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Playing the Blame Game Won’t Help You Win

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Consider this scenario: It’s finals week, and you’ve spent the last few days cramming like mad. Deep down, you know you should have started studying earlier in the month, but with intramural football, that new video game, spontaneous trips to the beach, and Netflix parties with your friends, there just wasn’t enough time. Although you’re doing all the “right things” now by highlighting your reading and going over old quizzes, you’re rushed and anxious.  It’s no surprise, then, to see a disappointing C- at the top of your paper. Regrettably, you know you could have done better.

So, what now? Do you take issue with the professor or teacher, complaining that the questions were too hard? Do you accuse him or her of biased grading, or being out to get you? Do you compare your test to those of classmates who earned better grades? Worse yet, do you recruit your parents to petition on your behalf?!?

Or, do you take personal responsibility for your grade and accept the fact that you underprepared? Will you own the outcome?

We call this topic “Accepting Personal Responsibility for Our Mistakes and Shortfalls.” And believe me, it’s no easy feat. However, it’s a sign of maturity and a hallmark of a true leader. Being able to put complaints, self-pity, and the desire to blame others for a negative outcome aside is a sign of integrity and self-awareness. Moreover, accepting responsibility causes us to live with an accurate perspective of reality.

Blame shifting and negative behavior justification distorts our reality—causing us to live in a world where we believe we do no wrong. It’s rooted in insecurity, and it affects our decision making, job performance, academic achievements, relationships, and more. Everyone else screws up but us, right? Wrong! The real reality is that we all mess up but have the capacity to accept the consequences and learn from our mistakes.

Refusing to own up to our shortfalls creates a blind spot in our lives—one that may cause us to miss out on great opportunities. That professor who was “biased” against you? She could have turned out to be a great tutor. The coach who you were convinced benched you every game because he “didn’t like you?” He could have been a great personal trainer and helped you up your game. That classmate who was “jealous of you?” She could have helped you become a better friend.

The long and short of it is this: as we grow into well-rounded, confident, and contributing members of society, it’s crucial that we accept responsibility for our mistakes and shortfalls. Although it may seem difficult at the time, this practice will make us better friends, employees, players, and students who have an accurate and healthy view of ourselves and the world around us. Humility and self-awareness are of high value, so start this practice now!

Can you think of a situation where you stood up and took responsibility for your actions? What good came from it? If you are a parent, teacher, or mentor, consider taking some time to sit down with your teen and talk through real-world examples of accepting responsibility for poor choices.

Building Likeability Skills in Our Students

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ID-10062570Although Valentine’s Day is all about love, this week we’re taking it down a notch to celebrate like—specifically, likeability! The fact is, likeability is a hallmark of successful people and an especially valuable social skill to nurture in our students. In fact, when it comes to landing a job, it’s often the deal breaker in who receives the offer (and even who wins the Presidential election!).

For some, likeability comes naturally; for others, not so much—especially when they enter new environments like college and career settings and social gatherings. Whether it’s from inexperience, low self confidence, or inadequate training, many struggle with social awkwardness (e.g., withdrawing, coming on too strong, demonstrating poor manners, and being blind to the social cues of others). Unfortunately, these tendencies can overshadow the otherwise great qualities of a person.

We’ve all been in challenging social settings and it’s never fun. But, the good news is that likeability skills can be learned with proper training and experience. To that end, I came across an excellent article written by Travis Bradberry at Forbes.com, “13 Habits of Exceptionally Likeable People,” which you can access here.

Here’s a list of his 13 habits, which are spot on:

  1. They ask questions
  2. They put away their phones
  3. They are genuine
  4. They don’t pass judgment
  5. They don’t seek attention
  6. They are consistent
  7. They use positive body language
  8. They leave a strong first impression
  9. They greet people by name
  10. They smile
  11. They know when to open up
  12. They know who to touch (and they touch them)
  13. They balance passion and fun

I encourage you to read the entire article as Travis elaborates on these important behaviors. If you are an educator, parent, or mentor, these make for fabulous small group discussions and (especially) role plays. Practice situations where they act out each of these 13 habits—both positively and negatively. This will not only train them how to model likeability, but it will also build awareness of important social cues like body language.

