What I Wish I Knew at 18

Because We’re Thankful For You

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As we enter Thanksgiving week, we’re grateful for your tireless investment in the next generation. Whether you’re a parent, guardian, educator, or mentor, we’re celebrating YOU with our annual holiday sale, now through year-end!

You’ll receive substantial savings—(20% off!)—on all of our products:


What I Wish I Knew at 18:  wiwik18-cover

  • 109 leadership strategies for a successful life, messaged to your teen
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  • Comprehensive parenting guide to navigate the teen years
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Tagged as: sale, special, holidays, gift buying, what i wish i knew at 18, parenting for the launch

8 Financial Mistakes to Avoid at All Costs

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Money, money, money. Few things in life generate as much interest, yet demand more responsibility. Money is taken into consideration with almost every life decision we make (which is one reason why personal finance courses should be required in every school)! And while money itself will not bring happiness, mismanaging it can surely ruin a person’s chances for success, and cause a lot of UNhappiness.

 

The principles of wise financial management aren’t that tough to master. Truly, you don’t need to have a degree in finance, be a math whiz, or consult a professional financial consultant in order to make smart choices. You simply need to know the basics and abide by certain key principles. It pays to avoid these eight common financial mistakes (and understand their consequences if you don’t):

 

  1. Failure to set goals and plan for major purchases and retirement. It’s crucial that you plan for large purchases (homes, cars, big toys) by accumulating savings, while also making sure you’ll have sufficient resources for retirement. These types of purchases should never be made on impulse or funded by withdrawals from your 401K.
  2. Spending more than you earn and failing to budget and monitor expenses. These days, it’s impossible to get away from ads (they’re on Instagram, Facebook, Billboards, YouTube videos, commercials, etc.). We are constantly bombarded with the idea that we need this or that. It’s important to resist the urge to spend, unless each purchase is within the budget you’ve set. If you don’t have a budget, set one…now! Overspending is the most common source of financial difficulty and stress.
  3. Incurring too much debt, including excessive credit card usage. If you have to put it on a credit card, you probably can’t afford it. That is, unless you pay off all of your credit card balances at month end.
  4. Investing too little and starting too late. In order to build a sufficient nest egg for retirement, you’ll need to save and invest 15-20% of your income. And, the sooner you begin, the greater your assets will accumulate. Start a monthly investment program as soon as you’ve developed an emergency fund worth six months of expenses. This should be a priority in the first year you begin your career.
  5. Incurring significant fixed expenses that can’t be reduced in difficult economic times (e.g., spending too much on housing and cars). Your mortgage or rent payment should not exceed 25 percent of your monthly income. And please, avoid those crazy high car payments!
  6. Ill-timed investment decisions (“buy high, sell low” habits and market timing). Too many investors make decisions on emotion. They take too much risk when the markets are high and panic sell when markets are in decline. Studies show the average investor loses around 2% a year due to poorly timed decisions! Regular investments in a well-diversified program serves investors better.
  7. Impulse buying and lack of value consciousness when shopping. Have a strong grasp on the actual value of the stuff you’re buying. Are those jeans really worth $175 in the long run? How could buying less expensive jeans and putting that money toward something else impact your financial situation in the long run?
  8. Lack of discipline and personal responsibility. This is one of the most important tips. Making sure you have positive cash flow and that you’re set-up well for the future takes some serious discipline and self-control! If you need some help with accountability, consider downloading spending tracker, like those available on mint.com. It’s eye opening how our spending on little things adds up.

 

Because finances aren’t taught enough (if at all) in secondary school or college/university, parents are advised to assume a leadership role. These are CRUCIAL life skills that will set your young people up for success in the real world (and help them avoid potential crises).

 

Periodically check how you’re doing in these areas, too. If we can all successfully avoid these traps, we’ll be in excellent financial shape! It does wonders for our stress levels, too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Will We Ever Let Them Go: Part Four

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Millennials—you’ve probably heard some pretty strong statements about them. “No work ethic, too dependent on their parents, irresponsible, addicted to technology…” But in this four-part series, I’ve been addressing what steps we can take as parents, secondary educators, and college educators, to better equip them for a long line of success. And today, I’d like to talk to those on the fourth leg of the relay race—our employers. (If you missed the first three parts in this series, you can find the links to them below.)

