character

10 Regrets to Avoid Like the Plague!

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Looking back on your life so far, do you have any regrets? Are there things you did and wish you hadn’t—or things you didn’t do and wish you had? Any relationships that are strained? Opportunities missed?  Bridges burned?

Although these are some of life’s most important questions, too many people wait until the end to ask them—and by then, it’s too late.  We’ll all have regrets from time to time. However, you can minimize big ones (or avoid them altogether) if you periodically ask yourself these questions (and then actually do something about it!).  Today is the best time to start!

When it comes to considering our regrets, there is wisdom to be gained from senior citizens who are in a naturally more reflective stage of life.  If you ask them about their life regrets, you’ll likely hear some—or maybe even all—of the following:

  1. I didn’t spend enough time with my loved ones
  2. I didn’t tell my family and friends that I loved them often enough
  3. I was too stubborn or proud to admit my mistakes and apologize
  4. I chose bitterness over reconciliation
  5. I allowed my life to be consumed by work
  6. I was too hesitant to take risks, try new things, and live my passion
  7. I wasted too much time
  8. I didn’t appreciate the little things in life
  9. I valued things over relationships
  10. I worried too much

Do any of these apply to you? Be honest! Although regrets run the gamut, did you notice that most involve relationships and priorities? This is why it’s so important that your life is balanced, you fully invest in relationships, and your priorities are right.

This discipline is a great one for all ages.  Consider sharing it with the young people in your life. It will help you—and them—make needed midcourse corrections and “relationship repairs” along the way.

Be forewarned, though: it’s not easy, and it takes a strong dose of courage, humility, and determination. Wouldn’t it be great, though, to get to the end of life and be able to say, “FEW REGRETS?!?”

A Call to Love

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“All you need is love.” The famous mantra from the almost five-decade old Beatles song can still  be found carved into trees, on artwork hung around homes, printed onto T-shirts, on bumper stickers, and much more. The song itself is inspiring; asking us to look within our hearts to see how we can help change the world. However, as omnipresent as this phrase is, how big of a role does it actually have in defining us, shaping us, and influencing our actions?  If we took a moment to sit down and think about what defines our lives, would it be the love we demonstrate toward others?

Unfortunately, many people find their worth and success in power, money, status, or material things. What if—instead of by our winning percentage, job titles, or personal wealth—we were measured in terms of units of love, kindness, generosity, compassion, and encouragement offered to others? One thing’s for certain. The world would be a far better place. And, amazingly, it wouldn’t cost us anything.

People I admire most demonstrate an incredible capacity to love. It’s weaved into their very being, and you can recognize it in an instant. They put other people first. They have a heart to serve and make a difference, using what gifts they have to benefit others. People with an incredible capacity to love are joyful and bring joy to their friends, family, co-workers.

In addition to their inherent kindness, they have a special way of showing others that they’re worthy of being loved—especially when they’re not feeling very deserving. What an extraordinary gift affirmation is to give others! Helping others discover their own worth is a remarkable bestowal that one can only do with love.

Here’s a timeless truth: It’s impossible to live a life of significance without demonstrating strong character and a large capacity to love. People may achieve great success in their careers and finances, but if they lack strong intrinsic values and goodwill toward others, their legacies and reputations will have a hollow ring.

Fortunately, it isn’t rocket science. It simply requires a deliberate mindset (and “heartset”). It requires a commitment to use every opportunity to show you care. I encourage you to wake up every morning and seek every opportunity to love others that day. If you allow love to be the measure of your personal success, you will be astounded at the positive impact you make on others, and the joy you will experience in return.

If your life were measured by units of “love given,” how do you think you would rate? Who and how could you love a little more? What changes could you make to improve your score and how would you live your life differently?

8 Ways to Find Your Purpose

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“Great minds have purposes; others have wishes.”

Washington Irving

           What in the world are you doing here?  Ever asked yourself that question?

            Your life purpose is an incredibly powerful force that will direct your life and determine the legacy you will leave behind you. Find a successful person who is content and fulfilled, and you’ll likely find a life guided by an inspired purpose or mission, and a person who has applied his or her unique talents to a worthy cause.

            Knowing your life purpose—what makes you tick, what motivates you, what you are alive on earth to do—is what ignites passion.

            What makes YOU tick … and if you don’t know, how can you find out?

