Parenting “To-Do List” For Parents of Incoming Freshmen: August

adult-bar-brainstorming-1015568.jpgHow can it be? We’ve arrived at the last month of summer, and for many, the first month of school. Now is the time of the “official” launch—the time we arrive on campus, unpack the car, move them into the dorm, and drive home with a much lighter load. Although it’s bittersweet, give yourself a pat on the back. You did it! You raised an adult!

Now that August is here, we are down to the wire when it comes to our preparation checklist. Free time is a scarcity. Your teen’s mind will be preoccupied by their upcoming transition, so parents, you’ll want to keep the conversations light and positive. And if you ever feel pressed to spend any quality time with them, here’s a tip: shopping to furnish their dorm and prepare for their new digs offers many opportunities for fun and sharing! Suggest putting a date on the calendar to shop for all the last-minute items they need to get settled in their new place (i.e. bedding, mini fridge, fan, closet organizers, toiletries, mattress topper, dishes, etc.)

More than anything, this last month should focus on two topics:

1)      A communication strategy after the launch. It’s important to discuss what your degree of engagement will be once your teen moves out. For some parent/child relationships, it works to establish a weekly communication schedule (not daily!), with a call at a time and day that works best for the student. Interim calls, texts, and e-mails should originate from the son/daughter, except in the case of a periodic, “thinking of you.” Parents, as hard as it may be, this is the most important time to not helicopter your student with frequent communication! It’s crucial that you do not hound your student, let them know you’re worried about them, or burden them with your sadness over missing them. A parent’s ability to let go is most prominently observed by how well he or she handles their communications with their young adult.

During the first week, parents may want to arrange a call after the first three days in order to have a quick check-in and make sure all needs are met. However, after that, a weekly call is recommended (not more than twice per week). Parents, use every opportunity to encourage your sons/daughters to make their own decisions. So, when your student calls with “how to” questions, ask them what they think, first. It reinforces their need to develop independence and to learn to problem solve independently.

2)      Anything else your teen wants to talk about. Your job as parent is making sure that they feel completely confident and equipped. Ask them if there’s anything they’d like to discuss or anything they’d like to do before they go. This is a great opportunity to share from your own experience and open up to them. If they want to discuss the latest sports news or their current romantic relationship, then that’s great, too. What’s important as that they know they always have a loving, trusting, and communicative encourager in their life—YOU.

Parents, this season can be a profoundly emotional experience, so be sure you pamper yourselves afterwards for a job well done. Your eagle is about to soar, and you helped make it happen. There isn’t a feeling like it in the world.

Other Pathways Note: this commentary and series has been focused more on the college-bound teen. We recognize there are other paths like the military, a gap year, the workforce, serving in non-profits, and entering a local community college or trade school. Most of the preceding perspective remains applicable, but there are unique challenges with each option. 


You can find the July “to-do list” here.
You can find the June “to-do list” here.
You can find the May “to-do list” here.
You can find the April “to-do list” here.

Parenting “To-Do List” For Parents of Incoming College Freshmen: July

accomplishment-adult-bisexual-1152500Parents, you’re in your last full month. They say you have eighteen summers with your child, and, well….you have entered the ninth inning. In about a month or two, your teen (or young adult) will be opening a new chapter, beginning college, and starting their adult life. It’s a season filled with emotion for all parties, because you’ll be starting a new chapter, too. After all, we say “good bye” to their childhood and “hello” to their adulthood. So, take it all in, but be hopeful. You have a new, adult-to-adult relationship to look forward to.

Right now, your son/daughter may be choosing his or her first semester course schedule, and anxiously and increasingly looking ahead. Reality is setting in (for both of you). This is a great time to go over two related topics, in order to build confidence and be fully prepared: academics and career.

