relationships

Out with the Old, In with the New!

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A fresh year always inspires fresh dreams. Most of us think, “What are the things I could improve in my life, if I had a fresh start?” For some reason, “January 1st” symbolizes new possibilities and a chance for a “do-over.”

In what area of your life would you like a fresh start? In your parenting or other relationships? Your performance at school or on the job? How about being more financially savvy or more organized? Or, maybe yours is like mine: to take control of busyness and reserve more time to reflect. All of these are admirable aspirations—but how can we make them a reality?

Most successful people accomplish their aspirations by staring with dreams and then establishing goals and plans to help make them come true. And, they know that the most effective goals are both specific and measurable (as opposed to vague and difficult to evaluate). As you start to identify your aspirations for 2016 and beyond, it’s important to develop short-, intermediate-, and long-range goals to help get you there.

Even if you’re not naturally a goal-setter, it’s not difficult to become one.  Start by imagining what you want your life to look like. What are the large-scale goals you hope to achieve? These are your long-term or lifetime goals.  It’s important to set these first because they will shape your overall perspective and help frame your smaller and shorter-term goals. Think about such areas as:

  • Education and learning
  • Career
  • Marriage and family
  • Finances
  • Community service
  • Relationships
  • Spiritual life
  • Physical goals (sports, etc.)
  • Talents and skills
  • Travel
  • Experiences
  • Retirement

Once you’ve established your long-term goals, you can set some medium-term goals (e.g., three to five years) that will help you achieve your long-term goals.  From there, you can set one-year, six-month, and one-month goals, all of which will ultimately contribute to the larger picture. Periodically check on your long-term goals to make sure they remain high on your list. Also, monitor your progress on your medium-range goals to make sure you’re on track.

(Parents, you may want to make some parenting goals … check out our book, Parenting for the Launch, for some ideas to help you set goals and create a family mission statement.)

Finally, start making daily to-do lists, prioritized by importance and urgency. If you do, you’ll be contributing on a daily basis toward the things that will make your lifetime goals and dreams possible. Here are some guidelines as you do:

  • Phrase your goals in the positive, not the negative
  • Make them realistic goals—ones that are possible and achievable
  • Make them measurable and specific, such as “visit five continents” as opposed to “travel around the world”

What are your aspirations for 2016? Beyond that? This can be fun and lively discussion with family and friends over the holiday season. Make a plan to check back with each other next New Year’s and see who has gained the most ground in accomplishing their goals.

6 Tips for Maximizing Family Togetherness (and Avoiding Conflict)

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One of the greatest things about the holiday season can also be the most challenging:

“Hooray! The whole family will be together!”
“Oh nooooo! The whole family will be together!”
Even the happiest of families has conflict, especially when large numbers of people are indoors for extended periods. Add to the mixture the complexity of holiday activities and expectations, kids coming home from college, relatives travelling from afar, and other friends and family popping in and out. It’s not hard to see why the holidays can be stressful on our relationships!

It helps to have a good strategy for dealing with the (inevitable) conflicts that will surface when extended family and friends gather. When tension or arguments arise, you’ll be able to keep your cool, extend grace, and navigate the holidays with a “peace on earth and goodwill toward men” mentality!

Here are six tips to help you manage (and preferably avoid!) conflict this holiday season:

Be sensitive to the need for private space. Having a full house during the holiday season means that people who typically do not live together are now under one roof. This can be particularly stressful for teens in the family, and for “introverts” who tend to feel drained rather than energized by crowds of people. Sometimes this is hard for the “extroverts” to relate to! Respecting these differing needs for personal space can help avoid resentment and conflict.
Ask yourself, “Does this issue need to be addressed now?” Keep your emotions in check; pause before you respond to a snide comment, an inconvenient request, an entitled attitude, a grievance, or even a simple difference of opinion. The less we react emotionally in the moment, the more we’re able to respond gracefully and tactfully at the right time with the right attitude. Circle back to discuss the problem when you are feeling less heated about it. You may find it doesn’t need to be discussed at all.
If it does need to be addressed now, respect yourself and your right to be heard. Sometimes we allow others to intimidate or dominate us out of fear or embarrassment. Although conflict is uncomfortable, sometimes we do need to speak up about an obvious problem that is causing distress for us or another person. In the process, we want to respect ourselves by speaking up about it, while being respectful to the other party.
Strive to be an agreeable disagreer. So often, conflict arises from misunderstandings that could have been prevented or at least controlled. Sometimes they’re based on different philosophical views or perspectives where there isn’t a right or wrong answer (Hello politics!). Always strive for mutual understanding, but agree to disagree if that’s the case. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. If needed, have a heartfelt conversation about it once things have calmed.
Choose reconciliation over grudges wherever possible. We’ve all been victims of a wrong, and injustice, or a mistake. It causes anger, shame, resentment, depression, and worse. When we harbor grudges or struggle to forgive, it can be like an all-consuming cancer, and generally the person who suffers for it is you. Strive for forgiveness, and reconciliation whenever possible—and don’t hesitate to seek support.
Remember “FLPP.” In our book Parenting for the Launch: Raising Teens to Succeed in the Real World, we offer a strategy for dealing with conflict, restoring strained relationships, and rebuilding trust. It involves keeping your communication with that person FREQUENT, LOW-RISK, POSITIVE, and PERSONAL. What can you talk about that doesn’t provoke irritation or conflict, is encouraging and positive, and shows you care? Focus on these kinds of interactions to build a platform for deeper conversations at a later date.

May your holidays be peaceful and merry!

We’d love to hear your stories about how you avoid or negotiate conflict in your family over the holidays. Please share your thoughts and suggestions. We can all learn from one another!

Leadership for a Lifetime: Brand

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The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear.

~Socrates

What do Google, Apple, Facebook, Disney, Nike, McDonalds, BMW, Coca Cola, Lego, Coach, Harley Davidson, and you have in common? The answer is your own brand. That’s right—your brand! Chances are you don’t think of yourself in this way, but hear me out.

If you Google the term “brand,” you’ll see descriptions such as:

  • what you stand for
  • the representation, identity, or image of you or your organization
  • what differentiates you
  • how you are uniquely perceived by others

I like to think of it as a composite of qualities and values that represent your unique identity and value proposition. Now the parallels make more sense, don’t they?

Businesses go to great lengths to build their brand and reputation. In fact, they treat theirs as a prized possession! They invest massive amounts in developing quality products and services that are both consistent and appealing to customers. They train their employees to represent their core values and high standards in the marketplace. And, they promote their brands through carefully crafted advertising and PR. There’s no better way to build a loyal customer base than having an appealing brand.

Great leaders invest in their own brand, too—both personally and professionally. People who are brand aware view themselves as an asset to offer this world and demonstrate high standards both on and off the court. They are regarded not only for their impact but also for the effect they have on others.

In our conversations with teens and young adults, we stress the importance of building a great brand through an “excellence in everything” mindset. But, in a world that is increasingly shying away from the concept of universal values, what does that look like? To facilitate conversations and self assessments, I encourage students to develop their “Values GPA” by grading themselves on several personal and professional quality indicators. It’s a great way of building their “values vocabulary” and identifying their brand strengths and areas for growth.

Here’s a great way to put this into action. Following is a categorized list of brand-related qualities for your students/children/mentees to evaluate. It can also make for a fun family exercise with opportunities for feedback.

Professional Brand Qualities

Here are my top ten brand qualities of a workplace MVP (link to blog: http://www.dennistrittin.com/view_blog.aspx?blog_id=132 ): high standards, integrity, reliability, relationally skilled, positivity, enthusiasm, motivation, innovation, resilience, and likeability. 

