communication

Diversify Your Life

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Sports psychologists tell us that athletes who play one sport experience burnout at much higher rates than athletes who play a variety of sports. The principle is true across the board: no matter how good something is, whether a sport, a career, a relationship, or an investment, it’s diversity in all those areas that makes life richer. 


Are you someone who focuses your life in just a few areas? Or, are your interests varied and your experiences diverse? Here’s a great example of how life diversification can work. Take PGA golfer Brandt Snedecker, who won the 2012 PGA tour championship, and also the Fed Ex Cup, for a whopping $11.4 million purse. It would be easy to assume Brandt’s victory was due to his exponential driving ability and fantastic putting (in this tournament he was number one for both). But that’s only part of the picture.
 

In an interview, Brandt said he has learned a powerful lesson as he has gotten older: Having balance in his life gives him a better golf game. These days, Brandt says, he doesn’t practice as much as he used to (sounds counter-intuitive, doesn’t it?). He works out in the gym much less. He gives more time to family. The results? A renewed sense of well-being, a better mental state, and, he feels, an overall a better golf game.

How about you? Are you someone who focuses your life in just a few areas? Or, are your interests varied and your experiences diverse? Think of the following important areas of life. Rank them from one to 12 in order of their importance to you:

               1.     Relationships—family and friends

               2.     Marriage and parenting

               3.     Career / school

               4.     Spiritual life

               5.     Entertainment

               6.     Learning

               7.     Physical activity

               8.     Travel and leisure

               9.     Arts and nature

               10.  Hobbies

               11.  Community service/volunteerism

               12.  Down time

                                                           

Now, consider how you’re allocating your time to these areas. Is it spread out or concentrated in only a few areas? While each person is different, variety will diversify who you are and enrich your life.

This lesson is as true for young people as it is for adults. Excessive pressure to achieve at academics or sports can cause teens to over-allocate their time and energy in those two areas, leaving little time for family, hobbies, and just plain ol’ “down time.” Whether you’re 16 or 60, this is a sure-fire recipe for burnout and it’s becoming increasingly common in the younger generation.

 

For all of us, making time for family, and for meaningful activities that enrich our life, will reduce our stress and burnout—and may actually help us perform better at the other things we do! Yes, variety is the spice of life!

Have you learned how to create balance in your life? How have you done it?  Or, are you one who is looking for ways to diversify your life?  Please share your comments and questions below; we’d love to have this conversation with you!

 

Don’t Play the Blame Game

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“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible
for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”

~Theodore Roosevelt

 When we experience a personal disappointment, it’s usually because we made an innocent mistake or our effort simply fell short. Is one worse than another? Well, to my way of thinking, a mistake is a little more serious because it’s an error, whereas a shortfall may have occurred despite our best effort. (After all, we can’t always win.)

Since we’re all human, mistakes and shortfalls are part of life. While no one keeps track, they number well into the thousands during our lifetime. That being the case, one has to wonder why it’s so difficult for people to admit their mistakes and accept responsibility.

Is it because the words “I’m sorry” don’t come easily? In such cases, it’s sometimes easier (and feels less shameful) to blame others and make excuses.

Is there a better way to handle our mistakes?

People who are prone to blame are actually reflecting their own insecurities. Implicitly, they assume their relationships can’t withstand an acknowledgement of a mistake or shortfall. However, it’s a false assumption, especially since people appreciate it when someone admits a mistake and asks for forgiveness.

When you make a mistake or your best efforts fall short of the goal, you can do one of two things:

  1. You can TAKE responsibility, apologize if appropriate, and do what you can to make things right.
  2. You can DODGE responsibility, blame someone else (or blame circumstances), and walk away from the situation – leaving others with the problem you created.

Choice #1 one will likely gain you the respect of your family, peers, and colleagues and help you learn from your mistake. Choice #2, on the other hand, will cause damage to your reputation and deprive you of a valuable opportunity for personal growth.

Why not exercise a little humility and take the high road? Learn to swallow your pride and admit it when you’ve fallen short. You’ll be respected and admired by others when you do… and you might be surprised by the grace they extend to you in return!

Do you find it difficult to admit your mistakes and accept that you aren’t perfect?

Are you harder on yourself than others would be if you took responsibility for your shortcomings? Share your thoughts and comments with our online community by commenting below; we’d love to hear your perspective!

