personal leadership foundation

Priceless Mentoring Conversations

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You did it! You’ve entered into one of the most important and fulfilling roles you’ll ever play. You’re a mentor. And now that you’ve signed up, you’re probably wondering, “What next?” And, then you remember all of the mentors who invested in you and how they…

  • Listened to what was on your mind and heart
  • Encouraged you every step of the way
  • Inspired you to be more than you ever imagined you could be
  • Shared real life stories to help you face difficult situations
  • Offered wisdom that you would apply in the years ahead
  • Understood you and believed in you

    These are the hallmarks of a great mentor.

If you are a new mentor, perhaps you’re asking the question, “What should we talk about?” Of course, the answer depends on the age of your mentee and whether yours is a more formal or informal mentoring relationship. If it’s a formal one, you’ll be given guidance and direction from your program leaders. Regardless, the age of your mentee will also inform your conversations…helping them navigate life NOW while sharing a glimpse of what lies ahead in the next few years. That’s different for a fourth grader than for a middle schooler or high schooler.

In our work with What I Wish I Knew at 18, we are often asked what are the most important topics to share with the younger generation, whether in the classroom, the home, or in mentoring relationships. Drawing from our recent “Leadership for a Lifetime” blog series, here are some invaluable subjects to discuss in an age-appropriate way and when the timing is right:

  1. Their uniqueness, value, and strengths. Far too many young people have an incomplete understanding of the treasure they are to this world. You can help them build their self awareness of who they are and what they have to offer. This Personal Balance Sheet exercise can help.
  2. The importance of positivity. It is said that you become the average of the five friends with whom you associate with most. Whether it’s friends, music, video games, TV, movies, or websites, surrounding yourself with positive influences is a key in life.
  3. Living with vision and intentionality. Today’s students are facing tremendous pressures, distractions, and anxiety with little margin to spare. It’s easy to become consumed with the NOW. Have them share their dreams and their goals for the next five years. Then, encourage them to make plans to turn their dreams into reality.
  4. Building a personal brand based on integrity. Brands aren’t just for businesses like Coca Cola and Starbucks! Encourage your mentees to develop a strong set of core values like integrity, work ethic, dependability, kindness, generosity, respect, teamwork, humility, and high standards of excellence. Share whom you admire the most and encourage your mentee to do the same, and you’ll open up this critical topic.
  5. The value of adversity and the power of resilience. Help them understand that adversity happens to all of us (using your own story for examples). The question is, How will we handle it? Share the personal growth you’ve gained from adversity and how those who helped you often faced similar challenges. Today’s adversity can become tomorrow’s encouragement to someone else!
  6. Time is of the essence. We’ve never faced a time when distractions were more prevalent. Help your mentees understand that time is a precious asset and should be managed accordingly.
  7. The secret formula to life. In the end, life is about how we use our time, talents, and treasure to make the world a better place. Through conversation and volunteering together, you’ll help them appreciate the formula, U>Me.
  8. Stay flexible. While you may have a lesson topic in mind, it’s important to ask whether there’s anything special they’d like to discuss. Whatever that is, that’s where you go!

We hope these suggestions lead to unforgettable conversations with you and your mentee. We salute you and wish you the very best in your mentoring relationships!

3 R’s for the New Year: Reflections, Resolutions, and (No) Regrets

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Looking back on 2015, do you have any regrets? Are there things you did and wish you hadn’t—or things you didn’t do and wish you had? Any relationships that are strained? Opportunities missed?

We all have regrets from time to time. However, you can minimize big ones (or avoid them altogether) if you periodically ask yourself the regret question and then actually do something about it. The new year is a great time to start, but reflecting on our regrets and resolutions is a great practice to adopt all year long.

For many people (myself included), personal reflection time is the area we sacrifice when our lives get busier. Unfortunately, when this happens, we can get out of balance, grow impatient, and often burn out. We’re not at our best. That’s why it’s so important—at New Year’s and all the year through—to take time to unwind and reflect. Frankly, it’s the only way we can go deep with ourselves—to explore how we’re doing and consider where we’d like to go. Find a place that inspires you and quiets your soul, and let your mind ponder some new growth possibilities. (If you are a person of faith, it’s a great opportunity to include prayer for discernment and wisdom.) You’ll be surprised by your renewed spirit and by the new ideas and insights that can surface during quiet times like this.

