change

How to Handle Transitions with Confidence

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What do entering kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, high school, college, and your first career job have in common? The answer is transitions. BIG transitions. In these cases, they’re based on stages of life, while other biggies include moves, job changes, a new marital/relationship status, and having kids.

As I look back on my life and reflect on my conversations with today’s students and young adults, I’m reminded of how difficult these transitions can be. You would think the adventure and excitement of the “next chapter” would prevail, but often, it doesn’t. We figure our transitions will be smooth, but instead we can find ourselves depressed, lonely, and filled with doubt. If so, we flounder and underachieve, wondering how we’ll get out of our funk. We might even resort to false comforts and make life choices we later regret. Ouch.

Why can transitions be so darned hard? Here are some common reasons:

  1. We’re unprepared. Have you noticed how educators focus primarily on their stage (elementary, middle, high school, college) rather than also preparing students for the next step? One reason is that administrators aren’t held accountable (and therefore don’t feel responsible) for success in the next step. Parents can fall into this trap too, focusing on the immediate term, rather than also on what comes next. Students are often caught off guard.
  2. Out with the old, in with the new. For students who are content with their current stage, they may feel a sense of loss and anxiety as they begin their new chapter. (On the other hand, if the current stage isn’t going so hot, it can be a relief!) Transitions often come with new environments, social settings, teachers/evaluators, and expectations (with increasing performance pressure), and some handle this better than others. Arguably, the greatest transition comes after college where there is a loss of the common denominator of the college environment, often relocation, social disruption, career and financial pressures, and the reality that life will never be the same as an independent adult. That’s a lot to absorb!

What to do? How can we position ourselves to confidently handle the transitions in our lives? Although each stage is unique, here are some tips to help master your transitions and those of your children/students:

  1. Adopt the POP mindset. That means being Patient, Optimistic, and Proactive.  Patience is incredibly important, especially on the social front as you seek new friends. Recognize that your adjustment will take time, just like your previous ones. Self-imposed pressure adds unnecessary stress and can lead to compromising your standards. Optimism is also key. When things don’t go as well as expected, keep the faith and a positive attitude. You’ve done this before and can do it again! Finally, as you progress into the later stages, it becomes increasingly important to be proactive and take the initiative. I know many young adults who are floundering because they don’t fully grasp this. The more independent they are, the more responsible they are for their success and happiness. Instead, too many are waiting in vain for it to come to them.
  2. Meet people in your next step. Go out of your way (parents take note!) to meet people who are a few years into the stage just ahead of you. That means high school students should be meeting with college students and college students with early career adults. Be sure they are positive and empowering influences who can offer fresh perspectives with no sugar coating.
  3. Explore your interests and passions. It helps to identify your greatest interests (intellectual, recreational, community/service, vocational, spiritual) for both personal enjoyment and to meet like-minded people. What are the common denominators of the people and activities you enjoy the most?
  4. Go for it! Once you’ve identified your greatest interests, research the places, programs, and courses that offer what you’re looking for. Check out the Web, library, Chamber of Commerce, YMCA, school counselors, club fairs, tourist information centers etc. to discover the outlets you can plug into. Not only will you enjoy yourself by doing what you like, but also you’ll be more likely to meet people with common interests. Momentum is huge, but you have to create your own.

 

Transitions aren’t always easy, but they’re a necessary part of life. We hope these tips will help you and your students master yours. Good luck!

A Simple Idea to Change Our Culture

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Words have incredible power. They can be uplifting or destructive. Think back to a time you heard something nasty someone said about you—you probably felt angry, hurt, or rejected. Now, think about a time when you received authentic praise. It probably raised your spirits and boosted your confidence. It might have revealed something about yourself that you never fully appreciated!

Now consider your own words and what you’ve said about others. Sometimes our words stay solely with the receiver. Other times, they go in a million directions outside of our control, especially when we use social media, e-mail, or text messages. These days it doesn’t take much for a spark to ignite a fire.

What we say about others speaks volumes about our character—especially when we communicate about someone who is not present. They reflect our integrity, loyalty, kindness, and respect, not to mention our self control and self esteem!

One way to demonstrate excellent character is to only say things about others we wouldn’t mind them overhearing. That’s right—everything is constructive! Try this “Integrity Challenge” for a week and be amazed by how it affects your choice of words, and ultimately, your character and spirit! It makes us more tactful and respectful, and less judgmental. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it!

Then, do it the next week and the next and the next. And, soon it will become a habit. This simple idea might be the best anti-bullying strategy of all!

