character

Cultivating Strong Character in Our Children

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ID-100297304“The greatest legacy one can pass on to one’s children and grandchildren is not money or other material things accumulated in one’s life, but rather a legacy of character…” – Billy Graham

Benjamin Franklin is credited with the saying that the only things certain in life are death and taxes. However, allow me to add a third thing–when your teen leaves home, his or her values will be tested. How will he or she hold up, especially when homesick, friendsick, or experiencing a raging case of the lonelies? How will they react when put in a high risk situation at a party, or offered to have their mid-semester paper authored by their English major friend? During times like these, it helps mightily to have a strong character foundation. It also pays to have a well-developed list of non-negotiable values that they will, under no circumstances, compromise.

Here, on this personal balance sheet, you will find a list of values (as well as other personal assets) that you can discuss with your teen/student. Ask them which ones are most important to them and why. Discuss which ones they would never compromise, and which values they’d like to strengthen in their own lives.

Additionally, here are some helpful pointers to reinforce:

  • Character is revealed through our attitudes, behaviors, and decisions, and is often revealed when no one else is looking
  • It is extremely difficult to recover from a damaged reputation
  • Surround yourself with positive people who will help uphold your values, not encourage you to compromise them
  • The best way to maintain strong character is to avoid potentially compromising situations. The old adage, “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” applies!
  • You may not always be loved, but you must be trusted
  • Don’t say something about someone else you’d regret if they heard (hard to do, but such a great discipline)
  • If you’re not sure whether to do or say something, imagine it as the headline in tomorrow’s newspaper

As you develop a strong character foundation in your teen, here are some helpful questions to consider. Use them to help guide you as you navigate parenting an older teen, even if he/she has already moved away from home. Alternately, allow your child the opportunity to answer these questions about themselves.

  • Are they guided by integrity in everything?
  • Do they demonstrate love, kindness, and respect toward others?
  • Do they live with honor and self-discipline?
  • Do they stand up for their beliefs and values with conviction?
  • Are they people of humility who encourage others?
  • Do they demonstrate a commitment to excellence and giving it their best effort?
  • Do they take full responsibility for their mistakes and shortfalls?

Know that in the teen and young adult years when they’re facing major life transitions and social adjustments, they will slip up sometimes. That’s one reason it’s so important to share in humility your own mistakes. Let them know you weren’t perfect either!

Parents, how would you rate yourself when it comes to building character in your children? What methods have you utilized to help build a strong character foundation? What have you noticed works best? As always, feel free to join in on the conversation!

 

Photo: Freedigitalphotos.net, by Stuart Miles

The Power of Dependability

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How do you and the young people in your life rate when it comes to following through on your promises? As any parent or manager will attest, dependability is one of the most valuable qualities of successful people!.

Imagine it’s your summer vacation (especially my Northeast friends!) and you’ve had the pleasure of reading two great novels. Upon finishing them, your inner book critic rates them each four out of five stars. However, prior to reading them, you expected the first one to rate three stars and the second a perfect five. Question: did you experience the same level of satisfaction from both books? Interestingly enough, probably not!

If you’re like most people, you felt more satisfied after the first one. That’s because it turned out better than you expected. In contrast, you were probably a little disappointed with the second one because it wasn’t as great as you thought it would be.

This illustration demonstrates the importance that expectations play in our lives. The gr

eater the expectations, the greater the risk of disappointment. It also explains why it’s so important to keep your promises. After all, if someone promises you something, you’re entitled to expect they’ll deliver on their word.

Some people habitually overpromise and underdeliver (hello politicians!). They promise the moon because they aim to please or inspire.. They say what people want to hear and feed off of their enthusiasm. However, all they do is create false hope when they can’t deliver on their promises. After a few of these incidents, people wise up and sense the manipulation, It’s a surefire reputation buster…

When we don’t keep a promise to someone, it messages that we don’t value or respect them. Rather, we prioritized something else more highly than abiding by our commitment. Lacking follow-through communicates to others that they cannot count on us. This takes a heavy toll on our relationships—personally and professionally. And, it’s probably one of life’s most common sources of frustration and disappointment.