I also find there is wisdom to be gained from older people who are in a naturally more reflective stage of life. When I’ve asked some of them about their life regrets, I’ve heard things like:

  1. I didn’t spend enough time with my loved ones.
  2. I didn’t tell my family and friends that I loved them often enough.
  3. I was too stubborn or proud to admit my mistakes and apologize.
  4. I chose bitterness over reconciliation.
  5. I allowed my life to be consumed by work.
  6. I was too hesitant to take risks, try new things, and believe in myself.
  7. I wasted too much time.
  8. I didn’t appreciate the little things in life.
  9. I valued things over relationships.
  10. I worried too much.

Do any of these apply to you? Be honest! Although regrets run the gamut, did you notice that most involve relationships and priorities? This is why it’s so important that our life be balanced and our priorities right. When we see something is out of order, let’s resolve to make a mid-course correction.

After some time for reflection, ask yourself what resolutions you’d like to make for the upcoming year, especially those that might minimize regrets next New Year’s Eve. The Oxford English Dictionary describes resolutions as “(decisions) to do or to refrain from doing a specified thing from that time onwards, or to attempt to achieve a particular goal, usually during the coming year.” What have you been doing that you’d like to stop doing? What have you not been doing that you want to begin? Are there new growth opportunities or experiences on your bucket list? Then don’t stop there. Turn your resolutions into goals and your goals into executable actions. That’s living with intentionality!

This discipline of regrets, reflection, and resolution is a good one for all ages. Consider sharing it with the young people in your life. It will help you—and them—make needed changes and “relationship repairs” along the way. Wouldn’t it be great, though, to reach the end of 2016—and even to the end of life—and be able to say, “NO (or few) REGRETS?”

Image credit: Brianna Showalter
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Out with the Old, In with the New!

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A fresh year always inspires fresh dreams. Most of us think, “What are the things I could improve in my life, if I had a fresh start?” For some reason, “January 1st” symbolizes new possibilities and a chance for a “do-over.”

In what area of your life would you like a fresh start? In your parenting or other relationships? Your performance at school or on the job? How about being more financially savvy or more organized? Or, maybe yours is like mine: to take control of busyness and reserve more time to reflect. All of these are admirable aspirations—but how can we make them a reality?

Most successful people accomplish their aspirations by staring with dreams and then establishing goals and plans to help make them come true. And, they know that the most effective goals are both specific and measurable (as opposed to vague and difficult to evaluate). As you start to identify your aspirations for 2016 and beyond, it’s important to develop short-, intermediate-, and long-range goals to help get you there.

Even if you’re not naturally a goal-setter, it’s not difficult to become one.  Start by imagining what you want your life to look like. What are the large-scale goals you hope to achieve? These are your long-term or lifetime goals.  It’s important to set these first because they will shape your overall perspective and help frame your smaller and shorter-term goals. Think about such areas as:

  • Education and learning
  • Career
  • Marriage and family
  • Finances
  • Community service
  • Relationships
  • Spiritual life
  • Physical goals (sports, etc.)
  • Talents and skills
  • Travel
  • Experiences
  • Retirement

Once you’ve established your long-term goals, you can set some medium-term goals (e.g., three to five years) that will help you achieve your long-term goals.  From there, you can set one-year, six-month, and one-month goals, all of which will ultimately contribute to the larger picture. Periodically check on your long-term goals to make sure they remain high on your list. Also, monitor your progress on your medium-range goals to make sure you’re on track.

(Parents, you may want to make some parenting goals … check out our book, Parenting for the Launch, for some ideas to help you set goals and create a family mission statement.)

Finally, start making daily to-do lists, prioritized by importance and urgency. If you do, you’ll be contributing on a daily basis toward the things that will make your lifetime goals and dreams possible. Here are some guidelines as you do:

  • Phrase your goals in the positive, not the negative
  • Make them realistic goals—ones that are possible and achievable
  • Make them measurable and specific, such as “visit five continents” as opposed to “travel around the world”

What are your aspirations for 2016? Beyond that? This can be fun and lively discussion with family and friends over the holiday season. Make a plan to check back with each other next New Year’s and see who has gained the most ground in accomplishing their goals.

