Communication

Are You and Your Students “Launch Ready?”

Posted by

0

With spring break just around the corner, the end of the school year is within sight. As parents, teachers, and mentors of high schoolers, this should be a thoughtful time of year for all of us. Are the kids in our lives prepared for the real world after graduation? If not, what’s high on our “to do” lists? If our students are currently juniors or sophomores, are they already preparing for the next step? What kind of life are they envisioning after high school?

Let’s be honest. When we contemplated having children, what did most of us think about? Likely our minds were filled with images of babies, toddlers, and elementary school-aged kids. Visions of their first day home, their first steps, their first words, their first ride without training wheels, their first day of school, Little League games, and dance recitals gave us a sense of joyful anticipation of what the future held.

I’d be willing to bet that very few of us pictured a teenager being launched from our loving arms into the real world. It’s seems so far down the road that it really doesn’t enter our minds at the outset. After all, we have SO much time before we get to that point, right? Then reality hits—and they’re off—just like the blink of an eye.

If we did think about the teen years, we probably thought about Friday night football games. We might have pictured ourselves helping them with homework and projects, or we may have imagined helping them learn to drive their first car, or seeing them off to senior prom.

Sure, those are important hallmarks of adolescence in American culture. But, if those cultural images were as far as our imaginations were able to take us, something was missing.

In our work with educators, youth mentors, and business and community leaders, we are hearing an overwhelming and urgent cry. They tell us the current generation of young adults, generally speaking, is emerging into the world grossly underprepared to succeed. Consider these facts:

  • One in four high school students fails to graduate, according to the Washington Post.
  • In a ranking of 18 industrialized nations, the United States ranked ninth in college enrollment and dead last in college completion.
  • The average current teen jobless rate, as of this writing, is 23.7%.
  • Over and over we hear that many employers prefer to hire older job applicants, because they are more reliable, better mannered, more motivated, and have a stronger work ethic.

How did we get to this current state of affairs? And what can we parents be doing to equip and empower our teens for success in the real world and reverse this course? As parents, it is imperative to provide our children with the wings they need to thrive in the real world. That means strategically equipping them for independent adulthood, starting now! So, gather the tools you need for your toolkit to prepare YOU (and your children!) for the ride ahead.

We wrote Parenting for the Launch: Raising Teens to Succeed in the Real World for such a time as this. We hope you check it out at here. And, here’s a checklist to help prepare for this milestone.

Do you have a young person that you are preparing for “launch time?” How are you ensuring they’re properly equipped? Do you feel “ready?” If you haven’t yet, check out our book, Parenting for the Launch, for an arsenal of easily applicable advice for you and your teen as you position yourselves for this upcoming milestone.

Live With an Outward Focus

Posted by

0

Parents, teachers, and mentors alike, this is a great message to share with the young people in your life. I encourage you to start a conversation with them and talk about how they can focus on others.

Follow your passion. March to the beat of your own drum. Pursue your dreams. Find yourself.

Sound familiar?  It should. The message is everywhere these days.  And it sounds great, doesn’t it, to encourage young people to discover themselves and follow their dreams? We do it all the time (me included).

But isn’t it also paradoxical that, at the very time young people are heading off into the world to become part of a college community, part of a business or organization, part of a marriage someday … they are hearing it’s all about them? No wonder colleges and employers are complaining about the entitlement mentality in today’s incoming students and employees!

Are our teens getting the wrong message from our “it’s all about me” culture?

Maybe it’s time we pay attention to combining that message with a healthy dose of other-centeredness.

In reality, the most successful individuals are those who have realized that a successful life is not all about them.  In fact, most people who have achieved a full measure of success (i.e., in their personal life as well as their professional life) will tell you the best things are found not in what they have gained for themselves, but in what they have given to others.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all learn this sooner rather than later?