If anything, it pays to underpromise and overdeliver. By doing so, we’ll pleasantly surprise others by exceeding their expectations. (Interestingly, one of the greatest predictors of an outperforming stock is whether its earnings beat Wall Street estimates!) Here are some proven ways to master dependability:

  • Before committing, honestly appraise what you’re realistically able to do and by when.
  • Allow yourself a “fudge factor” – estimate a slightly longer deadline, slightly higher cost, etc. That way, you can provide at least what you’ve promised, if not more.
  • If the project takes a little longer or costs more, you’ll still be able to come close to your original estimate. And if you’re able to deliver sooner or under your original estimate, you’ll look like a hero!
  • If something unexpected threatens your ability to keep your promise, let your manager (or parent!) know as soon as possible. Don’t wait until the deadline to spill the bad news!

Do yourself and others a big favor. Only promise what you can deliver. It’s a true sign of integrity, and it will greatly benefit you in your professional, academic, and personal lives!

How have others reacted when you failed to deliver on your promises? It’s one of our greatest learning lessons, isn’t it? How are you training the children in your life to be dependable? We’d love to hear from you!

Take Responsibility for Your Mistakes; Don’t Blame Others!

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“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible
for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”

~Theodore Roosevelt

 When we experience a personal disappointment, it’s usually because we made an innocent mistake or our effort simply fell short. Is one worse than another? Well, to my way of thinking, a mistake is a little more serious because it’s an error, whereas a shortfall may have occurred despite our best effort. (After all, we can’t always win.)

Since we’re all human, mistakes and shortfalls are part of life. While no one keeps track, they number well into the thousands during our lifetime. That being the case, one has to wonder why it’s so difficult for people to admit their mistakes and accept responsibility.

Is it because the words “I’m sorry” don’t come easily? In such cases, it’s sometimes easier (and feels less shameful) to blame others and make excuses.

Is there a better way to handle our mistakes?

People who are prone to blame are actually reflecting their own insecurities. Implicitly, they assume their relationships can’t withstand an acknowledgement of a mistake or shortfall. However, it’s a false assumption, especially since people appreciate it when someone admits a mistake and asks for forgiveness.

When you make a mistake or your best efforts fall short of the goal, you can do one of two things:

  1. You can TAKE responsibility, apologize if appropriate, and do what you can to make things right.
  2. You can DODGE responsibility, blame someone else (or blame circumstances), and walk away from the situation – leaving others with the problem you created.

Choice #1 one will likely gain you the respect of your family, peers, and colleagues and help you learn from your mistake. Choice #2, on the other hand, will cause damage to your reputation and deprive you of a valuable opportunity for personal growth.

Why not exercise a little humility and take the high road? Learn to swallow your pride and admit it when you’ve fallen short. You’ll be respected and admired by others when you do… and you might be surprised by the grace they extend to you in return!

Do you find it difficult to admit your mistakes and accept that you aren’t perfect?

Are you harder on yourself than others would be if you took responsibility for your shortcomings? Share your thoughts and comments with our online community by commenting below; we’d love to hear your perspective!

4 Tips to Help Teens Listen to Their Conscience and Stick to Their Values

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Parents and teachers, your teens and students are facing tough decisions every single day, and their choices are only going to get more difficult. Where should they go to college? What should they major in? Should they really go to that party? Should they take things to the next level with their boyfriend or girlfriend? This week’s post focuses on choices, and how to ensure your teen is equipped to stick to his or her values and make the right call. We encourage you to share it with the young people in your life or use it as a tool in your classroom or household.

Life is a series of choices, some planned and some not. Some involve fun, while others involve pain and heartache. Some are made from the mind after lots of thought and reasoning, while others are made impulsively from the heart or what “feels right.” Some turn out well and impact our lives for better, and some we regret.

Are your kids ready to make the right choices, both now and in the future?

I had the privilege of working for an inspiring leader, George Russell, who could distill the complex down to profound, but simple truisms. One of them was, “If you’re not sure whether to do something, imagine it as the headline in tomorrow’s newspaper.” Wow! How’s that for clarity and common sense? This works like a charm in our professional and academic lives, but also our personal lives, too—heeding that “inner voice” that has our best interests at heart. I know every time I ignored what my conscience was telling me, I lived to regret it. And, I know I’m not alone!

In a cultural climate where “values” are often measured on a slippery scale of personal taste, convenience, self-gratification, and “tolerance,” kids can get into real trouble when they dismiss the caution signals. That’s why helping young people identify their values and strengthen their conscience is so important. It’s more than important…it’s crucial!