Leadership for a Lifetime: Resilience

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Now is no time to think of what you do not have.

Think of what you can do with what there is.

Ernest Hemingway

ID-100352171You don’t have to live very long to realize that things don’t always go the way we plan—or the way we want. You’ll bomb a test or get a low grade in a class. A boyfriend or girlfriend will break up with you. You may get sick or experience an injury. It may take a while to make friends or find your dream job.  But, when these kinds of things happen, you don’t have to let your circumstances overwhelm you. You can be RESILIENT!

The most resilient, impressive leaders I know have found ways to be courageous in the face of great adversity; life challenges lift them up instead of knock them down. Adversity happens to everyone, and it can take many forms. Unfortunately, not everyone is prepared to handle adversity well. Peter Gray, Ph.D., a research professor at Boston College, recently wrote for Psychology Today about this issue:

“A year ago I received an invitation from the head of Counseling Services at a major university to join faculty and administrators for discussions about how to deal with the decline in resilience among students. At the first meeting, we learned that emergency calls to Counseling had more than doubled over the past five years. Students are increasingly seeking help for, and apparently having emotional crises over, problems of everyday life… (Later), that head of Counseling sent a follow-up email, …including this sobering paragraph:

‘Our students are no different from what is being reported across the country on the state of late adolescence/early adulthood. There has been … a decrease in the ability of many young people to manage the everyday bumps in the road of life… The lack of resilience is interfering with the academic mission of the University and is thwarting the emotional and personal development of students.’”

The everyday bumps in life will happen; you can be sure of it! And since it’s not likely we’re going to avoid adversity, it pays to learn to take a healthy perspective to it.

Resilient people don’t give in to anger or despair when faced with a setback. Instead, they tap into a greater purpose to bounce back stronger than ever. They know how to bend to inevitable failures and tragedies and not break. Here are six habits of people who know how to confront adversity and move on to live their lives stronger than before:

  1. They are persistent and have a strong sense of purpose.
  2. They are self-confident and self-reliant.
  3. They have a strong network of supportive relationships.
  4. They accept that adversity is inevitable and are not resentful. They don’t have a victimized (“Oh, poor me …”) mindset.
  5. They are optimistic. They perceive bad times as a temporary state of affairs and an opportunity for personal growth.
  6. They take care of their health. They know how to deal with the physiological and emotional toll that stress and adversity take on their bodies and minds and take proactive steps to stay healthy, fit, and positive.

If you want to be a resilient person, it also helps to be self aware of your own stressors. Stress comes in different forms to different people, and with different underlying causes. What’s your biggest stressor? Is it time? Finances? Relationships? Academics? Order vs. chaos? If you know this about yourself, you can fight through stress/adversity by tapping into your stress relievers (exercise, quality time with friends/family, time alone, prayer, music, etc.). DON’T make the mistake of turning to false comforts to make you “feel better” when adversity hits. That’s how people get sucked into addictions like drugs, alcohol, and overeating, or into bad relationships because they don’t want to be alone. We address resilience in our book, What I Wish I Knew at 18, with an entire chapter devoted to “Overcoming Adversity.”

You have to be able to see past the current circumstances and know your world is not going to ultimately crumble because of any of them. There are so many wonderful things about YOU, built into your character, personality, and unique skill sets, that you can draw on to find a way to persevere, overcome, and bounce back. This is resilience and it is one of the hallmarks of great leaders!

For more tips on developing resilience, check out our blog series: “Stress-Busting Tips for Parents and Teens,” Parts One, Two, and Three.

 

Photo: Freedigitalphotos.net, by Sira Anamwong

Leadership for a Lifetime: Balance

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ID-100109460Perhaps one of the greatest challenges for students post-high school isn’t how to avoid all the potential pitfalls of independent living. For many, it can be learning to say NO to too many good things!

  • In college, for example (or in their new environment), there are so many new opportunities to spend their time: New friends. New classes. Intramurals. Games. Parties. Clubs. Service opportunities. And what if they “go Greek?”—another entirely different set of possibilities! It all means that they have to be choosy—and realistic. After all, too much of a good thing… is never a good thing!