Employers, I take it you’ve already received a few new, younger workers from parents, high schools, colleges/vocational schools, etc. Some of your new hires have arrived well prepared with the skills and attitudes you value, while others are lacking. It’s with these latter cases that many of today’s unflattering stereotypes about Millennials are being formed.

I know some of you have even resorted to specialized management training to deal with interfering parents of young employees. Many of you are also experimenting with ways to help your more experienced staff members relate to incoming “needy” Millennial co-workers. Some workplace consultants are even advising companies to adapt in all kinds of (often unorthodox) ways order to accommodate/pacify Millennials—as if they arrived from some other planet. Yes, it’s come this far. How sad.

What to do? Here are some recommendations that can serve all employees, including Millennials, in your workplace:

  1. Build a contagious culture of excellence with high expectations and standards for all. Develop an inspiring mission, vision, and values statement with the input of employees. Then, through relational management, set each employee up for success by defining excellence on the job and coaching employees to achieve it. Management should be invested in the success of each employee, providing feedback and guidance along the way. While less experienced employees have a longer learning curve ahead, workplace standards should not be compromised for them. Nor should invaluable constructive feedback be withheld because of a coddling view that they can’t take it. Let them rise to the occasion. Most will.
  2. Incorporate mentoring as a part of new employee training. One of the quickest ways to workplace success is tapping into the wisdom of experienced and highly valued employees through personal relationships. A mentor program, where younger employees are paired with seasoned personnel, is an invaluable asset for onboarding, professional growth, and network building. It will also help reduce the generation gap among older and younger employees.
  3. Partner with schools and colleges in your community to offer real world perspectives from the workplace. Since many students lack the work experience our generation enjoyed decades ago, insights from the professional community can be especially beneficial in filling the gap. Also, your company and area students will benefit tremendously from an internship program.

 

This article was intended to call out some of the issues we are facing regarding the training of our young people for life success. Because so many parties are involved—parents, primary and secondary educators, colleges, and employers to name a few—it’s a complicated subject. Evidence indicates that we’re missing some key training components, in part because of a mistaken notion that someone else is covering the territory. Our young adults are bearing the brunt.

Excessive coddling is also taking its toll. The pendulum has swung from the “sink or swim” parenting mentality in my generation to one of overprotection and control today. We need to restore a healthy balance.

Our younger generation has so much to offer. With holistic, relevant, and sustainable training methods that cover all the bases, guided by an attitude of empowerment, they will soar. Let’s all do our best in making this happen.

If you missed the first three parts in this series, you can access the article in its entirety here, in our resource center.

 

Will We Ever Let Them Go: Part Three

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Our nation’s colleges and universities have a powerful, two-fold influence on preparing young adults for life success. On one hand, they play a role as receiver of our high school graduates. On the other hand, after four plus years of educational effort, they serve as senders of their graduates to employers, communities, and independent life. They’re rather like the third leg of the relay race from parents to schools to colleges to employers.

The implications of this positioning are profound. College educators, via their admissions criteria, have an enormous influence on the high school agenda, especially in the area of course requirements. They are the proverbial tail wagging the dog when it comes to high school academic programs. Frankly, I believe this is an undue, and not always beneficial, influence.  Academicians, who often lack work experience outside of the classroom, are setting the agenda. Based on their actions, they seem to undervalue practical leadership/life skills training (e.g., personal finance) that is so relevant to students. Otherwise you’d see these courses reflected in their admission requirements! Not surprisingly, high schools design their course menus to satisfy the demands of colleges. That’s an issue. I would argue, a big issue.

Secondly, college course offerings and their own graduation requirements are often lacking in practical life training. Rather, their first few years emphasize traditional academic subjects that are often redundant from high school, and irrelevant to life after college for many students. In other words, college course requirements appear disconnected from their role in preparing students for independent living. This is also a big issue.