Personal Brand Qualities

At a personal level, the components of our brand are similarly multi-faceted. Consider which of the following qualities you/your students/your children model well and which could benefit from improvement:
Heart Related: kindness, sincerity, compassion, friendliness, helpfulness, generosity, empathy, patience, unselfishness

Integrity Related: honesty, trustworthiness, honor, respect, loyalty, courtesy, tact, obedience, courage, self discipline, authenticity

Personal Nature Related: cheerfulness, self confidence, positivity, enthusiasm, active, sociability, good-humored, stability, expressiveness, politeness, cooperativeness

Productivity Related: reliability, high standards, purposeful, disciplined, resourcefulness, ambition, motivation, strong work ethic, decisiveness, conscientiousness, responsibility, curiosity, objectivity

Spirituality Related: faith, gratefulness, perseverance, resilience, grace, dignity, modesty, humility

 

Your personal brand is a prized possession and one of the most important leadership pillars to nurture and grow. How would you describe yours?

Parenting Teens: When Things Get Rocky

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Every relationship goes through its ups and downs. For parents, the teen years provide more opportunities for conflict and stress within your household. Teenagers are processing a lot (they’re changing physically and emotionally, discovering their passions and goals, planning their future, etc.), while parents are trying to transition from control to influence. Often, a certain tension permeates the air as launch time approaches.

As our children transition toward adulthood, changing our filter from instructing to empowering should happen incrementally. We increasingly assume the role of influencer and encourager, rather than director, so our relationship and communication should adapt accordingly. Because our children and our roles are undergoing such significant transitions, it’s important to keep in mind our key relational and communication goals, especially during times of conflict! With these goals in mind, we can help keep the “fireworks” at bay and ease some of the tension that may be rising.

Here are some important musts to keep in mind:

  • Respect their desire for increasing independence and empower them to assume greater responsibility
  • Strive to build an enduring relationship based on mutual trust, respect, and understanding. We must be viewed as a safe place for them to share their dreams, hurts, challenges, and disagreements. Replace “talk to” with “share with” in your filter.
  • Promote self-discovery and responsible decision-making, even if it comes with risk. Mistakes are a necessary part of the growth process.
  • Regularly model unconditional love, even when we don’t always agree

As we seek to empower rather than control our children, certain words should govern our behavior and occupy our communication filter any time we talk with them: influence, ask, listen, invite, respect, understand, encourage, share, and inspire. These are especially helpful to keep in mind when strains and conflicts rise and when our children are making difficult decisions.

Here are some key things for all of us to remember during times of disagreement and correction:

  • Respect their point of view (even if you disagree); strive for mutual understanding
  • Strategically time your difficult conversations when all parties are calm
  • Avoid nagging, irritating, and frustrating them
  • Share your views in love. Do not be harsh or critical.
  • Keep your cool and resist the urge to fight with them
  • End with a touch, hug, and expression of love

These strategies can help take some of the sting out of your difficult conversations and help your teen understand that you are trying to empower them, not control them. While having strong communication goals are important for parenting children of any age, they’re absolutely essential when raising teens and young adults.

Consider whether your communication methods influence and empower, or direct and constrain. When tensions rise in your house, how do you handle it? Do you have any great communication strategies to share? Remember, we’re releasing eagles to soar, not kites to control!

4 Aspects of Miscommunication and How to Avoid It

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ID-100342634I wish I had a nickel for every time I’ve said, “I didn’t mean it like that!” Or, a nickel for every time someone said it to me. I’d be a very wealthy man! The sad fact is, the messages we send can often be received differently than we intend. And, when it happens, it can be a disaster.  With college and careers starting for many this time of year, it’s important they’re aware of how they’re coming across and the impact of how we say things They’ll be making scores of first impressions and beginning new relationships of all sorts.

Despite our best efforts, miscommunication happens to the best of us. Sometimes we’re the deliverer and other times we’re the receiver. Fortunately, there are some simple things you can do to minimize it, especially as you embark on a new stage in your life and meet new people.