 

Be an Inspiring Team Player

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One of my most admired leaders, George Russell, always used to say, “It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you don’t care who gets the credit.” I have to admit I didn’t fully appreciate the wisdom of his words early in my career. But, in time I realized he was right. When you adopt George’s philosophy, you become a true team player and everyone benefits.


 Teamwork is more and more the name of the game in the workplace these days. In the past, many people learned to perform a single skill and then continued it for many years. These days, however, creativity and innovation are more often what is needed in the workplace—requiring greater collaboration, flexibility, and interpersonal skills from workers.


 Do you have what it takes to be a great team player in today’s economy? Do the young adults in your life?

 

My favorite spectator sport is basketball. To me, it’s the consummate team sport where character is revealed before our very eyes.


Some players clearly focus on individual scoring (often to the detriment of the team when they go overboard), and enjoy being in the limelight. Still others are known for their passing and defense and rarely receive the same fan attention. Yet, isn’t it interesting that, it’s the team with the best defense and passing that usually wins the championship? I believe there’s a message to be learned in this.

           

When I coached basketball, I gave special praise for assists, tenacious defense, and our unsung heroes. One young lady on our team, Jazi, as the perfect example. She may have scored only two points a game, but we were never the same without her! She was our best passer and shut down the finest guards with her incredible defense. Our victories against our toughest opponents often came from her defense rather than from our leading scorer. She was the consummate team player and unsung hero. I wouldn’t have traded her for the world.


In the NBA, the player that most comes to my mind is John Stockton, a retired point guard from the Utah Jazz. He’s the league’s all-time assist leader, which is a true sign of an unselfish team player. During his career, he handed out an incredible 15,806 assists to his teammates— truly an extraordinary accomplishment. It is rare in sports to see records that stand out like this, and it’s a testimony to John’s skill, unselfishness, and endurance.


Throughout your life, you’ll be in countless team situations, especially on the job. When these opportunities arise, focus on the team rather than on your individual contributions. Encourage them, praise them, mentor them, enjoy them, and show your gratitude toward them. Bring everyone up and your team will achieve great things. Your leadership will be liked, respected, and admired by others.

                                                                        

Can you see the difference on a team when players focus on mutual support and team effort, as opposed to seeking personal recognition? Please share your comments and stories with us; we’re always glad to hear from our readers!

 

Enthusiasm – Your Secret Ingredient to Success

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“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

What does it take to land a great job, make wonderful friends, open doors in your career field, or land lucrative accounts for your employer? Go on; think of the qualities that might help you get ahead in these situations. Knowledge and intellect? Advanced degrees? A great skill set?

 

Not necessarily. Did anyone say enthusiasm?

 

Enthusiasm may seem like a lower order attribute compared with other qualities such as knowledge, skills, and abilities. However, many times a job candidate’s  enthusiasm is precisely what influences a hiring manager to favor one of two equally qualified applicants, or what sways a potential client to give his or her business to one of several possible companies.

 

I believe that enthusiasm is a secret ingredient for accomplishing great things. During my investment career, I gave countless presentations to multi-billion dollar sales prospects. After careful observation and coaching from our company’s best marketers, I developed quite a reputation for telling our story. I was told it was my enthusiasm that set me apart from my peers. I passionately believed in our company and its services, and I made sure our prospects could tell! Ultimately, it made a significant difference to our sales success.  

 

People who exude positive energy and enthusiasm are infectious. They inspire others with their spirit and obvious love of life. They motivate everyone around them to do and believe the best. It’s an incredibly helpful quality to have in your business and your personal life. 

 

How can you demonstrate your enthusiasm on the job? Here’s a sample:

 

  •  in a job interview, sit up straight, make eye contact, smile, and ask lots of questions demonstrating your interest in the company and the position
  •  always discuss work-related issues in a positive and upbeat way
  • show up on time—early even!
  • show interest in expanding your skill set to add more value to the company
  • always demonstrate your willingness to listen, seek constructive feedback to improve, and try new things
  • approach customers proactively and focus on exceeding their expectations
  • seek out extra tasks and projects when there is down time
  • suggest new ways to improve sales, reduce costs, develop new products/process, and add value to clients
  • always project that you are someone who wants to be there and who is willing to do what it takes to get the job done
  • seek opportunities to mentor and encourage others


When you’re with others, be positive and enthusiastic—and be sure to smile. Whether it’s simply enjoying the company of others or interviewing for the most significant career opportunity of your life, show your enthusiasm. It WILL make a difference!