Thirdly, colleges are often shortchanging students in the area of employability and job acquisition. Despite their massive investment, students are not always required to take career readiness and job search courses to help them achieve a positive return on their college experience. Today’s graduates are increasingly ill prepared to navigate today’s recruitment process. If colleges aren’t accountable for this training, who is?

Several of my recommendations to colleges echo what I shared in my thoughts for high schools. However, because of the unique positioning of our colleges in preparing young adults for real life, others are specifically directed toward them.

 

  1. Apply my points 1-3 and 5-7 from the secondary school educators’ recommendation list to your college/university institution. Unlike the high school setting, the next step for most college graduates is a well-suited career. Accordingly, this should have significant ramifications on college programs, rather than predominantly focusing on academics for academics’ sake. However, based on employer feedback, this is not generally the case. I encourage colleges to allow employers to command a voice on this topic to do a better job of representing the end users receiving your graduates. Invite them to share in your classrooms—to offer valuable perspectives outside of the academic bubble. Most importantly, solicit their views on what constitutes a well prepared graduate for life and reflect their perspectives in your program. Just as your views are influencing the secondary school agenda, so should employers be influencing yours.
  1. Focus more on leadership and life-relevant training and (comparatively) less on redundant core requirements that are often found in high school. While a broad-based educational foundation is important, far too much of the college experience (and dollar!) is devoted to courses that are simply not as relevant or practically beneficial to students. The opportunity cost is too great.
  2. Completely revisit the academic admissions requirements imposed on our high schools. Aside from a base of core academics, it would better serve all students to incorporate leadership and practical life training to a greater degree. (Does anyone really believe that a two-to-three-year foreign language requirement for high school students is more important to life than financial literacy?!? Yet, the former is usually required, and we’re silent on the latter.)
  3. Assume greater accountability for student career success. All colleges and universities should be required provide success measures of their graduates in landing a job (both within and outside of their major). This would not only be beneficial to families in the college search process, but it would also help students in selecting their major. (Wouldn’t it be helpful to know the percent of students who landed a job in each major?) Also, students should be required to take a comprehensive career-readiness course involving career exploration, qualification, marketing, and excelling. With the lack of jobs for youth and young adults, many are entering the workforce extremely green. All colleges should seek partnerships with area businesses to offer students real-world perspectives, internships, and recruitment for future jobs. The bottom line: colleges need to take more ownership in providing graduates with a significant return on their sizable investment.
  4. Dispense with the political correctness, safe spaces, trigger warnings, segregated dorms, and disrespectful guest speaker treatment/disinvitations. These efforts merely delay students’ ability to relate/communicate with others, resolve conflict, problem solve, handle adversity, and respectfully consider differing views and perspectives. Unfortunately, this heightened form of coddling has become routine on campuses, and it will only inhibit your students’ ability to navigate life. (Thank you Dr. John Edison, Dean of Students at the University of Chicago, for your example.)

I truly believe that if we all made a conscious and concerted effort to make some changes, we would see the next generation thrive. Isn’t that something we all want to see?

You can access parts one and two of this series here and here, or, you can read the full article in our resource center.

 

 

Will We Ever Let Them Go: Part One

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Like most of you, I hate stereotypes and generalizations. They’re unfair and usually do more harm than good. It’s why I’m not a fan of “bucketizing” people into this/that gender/age/ethnicity/economic/religious/political category. To me, the main “fruit” of these efforts is disunity.

But, at the risk of not taking my own advice, I’d like to weigh in on the conversation about a group that is perhaps more stereotyped than any these days. . . Millennials. Having raised two of our own and as an author/publisher/mentor/educator devoted to training up our next generation, I feel a special bond toward them. But, judging by what I read and hear, it’s as though their foreheads are etched with a “scarlet M.”