Yes, this is what some refer to as “conscience training.” In times of growing independence, freedom, and opportunities, young people are increasingly faced with risky situations that require quick decisions. In some cases (many that involve alcohol, drugs, sex, social media, and cheating), one bad decision in the heat of the moment may do irrevocable harm to their reputation, college career, personal health and safety, or relationships, and derail their future plans and dreams.

That’s why having—and always listening to—that inner voice is so important in high-risk situations. Here are some ways to help set your teen up for success when it’s their turn:

  • Have them talk about their non-negotiable values. Moreover, encourage them to write them down and stick them in a school binder or on their desk. Make sure they don’t forget the principles that are important to them. These values are a big part of their brand.
  • Realizing that most unhealthy choices involve succumbing to peer pressure, be sure they understand their value and surround themselves with positive people and influences who have their best interests at heart.
  • Discuss potential situations that may put their reputation and integrity at risk. Remind them their best bet is to avoid high-risk situations altogether. And, if they can’t avoid them, they should at least decide in advance how they will react if their values are tested.I’ve heard far too many stories of people who didn’t heed this advice and whose futures were severely impacted because of it. They often lose years of momentum and wander confused and broken in the aftermath. Many times this could have been avoided had they asked themselves these simple questions:

“How will my conscience feel in the morning? What is it telling me to do right now?”

Have you ever been in a situation where you had to make a choice that challenged your value system? Did you have the courage to go with your values over the pressure you received from others? Share your experiences with your teen. Remember that life is about learning and recovering from our mistakes, and that stories are often the best teachers.

Note: We encourage you to visit our Resources page and download your FREE copy of our Personal Balance Sheet Assignment to share with the young adults in your life. Making sure they understand their own value is a crucial part of making good choices!

Build Your Value and Win Promotions!

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You’ve heard the saying, “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” When it comes to your career, your value is in the eyes of your employer!
I had a somewhat unique reputation during my career. I was an investment leader who knew how to market the firm to sales prospects. Consequently, while performing well on my investment job, I also helped our sales professionals land new accounts. This had a direct impact on our profits, which caught the attention of the business leaders who were my advocates during bonus time. By diversifying my skill set and helping our business, I built my value and reputation.

How highly prized you are to your employer should be a matter of ongoing importance. Among the sources of your value are:

  • Your proficiency and achievement on the job
  • Your contribution to the financial well-being of the organization
  • Your ability to develop others
  • Your ability to work successfully in teams and in projects
  • Your ability to solve problems and lead initiatives
  • Your willingness to go above and beyond the job description

In a nutshell, it’s not simply how well you’re doing your own job, but also how you’re contributing to the broader enterprise. What are the benefits of being a highly valued employee? They are many:

  • Higher compensation
  • Greater promotability and leadership potential
  • Greater job security during layoff periods
  • Opportunities to participate in high impact projects
  • Industry recognition (headhunters will call!)
  • The intrinsic value associated with being well regarded by others

As you progress in your career, always ask what you can do to become more valuable to your employer. If you can diversify your skill set to improve the financials or reputation of your employer, you’ll be that much more valuable to them and win those prized promotions along the way!

What are you doing to build your value in the eyes of your employer, both now and throughout every step of your career?  Check out our blog archive for more ideas on how to be the best and most successful YOU possible! Pass the information along to a friend or young person in your life, and share your ideas and comments below; we’d love to hear from you! 

Give Everything Your Best

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Parents, educators, and mentors, how are the attitudes of the young people under your guidance? In our visits with businesses and educators, we hear repeated concerns over work ethic, disrespect, and a sense of entitlement. Too often, these attitudes are overshadowing the skills our young people are bringing to the table. Here’s a piece to help you help them…

 

One of history’s most admired people, Helen Keller, once said, “I long to accomplish great and noble tasks, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.”

So, how high do you set your bar? If you were given a daily report card on your actions and accomplishments throughout the day, what would your grades be? Would you be proud of yourself and your performance—and more importantly—your attitude?

Each day, there are opportunities to use our time, talents, and unique skills to learn, grow, and serve—not just in our actions, but also with our attitude. It shows in the quality of our work and relations with colleagues and clients. It’s found in our families in our roles as spouse, parent, and relative. It’s in the times we spend with friends and those we serve. And, in our everyday interactions with others, whether we know them or not.  The bottom line is this: Did you give your all to every aspect of your day?

Setting a high bar is especially important when associating with others—whether in our families, school, workplace, or in social settings. When we operate solo, our dignity and self respect are on the line. However, when we’re part of a collaborative setting, we have an added responsibility to contribute to the total effort. We owe them our best.