The first half of one’s adult life can be aptly called the “accumulation stage” and the second half is the “distribution stage.” During the accumulation stage, you are in “gathering mode,” filling your  bushel basket with life’s needs and wants. In some ways, it might feel like it’s all about YOU. You build a career, buy and furnish a house, start a family, save for retirement, and buy lots of things along the way.

Then, one day, usually around 50 when the kids have left the nest and you have all the toys you need, you become more motivated to give back. You discover that the joy of giving is greater than the joy of receiving, and your perspective changes dramatically. You realize it never was about YOU. I’m a typical case—it happened to me around 49! My life is so much more focused now on others than it was when I was a young person, and I doubt I’m an exception.

When I left my dream 28-year career in investment management to teach finance and life skills to young people, I had no idea it would lead to a total career change to that of author, publisher, mentor, and speaker. But, oh, the fulfillment of being able to direct my life toward others on a regular basis.

Had I known this earlier, I would have sought more balance in my accumulation stage and started my distribution stage sooner. The joy and satisfaction that comes from giving our time, talent, and treasure so outweighs the fun of accumulating that I regret not starting this process earlier.

Where are you directing your life right now—toward self or toward others?  Give it some thought. By shifting your focus toward others, you’ll receive far more in return than you give. Your life will have more balance, your spirit will soar, you’ll make new friends, and you’ll maximize the impact of your life. Oh, and you’ll also make the world a better place in the meantime! What’s not to love about that?

How differently do you feel when you give versus when you receive? Which will have more lasting impact? How have you impressed this principle on the young people in your life? Share your ideas and stories with us by commenting below; we’d love to hear from you!

Are You an Inspiring Team Player?

Posted by

0

One of my most admired leaders, George Russell, always used to say, “It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you don’t care who gets the credit.” I have to admit I didn’t fully appreciate the wisdom of his words early in my career. But, in time I realized he was right. When you adopt George’s philosophy, you become a true team player and everyone benefits.

 Teamwork is more and more the name of the game in the workplace these days. In the past, many people learned to perform a single skill and then continued it for many years. These days, however, creativity and innovation are more often what is needed in the workplace—requiring greater collaboration, flexibility, and interpersonal skills from workers.

 Do you have what it takes to be a great team player in today’s economy? Do the young adults in your life?

 

My favorite spectator sport is basketball. To me, it’s the consummate team sport where character is revealed before our very eyes.

Some players clearly focus on individual scoring (often to the detriment of the team when they go overboard), and enjoy being in the limelight. Still others are known for their passing and defense and rarely receive the same fan attention. Yet, isn’t it interesting that, it’s the team with the best defense and passing that usually wins the championship? I believe there’s a message to be learned in this.

           

When I coached basketball, I gave special praise for assists, tenacious defense, and our unsung heroes. One young lady on our team, Jazi, as the perfect example. She may have scored only two points a game, but we were never the same without her! She was our best passer and shut down the finest guards with her incredible defense. Our victories against our toughest opponents often came from her defense rather than from our leading scorer. She was the consummate team player and unsung hero. I wouldn’t have traded her for the world.

In the NBA, the player that most comes to my mind is John Stockton, a retired point guard from the Utah Jazz. He’s the league’s all-time assist leader, which is a true sign of an unselfish team player. During his career, he handed out an incredible 15,806 assists to his teammates— truly an extraordinary accomplishment. It is rare in sports to see records that stand out like this, and it’s a testimony to John’s skill, unselfishness, and endurance.

Throughout your life, you’ll be in countless team situations, especially on the job. When these opportunities arise, focus on the team rather than on your individual contributions. Encourage them, praise them, mentor them, enjoy them, and show your gratitude toward them. Bring everyone up and your team will achieve great things. Your leadership will be liked, respected, and admired by others.

                                                                        

Can you see the difference on a team when players focus on mutual support and team effort, as opposed to seeking personal recognition? Please share your comments and stories with us; we’re always glad to hear from our readers!