You’ve likely heard their negative labels: entitled, lazy, fragile, impatient, narcissistic, distractible, relationally challenged, needful, and the like. Hopefully, you’ve also heard the positive: passionate, creative, connected, entrepreneurial, idealistic, and globally minded. (As a product of the Sixties and Seventies, it makes me wonder what was said about us!)

But, here’s the deal: IF some of the negative stereotypes of Millennials have some merit, I don’t believe it’s only (or even primarily) because of them. Much of that responsibility lies with us—the generation that has parented and trained them. By all accounts, we are not equipping them as fully as we should—not parents, not schools, and in some cases, not employers. We’re also struggling to let go. Big time!

Too often, instead of releasing eagles to soar with confidence, we’re releasing young adults that we continue to control, coddle, or inadequately equip. Generally speaking, we’re not providing the practical, relevant, holistic training they need to succeed in adult life, and it’s showing. I believe this is attributable to several factors: 1) parents and educators assuming the other is covering the training (e.g., finance, soft skills) so it falls through the cracks, 2) consequences of the breakdown of the American family, and 3) educators focusing more on training the mind than the whole person for adulthood. It’s no wonder that the stage of adolescence continues to grow. And grow.

That’s on us. And, we need to do better. For them.

So, for the rest of this blog series, I’ll be offering my recommendations—to parents, secondary school educators, colleges, and employers—to help set our younger generation up for real world success. Due to space limitations, it’s an incomplete view, so I’ll focus on my best ideas.

In this first post, I’ll address my thoughts to parents. After that, I’ll concentrate on secondary school and college educators, and finally, employers. We all have a stake in this game. I’m sure you can add to my ideas, and you might even disagree with some of my views. I welcome your contributions. That’s what makes it a conversation!

 

To Parents:

We all want our children to be happy and successful, but sometimes we get in their own way. In fact, discussions with those receiving our high school graduates (e.g., universities and employers) reveal the downside of helicoptering, performance parenting, excessive coddling, and absentee parenting: students struggling with self confidence and coping with the demands of adulthood. Consequently, parents are calling professors to complain about grades. Parents are calling employers to complain about their “kids” being overworked and underpaid. Parents are even coming to job interviews! Many parents are so invested in their children’s success that they won’t let go. Is it any wonder so many young adults are having difficulty growing up?

With that, here are some suggestions for raising our parenting bar and releasing a new generation of well-prepared and confident leaders:

  1. Adopt an empowering parenting vision and mindset: what if we replaced “raising children” with “raising future adults?” This mindshift can make a world of difference. In our book on this topic, Parenting for the Launch, we call it, “giving them wings, not strings” and “moving from driver seat to passenger seat.”
  2. Emphasize character and “soft skills” over performance. Success in career and life requires a solid leadership foundation made up of qualities like integrity, reliability, high standards, kindness, respect, other-centeredness, work ethic, humility, positivity, and manners. It also requires attributes like self control, resilience, interpersonal skill, decision-making, time management, and communication. These are sustainable leadership qualities. Where are we placing our emphasis?
  3. Invest in your relationship. It takes both quality and quantity time to build a relationship that endures. “I didn’t spend enough time with my children” is an all-too-common regret you never want to experience! Stay fully engaged.
  4. Surround them with positive influences and adult role models and mentors. Use every opportunity to introduce them to great people! These invaluable third party voices offer friendship, wisdom, and connections to help grow their network. It also builds communication skills and respect for adults.
  5. Help them build self awareness. In the teen and young adult years, it’s critical to understand one’s assets, nature, and passions. Parents can contribute valuable insights that instill vision, belief, hope, and a sense of value.
  6. Encourage them to stretch themselves and take risks, even if they may not succeed. Help them embrace new experiences and challenges. Regardless of the outcome, winning is in the journey. Build a “Go for it!” attitude..
  7. Limit their use of technology and impose tech-free zones during family times. Be highly attentive to the addictive tendencies of technology, especially if it starts to affect their relationships, communication, and productivity.  And, don’t let devices and TV serve as a “babysitter.”
  8. Be strategic about preventing some of the common stereotypes. That means promoting a strong work ethic (chores help!), instilling other centeredness (volunteering for the less fortunate), learning to accept constructive feedback, being able to build authentic relationships, developing their ability to problem solve and handle disappointments and conflict, and teaching them how to communicate professionally with adults.
  9. Resist the temptation to solve their problems and manage their performance. These are self confidence destroyers that hamper decision-making and can create co-dependence.