                                                                     

How differently do you feel around people who are positive and enthusiastic versus those who are negative and critical? Why do you think this is so?  We’d love to hear your feedback; please comment below. And share us with a friend!

Don’t Whine – Just Do It!

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  How do you react when you don’t get your way? What’s your typical response when you’re asked to do something you’re either not in the mood to do or that is outside your comfort zone? How about when someone in a position of authority makes a decision with which you don’t agree?

            Nobody likes to be in these situations but they happen a lot in life, especially in the workplace…or at home growing up!

            When you are in that position, you can take one of four approaches:           

 

1         1.      Push back or passively disregard. Argue with your supervisor and leave him with the impression you think he or she is        incompetent. Or, take the passive route and just ignore or procrastinate responding to emails, assignments, and deadlines.

           2.     Stuff, stew, and spite. Suppress your irritation and maybe hold a grudge. Withhold any pertinent information you have that may help the boss make a better decision. 

3         3.     Cheerfully comply. Remember this is what you get paid to do. Consider that your supervisor (or parent) may be working with information and a bigger perspective that you do not have. Keep in mind that your future could depend on your ability to be a cooperative team player.

          4.     Respectfully request consideration of your input. If you are quite convinced there is a better option, look for a private opportunity to ask your supervisor (or parent) to consider your suggestion. Phrase your concerns as questions, such as, “Have you thought about …” or “Might it be a better solution if…?” Frame your concerns humbly and in such a way that it is clear your intention is to be helpful, not willful.

 

            If you are an employee who can express your disagreements respectfully, knowing how to stand your ground while remaining open minded, your value will multiply in the eyes of your supervisor. On the other hand, if you are an employee who always has a different idea about how to do things, can’t be counted on to follow directions, or who has an “attitude” about being told what to do, your value will quickly diminish. You may soon find yourself looking for another job!

            More often than not, you won’t have a choice in the matter when given a direction at work (and at home). So here’s a word to the wise: handle it as one of life’s inevitable unpleasantries. Take a page from Nike’s handbook, and “Just do it!”  Not only will the Nike approach prevent you from irritating and even alienating others, but chances are that things will turn out fine after all—and you’ll earn a reputation for being a trusted and valuable employee.  

                                                                    

What’s your attitude when things don’t go the way you want? Are you someone who tries to make the best out of difficult situations and be a team player? What advice would you give to a young person who is new on the job and in this situation?  We’d love to hear your experiences and ideas!

Laugh Often!

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“Laughter is an instant vacation.”

Milton Berle

For many years, Reader’s Digest had a humor section called, “Laughter: the Best Medicine.” Whether intentional or not, there was wisdom in that title because studies have found that laughter actually has therapeutic value. Laughter can boost your immune system, improve blood pressure, stimulate your vital organs, and reduce pain! And those are just the physical benefits!

          

        Laughter also:

                     1.     Relieves stress

                     2.     Promotes relaxation

                     3.     Soothes tension

                     4.     Make it easier to cope with difficult situations

                     5.     Improves your mood

                     6.     Decreases depression and anxiety

                     7.     Increases happiness

                     8.     Attracts other people to you

                     9.     Strengthens relationships

                     10.Helps you live longer

 

              Wow, with those kinds of side effects, who wouldn’t want a good dose of laughter?

             In my life, no one mastered the art of laughter and lightheartedness like my mom. She would howl and cackle, at times to the point of my utter embarrassment! But, it was no secret that she was everyone’s favorite mom. Her likeability factor was simply off the charts. My mom was a blast to be around, and I was blessed to have her 24-7. People who laugh often make themselves—and others—feel good.

            Whether you’re sick, melancholy, stressed out, or as healthy as an ox, it’s a great idea to surround your life with humor. While you’re at it, learn to laugh at yourself by not taking yourself so seriously. Being able to admit that you goofed, and permitting yourself to laugh about it, is an incredible gift to give yourself.