 

A Simple Idea to Change Our Culture

Posted by

0

Words have incredible power. They can be uplifting or destructive. Think back to a time you heard something nasty someone said about you—you probably felt angry, hurt, or rejected. Now, think about a time when you received authentic praise. It probably raised your spirits and boosted your confidence. It might have revealed something about yourself that you never fully appreciated!

Now consider your own words and what you’ve said about others. Sometimes our words stay solely with the receiver. Other times, they go in a million directions outside of our control, especially when we use social media, e-mail, or text messages. These days it doesn’t take much for a spark to ignite a fire.

What we say about others speaks volumes about our character—especially when we communicate about someone who is not present. They reflect our integrity, loyalty, kindness, and respect, not to mention our self control and self esteem!

One way to demonstrate excellent character is to only say things about others we wouldn’t mind them overhearing. That’s right—everything is constructive! Try this “Integrity Challenge” for a week and be amazed by how it affects your choice of words, and ultimately, your character and spirit! It makes us more tactful and respectful, and less judgmental. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it!

Then, do it the next week and the next and the next. And, soon it will become a habit. This simple idea might be the best anti-bullying strategy of all!

While we’re at it, let’s start a movement in our schools—let’s take the Integrity Challenge. What is said or written about others is neutral or positive, with students holding each other accountable. Any criticism is constructive and only shared face to face. And, when we slip up, we apologize and ask for forgiveness.

What if we challenged ourselves and those around us—our families, friends, co-workers, teachers, students, etc.—to live by this principle? What if it became a way of life in how we think, relate, and communicate about others? Can you even imagine the possibilities? It would literally change the world—in a wonderful way! Are you up for it?

What are your habits when it comes to talking about others? Teachers and parents: This is a good piece of advice to share with the young people in your life, especially those who are active on social media.

Building Lasting Friendships

Posted by

0

Do you have a trusted confidante with whom you can share your innermost feelings; one who has your best interests at heart? What about someone who will encourage you to be your absolute best and hold you accountable in your career, relationships, and even your spiritual life? Is there someone you can turn to when life throws you a curveball? A person of your gender with whom you can connect on a regular basis?

If your answers are “No,” then this could be a valuable New Year’s resolution for you!  Here’s why: Friendship—the enduring, here-til-the-end-for-you, holding-you-accountable kind—is good for you! These friendships make you a better person and are an essential ingredient to a strong support system.

It doesn’t just make intuitive sense, it’s also supported by clinical studies.  People with long-time friends live longer. They experience less stress. They are more likely to survive cancer. They even contract fewer colds! I am not kidding here, folks!

Just last year, Virginia Tech researchers took a group of students from the University of Virginia to the base of a steep hill, fitted them with a weighted backpack, and asked them to estimate the steepness of the hill. Some participants stood next to friends during the exercise, while others stood alone.

Interestingly, the students who stood with friends gave lower estimates of the hill’s steepness—and the longer the friends had known each other, the less steep the hill appeared to them.

This principle holds true across the board. Trusted friends make our life journey smoother (especially when the going gets rough) and our experiences all the richer. They enable us to live life fuller and provide companionship and support along the way.

Granted, it takes time and effort to build a trusted friendship of that caliber. It’s easy today to be lulled by the superficial “friendship” that Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and online forums offer. But, remember that true friendship takes time: getting to know each other, identifying and building on shared values, accumulating a library of shared memories, weathering conflict and crisis, and more. It’s all worth the investment, and the best part is, it’s never too late to start.

Not sure where to begin? Here a few tips to help get you there.

  1. Take a personal inventory of your interests and the qualities and values most important to you. Chances are, your forever friendships will reside where your interests and values intersect. Together with trust, they’re the building blocks of companionship.
  2. Don’t be afraid to let your guard down. People relate to others who are real and transparent. Instead of trying to appear a certain way to your friends, be your authentic self, warts and all!
  3. Ask questions that will reveal their inner selves. While it’s easy to gauge compatibility of interests, it takes time, in-depth conversation, and experiences to gauge compatibility of values.
  4. Say yes. Even if you don’t feel like getting off the couch and changing out of your sweatpants, it’s important to say “yes” to new opportunities with new friends.. You never know what might come from each new experience!  Saying yes also means returning phone calls with phone calls (and not text messages). Remember, cultivating friendships takes energy and personal engagement!