 

If you are the parent of a millennial—what steps have you taken to help make them more “real world ready?” Are there any tips or pointers you would add to this list?

Later this week, I will be addressing my recommendations to secondary educators (with two more parts in the series coming next week!). I’m excited to share this blog series with you and hope you’ll continue to read on and engage as we discuss our roles in equipping the next generation for success!

If you’re interested in accessing the entire article (how we as parents, high school teachers, college professors, and employers can help equip millennials for success) in one place, you can find it in our resource center here.

Making the Most of Your Summer Job

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Congratulations on landing your summer job! I vividly remember my first—as a grocery “stock boy” at an area store. To be honest, I had some mixed emotions about it. On one hand, my paycheck would far exceed any allowance I ever earned! I’d be able to put some money aside for my college fund and still have some left over for extra spending. On the other hand, I wasn’t sure how much I’d enjoy the job, and I’d miss my old summers that were mostly play. Don’t be surprised if you have some of those same feelings.

So, now with the benefit of hindsight, what are my best tips to help you maximize the value of your summer job experience?

  1. Build your life skills. Whether you’re a barista, cashier, sitter, camp counselor, landscaper, server, or otherwise, you’ll gain valuable life skills you might not even realize. Consider these qualities that employers value: high standards, integrity, dependability (including showing up on time, every time!), teamwork, motivation, resilience, enthusiasm, and relational skill. Depending on your job, you’ll be able to develop these skills, for both the summer and for your eventual career!
  2. Demonstrate your leadership skills. Just by landing your job, you’ve demonstrated leadership abilities. However, if you actively pursue leadership opportunities on the job, you’ll add to your repertoire. These examples will make you a more competitive candidate in future interviews.
  3. Develop a network of ambassadors. Throughout life, especially in your career, you will be helped immeasurably by having a great network of fans. Your supervisor and other adults you’ll be working with are potential ambassadors, references, and connectors for you…provided you demonstrate excellence on the job and earn their support!
  4. Learn from the pros. You’ll undoubtedly be surrounded by experienced employees with great reputations. Observe them and learn as much as you can. Seek out their wisdom and career secrets!
  5. Seek valuable feedback. Your supervisor can give you helpful feedback on your job performance and relational skills. I always made it a point to ask for both positive areas and ways I could improve. Take their criticism constructively and include it in your personal growth plan.
  6. Identify your likes and dislikes. Chances are, your summer job will be different from your eventual career. Nonetheless, you’ll gain valuable perspectives about what you’ll like and dislike in your eventual career and work environment. This will help you select a well-matched career and future employer.
  7. Learn about personal finance. Your summer job will offer you excellent opportunities to grow your understanding of personal finance. You’ll quickly learn the difference between gross and net pay (sorry!) and perhaps open your own checking or savings account. With that, will come all the knowledge of banking, checkwriting, debit cards, identity theft, and more. You’ll also develop valuable saving disciplines and learn how to become a wise spender with your newfound income (especially knowing the difference between needs versus wants!). Make the most of these and other opportunities to improve your financial literacy.

Summer jobs offer so much at this pivotal time of life. The experience may not always be fun or exciting, but it builds strong foundational skills for life! Go for it!

 

Connect! (Part 2): Harnessing the 4 Motivations that Drive Human Behavior

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I (Arlyn) recently spoke with an alternative education teacher who told me how her school can predict when a new student will have negative outburst. She told me, “Three weeks, pretty much to the day, is when they’ll act out. They’ll be defiant, or steal something, or throw something … or display some other behavior designed to provoke a response.”

Why? For a couple of reasons, she told me. These students are generally testing two things: 1) to see if the boundaries are really there and will be enforced, and 2), to see if the caring that has been demonstrated will prove real, or if the student will be rejected for his/her behavior.