Likeability is a huge factor in successful relationship building. What additions would you make to the list?

photo: freedigitalphotos.net, jannoon028

A Free Gift for the Young and Old

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January is National Mentoring Month, so we at LifeSmart are focusing on all things mentoring! Why are mentors so important? Simply put, they offer wisdom and insight, friendship, encouragement, accountability, and invaluable connections for building a professional network. Mentoring relationships serve as a powerful intergenerational bridge that keeps us connected. And, all parties reap the benefits!

I was fortunate to be mentored by two pioneers in the investment consulting industry when I was a young professional, and my experience was amazing! Duncan Smith and Madelyn Smith were my heroes—successful investors and incredible people of integrity. Despite their heavy workloads, they always took the time to mentor me, and I truly believe this was the key to my career success. I was always baffled by the fact that so few of my peers sought out similar opportunities.

Ironically, years later, I filled the role that my mentors once had and I became the one who mentored the up-and-coming professionals. Again, I marveled at how few people came forward with interest in a mentor-like relationship. Whether it was from a fear of imposition or other factors, our young professionals rarely sought mentorship from their more experienced colleagues. Simply put, those who did were the ones on the fast track.

Today, the issue is still the same. I strongly believe that most of today’s young people are declining a gift that is sitting right in front of them—a mentor relationship. A mentor would likely help them not only become more knowledgeable, well-rounded people, but better employees with more know-how and gumption! Having a mentor would give them a winning competitive edge—a leg-up on the others.

By consulting with the veterans in the industry, young people can learn the job more quickly, along with the secrets to getting promoted. So, whether you (or your students or teens) are evaluating your career choices or already on the job, don’t hesitate to take full advantage of the wisdom around you. It is a free gift that you will be forever grateful you accepted. And, believe me, most experienced adults are honored to be asked!

And, if you’re an adult with the capacity to give back, I urge you to become a mentor to a younger person. Whether it’s associating with existing mentor organizations in your backyard or something more informal, your community is filled with young people who would gain from your wisdom and friendship. Trust me, you’ll receive far more in return.

If you’re a parent, one of the most valuable things you can do is to invite role model adults into your children’s lives. Who do you know that they could benefit from knowing? If I’ve done anything well as a parent (and, believe me, I have my share of warts!), it’s that I am a prolific connector on behalf of my kids. It is amazing to see the fruit that has come from the new relationships that have been formed! Believe it or not, I even gained a beautiful daughter-in-law from such an introduction!

Have you taken full advantage of mentors and wise counsel in your life? Who are they? How have they helped you in your life? Don’t forget, if you are a parent or teacher, encourage the young people in your life to pursue a mentor relationship. Few things will offer more lasting value.

Your Greatest Gift

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“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.”

― Mother Teresa

 

What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?  How about the greatest one you’ve ever given? Can you come up with your top three?  Is there a common denominator?

 

More often than not, when I ask people these questions, they generally answer with memories of gifts that:

  • were not expected
  • were ones they (or the other person) really needed but wouldn’t have suggested
  • showed that one person was thinking about the other, and understood them
  • were not necessarily things, but often experiences
  • were sacrificial on the part of the giver

 

That’s how I would describe my favorite gift ever given.

 

I grew up in a modest income family, but with parents who splurged on us every Christmas. Whether gifts or homemade candies and cookies, Dad and Mom did everything to bring joy to our household at Christmas. Sacrificially. Wonderfully.

 

But, that Christmas of 1972, we were struggling.

 

Life for my parents had changed dramatically a few months earlier. I left for my freshman year of college and my older sister got married and moved to Taiwan with her husband. Mom and Dad, who had poured everything into their kids, were adjusting to an empty nest.

 

When I returned home for Thanksgiving break, I could tell it hadn’t been easy for them. Our usually spirited household was quieter than normal and our conversations were often nostalgic. Someone would be missing this Christmas.