Who is your most trusted confidante? How have you invested in that relationship throughout your life? Have you been cultivating and investing in new ones?

Constructive Criticism Can Help You Grow

Posted by

0

How committed are you to correcting your weaknesses and building your strengths? Do you embrace constructive feedback when it comes your way?

Let’s face it.  Most of us love to receive compliments—but criticism?  Not so much. Criticism, even if it’s constructive, can sometimes make us feel guilty, ashamed, or inadequate. We often become angry or withdrawn when we receive it. We can be defensive. Or, out of hurt, we turn the tables on the people criticizing us, attacking their credibility and motives.

The common sense reality is that if we’re genuinely interested in improving ourselves, we should be just as interested in hearing about our weaknesses as we are our strengths—even if the method of delivery is indelicate. We are, after all, a work in progress!

It’s a great idea to make it a practice to actively solicit constructive feedback from your superiors, friends, and role models. This means asking them questions such as:

  • Am I meeting your performance expectations?
  • How can I improve—as a person and as a colleague?
  • What do you see are my strengths and weaknesses?

It also means being able to receive the feedback with a grateful heart whether you asked for it or not. It’s natural to react defensively when someone gives critical feedback.  But if you do, you’ll miss a golden opportunity to learn and grow.  Here is some advice to receive criticism well and use it to your advantage:
 

  1. Don’t take it personally. If someone criticizes you for something you’ve done, it doesn’t mean they don’t like YOU.
  2. Learn to separate yourself from the criticism and take it at face value. Think of it as a gift from someone who cares about you!
  3. Resist the temptation to interrupt or argue. Thank the person giving you feedback, and assure him or her you’ll take it to heart and consider it.
  4. Thank the person for the feedback. If it seems appropriate, enlist his or her help for making changes related to the advice given.
  5. Ask for specific examples of any behaviors needing improvement.

This is especially important for young people to embrace—a challenge when they’re exerting their independence and think they know it all. I adopted this practice early on in life and consider it one of the most valuable life lessons in my career. It made me progress that much faster by seeking the wisdom and feedback of others. It’s a hallmark of excellence!
 
Make it a point to ask for one piece of constructive feedback from someone in your life and practice responding in the ways we’ve just discussed.  Are you a parent or teacher? Share this lesson with the young people in your life. If they apply it, they’ll likely thank you for it some day!

Coaching 101: Critics Vs. Encouragers

Posted by

0

How many coaches have you had in your lifetime?  5? 10? 20? However many, each was responsible for developing you in some subject or skill area. They helped grow your strengths and correct your weaknesses. When delivered in the right setting and in the right manner, their constructive criticism was a good thing, wasn’t it? It helped you be better, perform better, and know better.

There can be a dark side to criticism, though. It can be sharp, abrasive, and downright mean-spirited. This kind of advice comes off sounding like a slap in the face instead of an arm around the shoulders, and can deeply hurt people. People do it because they think it gets fast results, but they couldn’t be more misguided.

I’ve known people who are natural critics of everything in life, including themselves. It’s as though they thrive on negativity and find pleasure in correcting others or pointing out their weaknesses. They have a distorted view of reality and are often angry, bitter, insecure, mean-spirited, jealous, or all of the above. These types usually operate on the assumption that correcting flaws is the way to maximize results. They withhold praise. “Coaches” like this can be tough to handle.

There is another philosophy that operates from a completely different paradigm. It embodies inspiration, encouragement, and constructive feedback. Here, others are challenged to build on their strengths and correct their weaknesses through positive instruction and effort. Communication includes both positives and negatives, but the style embraces praise and encouragement over harsh criticism.

