teens

Connect! (Part 3): Why Hope Matters

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pathwaytodestinyforblogWhat does it take to “succeed” in life? This is a question we often ask not only for ourselves, but also for the young adults in our life whom we want to see thrive, succeed, and achieve their destiny.
In our work with teens, educators, and parents, we’ve developed a helpful diagram that illustrates the path that most of us travel throughout life on the road to accomplishing our goals and “life purpose” (aka “destiny”).

You can see it starts off with our personal development, which combines our education, experiences, and nurturing. Next, comes a healthy self-awareness (i.e., Who am I? What do I have to offer? What are my passions and interests?) The invaluable outgrowth of these two steps is a sense of value, hope, and belief in ourselves and our future. Buoyed by these three steps, we can now develop a positive vision for our lives that, through daily implementation, determines our DESTINY.

More often than not, as parents or educators, we tend to jump in at the “vision” or implementation stages when we want to motivate teens (i.e., “You can be whatever you want to be,” or “Study hard; clean your room; stay out of trouble!”). But, when there’s not been enough time spent on the preceding stages, the child may “check out” at the Value, Hope, and Belief step—which makes it exceedingly difficult to impart vision or teach implementation skills. All too often, they drop out of high school or become involved in high risk behavior and groups to find a sense of belonging. Bottom line, when kids don’t feel valued, they lose hope—and may miss out on reaching their full potential as a result. Their destiny is compromised.

Research and experience inform us that the best way to build value in people of all ages is to connect with them—to affirm, relate, and encourage in a relational way. So, how can we do this with our children and/or students, and particularly if our relationships are strained?

For one thing, we have to get to know them as individuals. A good relationship between any two people rests on the platform of mutual respect and valuing the other’s unique gifts and contributions. Each person has characteristics that make him or her special and that set him/her up for a unique destiny. Teens vary remarkably in their needs, reactions, communications, and behavioral styles. This impacts how they respond and relate to the world around them. As famous football commentator and coach Tony Dungy wisely said, “It’s hard to lead someone you don’t know.” This is just as true in educating (or raising) teens as it is in coaching football players!

That’s where connection comes in—and with it, value, hope, and progress toward a successful future. Connection leads to understanding, which can help you:

  1. identify what motivates (and discourages) them
  2. appreciate their strengths and be empathetic toward their challenges
  3. communicate in such a way that they receive your messages in the manner intended
  4. respond to them in such a way that they feel safe, heard, and understood
  5. have realistic expectations of them
  6. respect differences
  7. develop strategies that work best for all of you

Ultimately, when we connect with our kids and students, we foster a sense of hope and expectation they need to thrive. Hope has the power to buffer people from stress, anxiety, and the effects of negative life events. More than that, neuroscience tells us that hope actually changes brain chemistry! Hope motivates learning and enables kids to move forward to their destiny, and to absorb and apply the valuable lessons and skills they need along the way.

Bottom line, the next time there’s a challenge with a student or a child, take a step back. Consider the Pathway to Destiny and see if you can identify where that child has the greatest need right now.  Is it really for a pep talk or a how-to lesson? Or is there perhaps a need to back up a few steps, to focus on the foundations, to communicate, relate, and connect? When we do, we plant HOPE—which has exponential power to propel kids forward on the path to their destiny.

This was Part 3 in a series on Social Emotional Learning; visit our blog archive to see Part 1 and Part 2. Also, check out LifeSmart’s What I Wish I Knew at 18 resources for developing life skills, college and workplace readiness, and a strong personal leadership foundation in high school and middle school students. Conversationally written, and designed to impart life wisdom and practical skills in a relational context, our resources will help you make social emotional learning a vital part of your classroom or home environment.
 

Teaching Teens the Art of Professional Networking

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With spring in full swing, we can almost taste the arrival of summer. For many educators and parents of teens, summer means graduation is right around the corner, and newly launched young adults will be looking for summer jobs or looking to enter the workforce full time. To help set your teen up for success in this arena, you will want to instill the importance of a vital life skill: networking.

You’ve heard said many times: “It’s not what you know, but whom you know.” Of course, this is an overstatement, but in this high tech, interconnected age, it’s truer than ever. The sooner your teen understands this reality, the better.

No matter how talented we are, we all need people who will go to bat for us, both personally and professionally. Their assistance can take the form of introductions and connections, references and advocacy, decision-making in our favor, an information source, or general support. They help us gain access to strategically important people. They are our ambassadors. Our very own sales force!

The employment recruitment process has radically changed since I was younger. Nowadays, it’s all about online applications that seem to disappear into the proverbial black hole—it’s SO impersonal and frustrating. Somehow, some way, our application needs to stand out. No doubt about it, the best way is to have an insider advocating on our behalf. It adds a measure of dependability and reassurance to the hiring manager, and that’s huge. It may not land us the job, but it helps get us into the game.