It’s important for your student to fully understand the difference between high school and college academics. There is much more expected, classes are fewer and longer, competition is stiffer, and exams and essay requirements are far more complex. Here are a few things to go over when it comes to academics:

  • Have them set goals for the first year. What would they constitute as a “successful” experience (e.g., a certain GPA, etc.)?
  • At this time, they need to think of academics as their JOB and their PRIMARY focus. I hate to say it, but party animals don’t last long in the big leagues. Their college education is the biggest investment they (and/or their parents) will make in their future so it’s crucial they make a good return on their investment. Study first, everything else later.
  • Don’t go overboard in taking too many credits the first semester. My personal recommendation is to keep it at 16 or less. There are simply too many life adjustments that are made during that first semester at school, so I would advise not overloading the class schedule in order to avoid unnecessary pressure.
  • Their daily schedules will be far less structured than they were in high school (other than making sure they’re at lectures and labs on time, their day is entirely their own!), so developing a daily plan is crucial. Make sure they always schedule in study time, eating time, exercise time, and relaxing time. Have them find a good planner they’ll use on a regular basis!
  • Time management is essential. Does your teen struggle with managing his or her time or with procrastination? Let’s nip that in the bud now! Time is a precious asset, so developing a daily to-do list is paramount. I recommend organizing it by urgency, always understanding that work comes before play.
  • Take full advantage of professor’s office hours. (Trust me, they’re there to help, and showing up at their hours shows them you’re eager to learn.)
  • Develop an effective and repeatable study method. Complete required readings four days in advance before exams so there is ample time to review and build in “reps.” I devote an entire chapter in What I Wish I Knew at 18 to studying in post-secondary academics. Check it out. You’ll be glad you did.

Secondly, now is the time to start (if you haven’t already) talking to your teen about their future career. Isn’t that the main reason they’re going to college, after all? Here are a few things regarding their future career that you can start talking about this summer:

  • The monetary investment in a college education is far too significant to see it as anything other than preparation for a successful career (no matter what some academics say!). Practically, career earnings need to produce a reasonable return on college investment, taking into account their time spent and any debt incurred.
  • Career and major selection should consider several factors, such as: interests, skills, current demand, ability to meet the qualifications, personal preferences (work environment, hours, stress level, team vs. solo, etc.), expected/desired income, etc. It should be one of their best-researched decisions, and, yet, colleges don’t always place career/major selection as a top priority for their students. Encourage them to do career exploration surveys and talk to actual practitioners in careers before making a final selection. And, make sure they contact the department heads to see what percent of graduates landed a job in their desired field. Many, many majors do NOT lead naturally to jobs in that area. A recent survey showed that 36 percent of college graduates regret the major they chose. 36 percent! That’s the downside of not putting in the necessary effort when selecting a major/career.
  • Remember, the vast majority of jobs are filled by people who have an “inside advantage.” Thus, students need to be building their professional network NOW. It is never too early to start networking (and it starts with you, mom and dad!).

As you enjoy this summer with your teen, make it one to remember. Cook their favorite meals, watch their favorite movies, experience your favorite sports or activities together, and take lots of pictures. It’s a great time to build memories for a new and exciting adult-adult relationship that’s just around the corner. Although their new adventure awaits, there’s no place like home.

P.S.—Happy Fourth of July to all of our friends, family, and followers! We hope you have a safe and celebratory holiday with your loved ones.

Happy Mother’s Day from LifeSmart to You!

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Moms of teens, tweens, and little ones; this week’s message is for you! We hope you enjoyed your Mother’s Day with your family and loved ones, and we’d like to continue the celebration by officially honoring you for all of your hard work, dedication, selflessness, energy, and time. Today, we recognize the countless hours you spent helping your child prepare for spelling tests, the time spent helping complete college apps and FAFSA forms, the endless trips you’ve taken shuttling to school, games, events, and study sessions, the thousands of lunches you’ve made, the untold hours healing bruises, illnesses, and wounded spirits, and the million other ways you’ve invested in your children, the next generation. Thank you!

How we raise our kids today will impact them and the world around them for the rest of their lives. After all, we are not only raising children; we’re raising future adults. Putting in your due diligence by modeling and teaching important values such as integrity, resilience, honesty, good work ethic, and kindness, will help your kids thrive in adulthood. It will help them create stronger, healthier relationships, be successful in their careers, and generally have a higher happiness quotient. Why? All because of the foundation you’re laying for them now.