Four things affect how others receive our messages…and any one of them can be the cause of major misunderstandings if we’re not careful:

  1. Word choice – This factor is huge, especially when we discuss sensitive topics and issues we are passionate or emotional about. In these situations, our emotions can interfere with our thinking, and we often use more provocative language that we later regret. In the “heat of moment,” we can be so focused on proving our point or describing how we really feel that we forget to show tact, empathy, and understanding to our audience. Inevitably it leads to hurt, mistrust, frustration, verbal attacks, or shutting down. We’ve all experienced this.
  2. Delivery – Sometimes it’s our manner of delivery that gets in the way, even if our word choice is fine. Delivery is especially important when meeting people for the first time. Examples include speaking with a harsh (or bored, unenthusiastic, or condescending) tone of voice or displaying certain expressions and body language that are not received well by others (crossing arms, standing over someone, frowning, smirking). No matter what words we use, if the “packaging” is incongruent, our message will lack credibility and rub people the wrong way.
  1. Form – Ever wanted to type a nasty email when you’re irritated, or send a harsh text when you’re upset? Trust me, that never ends well. The advantage of verbal communication is that the audience hears you speak, allowing your tone to help convey your ideas. In contrast, written communications (e-mails, social media messages, text messages, etc.) have a major disadvantage because the audience imposes their own interpretation of your tone when they read it. Their perception may be light years away from what you intended. If so, you have a big problem on your hands that might be very hard to undo!
  1. Filter – Depending on whether your audience likes or distrusts you, whether they’re in a good or bad mood, or either focused or distracted by other thoughts, your message may not get through in the way you intended. Unfortunately, this happens all the time (especially with written communications), and you can’t control it.

In short, here are a few quick tips to make sure you avoid miscommunication with others:

  • Be sure your expression (body language, tone, and facial expressions) are in sync
  • Think before you speak, especially if you’re in an emotional state or commenting on potentially charged topics. Avoid provocative words and sleep on any written communications before sending when addressing sensitive topics.
  • Strive to be empathetic by putting yourself in the audience’s position with a goal of mutual understanding. You may agree to disagree, but that’s okay.
  • Closely monitor the receiver’s body language to see whether he or she may be interpreting your words differently than you intend. Their eyes won’t lie!
  • Be a discerning listener when they respond
  • Be quick to apologize for any misunderstandings

Do you pay close attention to how you communicate and how your words are being received? When meeting new people, how do you make a good first impression and avoid miscommunication? What are some ways you’ve learned to be a more effective communicator?

 

Image: freedigitalphotos.net, by nenetus

From Director to Encourager: Learning to Cheer from the Sidelines

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ID-1003929It’s likely some of you have students who will be on their way to college in a matter of weeks or days. Finally, their first taste of independence (and arguably the greatest milestone for their parents as well)!  So, how are you feeling about it? If you (or someone you know) has a college freshman about to start school, this post is for you!

 

I remember the first time I (Arlyn) heard the term “helicopter parent.” It was at my daughter’s college freshman orientation, where they separated parents and students into different rooms and gave us each a good talking-to. There they told us, in no uncertain terms, that helicopter parenting would be detrimental to our students’ success in college.

It’s pretty easy to imagine. A young adult is off to the real world—college or the work force—ready to make his or her mark in life. As he does, there is a helicopter hovering over him, the pilot barking advice through a megaphone. The copter sweeps in for closer views at times. Other times, it pulls away slightly but it is always a very real presence, with the whirl of its blades never too far away.

Our children’s generation has seen the rise of helicopter parents more than any other.. As they hover, they’re always advising and intervening, enabling and rescuing, offering opinions and sometimes outright manipulating. Why? Generally speaking, the reasons include “to be involved in my child’s life,” to “help,” and to “be an advocate.” Good intentions—but when they start to work against our ultimate parenting objectives, these efforts can actually become counterproductive and downright detrimental. Employers and school and college counselors are witnessing it in droves.