            Here’s an idea: Anytime something annoying and frustrating occurs, try to stop yourself from reacting negatively and instead look for the humor in the situation. There is almost always something you can laugh or smile at.  Sure, you can be irritated—angry, even—that you slopped your spaghetti on your shirt at dinner or that you stepped in a dog deposit in your new shoes. But what does it accomplish other than putting you and everyone around you in a sour mood?

            Comedian Bill Cosby has said, “Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.” I heartily agree! Be the one to see the lighter side of a sticky situation, and to get a smile out of yourself and the people around you.  You’ll all end up feeling better—not just about the circumstances, but about life in general.  Laughter really is the best medicine!


How often do you laugh? What makes you laugh? What are ways you’ve learned to cultivate your sense of humor?  Please share your ideas and experiences with us; we’d love to hear from you.  And share us with your friends; we’re always growing our online community!

 

Demonstrate the Qualities Employers Value

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  When I was young, jobs for high school and college students were plentiful. Whether it was restaurant, mill, or gas station work, most of my friends were able to pay at least part of their way through college. More recently, however, jobs for teens and young adults have become tougher to come by.

            One reason is that in this current job market, employers are preferring to hire older applicants over younger. (There are plenty of older ones available these days!) Employers say the reason is that older candidates tend to be more reliable and have a better work ethic.

            We hear it all the time. Many students are not leaving high school with the personal leadership foundation and marketable skills required to succeed in the real world.

            What does this mean for young people who want to get a job? 

           

            There ARE jobs out there for young people who are able to demonstrate the qualities that employers value. By knowing these qualities and focusing on applying them in your own life, you’ll increase your chances of getting hired and advance more rapidly. Here are the traits of a true workplace MVP in the eyes of employers:


Reliable 

Enthusiastic

Honest

Innovative

Courteous

Accurate

Adaptable

Positive

Globally Aware    

Motivated

Timely

Independent

Team player

Excellent Communicator

Leader 

Good humored


            These characteristics were drilled into me from a young age. By my senior year in college, my two summer jobs consisted of grocery stock boy and a paper mill worker. Those jobs were simply a means to funding my college education rather than long-term career interests. Although I didn’t care much for the work, as long as I was reliable and my work was of high quality, my bosses were happy. It was valuable experience and enabled me to pay my way through college. A worthy cause!

            No one scores an A+ in all of these worthy qualities. Understanding this, how would you and the people who know you best rate you on these qualities? What are your strongest areas? Which need strengthening? Take the initiative to convert your weaknesses into strengths. You’ll be that much more valued by your employers and co-workers down the road.   

                                 

How do you stack up on the most valuable employee qualities? In which areas do you see the greatest room for improvement? Please share your stories, comments, questions, and insights with our online community. We’d love to hear from you. Forward us to a friend!

Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep

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Imagine you see two movies (if you can find two movies worth seeing!).  The critic in you rates them each four out of five stars. Prior to going, you expected the first one to rate three stars and the second one a perfect five.

            Did you experience the same level of satisfaction from both movies?

 

            Interestingly, probably not!

            If you’re like most people, you left more satisfied after the first one. That’s because it turned out better than you expected. In contrast, you were probably a little disappointed with the second one because it wasn’t as great as you thought it would be.

            This illustration demonstrates the importance that expectations play in our lives. The greater the expectations, the greater the risk of disappointment. It also explains why it’s so important to keep your promises. After all, if someone promises you something, you’re entitled to expect they’ll deliver on their word.

            Some people habitually overpromise and underdeliver. They promise the moon because they aim to please. They say what people want to hear and feed off of their enthusiasm. However, all they do is create false hope when they can’t deliver on their promises. After a few of these incidents, people will figure them out as manipulators. Their credibility is lost forever.

           

            When we don’t keep a promise to someone, it messages that we don’t value or respect them. Rather, we valued something else more highly than our commitment. We communicate to others that they cannot count on us. This takes a heavy toll on our relationships—personally and professionally.

 

            If anything, it pays to underpromise and overdeliver. By doing so, you’ll pleasantly surprise others by exceeding their expectations. Here are some ideas for what that can look like:

·                            In your own mind, honestly appraise what you’re willing and realistically able to do for them.

  •  Allow yourself a “fudge factor” – estimate a slightly longer delivery time, slightly higher cost, slightly lower quality, etc.