At LifeSmart, we are committed to equipping the next generation to thrive, just like you, moms (and dads)! That’s why it’s so important that parents, educators, and mentors are equipped with tools to help the children they’re guiding successfully launch with confidence. Our goal is to help them hone in on crucial leadership and life skills so young people can excel in independent life, college, career, and beyond.

Parents play an indispensable role in preparing the next generation.  What they do is not easy; in fact, it’s probably one of the hardest jobs in the world. Moms, today we’re looking at you. And we’re here to help support you.

Doesn’t it feel like navigating the world of parenting, especially teens, is tricky? Teens can be completely unpredictable! Some days they burst in the door from school, dying to talk to you, but the next moment they’re moody and aloof! Some days it feels like they won’t stop asking you for things, but then the next moment they completely shut you out. And, sometimes it’s difficult to know when or how to communicate with them, especially when you’re adjusting to your new role as “chief encourager.”Dropping off your recent high school graduate at the freshman dormitory is the beginning of a new chapter for both of you. And for moms especially, it’s fraught with mixed feelings.

Today, as we wrap up a week focused on our appreciation for moms, all of us at LifeSmart want to acknowledge all the different ways that parenting can pull your heart in a million different directions. With that, moms, here are three encouraging tidbits as you begin your new year:

  • When times are difficult or you feel stretched, it’s okay to focus on you. Self-care is one of the most important steps in being a good parent, spouse, and friend. As the dynamic of your life changes while your children become more independent, you may have more time to do the things that YOU want to do. Consider igniting an old passion, picking up a new hobby, and remembering all the things that make you, YOU outside of your role as mom.
  • In the season of “launch time,” find a community of parents who are in the same stage of life. How are they coping? What are they doing to ensure a successful launch for themselves, too? How are they planning for their next chapter? Surrounding yourself with other people who are also parenting older teens will help you feel understood, encouraged, and inspired. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO THIS ALONE.
  • Remember, while moving from driver’s seat to passenger’s seat can be hard, you’re gaining a relationship with your new adult, not losing a child! Even though allowing your teen to begin making their own life choices can be a scary thought, they will always have you as an ally. You will forever be their biggest cheerleader and friend. No matter what, you will always be one of the most important voices in their life.

 

Happy Mother’s Day from all of us at LifeSmart. Where would we be without you?

Suffering from Senioritis? We Can Help!

If you are a senior (as in high school), a parent of a senior, or a teacher of seniors,

then this week’s message is for you!

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se·nior·i·tis noun \ˌsē-nyər-ˈī-təs\: an ebbing of motivation and effort by school seniors as evidenced by tardiness, absences, and lower grades.

Sound familiar? I know at this stage in my senior year I had the worst case of it! It’s likely most of us did. After all, we were on the homestretch, and most of us had made our college or career decisions by now. So, it was pretty easy to rationalize slacking off at school. But, decades later (and hopefully wiser), I can now look back with a different perspective… and challenge this year’s high school seniors to do better than I did!

Why? Because what seniors are currently experiencing is a preview of things to come, and it pays to develop smart habits beforehand. They’ll find themselves in many situations in college and career in which finishing strong after a long and arduous effort will make or break their success (For example: thesis papers in college, landing a big client at your new firm, building your own start-up, applying to grad school, etc.). As time goes on, the stakes only get higher, and none of us want our efforts to go to waste!

In What I Wish I Knew at 18: Life Lessons for the Road Ahead, I describe 109 life success secrets of honorable and successful leaders. One of my pointers, “Plan, Practice, and Persevere to Succeed,” is a true hallmark of admired people. The perfect illustration was the US Olympic Hockey team’s win over the USSR in what is considered the greatest upset in sporting history. (If you haven’t seen the movie Miracle, it’s a must!) US coach Herb Brooks was relentless to the very end, and his rookie team of collegiates delivered.