Her school’s policy is to respond to this scenario by applying empathetic reactions to the student as a person, while extending appropriate consequences for the behavior. This has led to an affirming, relational climate that contributes significantly to the students’ ability to feel secure, connect with teachers and others students, and begin to learn.

As we pointed out in last week’s blog, “Connect! (The Best Way to Help Students Succeed),” emotions are the fast lane to the brain. When positive, affirming social/emotional connections are made, powerful hormones are released in the brain (like dopamine and oxytocin) that diminish cortisol levels and UNLOCK the brain’s learning centers.

A key to creating this kind of positive learning environment in a school (or in a home or business, for that matter) is to be sensitive to the four motivations that influence human behavior.  Good teachers (or parents or business leaders) keep them in mind at all times. These include:

  • Acceptance (feeling understood)
  • Appreciation (feeling valued)
  • Affection (feeling loved)
  • Attention (feeling recognized and important)

These are the motivations that most drive people’s decisions, actions, and reactions. They also have a profound impact on the way we receive and process information.

Sadly, research tells us that a majority of students do not perceive these qualities in their schools. According to a survey of 150,000 6th-12th grade students conducted by the Search Institute, a whopping 71% said they don’t believe that school is a caring environment. What a colossal shame, since every teacher I’ve met starts out with a desire to make a positive difference in the lives of his or her students!

With that goal in mind, here are some ideas for creating an affirming environment in a school, classroom, or home:

  • Manners, courtesy, and respect (teachers/parents to kids and vice versa
  • Smiles and laughter (don’t be afraid to show your teeth!)
  • Personal conversations (“How are you?” “How was your weekend?” “What are you looking forward to this summer?” Share from your own life, as well.)
  • Positive affirmation based on the person, not the performance (or lack thereof)
  • Appreciation/recognition for contributions and work completed
  • Eye contact, appropriate physical touch

Whether we’re educators, mentors, parents, or in some other form of leadership with young people, it’s important that we spend time getting to know our kids, understanding who they are, and utilizing our relational platform to connect with them and increase their learning potential. This is truly one of the best ways we can set them up for success, not just in the here and now, but for life in the “real world!”

Check out LifeSmart’s What I Wish I Knew at 18 resources for developing life skills, college and workplace readiness, and a strong personal leadership foundation in high school and middle school students. Conversationally written, and designed to impart life wisdom and practical skills in a relational context, our resources will help you make Social Emotional Learning a vital part of your classroom or home environment.

Building Workplace Readiness: Part Three

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Welcome to the last installment of our three-part series on workplace readiness skills for teens and young adults. In this installment, we’ll address four prized leadership attributes employers are seeking. They are:

  • speaking and listening
  • critical thinking and problem solving
  • job acquisition and advancement
  • time, task, and resource management

 

Speaking and Listening

Good communication skills, both written and verbal, are a must in today’s workplace (and, in life!). However, many employers report that today’s young adults are often challenged in this area. They may be prolifically communicative with their smart phones and social media—but these more casual skills don’t necessarily translate to a professional environment with diverse audiences.

Educators, parents, and mentors, you can help by teaching them:

  1. How to write a superb professional letter. Great examples are a thank you letter after a job interview and a cover letter to a potential employer.
  2. The importance of clearly understanding instructions, deadlines, and expectations.
  3. The value of building relationship capital with their colleagues and customers. Every communication should be courteous and tactful.
  4. To practice the “40/60 rule.” When communicating with others, spend 40% of the time talking and 60% listening—not the reverse!
  5. To be sensitive to tone and body language. Remember that how you say something can matter more than what you actually say.

 

Critical Thinking and Problem Solving

In this data-driven world, employers are rewarding problem solving and decision-making skills. These can present special challenges to students who are conceptual by nature, or who have been educated in schools that value memorization of facts over real world application.