In our work with Parenting for the Launch, our book for parents of teens, we share that many kids today are too busy and have no margin… an issue that’s often parent-driven. We can be unwittingly burning out our kids with countless activities to build their resumes and position for college scholarships, etc.. Huge demands from athletics are also taking their toll.

“Burnout” is the state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when we feel overwhelmed and unable to meet the demands of all our responsibilities, activities, and relationships. When we’re burned out, we may feel exhausted, emotional, irritable, and out of control. The resulting stress impairs our sleep, health, and ability to perform at our best.

The reality is that no one can do it all, much less do it well. We all have to find that sweet spot of equilibrium that provides a proper allocation of time and attention to family, friends, work/school, career, and personal and spiritual growth. That sweet spot is “balance,” and it doesn’t happen by accident. Without a clear plan and commitment to maintaining balance, it’s easy to become overcommitted and out of control.

We need to help our children build margin as eagerly as we help them build resumes. Here are five tips to help them maintain balance in life:

  1. Be self aware. What are the signs that you’re out of balance? When it happens, ask yourself, “Is there too much on my plate?” We’re not talking about what you had for dinner last night—rather, what’s on your “plate” of activities, responsibilities, and relationships? Is it manageable?
  2. Identify your priorities. Time management, distractions, new responsibilities, variable schedules, and the like are all new facts of life post-high school. Plus, in today’s technology-laden world, the temptation to play video games or surf social media instead of studying can be huge. Develop a purposeful list of priorities. If you’re visual, write them down and keep them within view. What’s important to you? Grades? Fitness? New friends? Clubs? Spiritual life? What matters most?
  3. Be intentional. Remember that time is precious and you must use it wisely. Make a realistic evaluation of how you are allocating your time and energy, and consider the value and the time requirements of any new commitment before saying “yes.” Also, skimping on exercise, sleep, and quiet time are not the way to deal with overcommitment and will only exacerbate the burnout.
  4. Learn to say “no.” Although it may feel uncomfortable to say “no” to fun things and delightful people, each time you say “yes,” you are implying it’s a priority. Those who are “people pleasers” or high achievers may particularly struggle with saying “no.” Encourage them to value the peace that comes from balance and the opportunities for spontaneity when there is margin.
  5. Avoid all consuming work. Everyone lives between two ends of a spectrum. On one end are our relationships. On the other end are our performance arenas like school, career, and wealth building. In this competitive world, people often overinvest in the performance areas and underinvest in their relationships, with devastating consequences. Truly successful people recognize the importance of relationships and reflect this in their priorities and time management.

Maintaining balance is a hallmark of successful people. If you are a parent or educator of a high schooler, teach them the value of margin and to spend their time on what matters most. It’s a leadership lesson that will last a lifetime!

photo: freedigitalphotos.net, by Jeroen van Oostrom

Leadership for a Lifetime: Passion

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The year was 1973 and I was enjoying my first year of independent life as a college freshman. On the other hand, our nation was in a full-blown funk, consumed with Watergate and the Vietnam War. We needed a shot in the arm and bad. Who would have known it would come in the form of a horse?

For a quarter of a century, America had been waiting for another Triple Crown winner. Some had come close, but often the Belmont Stakes proved insurmountable. But, this year would be different. It was Secretariat’s year. The chestnut-colored thoroughbred had won the Kentucky Derby and Preakness handily and in record form. But, how would he fare in the stiffest of tests?

In what remains history’s greatest horse race, Secretariat annihilated the field, running with an abandon never seen before or since. Under jockey Ron Turcotte, Secretariat smashed the record by an unthinkable two-plus seconds, winning by an unheard of 31 lengths. To this day, I consider it the greatest feat in sport. Legendary athletes were in tears as they witnessed perfection. [If you haven’t, you must watch this incredible performance (just Google “Secretariat Belmont”) or better yet, the full documentary.]

Did Secretariat have a special secret? He most assuredly was an amazing physical specimen. However, after he was euthanized at 19, the autopsy revealed that Secretariat’s heart was twice as large as normal. No wonder. His engine was like no other.