Yes, there’s a reason I brought up this long-forgotten-to-many hockey story (two reasons, actually). One, is this tremendous victory could only have occurred through careful planning, tons of practice, and dogged perseverance through adversity. Second, the victors knew how to finish strong and never let up. Can you see any parallels with a student’s high school career?

Successful people are committed planners. They set high, but achievable goals that are measurable. They accomplish great things because their goals instill motivation and focus. Encourage your seniors to compare their daily productivity with and without a “to do” list and they’ll soon see what I mean. Trust me, they’ll be setting lots of goals in college and career! It can only help.

However, goals can only be achieved through practice, discipline and effort. If college is your student’s next step, this involves developing great study habits. College academics are much more rigorous and the competition is tougher. My 3.8 high school GPA quickly became a 2.85 in my freshman year of college! Finally, I figured it out and would later become Valedictorian of my MBA program at the UW. Same brain, different study habits! I devote an entire chapter of my book to this study method so that readers can adjust easier than I did.

Finally, we all need to persevere through adversity (including the apathy that comes with senioritis!). This can involve physical, emotional, and mental challenges that affect our outlook and performance. Everyone experiences it, but the question is how we weather it—will we keep the faith, believe in ourselves, and grow from it through relentless determination? Or, will we slow down right before the finish line and allow someone to pass us from behind?

Your teen is about to enter the most amazing six months of change in his or her life. They will be saying, “Hello” to their future with more freedom and responsibility than they’ve ever experienced.

High school seniors: This is your time! With planning, practice, perseverance, and patience, you’ll knock it out of the park. It’s there for the taking. Our world needs exactly what you have to offer. And, we can’t wait to see you soar.

 

Best wishes and blessings!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Parenting “To-Do’s” for Parents of High School Seniors: May

achievement-cap-celebration-262485.jpgTime is flying by! It’s now May, our college selection is complete, and it’s time to relax, at least a little bit. Now, our students need to focus on finishing strong while also enjoying the various senior activities and events (graduation parties, prom, senior outings, etc.) that will happen throughout the rest of spring. There may be a couple of forms to complete for their chosen university (IF that’s their next step), but for now, it’s time to let your graduating student soak up these final weeks of high school and friends. Are they lacking in motivation for their studies? For sure! It pays to remember we were too.

Of course, we all hope that our teens will be the responsible ones, the ones who choose not to participate in underage drinking, irresponsible partying, or any other activities that may harm their reputation. May is an incredibly timely month to bring up the topics of reputation, values, and their personal brand. Few things are as important (and fragile!) as our reputation. Why? Well, it’s very difficult—nearly impossible—to fully recover from a damaged one. In your teen’s first year away from home, his or her values will be tested like never before, and many of today’s (or tomorrow’s) decisions will have long-term consequences. And, graduation season offers many opportunities to get derailed.

When we stay true to our core values and strive to be a person of admirable character and integrity in all circumstances, we will have less stress, a clearer conscience, and fewer regrets moving forward. If you want to take “inventory” of you and your teen’s most important values, try going through this values checklist. (Or you can find it here: http://dennistrittin.com/resources/Positive%20Traits%20and%20Values.pdf .)

It will be a great conversation starter for the whole family!

The month of May should also be a time for you and your teen to really connect as you develop and strengthen the new dynamic of your relationship. As you begin to discuss the issues of reputation and values, here are some other “conversation starters” to get fruitful, meaningful talks started:

  • Review the types of upcoming situations where their values may be challenged, and how they plan to approach them (prom, parties, senior sleep-outs, senior skip days, etc.). When they’re in a high-risk situation, what will their plan of action be?
  • If you haven’t done so, create a “rescue plan.” Agree on a code word or phrase that your teen will text or call you with that indicates a problem situation that needs immediate attention and rescue. This may sound overly protective, but it can be a life saver!
  • Have them consider the various influences in their lives, such as family, music, movies/TV, friends, social media, organizations and clubs, etc. Help them be able to determine which influences may be positive, which may be negative, and which are neutral. Encourage them to avoid negative influences at all costs.
  • Share some realistic scenarios (maybe from your own personal experience) of the college lifestyle (including but not limited to parties, drugs, alcohol, hook-up culture, cheating, etc.) and discuss ways to handle them. Prevention is always the best medicine, but impromptu decision-making skills are essential, too!