Here are my top ten indicators of an attitude of excellence: 1) high personal and professional standards of performance and behavior, 2) positivity, 3) enthusiasm, 4) dependability, 5) integrity, 6) humility, 7) motivation and work ethic, 8) kindness, 9) respect, and 10) resilience. What’s on your list?

If you are a teacher, parent, or mentor, how do you encourage the young people in your life to give their best? How would you rate in modeling the top ten? Here are some quick and easy ideas for encouraging students to give 110 percent with passion and resolve:

  • Create a personal report card for them. After completing a task (a team project, a sports game, a large chore around the house, a book report), ask them to fill it out and rate themselves not only on their performance, but their attitude. (Here’s a helpful article on receiving constructive criticism.)
  • Praise them for their efforts in all things, and stress the importance of positivity and determination, not just winning.
  • Ask them about a time they gave their best but didn’t take the prize versus when they didn’t give their best but still won. How did they feel after the outcome? .
  • Share your stories of times when you gave your best and how it paid off.
  • Have them do an honest self assessment of the top ten attitude indicators. In which are they a role model? Where is there room for growth?

Developing an attitude of excellence is a sign of a true winner. We won’t always take home the prize, but we can gain the admiration of others by giving everything our best.

Are You an Inspiring Team Player?

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One of my most admired leaders, George Russell, always used to say, “It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you don’t care who gets the credit.” I have to admit I didn’t fully appreciate the wisdom of his words early in my career. But, in time I realized he was right. When you adopt George’s philosophy, you become a true team player and everyone benefits.

 Teamwork is more and more the name of the game in the workplace these days. In the past, many people learned to perform a single skill and then continued it for many years. These days, however, creativity and innovation are more often what is needed in the workplace—requiring greater collaboration, flexibility, and interpersonal skills from workers.

 Do you have what it takes to be a great team player in today’s economy? Do the young adults in your life?

 

My favorite spectator sport is basketball. To me, it’s the consummate team sport where character is revealed before our very eyes.

Some players clearly focus on individual scoring (often to the detriment of the team when they go overboard), and enjoy being in the limelight. Still others are known for their passing and defense and rarely receive the same fan attention. Yet, isn’t it interesting that, it’s the team with the best defense and passing that usually wins the championship? I believe there’s a message to be learned in this.

           

When I coached basketball, I gave special praise for assists, tenacious defense, and our unsung heroes. One young lady on our team, Jazi, as the perfect example. She may have scored only two points a game, but we were never the same without her! She was our best passer and shut down the finest guards with her incredible defense. Our victories against our toughest opponents often came from her defense rather than from our leading scorer. She was the consummate team player and unsung hero. I wouldn’t have traded her for the world.

In the NBA, the player that most comes to my mind is John Stockton, a retired point guard from the Utah Jazz. He’s the league’s all-time assist leader, which is a true sign of an unselfish team player. During his career, he handed out an incredible 15,806 assists to his teammates— truly an extraordinary accomplishment. It is rare in sports to see records that stand out like this, and it’s a testimony to John’s skill, unselfishness, and endurance.

Throughout your life, you’ll be in countless team situations, especially on the job. When these opportunities arise, focus on the team rather than on your individual contributions. Encourage them, praise them, mentor them, enjoy them, and show your gratitude toward them. Bring everyone up and your team will achieve great things. Your leadership will be liked, respected, and admired by others.

                                                                        

Can you see the difference on a team when players focus on mutual support and team effort, as opposed to seeking personal recognition? Please share your comments and stories with us; we’re always glad to hear from our readers!

 

A Simple Idea to Change Our Culture

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Words have incredible power. They can be uplifting or destructive. Think back to a time you heard something nasty someone said about you—you probably felt angry, hurt, or rejected. Now, think about a time when you received authentic praise. It probably raised your spirits and boosted your confidence. It might have revealed something about yourself that you never fully appreciated!

Now consider your own words and what you’ve said about others. Sometimes our words stay solely with the receiver. Other times, they go in a million directions outside of our control, especially when we use social media, e-mail, or text messages. These days it doesn’t take much for a spark to ignite a fire.

What we say about others speaks volumes about our character—especially when we communicate about someone who is not present. They reflect our integrity, loyalty, kindness, and respect, not to mention our self control and self esteem!