Secretariat raced with heart and with passion.

I believe passion is the special sauce of life. And, while no one exemplified this better than Secretariat, it’s not a quality only reserved for the supremely gifted. Great leaders live with passion. And, so can you.

Here’s how I describe it to young adults, facing newfound freedom and setting the stage for their lives:

  • Giving everything your best
  • Committing to continuous improvement and an insatiable appetite for learning
  • Viewing each day as an opportunity to make a difference
  • Not just attending all classes (and putting academics first), but sitting in the front row
  • Stretching yourself in new ways and “going for it!”
  • Seeking opportunities to uplift others
  • Prioritizing relationships and meeting new people
  • Viewing your time as a precious asset to be used wisely
  • Being proactive rather than reactive
  • Building your competitive edge through learning, experiences, and leadership opportunities
  • Ensuring that no other candidate in a job interview is more enthusiastic than you!
  • Always demonstrating a positive attitude and a grateful heart

My challenge to you is to unleash your “inner Secretariat” and live with passion. There’s nothing like it!

Leadership for a Lifetime: Brand

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The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear.

~Socrates

What do Google, Apple, Facebook, Disney, Nike, McDonalds, BMW, Coca Cola, Lego, Coach, Harley Davidson, and you have in common? The answer is your own brand. That’s right—your brand! Chances are you don’t think of yourself in this way, but hear me out.

If you Google the term “brand,” you’ll see descriptions such as:

  • what you stand for
  • the representation, identity, or image of you or your organization
  • what differentiates you
  • how you are uniquely perceived by others

I like to think of it as a composite of qualities and values that represent your unique identity and value proposition. Now the parallels make more sense, don’t they?

Businesses go to great lengths to build their brand and reputation. In fact, they treat theirs as a prized possession! They invest massive amounts in developing quality products and services that are both consistent and appealing to customers. They train their employees to represent their core values and high standards in the marketplace. And, they promote their brands through carefully crafted advertising and PR. There’s no better way to build a loyal customer base than having an appealing brand.

Great leaders invest in their own brand, too—both personally and professionally. People who are brand aware view themselves as an asset to offer this world and demonstrate high standards both on and off the court. They are regarded not only for their impact but also for the effect they have on others.

In our conversations with teens and young adults, we stress the importance of building a great brand through an “excellence in everything” mindset. But, in a world that is increasingly shying away from the concept of universal values, what does that look like? To facilitate conversations and self assessments, I encourage students to develop their “Values GPA” by grading themselves on several personal and professional quality indicators. It’s a great way of building their “values vocabulary” and identifying their brand strengths and areas for growth.

Here’s a great way to put this into action. Following is a categorized list of brand-related qualities for your students/children/mentees to evaluate. It can also make for a fun family exercise with opportunities for feedback.

Professional Brand Qualities

Here are my top ten brand qualities of a workplace MVP (link to blog: http://www.dennistrittin.com/view_blog.aspx?blog_id=132 ): high standards, integrity, reliability, relationally skilled, positivity, enthusiasm, motivation, innovation, resilience, and likeability. 

Personal Brand Qualities

At a personal level, the components of our brand are similarly multi-faceted. Consider which of the following qualities you/your students/your children model well and which could benefit from improvement:
Heart Related: kindness, sincerity, compassion, friendliness, helpfulness, generosity, empathy, patience, unselfishness

Integrity Related: honesty, trustworthiness, honor, respect, loyalty, courtesy, tact, obedience, courage, self discipline, authenticity

Personal Nature Related: cheerfulness, self confidence, positivity, enthusiasm, active, sociability, good-humored, stability, expressiveness, politeness, cooperativeness

Productivity Related: reliability, high standards, purposeful, disciplined, resourcefulness, ambition, motivation, strong work ethic, decisiveness, conscientiousness, responsibility, curiosity, objectivity

Spirituality Related: faith, gratefulness, perseverance, resilience, grace, dignity, modesty, humility

 

Your personal brand is a prized possession and one of the most important leadership pillars to nurture and grow. How would you describe yours?

Leadership for a Lifetime: Positivity

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It’s been said you will become the average of the three to five people with whom you spend the most time. Can you see it?  Positive, motivated people challenge and inspire us to be our best.  Negative, unmotivated people can drag us down and reinforce a mindset of mediocrity.