            Passion inspires initiative and creativity. It’s what builds momentum and creates enthusiasm. It also sustains hope and perseverance in difficult times, and provides a reason (and enthusiasm!) for getting out of bed every morning. However, it’s not always easy to identify what your particular passion is.

            Life purposes can be cause-driven (e.g., curing a disease, educating disadvantaged youth, sheltering the homeless, cleaning the planet, protecting our country) or skill-driven (e.g., athletes, artists, mathematicians, designers).

            How can you discover your life purpose(s)? Here are eight questions to ask yourself that can help you figure it out:

1.     What causes (e.g., global or community needs, people, situations, organizations) am I most passionate about?

2.     What problems would I most like to solve?

3.      What needs or people tug at my heart?

4.     What inspires me the most?

5.     What brings me the greatest joy and sense of fulfillment?

6.     Whose lives would I most like to emulate and why?

7.     What are my special gifts and talents?

8.     Where can my skills have the greatest potential impact?

            Once you ponder these questions, see if a picture emerges about what inspires and motivates you. Then, as that picture solidifies into an identifiable sense of purpose, calling, and passion, start thinking about how you can live it out. Keep in mind that there may be more than one, and that it may evolve or change over your lifetime.

            Whatever you do, don’t set your life purpose on a shelf and forget about it. You are a unique individual with gifts, talents, and perspective only YOU can give to the world.  No amount of money, fame, or accomplishment can ever compete with that!

Someday, you’ll want to be able to look back on your life and say, “Mission accomplished!” What’s your mission? Are you living it out with purpose and passion? Please visit us on our website and share your comments;  we’d love to hear from you!

 

 

 

Focus on the Things that Matter

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There sure is a lot of hustle and bustle this time year, isn’t there? Holiday shopping, holiday plans, holiday travel, holiday parties… It’s all too easy to get caught up in the activity and miss out on the things that really matter.

There will always be times in life when we feel like the rope in a tug of war, and it’s not just at Christmas. Often, when this happens, there are two formidable competitors pulling us in opposite directions. On one end are the key people in our lives with whom we have relationships. They want (and deserve) our time and attention, as well as an opportunity to grow with us. On the other end is one tough opponent—the “big three,” namely status, career, and wealth and everything that flows from that. Like most things, these are fine in moderation, but taken to an extreme (as they often are), they can destroy relationships. They can easily consume our time and energy and divert us from our priorities and core values if we’re not careful.

During the past few decades, we’ve witnessed a cultural shift toward accumulating things, rather than emphasizing in-depth relationships. You see it everywhere, especially with retailers and credit card companies that are out to get our last nickel (especially during calendar-shortened holiday seasons!). It’s found in massive consumer debt when people overspend on status-conscious items and live beyond their means. And, you see it in people consumed by their careers and in those increasingly invasive businesses demanding their employees respond to evening emails.

This holiday season, I hope you’ll remember that truly successful people recognize how important they are to others and how important others are to them. Relationships are enduring—things are not. Let’s strive to always reflect this in our priorities and in how we spend our time. We can never get back the time we didn’t spend with our loved ones. That’s a life regret we never want to bear!

Let today, this week, this holiday season, be a time of special focus and renewed commitment to the things that really matter. Merry Christmas, all!

How are you spending the bulk of your time and energy? Are you focusing enough on areas that build stronger relationships with family and friends? Or, are you allowing other things to dominate your priorities? We invite you to share your thoughts and suggestions with us commenting; we’d love to hear from you!

 

Give the Gifts that Keep on Giving

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What do you want for Christmas?” It’s probably the most asked question this month. There was a time when my Christmas list was a mile long, but now it’s filled with hopes for others—especially for the young people in this world. (Truth be told, my first career desire was to be Santa.)

 It is said that the first half of one’s life is the “accumulation stage” and the second half is the “distribution stage.” During the accumulation stage, you’re in “gathering mode,” spending your efforts on life’s needs and wants. You build a career, buy and furnish a house, start a family, save for retirement, and buy lots of things along the way.  But is that all there is to life?

Then, one day, usually around 50 when, you have all the toys you need and the kids aren’t kids anymore, you become more motivated to give back. You discover that the joy of giving is greater than the joy of receiving, and your perspective changes dramatically. I’m a typical case—it happened to me around 49! That’s when my life focus shifted to helping children and young adults lay a solid leadership foundation for life.

Did you notice how the first half of life tends to be more skewed toward self and family? And, in the second half how the focus often shifts toward others? Had I known this earlier, I would have sought more balance in my accumulation stage and started my distribution stage sooner. The joy and satisfaction that comes from giving our time, talent, and treasure so outweighs the fun of accumulating that I regret not starting this process earlier.