 

That’s when I realized it was my turn to be the sacrificial giver, with a gift they would never ask for or expect—but one that would mean everything to my parents.

 

On that Christmas night, Mom and Dad would open my letter saying this year it was  about them. That in 20 minutes, they would receive a prearranged and prepaid long distance call from their precious daughter. At six dollars a minute and as your typical broke college student, all I could afford was 10 minutes.

 

I will never forget those 30 minutes and the sea of emotion that filled our living room. Hands down, it was my best gift ever, and possibly theirs.

 

This season, we focus on what I consider to be history’s greatest gift—

a son given to us sacrificially by our heavenly father… an unexpected gift that means everything to this world… from a Giver who knew exactly what we needed.

 

Is this the year for your greatest gift? What will it be—and who will receive it?

 

Merry Christmas to you and yours,

 

Dennis Trittin and the LifeSmart Team

Leadership for a Lifetime: Other-Centeredness

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Has anyone ever done something nice for you that was so refreshing, it made your day? Maybe the person ahead of you at Starbucks paid for your coffee. A family member did your chores for you (without being asked). A friend brought or bought you dinner. It feels good, doesn’t it, when others go out of their way to express kindness to us?

And, it works both ways. When we’re the giver…we, too, share in the joy of the receiver. (As we enter the season of gifts, you’ll no doubt witness this firsthand!) It’s why the secret formula for a fulfilling life is: U>Me. It’s also why OTHER CENTEREDNESS is a hallmark of great leaders.

The principle of other-centeredness applies equally to our professional lives, even if it’s less commonly taught and practiced. Whether we’re business owners, department heads, managers, team leaders, coaches, teachers, or mentors, we will be placed in positions of influence and relationship. How will we approach them? Well, did you notice the emphasis on the word “them?” These kinds of leaders—both personally and professionally—are not self-centered; they’re other-centered.  For them, it’s not all about “me”; rather, it’s also and maybe even more about “others.” By empowering and encouraging people and setting them up for success, these leaders embrace a positive leadership lifestyle—and the results are remarkable.I had the great privilege of working for a company that modeled this to a “T.” Under the leadership of George and Jane Russell, Russell Investments put its people first. Not the owners. Not the customers. The people. George always said, “If you put the people first, they’ll take care of the customers. It doesn’t always work the other way around.” By doing so, the company won several state and national awards for being “the best place to work.” Having experienced this leadership culture myself, I can say it was like an extended family. (Remember I’m talking about work here!) And, during my tenure, we grew from a small investment firm of $1 billion of assets into a $220 billion global powerhouse! Putting employees first even helps the bottom line! “Earth to CEOs!”

Some years ago, researchers at Performance Advantage polled workers to identify what motivates them most on the job. Guess what they found out. Do you think it was fear? Money? Power? Promotions? Benefits? Nope. The top three motivators were: 1) being appreciated, 2) being in the loop and invited into decisions, and 3) having an understanding manager! All three are signs of other-centered leadership! And, they’re free!

What would happen if we all tried living for a week in an “other-centered” universe? In this universe others are not put in this world to serve our needs, so we cannot legitimately get frustrated by the elderly lady ahead of us at the store checkout who takes forever to put her change away, or the guy who cuts us off on the freeway. In this universe, we work in a cooperative spirit on the job (and in our families!) and are genuinely excited to see and help others succeed. In this universe, we endeavor to serve those we lead instead of the other way around.

 

The bottom line: Whether personally or professionally, the secret formula to life is: U > Me!

New Blog Series: Leadership for a Lifetime

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"Leadership for a Lifetime" talk to high schools seniors, at FCCLA National Conference in Washington, DC, July 2015, with Dennis Trittin and Arlyn Lawrence

“Leadership for a Lifetime” talk to high school seniors at FCCLA National Conference in Washington, DC, July 2015, with Dennis Trittin and Arlyn Lawrence

Where will they go from here?