Great leaders surround themselves with positive influences and steer clear of the negative ones. This principle is not only true for relationships; it applies to any influence we take in, such as music, TV, movies, Internet, etc. We become the sum of our input—which is why positivity should be the reigning theme of what we expose ourselves to.

There are few places in the life of a young person where this plays out more importantly than the relationship choices they make after high school, when they leave their comfortable well-known environment for a new one (e.g., college, tech. school, military, gap year). It’s arguably their biggest test.

In the transition from high school to college, for example, they will go from “big fish in small pond” to “small fish in big pond” where no one (including the professors) knows them. They’ll be in a sea of strangers. This is one of the biggest reasons why many people never take the plunge to move from the comfort and security of home/hometown.  Yes, it’s intimidating. Yes, it’s worth it!

When I (Arlyn) was a young adult, I lived overseas for a few years when my husband and I were newlyweds and he was in the military. This was before the Internet and inexpensive phone services were available. I could afford to talk to my parents and friends only briefly and infrequently. I lived in a community where I couldn’t speak the language or even read the street signs!

There were other young adults in my situation, and a number of them responded with negativity and victimization—poor me—and surrounded themselves with others who felt the same. Obviously, their overseas experience was very different than mine. I took university classes, worked at a local school teaching English, volunteered, learned to speak the language, and got to know my neighbors (even though we barely understood each other!).

 

The results? Those who chose negativity were either miserable or short-lived in their overseas experience, while I had a blast. What made the difference? I believe it was the power of positivity.

Loneliness can be one of the biggest de-railers post-high school (after one’s support system is distant and scattered), and can cause depression or compel a person to rush into unhealthy social situations. When this happens, we need to be patient and remember that it took a while to make the great friends we already have. After all, true love and friendship take time and timing!

Here’s how to apply the principle of “positivity” to new situations:

Tip #1: Find people who share your values and interests. (It pays to make a list of your non-negotiable values in a friend before you enter your new environment.) Join a group, club, or team (make a big place small). Proactively seek out a small community where you’ll feel at home.

Tip #2: Steer clear of destructive/complaining/melancholy/unmotivated people, as well as those who don’t respect your values. Recognize not everyone is meant to be your friend. When you do have someone like this in your life, it’s not your job to cheer them up, make them happy, or provide positivity for them (this can lead to a dysfunctional, co-dependent relationship).

Do you know any young people in this position—or getting ready to be? Maybe they are high school seniors getting ready to “launch,” new college students, or others who have moved away to take their first job in another city. Maybe they’ve joined the military and are in their first duty station away from home.

Whatever the case, encourage them not to get sidetracked by loneliness—and to choose the power of positivity. It pays to choose wisely!

Leadership for a Lifetime: Self-Awareness

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When you look at yourself in the mirror, whom do you see? Is the image clear or blurry? Do you like what you see or wish you could have a makeover? Are you a kitten who sees a lion or a lion who sees a kitten?

Unfortunately, most of us lack a complete and accurate understanding of ourselves because our perception is distorted through our own biased lens. Each one of us is filled with valuable treasure, but for many it lies buried beneath the surface, waiting to be revealed. I daresay this is true for most adults, but it’s especially so with adolescents. Unfortunately, they’re making fundamental, life-changing decisions without truly understanding themselves.  We call this essential leadership quality self-awareness.

When it comes right down to it, teens and young adults are trying to answer these fundamental questions at this stage of life: 1) who am? 2) what do I have to offer? and 3) what are my opportunities? The first two get at the heart of their identity… their value proposition to the world. It’s vital that they get these answers right because they will heavily shape their future.

Within each and every person, there is a treasure of talent, qualities, assets, and skills. How would you like to mine that treasure in you? How about the treasure in your students, children, and others around you? How can you develop a clearer understanding of yourself and the tremendous value you have to offer—and help others do the same?

Here’s one way: Knowing that self awareness comes through self discovery and affirmation from others, we’ve developed a personal leadership assignment you can access here. It not only helps you assess your own unique assets/strengths, but it also captures the invaluable perspectives of others who know you well and have your best interests at heart. As you complete this project, you’ll have a much more complete and accurate perspective of…You!