As I write this, it’s the Christmas season. Opportunities for giving and sharing abound. But hopefully directing our lives toward others will not be a once-a-year event. By starting earlier and making it last the whole year long, we receive far more in return than we give.

Do you want your life to have more balance, your spirit to soar, to make new friends, and maximize the impact of your life—and make the world a better place in the meantime? Embrace the gift of giving of yourself this holiday season… then make it the gift that keeps on giving, into January, the New Year, and beyond.                                   

Take a few-second self-check: Where are you centering your life? How are you modeling this principle to the young people in your life? Share your insights and ideas with us; we’d love to hear from you!

 

Direct Your Life Toward Others

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Follow your passion. March to the beat of your own drummer. Pursue your dreams. Find yourself.

Sound familiar?  It should. The message is everywhere these days.  And it sounds great, doesn’t it, to encourage young people to discover themselves and follow their dreams? We do it all the time (me included).

But isn’t it also paradoxical that, at the very time young people are heading off into the world to become part of a college community, part of a business or organization, part of a marriage someday … they are hearing it’s all about them? No wonder colleges and employers are complaining about the entitlement mentality in today’s incoming students and employees!

Are our teens getting the wrong message from our “it’s all about me” culture?

Maybe it’s time we pay attention to combining that message with a healthy dose of other-centeredness.

In reality, the most successful individuals are those who have realized that a successful life is not all about them.  In fact, most people who have achieved a full measure of success (i.e., in their personal life as well as their professional life) will tell you the best things are found not in what they have gained for themselves, but in what they have given to others.

 Wouldn’t it be great if we could all learn this sooner rather than later?

The first half of one’s adult life can be aptly called the “accumulation stage” and the second half is the “distribution stage.” During the accumulation stage, you are in “gathering mode,” filling your  bushel basket with life’s needs and wants. In some ways, it might feel like it’s all about YOU. You build a career, buy and furnish a house, start a family, save for retirement, and buy lots of things along the way.

Then, one day, usually around 50 when the kids have left the nest and you have all the toys you need, you become more motivated to give back. You discover that the joy of giving is greater than the joy of receiving, and your perspective changes dramatically. You realize it never was about YOU. I’m a typical case—it happened to me around 49! My life is so much more focused now on others than it was when I was a young person, and I doubt I’m an exception.

When I left my dream 28-year career in investment management to teach finance and life skills to young people, I had no idea it would lead to a total career change to that of author, publisher, mentor, and speaker. But, oh, the fulfillment of being able to direct my life toward others on a regular basis.

 

Had I known this earlier, I would have sought more balance in my accumulation stage and started my distribution stage sooner. The joy and satisfaction that comes from giving our time, talent, and treasure so outweighs the fun of accumulating that I regret not starting this process earlier.

 

Where are you directing your life right now—toward self or toward others?  Give it some thought. By shifting your focus toward others, you’ll receive far more in return than you give. Your life will have more balance, your spirit will soar, you’ll make new friends, and you’ll maximize the impact of your life. Oh, and you’ll also make the world a better place in the meantime! What’s not to love about that?

How differently do you feel when you give versus when you receive? Which will have more lasting impact? How have you impressed this principle on the young people in your life? Share your ideas and stories with us by commenting below; we’d love to hear from you!

 

 

Take Risks – Even if You Might Fail

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I’ll never forget the day I assembled a brand new basketball hoop for our son Michael on his fifth birthday. He was already a good dribbler and I knew he’d love shooting baskets even more. To my chagrin he responded with, “I don’t want to! Let’s go ride bikes!”

 

I offered to ride bikes after we shot baskets, but he wanted no part of it. I wouldn’t budge either. Finally, after about ten minutes, he relented (or, at least I thought). When I gave him the ball, he just stood there refusing to shoot despite my repeated words of encouragement. Finally, it occurred to me to ask him why. His answer?

 

“I might miss.”

 

Eventually, Michael gave in, and predictably, he missed his first three attempts (giving me the evil “I told you so” stare each time). But, once he made the fourth shot, he was hooked! That was the start of a half hour of shooting and, come to think of it, we never got around to riding bikes that day.

 

There’s a lesson in this story for all of us: Be willing to take risks.