One way to demonstrate excellent character is to only say things about others we wouldn’t mind them overhearing. That’s right—everything is constructive! Try this “Integrity Challenge” for a week and be amazed by how it affects your choice of words, and ultimately, your character and spirit! It makes us more tactful and respectful, and less judgmental. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it!

Then, do it the next week and the next and the next. And, soon it will become a habit. This simple idea might be the best anti-bullying strategy of all!

While we’re at it, let’s start a movement in our schools—let’s take the Integrity Challenge. What is said or written about others is neutral or positive, with students holding each other accountable. Any criticism is constructive and only shared face to face. And, when we slip up, we apologize and ask for forgiveness.

What if we challenged ourselves and those around us—our families, friends, co-workers, teachers, students, etc.—to live by this principle? What if it became a way of life in how we think, relate, and communicate about others? Can you even imagine the possibilities? It would literally change the world—in a wonderful way! Are you up for it?

What are your habits when it comes to talking about others? Teachers and parents: This is a good piece of advice to share with the young people in your life, especially those who are active on social media.

See the Glass a Half-Full

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“Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.”

Colin Powell

 
Who might be considered among the most popular and inspiring politicians in our last century? Presidents Franklin Roosevelt, Kennedy, and Reagan immediately come to mind. They each faced extraordinary challenges but offered Americans a spirit of hope in times of great fear.

We saw this positive attitude in the leadership of Lee Iacocca, who successfully resurrected the Chrysler Corporation from the economic disaster in the 1980s. We also witnessed it in Paul Azinger who led the USA golfers to a smashing victory over Europe in the 2008 Ryder Cup after years of humiliating defeats.

Most successful people have inspiring “can do” attitudes. They embrace challenges rather than complain and achieve more in the process.  AND, they not only accomplish great things themselves, but they also bring out the best in others.

Bringing out the best in people means looking for positive qualities and calling them out. Sometimes when you observe a negative quality, that can be a real challenge!  But it’s always possible if you begin by focusing on the positive (i.e., see the glass as “half full”), help others to do the same, and coach them in an uplifting and constructive manner rather than critically and harshly.

If you’re one who has a tendency to “see the glass half empty,” consider how an attitude change can improve your life and relationships. It’s not hard; it just requires a mindset adjustment and a few simple principles:
1. Cultivate a can-do attitude.
2. Focus on the positive (“see the glass as half full”).
3. Embrace challenges and use them to your advantage. Remember that the best character growth comes from successfully handling adversity.
4. Focus on (and bring out) the best in the people around you; inspire them to have a can-do attitude as well!

What examples have you seen of someone who has a can-do attitude and brings out the best in the people around them?
Share your ideas and experiences with our online community; we’d love to hear from you!

Making the Right Call in Risky Situations!

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Are there young adults in your life who have recently left home and entered college or the career field? Or, high schoolers about to graduate into independent life? Here’s a special message for them you’ll want to share!

 

Once you leave your parents’ home to travel, study, or work, you’ll experience a newfound freedom and sense of independence. And, you’ll no doubt encounter potentially risky situations that require quick decisions in the moment. Unfortunately there will be no time to call mom and dad, phone a friend, or ask the audience. How will you handle it?

These scenarios often involve alcohol, drugs, sex, and cheating, and especially arise when you feel pressure to fit in with others. They can compromise your value system and derail your plans, dreams, and even your physical, emotional, and spiritual health if you’re not careful. During these situations, it’s wise to pause and ask how your conscience will feel tomorrow if you answer “yes” or “no.”  Will you feel guilt or shame, or be proud of your actions? Let that answer guide your decision.

It’s also helpful to quickly ask yourself these following questions:

-What are the potential consequences to your well being and reputation?

– What answer aligns with your value system?

– How will your decision impact the people you love and care about?

Succumbing to high-risk behavior and situations leads down a path from which it’s very difficult to recover. Your best bet is to avoid these situations altogether before they occur and test you (if not, at least decide in advance how you will react if and when your values are challenged). I’ve heard far too many stories of young people who didn’t heed this advice and whose college careers ended prematurely due to unwise decisions. Often, they lose years of momentum and wander aimlessly in the aftermath. But, you have a purpose and a destiny that is worth guarding and respecting at all times. By following your conscience and your value system, you’ll be well positioned to handle life’s risky situations.

Have you ever been in a situation like this? Did you have the courage to go with your values over the pressure you received from others? If not, how can you better prepare yourself the next time?  After all, life is about learning and recovering from our mistakes, isn’t it?