“Millennials have had helicopter parents who have protected them,” says Dan Jones, president of the Association for University and College Counseling Center Directors. “They haven’t had the opportunity to struggle. When they come to college and bad things happen, they haven’t developed resiliency and self-soothing skills.”[i]

Let’s back up and identify why this is such a problem today, since our parents’ generation didn’t suffer from it as much. Theirs was (again, generally speaking) more a generation of self-sufficiency—of parents and their adult children living their own lives. This, however, is the generation of highly involved parenting. This is the generation whose fathers are in the Lamaze classes and the delivery rooms, whose parents are at every ball practice, and some of whose moms (or dads) give up lucrative careers to take on the full-time career of parenting. And, they give it every bit as much effort and excellence as their corporate careers! Thus, was born the performance parent.

These involved parents serve on the committees at the preschool and bring cupcakes to every party, they make their kids’ beds and pick up after them, they sometimes DO their kids’ homework, and they make every personal effort they can to help their kids make the team, earn a 4.0, get the job …

So, guess who’s having a little trouble letting go when Junior goes off into the real world? (Hint: It’s not Junior!) Just check the Facebook posts of parents who are readying to launch their teen and you’ll see what I mean!

Young children need their parents A LOT. They need us to interpret the world for them, help them make decisions, recognize and avoid danger, choose the right kinds of friends, and know when to work and when to play. That being said, our role is an evolving one. In fact, our goal should be to eventually work ourselves out of a job! Well, sort of.

When our kids were little, we put training wheels on their bikes, and then took them off as they demonstrated increased strength, balance, and confidence. That’s how we should be approaching the teen years. We go from holding them on the bike with both hands, to keeping one hand on the seat, to letting them ride alone with training wheels, to taking off the training wheels and cheering like crazy from the sidelines. That’s what being a “chief encourager” is all about.

Going from director to chief encourager is one of the biggest challenges for parents during the years leading up to and including the launch. And truthfully, it can be a big challenge for teens as well (although they probably won’t admit it). Change isn’t easy for any of us. But if teens are going to be successful, confident adults, they need to be able to operate independently. If you haven’t started operating as your teen’s chief encourager (rather than pilot or director), it’s time to start practicing now! You’ll be pleasantly surprised by how your teen rises to the occasion as you gradually let go.

This blog post was adapted from Parenting for the Launch: Raising Teens to Succeed in the Real World by Dennis Trittin and Arlyn Lawrence. To purchase, visit www.parentingforthelaunch.com.

Photo: freedigitalphotos.net, by Tim Seed

The Power of Dependability

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How do you and the young people in your life rate when it comes to following through on your promises? As any parent or manager will attest, dependability is one of the most valuable qualities of successful people!.

Imagine it’s your summer vacation (especially my Northeast friends!) and you’ve had the pleasure of reading two great novels. Upon finishing them, your inner book critic rates them each four out of five stars. However, prior to reading them, you expected the first one to rate three stars and the second a perfect five. Question: did you experience the same level of satisfaction from both books? Interestingly enough, probably not!

If you’re like most people, you felt more satisfied after the first one. That’s because it turned out better than you expected. In contrast, you were probably a little disappointed with the second one because it wasn’t as great as you thought it would be.

This illustration demonstrates the importance that expectations play in our lives. The gr

eater the expectations, the greater the risk of disappointment. It also explains why it’s so important to keep your promises. After all, if someone promises you something, you’re entitled to expect they’ll deliver on their word.