It’s a question every parent, educator, and mentor has likely pondered as the children under their guidance prepare for their launch into the real world. They’ve offered love, security, wisdom, and training and have left indelible marks on these young adults. They’ve contributed to their leadership foundation, and soon the strength of that foundation will be put to the test in the game called “life on your own.” Many, if not most, of these young people will be landing in a new environment, awestruck like Dorothy when she entered the land of Oz.

As authors of What I Wish I Knew at 18 leadership/life skills resources, we are honored to prepare tomorrow’s leaders with the wisdom and strategies they need to successfully transition into adulthood. Through our contacts and speaking engagements, we’ve partnered with many people and organizations who are deeply committed to training up the next generation. One of our favorites is FCCLA—Family, Career and Community Leaders of America.

FCCLA is a national Career and Technical Student Organization that promotes personal growth and leadership development through Family and Consumer Sciences education. In the past four years, we’ve participated in their national conferences as exhibitors and speakers and always leave inspired by the well-rounded leaders they are building. We wish every student at every school could participate in their programs!

At this year’s FCCLA national conference in Washington D.C., we received a special invitation to speak to high school seniors who will soon begin their adult futures. We delivered our talk, “Leadership for a Lifetime,” to a packed house of motivated students ready to take on the world! We shared nine essential leadership themes that will serve them well in the near future and throughout their lives.

Inspired by their feedback, we decided to share these leadership concepts in a nine-part series beginning next week. It’s our hope that this blog series will serve you as parent, teacher, mentor, or student, and that you’ll spread the word to others in your personal and professional spheres. We’re all in this together!

Our leadership theme for next week: VISION. Catch you then!

 

 

Five Keys to Nail Your Performance Review

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Now that school is out and summer is in full swing, many of the young people in our lives are headed into the career field or starting up summer jobs. So here’s an opportunity to equip them with some “street smart” wisdom to excel on the job and win some great references!.

 

For many, few things generate more stress and discomfort than a performance review. For all parties! It doesn’t have to be that way, but unfortunately it usually is.

For the reviewee, questions race through our minds. Will it be fair? Will it reflect all of my contributions? Will he/she rip me for my missed goals? Will I get a raise and if so, what? Will I be scolded for anything? Expecting the worst, we enter the boss’s office a nervous wreck, ready to do battle if we don’t like what we hear.

 

It’s no picnic for the reviewer either. Let’s face it: most of us don’t mind delivering compliments, but constructive feedback…not so much. Arguably, most supervisors are underwhelming in the relational aspects of management and can be a bit awkward when discussing their employees’ “growth areas.”

 

I was fortunate enough to have achieved virtually all of my career goals for a number of reasons, not the least of which was by setting myself up for success in my performance reviews. Some of my methods are rather unconventional, but they worked during each stage of my career. I’m confident they’ll work for you, too.

 

  1. Understand your manager’s definition of “excellence” (then deliver!)

    On my first day on the job, my manager discussed the position requirements in great detail and then handed me the performance evaluation form. He told me that in six months I’d be evaluated and the overall ranking would determine my raise. I perused the form, noting the eight ranking categories and the 1-10 rating scale (10 being excellent). Things like reliability, job requirements, teamwork, leadership, communication, and attitude.

    Struck by these highly subjective evaluation categories, I asked how he defined “excellent” in each one. He said he didn’t give excellent ratings. I told him that in six months I wanted to be his first. I was armed now, and six months later, I indeed would be his first “excellent” employee. Yes!

    Get inside your manager’s head when it comes to your evaluation, especially if it’s highly subjective. After all, if you don’t know the target, how can you reliably hit it? Most managers will not automatically volunteer this, so you’ll have to ask for it.

  2. Have your manager to identify the most significant potential accomplishments (then deliver!)

    Another great strategy is to ask your manager to provide a list of the most important accomplishments you could achieve in the next review cycle. Chances are your job is multifaceted, but it’s always important to know what the boss would consider to be home run This way, while you deliver on your core job requirements, you also keep these key goals in mind. Again, supervisors don’t always offer this up naturally so you’ll need to ask for it. They’ll willingly comply!