 

In the decisions young people need to make at this stage of their lives, on the brink of adulthood, the risks can seem a lot higher than in a backyard basketball game. However, so are the stakes! That’s why it’s important they learn to overcome their fears and hesitation.

 

Years later, I had a similar experience with Michael, only this time it involved his college admissions process. He was hoping to attend a small private university in California with a great reputation and a major in film. After combing all of the websites and books, he narrowed his search to four candidates. There was one other university fitting the criteria that he excluded from consideration. His logic? It would be a wasted effort because his GPA and SAT scores were a little light. Hmm.

I kept encouraging him to consider this school but each time Michael gave the same reason—“I have no chance.” Finally, I offered to take him there on a visit, just to check it out (and escape the Seattle rain!).

 

During his visit, Michael met a professor in the film and broadcasting department (his intended major) for an hour. She was so impressed by Michael that she wrote a letter of recommendation to the admissions department the next day! Five months later, he received an acceptance letter that began with “Congratulations.” Pure joy!

 

This story had a happy ending because Michael was willing to overcome his fear of failure to achieve a goal. It paid off—and now he’s a confident risk taker.

 

In life, some people thrive on risk-taking while others are risk averse. I marvel at astronauts, missionaries, combat soldiers, and mountain climbers for their courage. These people risk their lives or their livelihoods because they put potential reward ahead of the risks. Others prefer to play it safe.  Sadly, the end result of the latter is missing out on many of life’s exciting adventures and opportunities, or failing to discover latent skills and talents. How disappointing to live with these kinds of regrets!  

 

If you’re risk averse, muster the courage to try new experiences and challenges, even if you might fail or look like a klutz in the process. Cut yourself some slack and give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Not only will it spice up your life, but you might also find some hidden talents and interests that you never knew you had.

                                                         

Do you consider yourself willing to take risks? If not, why not? How differently would you approach taking risks if you didn’t care so much about the outcome? How can you encourage a young person in your life to step out in more confidence to try something new, adventurous, or courageous?

 

Enthusiasm – Your Secret Ingredient to Success

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“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

What does it take to land a great job, make wonderful friends, open doors in your career field, or land lucrative accounts for your employer? Go on; think of the qualities that might help you get ahead in these situations. Knowledge and intellect? Advanced degrees? A great skill set?

 

Not necessarily. Did anyone say enthusiasm?

 

Enthusiasm may seem like a lower order attribute compared with other qualities such as knowledge, skills, and abilities. However, many times a job candidate’s  enthusiasm is precisely what influences a hiring manager to favor one of two equally qualified applicants, or what sways a potential client to give his or her business to one of several possible companies.

 

I believe that enthusiasm is a secret ingredient for accomplishing great things. During my investment career, I gave countless presentations to multi-billion dollar sales prospects. After careful observation and coaching from our company’s best marketers, I developed quite a reputation for telling our story. I was told it was my enthusiasm that set me apart from my peers. I passionately believed in our company and its services, and I made sure our prospects could tell! Ultimately, it made a significant difference to our sales success.  

 

People who exude positive energy and enthusiasm are infectious. They inspire others with their spirit and obvious love of life. They motivate everyone around them to do and believe the best. It’s an incredibly helpful quality to have in your business and your personal life. 

 

How can you demonstrate your enthusiasm on the job? Here’s a sample:

 

  •  in a job interview, sit up straight, make eye contact, smile, and ask lots of questions demonstrating your interest in the company and the position
  •  always discuss work-related issues in a positive and upbeat way
  • show up on time—early even!
  • show interest in expanding your skill set to add more value to the company
  • always demonstrate your willingness to listen, seek constructive feedback to improve, and try new things
  • approach customers proactively and focus on exceeding their expectations
  • seek out extra tasks and projects when there is down time
  • suggest new ways to improve sales, reduce costs, develop new products/process, and add value to clients
  • always project that you are someone who wants to be there and who is willing to do what it takes to get the job done
  • seek opportunities to mentor and encourage others


When you’re with others, be positive and enthusiastic—and be sure to smile. Whether it’s simply enjoying the company of others or interviewing for the most significant career opportunity of your life, show your enthusiasm. It WILL make a difference!

                                                                     

How differently do you feel around people who are positive and enthusiastic versus those who are negative and critical? Why do you think this is so?  We’d love to hear your feedback; please comment below. And share us with a friend!

Don’t Whine – Just Do It!

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  How do you react when you don’t get your way? What’s your typical response when you’re asked to do something you’re either not in the mood to do or that is outside your comfort zone? How about when someone in a position of authority makes a decision with which you don’t agree?