Some people habitually overpromise and underdeliver (hello politicians!). They promise the moon because they aim to please or inspire.. They say what people want to hear and feed off of their enthusiasm. However, all they do is create false hope when they can’t deliver on their promises. After a few of these incidents, people wise up and sense the manipulation, It’s a surefire reputation buster…

When we don’t keep a promise to someone, it messages that we don’t value or respect them. Rather, we prioritized something else more highly than abiding by our commitment. Lacking follow-through communicates to others that they cannot count on us. This takes a heavy toll on our relationships—personally and professionally. And, it’s probably one of life’s most common sources of frustration and disappointment.

If anything, it pays to underpromise and overdeliver. By doing so, we’ll pleasantly surprise others by exceeding their expectations. (Interestingly, one of the greatest predictors of an outperforming stock is whether its earnings beat Wall Street estimates!) Here are some proven ways to master dependability:

  • Before committing, honestly appraise what you’re realistically able to do and by when.
  • Allow yourself a “fudge factor” – estimate a slightly longer deadline, slightly higher cost, etc. That way, you can provide at least what you’ve promised, if not more.
  • If the project takes a little longer or costs more, you’ll still be able to come close to your original estimate. And if you’re able to deliver sooner or under your original estimate, you’ll look like a hero!
  • If something unexpected threatens your ability to keep your promise, let your manager (or parent!) know as soon as possible. Don’t wait until the deadline to spill the bad news!

Do yourself and others a big favor. Only promise what you can deliver. It’s a true sign of integrity, and it will greatly benefit you in your professional, academic, and personal lives!

How have others reacted when you failed to deliver on your promises? It’s one of our greatest learning lessons, isn’t it? How are you training the children in your life to be dependable? We’d love to hear from you!

The 3 Best Time-Tested Dating Tips

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The 3 Best Time-Tested Dating Tips

Whether you’re a parent of a teen, a teacher, a mentor, or a teen yourself, it’s never a bad time for a refresher course when it comes to dating advice. With today’s media inundating us with unrealistic (and often unhealthy!) expectations of young relationships, it’s important to get a reality check that will stand the test of time.

Here’s some three time-tested relationship tips:

1. While infatuation can occur in a moment (what we usually see in TV and movies), it takes a long time to really get to know someone and truly gauge if he or she is “the one.” That means lots of conversations, experiences, and observation to gauge your compatibility and build trust.  The Hollywood “three days and we’re engaged” routine doesn’t really work in the long term. It takes time for real love to grow! Don’t be afraid to give your relationship that time. If you or that special someone are sensing pressure to rush things, get to the heart of the matter through open conversation and reflection.

2. Real love also takes proper timing. During the adolescent years, people are going through a time of immense self-discovery. This is a crucial phase of life, where you are learning what you’re passionate about, what path you want to take in life, and what truly makes you happy. The “timing” of a committed love relationship isn’t always ideal during this tumultuous and very changeable season of life—for both parties. It may not mean that the relationship is a “not ever” one; it may just be a “not now” one.

3. This one may sound radical but it’s another time-tested piece of wisdom that can serve you well: There may be times in your life where it really doesn’t make sense for you to date at all—and that’s okay. Too often young adults get trapped into the notion that they always need to have a love interest.  No so!  Don’t let your self-worth and significance be tied to whether or not you have a date on Friday night. Don’t hesitate to step off the dating treadmill if you need to or want to … you don’t always have to be actively dating or have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend. You are enough, and you are awesome, just by yourself. Don’t forget that.

Finally, when you do date, always remember the 3Ds…be Deliberate, Discriminating, and Discerning. This will help keep your feet on the ground when your emotions can be up in the clouds.

 

What are your own personal rules or guidelines when it comes to dating (whether it’s for yourself or your kids)? Do you have any other words of wisdom you would like to share? What did you learn from dating in your teen/young adult years? How did it shape you?

Live With an Outward Focus

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Parents, teachers, and mentors alike, this is a great message to share with the young people in your life. I encourage you to start a conversation with them and talk about how they can focus on others.

Follow your passion. March to the beat of your own drum. Pursue your dreams. Find yourself.