Enjoy your time with your soon-to-be adult as the school year comes to a close. Remember to be open and honest with them, as they are much less “kids” these days as they are maturing young adults. Stay tuned for next month, when we will talk about focus points for June!

Taking Responsibility: A Life Skill We All Need to Master

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Here’s a hypothetical scenario to consider: It’s finals week, and you’ve spent the last few days studying and cramming (and drinking more caffeine than you care to admit). Deep down, you know you should have started studying earlier in the month, but with your intramural flag football games, your Instagram addiction, the spontaneous beach trips, and Netflix binge watching, there just wasn’t enough time! Although you’re doing all the “right things” now by highlighting your reading and going over old quizzes, you’re rushed, anxious, and more stressed than you’ve ever been. It’s no surprise, then, that when all is said and done, you see a disappointing C- at the top of your final. Regrettably, you know you could have done better.

So . . . now what? Do you take issue with the professor or teacher, complaining that the questions were too hard? Do you accuse him or her of biased grading, or being out to get you? Do you compare your test to those of classmates who earned better grades? Worse yet, do you recruit your parents to petition on your behalf?!? You’re concerned it might affect your admission into your dream university.

Or, do you take personal responsibility for your grade and accept the fact that you underprepared? Will you own the outcome (which was likely a product of your own actions)?

We call this topic “Accepting Personal Responsibility for Our Mistakes and Shortfalls,” and it’s a life skill that every single one of us needs to master. Believe me, it’s no easy feat. However, it’s a sign of maturity, integrity, and a hallmark of a true leader. Being able to put complaints, self-pity, and the desire to blame others aside is a sign of self-awareness. Moreover, accepting responsibility causes us to live with an accurate perspective of reality.

Blame shifting and negative behavior justification distorts our reality—causing us to live in a world where we believe we do no wrong or that we deserve good outcomes. It’s rooted in insecurity, and it affects our decision making, job performance, academic achievements, relationships, and more. Everyone else screws up but us, right? Wrong! The real reality is that we all mess up, but have the capacity to accept the consequences and learn from our mistakes.

Refusing to own up to our shortfalls creates a blind spot in our lives—one that may cause us to miss out on great opportunities. That professor who was “biased” against you? She could have turned out to be a great tutor or written you a great recommendation for grad school. The coach who you were convinced benched you every game because he “didn’t like you?” He could have been a great personal trainer and helped you improve your game. That classmate who was “jealous of you?” She could have helped you become a better friend. That boss who fired you “unjustly?” He could have helped you widen your professional network and provided you with great connections had you delivered on the job.

The long and short of it is this: as we grow into well-rounded, confident, and contributing members of society, it’s crucial that we accept responsibility for our mistakes and shortfalls. Although it may seem difficult at the time, this practice will make us better friends, employees, players, and students who have an accurate and healthy view of ourselves and the world around us. Here are a few ways to get started mastering this life skill:

  • When you are hit with a negative situation, turn to self-reflection first.
  • After some reflection, if you still believe you’ve been wronged, address the situation calmly and with an open mind.
  • Ask for constructive criticism from teachers, coaches, and bosses.
  • Always be honest with yourself and others.
  • Invite those close to you (parents, close friends, pastors, mentors) to hold you accountable and speak truth and encouragement into your life.

Humility, personal responsibility, and self-awareness are of high value, so start this practice now!

Can you think of a situation where you stood up and took responsibility for your actions? What good came from it?