Let’s self-reflect for a moment.

  1. Which style works better for you when you’re on the receiving end of criticism?
  2. Which style do you employ when you’re on the delivering end of criticism?

I’m pretty confident we will all respond to the first question with “the second style.”  But, our answers are going to vary on the second. Are we humble and self-aware enough to be honest if the truthful answer is, “the first style?”

There’s a wise proverb that says, “The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry, and a wise friend’s timely reprimand is like a gold ring slipped on your finger.” Wouldn’t it be great to have that kind of impact in other people’s life? Not only that, wouldn’t it be more effective?

Throughout your life you’ll face countless situations where you give feedback to others. You may be a teacher or coach yourself (or become one, one day), or perhaps you manage an office or a team of employees. You might be asked for guidance from a friend who is going through a difficult time or a tough decision. Which coaching philosophy will you adopt? Remember, how you say it matters (http://dennistrittin.com/view_blog.aspx?blog_id=127) —a lot.

In order to bring out the best in others, the encouragement approach is far more effective. Not only is the feedback more balanced and accurate, but people put forth a more inspired effort to reach new heights when they work with someone who cares. Simply stated, people try harder to please someone they like and admire.

So, whenever you have the opportunity, be an encourager, not a critic—and always look for the best in people.

Consider the favorite teachers, coaches, and mentors in your life. What coaching style did they use? Which one comes more naturally to you? Do you actively seek opportunities to praise and encourage others?

The Greatest Gift We Can Give to a Teenager

Posted by

1

The teen years are among our greatest periods of change and self discovery. When you know who you are and why you’re here, you’re inspired to define and pursue your passions. Knowing “what makes you tick” and being able to carry that out, brings great joy and fulfillment. Unfortunately, for some, that’s easier said than done.

Take teenagers who receive few expressions of love or healthy modeling in the home. It doesn’t take long for that deficit to show up in their academics, motivation, relationships, and demeanor. In acts of sheer desperation, they search for love and false comforts in all the wrong places and check out of school. It’s a tragic cycle that has become all too common, with one unhappy ending after another.

During the past year, I’ve had many opportunities to speak with teens and young adults who are, in one form or another, facing a crisis of relevance. They see school as irrelevant, and worse yet, they see themselves as irrelevant. Some of their questions are:

  • “What am I worth when my parents never tell me they love me?”
  • “What’s the point of staying in school? I’ll never use this stuff anyway.”
  • “What can I do to convince my parents to let me live my dream?”
  • “I’m not that smart and my family has no money. Can I still become a leader?”
  • “All my parents care about is my performance…not me. How am I supposed to deal with that?

These conversations are heart wrenching. But, interestingly, it’s these kids who often most engaged in my talks on leadership! They ask the most questions and ask to share in private. They’re the ones asking questions and opening up after my speaking engagements. They’re desperately searching—for hope, relevance, and worth—even though it may not appear that way on the surface.

We’ve got to give it to them. All of them! Until young people see the relevance and value of their own lives, there’s simply no way they’ll reach their full potential.

Here are some ways adults can help:

  • Recognize that no one (especially a young person) has a complete and accurate perspective on all he or she has to offer—whether character qualities or skills. They need the perspectives of others who can offer additional insights about their value and opportunities.
  • Parents can ensure their children understand their uniqueness and value, and avoid showing favoritism through words or attention. They can value the person more than the performance.
  • Educators can offer opportunities for skills/aptitude assessments and programs where friends, relatives, and mentors honor each student with expressions of value. For example, some innovative schools hold special retreats where students receive letters collected from important people in their lives—life changing keepsake experiences.
  • Look for opportunities to “speak life” into young people and encourage them to do the same.

Remember, relevance breeds hope, and hope breeds motivation and direction. Motivation and direction help uncover passion and purpose. Passion and purpose help  fulfill potential.