Sound familiar?  It should. The message is everywhere these days.  And it sounds great, doesn’t it, to encourage young people to discover themselves and follow their dreams? We do it all the time (me included).

But isn’t it also paradoxical that, at the very time young people are heading off into the world to become part of a college community, part of a business or organization, part of a marriage someday … they are hearing it’s all about them? No wonder colleges and employers are complaining about the entitlement mentality in today’s incoming students and employees!

Are our teens getting the wrong message from our “it’s all about me” culture?

Maybe it’s time we pay attention to combining that message with a healthy dose of other-centeredness.

In reality, the most successful individuals are those who have realized that a successful life is not all about them.  In fact, most people who have achieved a full measure of success (i.e., in their personal life as well as their professional life) will tell you the best things are found not in what they have gained for themselves, but in what they have given to others.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all learn this sooner rather than later?

The first half of one’s adult life can be aptly called the “accumulation stage” and the second half is the “distribution stage.” During the accumulation stage, you are in “gathering mode,” filling your  bushel basket with life’s needs and wants. In some ways, it might feel like it’s all about YOU. You build a career, buy and furnish a house, start a family, save for retirement, and buy lots of things along the way.

Then, one day, usually around 50 when the kids have left the nest and you have all the toys you need, you become more motivated to give back. You discover that the joy of giving is greater than the joy of receiving, and your perspective changes dramatically. You realize it never was about YOU. I’m a typical case—it happened to me around 49! My life is so much more focused now on others than it was when I was a young person, and I doubt I’m an exception.

When I left my dream 28-year career in investment management to teach finance and life skills to young people, I had no idea it would lead to a total career change to that of author, publisher, mentor, and speaker. But, oh, the fulfillment of being able to direct my life toward others on a regular basis.

Had I known this earlier, I would have sought more balance in my accumulation stage and started my distribution stage sooner. The joy and satisfaction that comes from giving our time, talent, and treasure so outweighs the fun of accumulating that I regret not starting this process earlier.

Where are you directing your life right now—toward self or toward others?  Give it some thought. By shifting your focus toward others, you’ll receive far more in return than you give. Your life will have more balance, your spirit will soar, you’ll make new friends, and you’ll maximize the impact of your life. Oh, and you’ll also make the world a better place in the meantime! What’s not to love about that?

How differently do you feel when you give versus when you receive? Which will have more lasting impact? How have you impressed this principle on the young people in your life? Share your ideas and stories with us by commenting below; we’d love to hear from you!

Adversity: Preparation for Greater Things

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When something crummy happens in your life, do you ever just sit back and ask “why me?” or think to yourself “I don’t deserve this!” When the going gets rough, it’s hard to see past our own circumstances into the “master plan” that may lie ahead of us.

None other than Walt Disney, the master of happy, once said, “You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” Funny thing—when I look back on my greatest adversity, I’m struck by how often I actually benefited from it! It just didn’t feel that way at the time. It took retrospect for me to realize that the hardship was really for the greater good.

One of life’s greatest adventures is seeing what becomes of our trials. Was it a necessary lesson to grow us? Might it be the catalyst for something new and better? Will it ever make sense? Or, was it just…stuff?

Take these examples:

  • My wife’s health challenges allow her to encourage others facing similar battles.
  • Bombing my calculus final exposed my math limitations and motivated me to select a better fitting major.
  • A difficult investment performance period taught me important lessons about humility.
  • All those times girlfriends broke up with me…Hey! They freed me up to marry Jeanne, my wife!

Who knows, when life serves you a lemon, it might just be the makings of a refreshing glass of lemonade. At least give it a shot! It doesn’t hurt to change your perspective and open your eyes to the potential impact that a seemingly impossible situation might have.

What is your own personal perspective on adversity? When you’re faced with a tough situation, how do you deal? Do you have any examples of times that a trial has turned out for the good, or somehow strengthened you as a person?