 

Parenting “To-Do’s” for Parents of High School Seniors: April

daytime-girls-graduation-901964 (1).jpgParents of high school seniors: Now that we are already in the middle of April, it’s a good time to start talking about their looming transition from high school to college or career). Few transitions bring as much joy, tears, and anxiety to parents as when their children leave home and begin life on their own. In many ways, this milestone is a parent’s defining moment. How will they do? Have we prepared them well? How will we adjust? In what ways will our relationships change?  It’s a big deal—almost as big for parents as it is for students!

At this time, it’s important to keep in mind the big picture. Our fundamental goal when raising children is training self-confident future adults with strong character, ready to fulfill their dreams and purpose. Practically and emotionally, we must move from the driver’s seat to the passenger seat… and eventually, to the back seat. Easier said than done for some of us, right?

Since April is the beginning of the crucial months leading up to “launch time,” a strategic parent will make the most of these final months, creating lasting memories and position ALL parties for a successful launch. Here are some practical, ground-level pieces of advice for parents in this season:

  • Remember to keep in mind what your teen needs from you at this very moment: Unconditional love, belief and encouragement, practical wisdom, affirmation of their value, and a healthy relationship built on understanding and trust. Be an open door to them and communicate realistic expectations.
  • Meet your teen where they are. It’s most likely that your teen is pretty reluctant to sit down in the living room with you, sip on a cup of tea, and open up for a deep conversation. For them, a meaningful conversation is more likely to happen at their favorite coffee shop, in the car, in the kitchen cooking, on their favorite hike etc. But remember—don’t force it. Let them be in the mood to talk.
  • Treat them as the adult they soon will be. No Facebook posts that “my baby is leaving!”  Remember your goal of building self-sufficiency and independence. Also, be sure to incorporate any chores they’ll need to be doing on their own, if you haven’t already.
  • Pick up a copy of Parenting for the Launch. It will provide you with an in-depth discussion of what to expect as you transition into the next season of parenting, and also pro tips on how you can equip your teen with the skills he or she needs for success in adulthood.
  • Finally, be on guard for putting all of your identity in your role as mother or father. Too many parents do and have extreme difficulty in letting go… especially, when they face an empty nest. Parents, you’re more than a mom or dad, you’ve done your best, and now it’s up to your child to fulfill his/her dreams as an adult—with you on the sidelines as their chief encourager.

For many universities, April is decision time. This is a HUGE deal, and you and your teen will probably be (or already are) monitoring the mailbox like a hawk. This month may involve follow-up visits or further phone calls to help finalize the decision. Depending on how close of a call it is, you and your student may be over-the-moon excited, or horribly stressed!  For this, we recommend family discussions of the pros and cons of the realistic finalists, but that the teen makes the final selection.

Given the stress involved in this decision, it may be timely for stress management to be the topic of the month. It’s a heavy topic, but a crucial one. Statistics are showing high dropout rates after the first year of college, worsening college completion rates, and skyrocketing incidences of anxiety, depression, and visits to mental health clinics on campus. This is the big picture, and it will help your teen to understand the context behind this important topic.

Throughout the rest of this month, consider initiating conversations and experiences with your teen that will help them learn to better manage stress, avoid being overly anxious, and stay confident in themselves and their decisions. Although it may seem “idealistic,” these skills will help equip your teens to thrive in his/her next step.

Qualities of Workplace Superstars: Dependability

I learned that, “Mike, you get your first job on your ability and every job after that
on your dependability.”

~Mike Royer

If your actions don’t live up to your words, you have nothing to say.

~Da Shanne Stokes

“You can count on me.” Hearing these words is every supervisor’s dream! Just as every parent loathes having to give reminders to their kids to do their chores or homework, bosses are in the same boat with their employees when they fail to deliver. And, in my conversations with employers who hire young people, unreliability is easily one of their most common complaints. To wit…

A teen working as a server for an area restaurant was to show up for her 5:00 p.m. shift. Rightfully, the owner could count on that. However, imagine his surprise when he received a call at 4:55 that she was sick and unable to come to work. Apparently unaware of the inconvenience this would cause, she obviously felt that five minutes notice would suffice. As if that wasn’t enough, at 5:10 she would be posting pictures on Facebook of the beach party she was attending a mere ten miles away. To add insult to injury, she was surprised when she showed up the next day and was promptly fired. Sadly, variations of this story are more common than you’d think.