  3. Contribute to your employer’s (and your manager’s) success

    In order to consistently nail your reviews and maximize your value, you’ll need to go above and beyond your job requirements. Different positions offer different possibilities, so think creatively. For example, during my investment management career, I was the “go to” person to help land major new accounts. So, in addition to delivering solid performance, I helped generate revenue for our business. That significantly broadened my impact and my list of advocates during review time!

    For the most part, there are four key ways you can contribute to your employer’s success: 1) help generate sales and retain key clients; 2) help reduce costs or improve efficiency; 3) innovate (e.g., new products, quality enhancements); and 4) lead (projects, people). How can you impact your employer’s performance—directly and indirectly?

    Lastly, it pays to understand how your manager is being evaluated. That way you can help contribute to his/her success, too. BOOM!

  4. Fully inform your manager before the fact

    Unfortunately, it’s impossible for a manager to recallall of the accomplishments and contributions of every employee over the review period (especially if it’s annual!). Consequently, it can become contentious when a manager fails to reflect key information in the review. Here’s where some preventive medicine can help.

    First, draft and deliver a self evaluation prior to the review date. List your major accomplishments and any factors that played into your performance.

    Second, to the extent that you’ve made key contributions to other departments, ask your advocates to draft a note on your behalf. Again, do not assume that your manager will know about (much less remember) your broader contributions to the organization.

    Finally, it always pays to ask for interim feedback at the midway point of your review cycle. That way you can make any midcourse corrections during the second half.

  5. Be a cinch to manage

    Management is something most people aspire for but quickly become disillusioned with. Many are promoted into supervisory positions despite lacking leadership skills or proper training.

Knowing this, I’ve always had empathy for the boss and went out of my way to be easy to manage. That meant delivering excellent work and meeting all deadlines a day or two early. I kept a positive attitude and was regarded by my peers as a constructive team player. This kept complaints to a minimum and guaranteed positive feelings about me while my review was being drafted.

These strategies will not only help you deliver great performance but will also help you receive a review that reflects it. May it be a “win win” for you and your manager!

5 Ways to Avoid Media Bias and Form Your Own Opinions

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ID-100305285When it comes to the media and all of the different sources of information (TV, newspapers, internet articles, blogs, social media, radio, and more), we need to be watchful for author bias and how it can influence our beliefs and perceptions. And, now that election season is already underway (sigh), it’s never more apparent.

Consider the following (hypothetical) news release: “The government reported third quarter economic growth at 5.4 percent. This compares with 6.0 percent for the second quarter and a long-term average of 3.0 percent.”

Now, pretend you’re a journalist charged with reporting “the news.” If it were me, I would say something like, “Third quarter growth remained strong by historical standards, although it decelerated modestly from unusually high second quarter levels.” This is an accurate portrayal of the facts.

Now, what do you think happens when the journalist and his or her news outlet don’t care for the sitting president and his political party? In today’s biased news media, you’re more likely to see something like the following: “Third quarter economic growth fell a disappointing 0.6 percent from the previous quarter, causing some to believe a slowdown is at hand.”

See the difference?

Most people have no clue about how much distortion, bias, embellishment, and outright falsehoods exist within the media and among supposed “authority figures.” You see it in infomercials (this or that miracle diet or hair loss cure), political campaigns (“I will reduce spending”), investment experts (“Now is the time to invest in ___”), news stories that are editorials in disguise, and even in college classrooms when professors convey their opinions as fact and ridicule students who happen to disagree).

Don’t let anyone pull the wool over YOUR eyes. Learn to be a discerning skeptic of everything you read and hear …

There was a time when the news media and America’s universities were more balanced in reporting news and views, but those days are long gone. You can detect it in how they convey the “facts,” as well as in what they choose to report (news contrary to their opinion is often ignored altogether or appears in fine print on page 17 where no one will read it). Increasingly, we see media outlets with a strong political slant completely color the news through their own lens (often by selecting guests who share their views)—rather than reserving their opinions for the editorial page.