While we’re at it, let’s start a movement in our schools—let’s take the Integrity Challenge. What is said or written about others is neutral or positive, with students holding each other accountable. Any criticism is constructive and only shared face to face. And, when we slip up, we apologize and ask for forgiveness.

What if we challenged ourselves and those around us—our families, friends, co-workers, teachers, students, etc.—to live by this principle? What if it became a way of life in how we think, relate, and communicate about others? Can you even imagine the possibilities? It would literally change the world—in a wonderful way! Are you up for it?

What are your habits when it comes to talking about others? Teachers and parents: This is a good piece of advice to share with the young people in your life, especially those who are active on social media.

How YOU Can Change the World

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Note: This post was writting by Noel Meador, Executive Director for Stronger Families in the greater Seattle area (www.strongerfamilies.org). 

“Before you criticize the younger generation,
remember who raised them.”
-Unknown Author

We live in a culture that sees more screen time than family dinner times, that talks more through text and Facebook than eye to eye, and that praises performance and “beauty” over the heart and soul of a person. We have some big problems on our hands.

But take heart: tonight you will have the opportunity to change the world.

You can invest in the stock market, have the best house and car, and know great success, but when you die, it will all die with you. All that hard work and dedication, good stewardship, understanding of investment will be gone.

Sure, you can pass on your monetary inheritance but, if it is to a generation that hasn’t been taught responsibility, it will be squandered.

If it is to a generation that hasn’t been taught the value of family and investment in others–a heritage will fade.

If it is to a generation that is self-focused and distracted–your generosity and kindness will end.

So, how can we ensure our heritage will live on?

If we want to invest in something that will live beyond our time and have the ability to change the world, let’s sit down at our table tonight and look at the faces of our children. Take time to talk, listen and teach.

They are it! They are the change we hope to see in the world! The future of this country and our families. I hope and pray I’m investing wisely.


Noel Meador is the Executive Director for Stronger Families in Bothell, Washington and the author and creator of the Oxygen for Your Relationships seminar. Noel has a passion to see families and relationships revitalized and strengthened. He resides in Woodinville, Washington with his wife Karissa and their two sons.

Embrace Change as an Opportunity

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Change happens—predictably or unexpectedly and happily or not. And, each of us handles it differently. Unfortunately, some are so uncomfortable with change that they’d prefer a mundane status quo to the uncertainty of something different. Because they don’t know how things will turn out, they expect the worst. That’s too bad—because change can be incredibly positive!

           

This year’s graduates are about to experience the greatest decade of change in their lifetime. Some of it will be voluntary and some of it not. Some of it will be clear and some of it will involve highly uncertain outcomes. Some of it will be easy to handle and some will be highly stressful. It’s all part of the journey.

        Think about some key changes that may be in store for your grads in the next several years of their life…

·      They will choose—and change—their college major/and or career path, maybe several times over! By the way, this is the norm. The anxiety associated with choosing your major /career is considerable—and it gets worse each time.

·      They will probably change jobs five to seven times in their lifetime. They’ll be dealing with new employers, new managers, new jobs to learn, new people to work with, and potential relocations and new friends to make.

·      They’ll likely move several times, whether for long periods or for short-term assignments. The assimilation involved in each situation is significant.

·      They’ll most likely date several different people before perhaps settling down into marriage. Since there is much more at stake than during high school dating, the pressure is that much greater.

·      They’ll very likely deal with a death in their family

·      They’ll buy their first house

·      They may be even blessed with children (which, in terms of “change,” will    make many of the above seem like pocket change by comparison!)

             You can use this list to help open up a conversation with them about what may lie ahead. Share your stories about how you faced these or similar changes. Change doesn’t seem as intimidating when you know someone else has navigated it successfully.

Since life is so unexpected, it’s wise to view change as a constant and become as adaptable as possible. That goes for all of us, no matter what season of life we’re in!

In the end, we all have a choice how to respond to change. We can either withdraw in fear or we can embrace it as an opportunity for growth, adventure, and preparation for even bigger things down the road. Sure, change will be unsettling at times, especially when it involves relocation and “starting from scratch.” However, there are countless examples of people who have endured enormous upheavals that proved transformational and purposeful.   So, encourage the young people in your life to be confident and courageous—and take it to heart yourself. Take change by the reins and make the most of it!

                                               

How do you react to change? Do you view it as a time of fear or as an opportunity to shine and learn? Why? Share your experiences and insights with us by commenting below; we’d love to hear from you!