If this is the case with your teen, you can help by providing training and opportunities to practice. What I Wish I Knew at 18 includes a highly effective decision-making process that guides the both the conceptual and the analytical thinker. Here’s the process, using the example of choosing a college:

  1. Get the facts. Identify all key inputs and assumptions (e.g., tuition, location, size, majors offered, admission requirements).
  2. Determine the key decision criteria (e.g., cost, location, reputation, availability of desired major). Be sure to prioritize these criteria by importance.
  3. Identify all realistic options (i.e., final candidates)
  4. Engage wise counsel. Ask others with valuable, firsthand perspectives (e.g., alumni and current students)
  5. Conduct a thorough and objective pro/con evaluation for each option. Be sure your research addresses the key decision criteria from step two. Also, remember that not all pros and cons are equal!
  6. Consider your gut instinct or intuition. Your preliminary decision may not feel right. If so, further evaluate each alternative until you’re at peace.

 

Job Acquisition and Advancement

When young adults enter the workforce, they soon realize that grading doesn’t end upon graduation! To avoid this rude awakening, here are two career advancement strategies to teach students:

  1. Come prepared to model the qualities that employers value: These include high standards, integrity, reliability, relational skills, positivity/enthusiasm, motivation, innovative, resilience, and likeability.
  2. Commit to delivering excellent job performance that exceeds expectations. This means: 1) understanding how they’ll be evaluated and going “above and beyond,” 2) knowing how their supervisor defines “excellence,” and 3) having their supervisor identify their most significant potential accomplishments and delivering them.

 

Time, Task, and Resource Management

In an increasingly competitive environment with high attention to costs, workplace productivity commands a premium. Accordingly, new employees will need to be effective and efficient. Here are some helpful tips to help them learn how:

  1. Become a disciplined goal setter and planner. Always strive to complete work at least one to two days before the deadline…just in case!
  2. Avoid procrastination…it reduces stress and improves quality.
  3. Organize a daily to do list by priority and urgency. Always complete the most important work first.
  4. Manage time in blocks and control distractions. Time is a precious asset to manage wisely!

 

It’s never too soon to begin imparting these essential skills and strategies. Today’s students are tomorrow’s work force, and we owe it to them—and their future employers—to set them up for success!

Priceless Mentoring Conversations

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mentoring

You did it! You’ve entered into one of the most important and fulfilling roles you’ll ever play. You’re a mentor. And now that you’ve signed up, you’re probably wondering, “What next?” And, then you remember all of the mentors who invested in you and how they…

  • Listened to what was on your mind and heart
  • Encouraged you every step of the way
  • Inspired you to be more than you ever imagined you could be
  • Shared real life stories to help you face difficult situations
  • Offered wisdom that you would apply in the years ahead
  • Understood you and believed in you

    These are the hallmarks of a great mentor.

If you are a new mentor, perhaps you’re asking the question, “What should we talk about?” Of course, the answer depends on the age of your mentee and whether yours is a more formal or informal mentoring relationship. If it’s a formal one, you’ll be given guidance and direction from your program leaders. Regardless, the age of your mentee will also inform your conversations…helping them navigate life NOW while sharing a glimpse of what lies ahead in the next few years. That’s different for a fourth grader than for a middle schooler or high schooler.

In our work with What I Wish I Knew at 18, we are often asked what are the most important topics to share with the younger generation, whether in the classroom, the home, or in mentoring relationships. Drawing from our recent “Leadership for a Lifetime” blog series, here are some invaluable subjects to discuss in an age-appropriate way and when the timing is right:

  1. Their uniqueness, value, and strengths. Far too many young people have an incomplete understanding of the treasure they are to this world. You can help them build their self awareness of who they are and what they have to offer. This Personal Balance Sheet exercise can help.
  2. The importance of positivity. It is said that you become the average of the five friends with whom you associate with most. Whether it’s friends, music, video games, TV, movies, or websites, surrounding yourself with positive influences is a key in life.
  3. Living with vision and intentionality. Today’s students are facing tremendous pressures, distractions, and anxiety with little margin to spare. It’s easy to become consumed with the NOW. Have them share their dreams and their goals for the next five years. Then, encourage them to make plans to turn their dreams into reality.
  4. Building a personal brand based on integrity. Brands aren’t just for businesses like Coca Cola and Starbucks! Encourage your mentees to develop a strong set of core values like integrity, work ethic, dependability, kindness, generosity, respect, teamwork, humility, and high standards of excellence. Share whom you admire the most and encourage your mentee to do the same, and you’ll open up this critical topic.
  5. The value of adversity and the power of resilience. Help them understand that adversity happens to all of us (using your own story for examples). The question is, How will we handle it? Share the personal growth you’ve gained from adversity and how those who helped you often faced similar challenges. Today’s adversity can become tomorrow’s encouragement to someone else!
  6. Time is of the essence. We’ve never faced a time when distractions were more prevalent. Help your mentees understand that time is a precious asset and should be managed accordingly.
  7. The secret formula to life. In the end, life is about how we use our time, talents, and treasure to make the world a better place. Through conversation and volunteering together, you’ll help them appreciate the formula, U>Me.
  8. Stay flexible. While you may have a lesson topic in mind, it’s important to ask whether there’s anything special they’d like to discuss. Whatever that is, that’s where you go!

We hope these suggestions lead to unforgettable conversations with you and your mentee. We salute you and wish you the very best in your mentoring relationships!

12 Tips for the Getting the Most from a Mentor

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Did you know that January is National Mentoring Month? I was fortunate to be mentored by two pioneers in the investment consulting industry. Despite their many responsibilities and heavy workloads, they always took time to mentor me. I took advantage of every learning opportunity with them. I believe this was key to my career success, and I’m forever grateful to them.

Interestingly, many of my peers didn’t pursue these same mentoring opportunities. I never understood why because mentoring is the best way to accelerate learning, particularly on a career track. By consulting with veterans in your field (or even just with those who are ahead of you on the road of life), you’ll make a better career decision, learn the job more quickly, and discover the secrets to getting promoted. With the right mentor, you’ll also gain practical wisdom about life and key decisions you’ll be making. They’ll teach you from their own personal experience what worked and what didn’t. For many mentors, the opportunity to mentor gives new meaning to their past adversity and challenges.

Here are 12 tips for finding—and getting the most—from a mentor:

  • Identify the areas in your life or career you’d like to improve in the most.
  • Look for people who are doing what you want to be doing, and doing it well. Without being obnoxious, look for ways to observe them in action and get to know them, if they are open to it.
  • Ask them to honestly share their assessment of your strengths and areas for improvement. Have a mindset of being open to receiving constructive feedback.
  • Ask them for suggestions on ways to build on your strengths and correct your weaknesses.
  • Ask them to identify the most important life lessons they’ve learned.
  • Find out what qualities they admire most in other people.
  • Discuss your career plan with them and seek their advice on how to position yourself for the next step.
  • Seek to learn, not promote yourself. Don’t be a user.
  • Be prepared. If a mentor consents to meet with you or allow you to shadow him or her, read up on the subject matter ahead of time. Find out what your mentor reads (books, authors, papers, websites, blogs, etc.) and read them, too.
  • Follow up on (i.e., apply) your mentor’s suggestions and directions.
  • Show appreciation and recognition for your mentor’s influence in your life.
  • Be a value-added “mentee.” Return favors and time/energy investment in appropriate ways. What can YOU do for him or her?

Don’t hesitate to take full advantage of the wisdom that surrounds you. Mentors can be a benefit in many areas of life! Many times, a mentor can provide a fresh perspective — a new way of looking at a problem or issue. Look for a relationship in which the mentor is more a coach than an advisor — one in which he or she facilitates your decision-making process by suggesting alternatives, rather than telling you what to do. Ideally, your mentor will motivate you to do your best work—and be your best you!

LifeSmart Publishing has valuable resources for mentors, including our What I Wish I Knew at 18 book and student guide. Be sure to check out the curriculum and resource section of our website.

 

Image Credit: Stuart Miles, freedigitialphotos.net