            Nobody likes to be in these situations but they happen a lot in life, especially in the workplace…or at home growing up!

            When you are in that position, you can take one of four approaches:           

 

1         1.      Push back or passively disregard. Argue with your supervisor and leave him with the impression you think he or she is        incompetent. Or, take the passive route and just ignore or procrastinate responding to emails, assignments, and deadlines.

           2.     Stuff, stew, and spite. Suppress your irritation and maybe hold a grudge. Withhold any pertinent information you have that may help the boss make a better decision. 

3         3.     Cheerfully comply. Remember this is what you get paid to do. Consider that your supervisor (or parent) may be working with information and a bigger perspective that you do not have. Keep in mind that your future could depend on your ability to be a cooperative team player.

          4.     Respectfully request consideration of your input. If you are quite convinced there is a better option, look for a private opportunity to ask your supervisor (or parent) to consider your suggestion. Phrase your concerns as questions, such as, “Have you thought about …” or “Might it be a better solution if…?” Frame your concerns humbly and in such a way that it is clear your intention is to be helpful, not willful.

 

            If you are an employee who can express your disagreements respectfully, knowing how to stand your ground while remaining open minded, your value will multiply in the eyes of your supervisor. On the other hand, if you are an employee who always has a different idea about how to do things, can’t be counted on to follow directions, or who has an “attitude” about being told what to do, your value will quickly diminish. You may soon find yourself looking for another job!

            More often than not, you won’t have a choice in the matter when given a direction at work (and at home). So here’s a word to the wise: handle it as one of life’s inevitable unpleasantries. Take a page from Nike’s handbook, and “Just do it!”  Not only will the Nike approach prevent you from irritating and even alienating others, but chances are that things will turn out fine after all—and you’ll earn a reputation for being a trusted and valuable employee.  

                                                                    

What’s your attitude when things don’t go the way you want? Are you someone who tries to make the best out of difficult situations and be a team player? What advice would you give to a young person who is new on the job and in this situation?  We’d love to hear your experiences and ideas!

Laugh Often!

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“Laughter is an instant vacation.”

Milton Berle

For many years, Reader’s Digest had a humor section called, “Laughter: the Best Medicine.” Whether intentional or not, there was wisdom in that title because studies have found that laughter actually has therapeutic value. Laughter can boost your immune system, improve blood pressure, stimulate your vital organs, and reduce pain! And those are just the physical benefits!

          

        Laughter also:

                     1.     Relieves stress

                     2.     Promotes relaxation

                     3.     Soothes tension

                     4.     Make it easier to cope with difficult situations

                     5.     Improves your mood

                     6.     Decreases depression and anxiety

                     7.     Increases happiness

                     8.     Attracts other people to you

                     9.     Strengthens relationships

                     10.Helps you live longer

 

              Wow, with those kinds of side effects, who wouldn’t want a good dose of laughter?

             In my life, no one mastered the art of laughter and lightheartedness like my mom. She would howl and cackle, at times to the point of my utter embarrassment! But, it was no secret that she was everyone’s favorite mom. Her likeability factor was simply off the charts. My mom was a blast to be around, and I was blessed to have her 24-7. People who laugh often make themselves—and others—feel good.

            Whether you’re sick, melancholy, stressed out, or as healthy as an ox, it’s a great idea to surround your life with humor. While you’re at it, learn to laugh at yourself by not taking yourself so seriously. Being able to admit that you goofed, and permitting yourself to laugh about it, is an incredible gift to give yourself.

            Here’s an idea: Anytime something annoying and frustrating occurs, try to stop yourself from reacting negatively and instead look for the humor in the situation. There is almost always something you can laugh or smile at.  Sure, you can be irritated—angry, even—that you slopped your spaghetti on your shirt at dinner or that you stepped in a dog deposit in your new shoes. But what does it accomplish other than putting you and everyone around you in a sour mood?

            Comedian Bill Cosby has said, “Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.” I heartily agree! Be the one to see the lighter side of a sticky situation, and to get a smile out of yourself and the people around you.  You’ll all end up feeling better—not just about the circumstances, but about life in general.  Laughter really is the best medicine!


How often do you laugh? What makes you laugh? What are ways you’ve learned to cultivate your sense of humor?  Please share your ideas and experiences with us; we’d love to hear from you.  And share us with your friends; we’re always growing our online community!