These are vital gifts to give the young people in your life. Give generously.

7 Easy Tips for Learning to Speak Comfortably in Groups

Posted by

0

What do people most frequently mention as their greatest fear? Public speaking in front of an audience! (I know this all too well, having botched my wedding vows and the two lines in my 8th grade play!) The good news is this fear (and insecurity) can be overcome with proper training and experience. It’s a leadership and life skill that deserves high priority in every school and in every grade.
One reason we hesitate to “put ourselves out there” in front of a crowd is our fear of saying something stupid or our mind going blank just in time for the punch line.  However, speaking comfortably in front of groups is a skill that can be learned—I’m proof of that. Developing this skill helps immensely in life, especially in your career where so many positions and opportunities demand excellent communication.

Here are some helpful communication confidence boosters:

  • Lower your expectations of yourself—you don’t need an orator’s eloquence to deliver a successful presentation. What’s important is that you are clear, interesting, enthusiastic, and relevant to your audience.
  • Take comfort that you usually know more about your subject than your audience and only you know exactly what you want to say. If you make a small mistake, it is very likely that no one will notice.
  • Recognize that most audiences want you to succeed and are on your side. They are not judging you.
  • Avoid excessive detail. Conciseness is your friend.
  • Tell stories. Make your presentation personal.
  • Show lots of enthusiasm and expression. This means smiling and being congenial, as well as aware of your body language. How are you standing? Are you gesturing with your hands? Gestures can aid in your presentation, but can also be distracting if overdone.
  • Try to have fun with it! And, recognize that a little nervousness is okay—they won’t even notice it!

If all else fails, you can always try the “imagine your audience in their underwear” trick. Frankly, that never worked for me, but it might for you.

I’m infinitely better in front of groups than I used to be since adopting the above strategies, and it’s opened up so many opportunities. If I can, you and the young people in your life can, too!

Are you comfortable speaking in front of groups? What hurdles do you need to overcome to build your confidence? What personal tips have helped you in your public speaking?

My Best Tip for Meeting New People

Posted by

0

Do you thrive on meeting new people? Or, do your palms break into sweat just by the very thought of introducing yourself to a stranger? Whether you like it, love it, or detest it, meeting new people if something we all have to do, and the more comfortable we become with it, the better.

Being skilled at getting to know new people isn’t about winning a popularity contest, being intellectual or funny, or even about being remarkably interesting.  Here’s the scoop: to be well-received (and liked) when meeting new people, your best bet is to ask questions and be a good listener. Put even simpler? Use more of your ears and less of your mouth.

My mother-in-law Lea likes to talk about the parties she attended with her rocket scientist husband, Dale. She was far less educated than her husband’s “high tech” peers. Theoretically, these should have been intimidating situations but, for Lea, they were a piece of cake. Her Dale would receive one compliment after another about his wife’s graciousness and intelligence! She was excellent at conversations, and was a joy to be around!

That’s because Lea had a secret when meeting new people. She figured she couldn’t compete with their smarts, so she listened intently and asked them lots of questions. Lea instinctively knew that if they did most of the talking (which most people like to do!) her encounters would be a success. And, that’s exactly what happened, time and again. Lea built up quite the wonderful reputation for herself.

When you meet new people (whether it’s at college, a new job, a networking event, or a party) or are in a social setting where you don’t know the others very well, take a page from Lea’s playbook. Take the pressure off yourself by letting them do most of the talking (I recommend a 40/60 rule of you/them).

This tip works especially well for those who are shy by nature and for young people who are now on their own and building their networks. Start with questions about the context of your introduction (event/person), listen intently, and show a keen interest in them with good, open ended follow up questions. Soon, they’ll be the ones asking you questions and you’re on your way!

Do you have a secret for meeting new people you’d like to share? When you’re in a social situation, do you try and ask more questions and do less talking? How has it been received? As always, please share your tips, advice, or thoughts. And feel free to share this with your friends, too!