How do you deal with a world where objectivity is actually subjectivity? Here are a couple of suggestions for remaining well informed and not being easily misled:

  • Try to get all sides of an issue. Be wary of people who are unable or unwilling to convey the opposing view or who won’t acknowledge what is fact and what is opinion. Be especially suspicious of people who resort to name calling rather than simply agreeing to disagree on the position.
  • When it comes to political campaigns, recognize that candidates will tell you what they think you want to hear (and hope you’ll forget by the next election!)
  • When it comes to news outlets, 1) watch different channels with different political tendencies (e.g. , Fox News versus CNN) and 2) look at the election endorsements of your news outlets to gauge their political tendencies
  • Remember if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is
  • Read the footnotes and caveats in infomercials, advertisements, or promotions

The bottom line is whenever there’s an agenda or an incentive, you can expect a positive or negative spin and selective sampling and reporting of the “facts.“ It’s an increasingly biased world out there so be on the lookout! You want to make sure that your opinions and beliefs are based on facts, so be sure to always get the full story, no matter what the issue!

                                                           

Do you believe most of what you read and hear from news outlets? Have you noticed how closed minded some are to differing points of view? How do you think this influences our culture, and young people in particular? Please share your comments with us; we’d love to hear your experiences and point of view!

PC: Freedigitalphotos.net, imagerymajestic

The Greatest Gift We Can Give to a Teenager

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lifesmartblog's avatarTime for Excellence

The teen years are among our greatest periods of change and self discovery. When you know who you are and why you’re here, you’re inspired to define and pursue your passions. Knowing “what makes you tick” and being able to carry that out, brings great joy and fulfillment. Unfortunately, for some, that’s easier said than done.

Take teenagers who receive few expressions of love or healthy modeling in the home. It doesn’t take long for that deficit to show up in their academics, motivation, relationships, and demeanor. In acts of sheer desperation, they search for love and false comforts in all the wrong places and check out of school. It’s a tragic cycle that has become all too common, with one unhappy ending after another.

During the past year, I’ve had many opportunities to speak with teens and young adults who are, in one form or another, facing a crisis…

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Studying for Success: Part Three

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Now you’re ready to roll. You’ve prepared well for your exam (using what you learned about my winning study method in parts one and two)  and are supremely confident in your ability to perform. But wait—there are still a few other pointers that will help during your exams! Often, you’ll have essay tests instead of (or in addition to) multiple choice or short-answer exams. Here are my four tips to helping you efficiently and effectively take essay-style tests:

  1. If you are given the potential questions ahead of time, keep them in mind while you review. On the night before the exam, identify which questions you’re most comfortable with and develop a list of key words. I often used acronyms of these terms to help me remember the main points.
  2. This next step is key, and happens when you actually receive your exam. Peruse the essay questions. Answer the easiest one first and the hardest last. Many students answer the questions in the same sequence provided by the professor but panic when the first question is difficult. By answering the easiest questions first, you’ll be able to contemplate the more difficult questions in the meantime. It’s multi-tasking at its best! By the time you answer the most difficult question, you’ll have had ample preparation while you wrote your answers to the other questions.
  3. When answering essay questions, be aware that professors look for key words or phrases when they grade. I always made it a point to include as many key words/concepts as I could in a given essay. If the test asks for you to list five key aspects, I’d give them at least eight. This gives you an extra cushion in case your terms don’t exactly correspond to your professor’s.
  4. After your exam, you’ll want to analyze your performance and make mid-course corrections for next time. Study your incorrect/weaker answers to see what you could have done differently in your preparation. Then, modify your methods accordingly.

Be sure to ask your professor for help when necessary. If I struggled with exams or concepts, I made a beeline to his/her office. Remember, you and your parents are paying big bucks to attend college. You’re perfectly entitled to take your professors’ time! This is especially important in cumulative subjects like math. Otherwise, you’ll be digging a deeper and deeper ditch.

College academics are tougher than those in high school, but they’re not impossible. Perhaps the biggest adjustment is the need for better organization and discipline. Whether or not you adopt this study method, the basic principles do work. Good luck!

Are you disciplined and organized when it comes to your study method?  What works for you? In what areas do you need to improve? Share your ideas and questions with us; we’d love to hear from you!