She made the mistake of thinking that the employer existed to serve her rather than the other way around. For her sake, I hope it was a lesson learned.

In the workplace, and in life, dependability is one of our most valued character qualities. It means that we do what we say. That we can be trusted. That we are confidently willing to be held accountable for our actions and actions. And, that we will be easy to manage!

Here’s what dependability looks like in the workplace:

  • You deliver excellent work on time, every time. No reminders necessary. A good practice is to complete your work one to two days ahead of the deadline. That way, if something comes up, you have some cushion.
  • You comply with company policies, ethics, laws, and regulations without failing.
  • You represent the company and its values both internally and externally with customers, prospects, suppliers, and the community.
  • You not only do your work well, but you also seek opportunities to advance the overall organization.
  • You don’t make promises you can’t keep. If anything, you “underpromise and overdeliver!”
  • You are punctual and bring a positive attitude to work every day.
  • If something comes up that threatens your ability to meet a deadline, you inform your supervisor as soon as possible. No last minute warnings and excuses! Remember, bosses hate negative surprises!

Dependability serves us well beyond the workplace, too. Whether it’s in marriages, friendships, community service, etc., we all admire this quality in people.

Parents: sometimes it seems like dependability is a quality you’re either born with or need to learn! Our more compliant children do their chores or homework without our reminders, while it’s a struggle with others. Why not make dependability a family value and help our children understand why it’s so important. In this day and age, many young people seem to view it as optional, only to experience a rude awakening when they enter the workforce. One day they’ll thank you for it.

 

Next week’s topic: work ethic/motivation. Stay tuned for more in this series, and please share with your friends–especially if they have teens are students who will soon be entering the workforce!

In case you missed last week’s post in this series, you can find it here.

Four Ways to Form Authentic Friendships at College

“If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.”

– Zig Ziglar

For many first-year college students, one of the most exhilarating aspects is living in the dorms.  It’s an amazing opportunity to test their new wings of independence (albeit with some supervision from the resident advisors and directors), make new friends, and be surrounded by a community of people in the same boat. However, living on a college campus comes with its own set of challenges, and we’d like to address those today.

When students leave high school and enter college or their career, peer pressure does not just simply go away. In fact, the pressure to fit in can feel even feel more intense for some college students. Living with hundreds of other young people can, unfortunately, lead to negative peer pressure, striving to fit in, poor decisions, and even loss of self.  So, here are four ways that you (or the college student in your life) can form authentic and edifying relationships while living on your college campus:

  1. Deliberately seek out friendships in areas in which you’re likely to find people with similar interests. For example, if you’ve never partied in your life, hitting up a frat house party on a Saturday night is not exactly a sure-fire way to land your next BFFL. Do you enjoy staying active and spending time outdoors? Join an intra-mural and seek friends out here. Are you spiritual? Join an on-campus religiously affiliated club or group. Are you a brainiac with a love for academic challenges? Apply for your school’s honor’s program.
  2. Step outside your comfort zone and BE INTENTIONAL. This is a tough one for all of us because no one likes to feel uncomfortable. But, this is how friendships start and you take an acquaintanceship to a deeper level. As cheesy as it may sound, don’t be afraid to ask someone if you can sit by them in the “caf.” Ask one of your hall mates in the dorms to come over and play board games. Or invite an acquaintance from your Art 101 class out to coffee. More than likely, they’ll be glad for the offer! Be proactive. You’re worth it and what’s the downside?
  3. Be aware of your (potential) friends’ core values. This is crucial, because if you fundamentally oppose someone’s values, your friendship won’t be fit for the long term. If you want to do a self-check on the values that are most important to you, you can use this free checklist Make a list of your top ten, and never waiver from them, no matter what! Remember, not everyone in the world is meant to be your friend. So, if someone’s behavior does not align with your values, or you feel you have to change in order to fit in, it’s time to kiss that friendship goodbye.
  4. Be yourself and be vulnerable. Authenticity is the key to lasting, mutual friendship. You must allow yourself to be seen and appreciated for who you really are, and give up trying to be someone you’re not.