 

  • If the project takes longer or costs more, you’ll still be able to come close to your original estimate. And if you’re able to deliver under your original estimate, you look like a hero!

           

            Do yourself and others a big favor. Either deliver on your promises or don’t make them in the first place. It’s a hallmark of integrity!

                                                         

Have you observed how others have reacted when you failed to deliver on your promises? Why should this be a part of how we train our young people? Do you have any experiences with this lesson?  We’d love to hear from you!

 

Don’t Let Technology Rule Your Life

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I grew up in Norman Rockwellian small town America at a time when you could play in the woods for the whole day and your parents didn’t think twice about it. Most of the time, we were building forts or playing sports or games in the street, our driveways, or our backyards. Our play was imaginative, competitive, and relational and we were super active.          

Kids today, on the other hand, have cell phones, computers, video games, iPods, and a host of other electronic devices to entertain and educate them—many of which I’m probably not even aware of!

Technology has improved our lives in dramatic ways. It has made our work far more efficient and communication more rapid and widespread. We are far more connected, at least on the surface, because of these advancements.

There is a downside, however. For every plus, there is a minus or two that we should be considering for the social, psychological, and physical health of our younger generation. For example:

  •  Our world is getting more impersonal as it becomes more technological.
  •  We text or email rather than talk.
  •  Our lives are more distracted because of our numerous interruptions and our attention spans have shrunk.
  • We are spending less time reflecting and using our imaginations.
  • We lose the ability to read body language and social cues in other people.
  • Our waistlines are growing as we’ve become more sedentary.
  • We sleep poorly, as online activities keep us up too late and the constant stream of information makes it difficult to turn off our brains.
  • We are being consumed by “busyness” and it is affecting our responsiveness to true priorities


I know I’m probably sounding like Fred Flintstone, but I believe there’s some middle ground. When I hear about car accidents occurring because of drivers’ texting, or when I observe my daughter’s friends’ texting when they’re supposed to be enjoying each other’s company, I think the pendulum may have swung too far.

Remember that time is a precious asset and that relationships are designed to be personal.  Your brain was designed to be active. Your body was designed to move. Don’t let your electronic devices interfere with any of that!

                                                                     

How is technology affecting your time allocation and personal interaction with others? Have they impacted your quiet time and productivity? What are some ways you’ve found to creatively “unplug” for refreshment?

HOW You Say It Matters! (Part 2)

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In last week’s blog, I shared four things we should consider to avoid miscommunication. One of these is the form of delivery our communication takes, especially when dealing with a highly charged topic.

 

 Writing letters, emails, or texts is certainly easier than speaking about sensitive subjects in person. The distance provided by written forms can offer a protective shield. However, if the receiver doesn’t accurately perceive your intended tone, it can be an unmitigated disaster.

 

 Whenever you’re dealing with sensitive subjects or feelings, it’s generally much better to talk it out rather than write it out. Here’s why:
 

A friend of mine once sensed a growing distance with another friend and was feeling improperly judged. Rather than talk about it personally, my friend decided to write a letter. After reading the draft, I implored my friend not to send it, for fear it would be misconstrued. Unfortunately, my advice was ignored, and in the aftermath, their friendship was severely damaged. My friend made the mistake of assuming the receiver would insert the correct tone when reading the letter. Unfortunately, it didn’t turn out that way.

 

 This is a classic example of what can happen when you use written communication in a situation where face to face (or at least over the phone, if face to face is not possible) would be better. When speaking, you’re in control of your tone of voice and body language, and there’s less chance of misinterpretation. At least if happens, you’re there to correct the situation through give and take. In contrast, written correspondence leaves far too much to chance and takes much longer to rectify if your words are misunderstood. It’s a risk to avoid if you can.

 

Another problem with written communication—especially in this digital age—is that you have no guarantee it will stay with the intended recipient. When you send an email, you have no control over where it goes. Who knows where it could end up! (It also means we should think twice before hitting “Reply all!”)

         

That’s why it’s so important to try and have our sensitive conversations in person. It may be easier to jet off an email or post a rant on Facebook. But in the long term, that’s probably not going to be your best bet.

                                                                     

How do you handle the communication of sensitive or emotional emails? Have you ever written out your feelings in a letter, email, or social media posting and later regretted it? Share your experiences and advice by commenting below; your story could be helpful to someone in our online community!