Briefly, your assets fall into several categories:

  • Foundational Assets:
    • Physical: strength, speed, agility, dexterity
    • Mental: intelligence, reasoning, creativity, subject specific
    • Behavioral: personality, attitude, emotional intelligence
    • Spiritual: faith, values, inspirational experiences
  • Relational Assets:
    • Support System: companionship, security, love from others
    • Network: pool of personal and professional ambassadors
  • Aspirational Assets:
    • Experiential: credentials, life skills, service, leadership
    • Interests: knowledge pursuits, recreational, leisure
    • Passions and Dreams: desires, causes, purpose, impact

The power of gaining input from others as you inventory your strengths cannot be overstated. They will call out perspectives you either never realized or never fully appreciated. Remember the later scene in “The Wizard of Oz” when the Wizard honored the Scarecrow with a degree, the Tin Man with a heart, and the Cowardly Lion with a badge of courage? Each of them always had smarts, kindness, and courage, but it took someone else to reveal it for them to believe it!

Great leaders are self aware and lead from their strengths. They have an intuitive grasp of their uniqueness and value and how to offer it to others. Then they align their lives accordingly.

So, what are your greatest strengths? A commitment to self awareness will help you identify and develop them—and use them in a way that brings joy to you and is a benefit to the world!

Leadership for a Lifetime: Intentionality

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“The quality of your commitments will determine the course of your life.” – Ralph Marston

Everyone has a dream—or at least, they should! The question is, will that dream become a reality? Success doesn’t come easily and dreams don’t automatically come true. It takes hard work and proactivity.

What makes the difference between a dreamer and an achiever? One key attribute is a leadership quality we call intentionality. Here’s what it looks like:

  • Being active versus passive
  • Setting goals
  • Staying focused
  • Managing our time wisely
  • Demonstrating self-discipline

People who live intentionally are self-aware. They know what they want to accomplish and are mindful of anything that might interfere. They take responsibility for their mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.  They consistently take action to ensure their lives are purposeful and on track.

One thing I (Arlyn) have noticed about intentional people is that they “act on” their circumstances rather than allowing their circumstances to act upon them.  They don’t just drift through life; they approach it pro-actively. They initiate, rather than simply respond.

For young adults, especially those whose decisions have been mostly made for them by authority figures, becoming intentional is a paradigm shift. They need to think of themselves as the responsible party for their life; i.e., by moving into the driver’s seat from the passenger’s seat. Depending on their upbringing, it’s not always easy.

As educators, parents, and mentors, we can help young adults understand that every day of our life is filled with choices, and WE are responsible for how we approach those decisions: Will you try something new or stick with the status quo? Will you follow through on yesterday’s decisions or get distracted by today’s new ideas? Will you associate with people who inspire and encourage you, or who negatively influence you and drag you down? Every decision either puts us one step closer to our dreams, or moves us a step away.

Intentional people are goal oriented and chart a course straight for it. They aren’t swayed by naysayers or distractions.  They find a passion bigger than themselves and take the practical actions necessary on a daily basis to accomplish it. They don’t just have a vision, they pursue their vision relentlessly!

Encourage the young adults in your life to live with vision and intentionality.  Ask them, “What’s your vision? How are you charting a course to accomplish it? Are you intentionally making decisions that will keep you focused and on track?”

And while you’re at it, ask yourself the same questions!  We can all improve our commitment to living with intentionality. The best way to start is to write down your vision, and then set near- and longer-term goals to fulfill it. Manage your time according to your priorities. Stay focused and don’t let distractions sidetrack you.

We live in a tech-y world dominated by constant connectivity and stimulation. Can we discipline ourselves to use technology for our good, and not let it dominate our life, thoughts, and time? Intentional people control technology rather than the other way around.

Finally, intentional people learn from observing other intentional people. So, look around you. Who out there is living the kind of life you want to live, or shares your purpose and vision? Ask them to share their wisdom and experiences and any practical principles that can help you achieve your goals. Why reinvent the wheel?  Besides, the journey is always easier—and more fun—when (intentionally) shared with others!