much money you’ll need for each item.
  • Take the total for each item and divide it by the number of years you’ll need to save for it.
  • Finally, calculate the amount of savings you’ll need per year for each goal.

 
It adds up, doesn’t it? By doing this exercise beforehand, it will reinforce the importance of not spending all of your earnings on items you want now. Good planning requires the discipline of putting off spending now for the sake of important items you’ll need later.
 
When you look ahead over the next twenty years of your life, which things do you think you’ll need to save up for? How will you plan for them when there are so many things you may want to buy NOW? Share your experiences and questions with us by commenting below; we’d love to hear from you!

Develop (and Stick to) Your Financial Goals

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“The person who makes a success of living is the one who sees his goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly. That is dedication.”
– Cecil B. DeMille
 

I’m writing this blog on “Black Friday,” the proverbial biggest shopping day of the year. How many people, I wonder, are out there this very minute, frantically accumulating more “stuff” (for themselves and others), with little thought for the overall impact today’s purchases will make on their financial goals—if they even have their goals identified. Many, many people do not.
 
Are YOU a goal setter? If you are, and you’re a diligent planner and implementer, you’re probably a pretty successful person. If not, you can be!
 
Goal setting is a critically important discipline in every area of life but especially so in the area of finances. Many of your goals will involve substantial sums of money, and it takes planning to reach them. That’s why it’s so important to make a financial plan and set goals that stick.

For each of your goals, you need to develop a financial plan that gets you there. This means determining how much you’ll need to save and invest each month for each goal.  It also means exercising self-control (and avoiding the credit card trap) along the way so you don’t sabotage your own plan!
 
By developing financial plans, you’ll be in a much better position to reach your goals than if you go about it casually. All of this requires effort and discipline, but it’s not that tough once you start and stick to it. You’ll reach your goals sooner and more cost effectively if you become a dedicated planner, saver, and investor.
 
Looking ahead, which of your goals do you think will require significant sums of money? How have you planned for them? How do you stick to your plan when you’re tempted by “right now” wants? Share your ideas and questions with us; we’d love to hear your comments!