 

When life gets busy and your days are filled with lectures, studying, and practice, it can be incredibly difficult to maintain friendships. However, remember that friendships require deliberate actions from both parties in order to stay afloat (maybe ask one of your friends to study alongside you in the library!). More than anything, be true to yourself, never be afraid to say NO if something doesn’t feel right, and don’t hesitate to rely on help from a trusted adult (mentor, teacher, parent) if you’re struggling with your friendships.

The 3 P’s for Success

Doesn’t it feel like summer just started? Well, as much as we all hate to admit it, school will be starting before we know it. And for many young people, that means their first year of college is on the horizon. It’s why this week, we want to focus on studying—specifically, studying for optimum success in college/university!

It’s crucial to keep in mind that college academics are harder—much harder—than in high school. Papers are longer, expectations are higher, competition is greater, professors aren’t as accommodating, classes are bigger, and distractions are like never before. Without committed and disciplined study habits, success in college will be hard to come by. Even if straight A’s came easily to you in high school, it’s likely that university will be more challenging—even for the most accomplished honor student.

People who excel at what they do—whether it’s academics, sports, art, music, business, a trade—generally have these things in common: they’re intensely focused and overcome challenges with PLANNING, PRACTICE, and PERSERVERANCE.  For college students, this might look like reserving weekends for studying, rather than partying, or making sure certain priorities are taken care of before agreeing to social outings. First things first!

I can’t think of a better illustration of “the three P’s” than the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team. The team of collegiate athletes was gathered randomly from around the nation under the leadership of Coach Herb Brooks, who developed a brutal training regimen and a strategy to win.

The prospects didn’t look good. They were dominated by the Soviet team in an exhibition game by a score of 10-3. But, that didn’t deter them. They tied Sweden, upset perennially strong Czechoslovakia, and proceeded to defeat Norway, Romania, and West Germany. There was just one problem. The next stop was another crack at the Soviet team, and the players were haunted by their previous humiliation. Nonetheless, Coach Brooks was relentless, challenging the team to do their best when it counted.

Amazingly, the U.S. scored what is considered the greatest sporting upset in history,, defeating the Soviets 4-3 in a win dramatically captured in the 2004 film Miracle. They went on to win the gold medal game over Finland, and rallied our country like no other sporting team in history.

When it comes to achieving your goals and succeeding in college/university and your career, remember that you, too, can overcome great odds by applying the same 3 P’s the 1980 U.S. hockey team did. What good would it have done for the 1980 U.S. Olympic team to skate out onto the ice without the practice and grit to compete?

So, how do we apply the 3 P’s to our studying? By:

  • Planning: organizing our schedules to allocate the needed time to complete our studies. And, making a habit of setting weekly and daily goals and schedules.
  • Practicing: implementing our daily schedules by focusing first on our academic priorities and then studying in environments conducive to concentration and distraction avoidance.
  • Persevering: facing our disappointments head on by analyzing why we underperformed and taking corrective steps to improve. Successful people fight through and grow from their challenges with determination.

Unfortunately, many people struggle with at least one of the “3 P’s”—and never reach their full potential. (Practically, this can look like receiving poor grades, dropping out of school, getting fired for mediocre performance, never moving up, etc.) Many people mistakenly believe they “deserve” success. They show up to university expecting to rest on their laurels from high school. Or, they arrive to their first day of a new job expecting the corner office. They face a brutal awakening.

Don’t let this attitude mark you. When you set your mind to something—whether it’s academic studies, a job (or something else), I encourage you to do it with intentionality and excellence. When school begins again in the coming months, remember this adage: “Plan, practice, and persevere to succeed.” Doing this will give you the best chance to succeed and will build great character along the way.

What are your tried and true recipes for success? If you were talking to your teen or students about success after high school, what tips would you give? Feel free to share what you would add to our list!