Our son Michael is a natural networker. Ever since he was young, Michael always enjoyed being with adults. He became a basketball ref at an early age and loved pick-up games with guys decades his senior on the golf course. Interestingly, connections from these circles were instrumental to his acceptance into the college of his dreams. And, today, they’ve proven just as helpful as he’s entered the workforce. Thankfully, when it comes to networking, he values it and is good at it. And of course, dad loves to see him in action!

But, for many, networking doesn’t come so naturally. Some are more reserved, some haven’t developed the skills, and some don’t appreciate just how important it is. So, parents and teachers, this is a great opportunity for you to influence and empower! Here are some key ways you can help:

  • Share the value of networking on both a personal and professional level.
  • Stress the importance of making a great first impression with everyone they meet.
  • Point out that future advocates are enlisted by demonstrating excellent character, cultivating the relationship, and showing appreciation. Help your teen understand that ambassadors put their reputations on the line when they advocate on his or her behalf! Motivate your teen to develop areputation as a person of excellence.
  • Encourage them to get involved in various opportunities and spheres (i.e., “put yourself out there!”) where they’ll be able to interact with adults in different circles. Networkers take the initiative!
  • Remind them to always be proactive in expressing your appreciation to ambassadors. Handwritten thank you notes or a phone call will show  gratitude and cement the relationship.
  • Don’t forget about your own connections and networks! Use your own professional and social spheres to make strategic introductions on your teen’s behalf.

How do your teen’s networking skills stack up? Who are their advocates? How can they expand the list? What are your opportunities to help them become a master networker?

Connect! (Part 2): Harnessing the 4 Motivations that Drive Human Behavior

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I (Arlyn) recently spoke with an alternative education teacher who told me how her school can predict when a new student will have negative outburst. She told me, “Three weeks, pretty much to the day, is when they’ll act out. They’ll be defiant, or steal something, or throw something … or display some other behavior designed to provoke a response.”

Why? For a couple of reasons, she told me. These students are generally testing two things: 1) to see if the boundaries are really there and will be enforced, and 2), to see if the caring that has been demonstrated will prove real, or if the student will be rejected for his/her behavior.

Her school’s policy is to respond to this scenario by applying empathetic reactions to the student as a person, while extending appropriate consequences for the behavior. This has led to an affirming, relational climate that contributes significantly to the students’ ability to feel secure, connect with teachers and others students, and begin to learn.

As we pointed out in last week’s blog, “Connect! (The Best Way to Help Students Succeed),” emotions are the fast lane to the brain. When positive, affirming social/emotional connections are made, powerful hormones are released in the brain (like dopamine and oxytocin) that diminish cortisol levels and UNLOCK the brain’s learning centers.

A key to creating this kind of positive learning environment in a school (or in a home or business, for that matter) is to be sensitive to the four motivations that influence human behavior.  Good teachers (or parents or business leaders) keep them in mind at all times. These include:

  • Acceptance (feeling understood)
  • Appreciation (feeling valued)
  • Affection (feeling loved)
  • Attention (feeling recognized and important)

These are the motivations that most drive people’s decisions, actions, and reactions. They also have a profound impact on the way we receive and process information.

Sadly, research tells us that a majority of students do not perceive these qualities in their schools. According to a survey of 150,000 6th-12th grade students conducted by the Search Institute, a whopping 71% said they don’t believe that school is a caring environment. What a colossal shame, since every teacher I’ve met starts out with a desire to make a positive difference in the lives of his or her students!

With that goal in mind, here are some ideas for creating an affirming environment in a school, classroom, or home:

  • Manners, courtesy, and respect (teachers/parents to kids and vice versa
  • Smiles and laughter (don’t be afraid to show your teeth!)
  • Personal conversations (“How are you?” “How was your weekend?” “What are you looking forward to this summer?” Share from your own life, as well.)
  • Positive affirmation based on the person, not the performance (or lack thereof)
  • Appreciation/recognition for contributions and work completed
  • Eye contact, appropriate physical touch

Whether we’re educators, mentors, parents, or in some other form of leadership with young people, it’s important that we spend time getting to know our kids, understanding who they are, and utilizing our relational platform to connect with them and increase their learning potential. This is truly one of the best ways we can set them up for success, not just in the here and now, but for life in the “real world!”

Check out LifeSmart’s What I Wish I Knew at 18 resources for developing life skills, college and workplace readiness, and a strong personal leadership foundation in high school and middle school students. Conversationally written, and designed to impart life wisdom and practical skills in a relational context, our resources will help you make Social Emotional Learning a vital part of your classroom or home environment.

Connect! (The Best Way To Help Students Succeed)

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One of my (Arlyn’s) five children had a rather low GPA when he was in high school, relative to his capacity (and much to his parents’ constant dismay). It was a good thing he was an excellent test taker, because that, more than anything else, was what saved his bacon! He frequently told us, “Don’t worry, Mom and Dad; I’ll apply myself in college, where it really counts.”

Now, I’m not for a minute excusing that cop out, although I will concede he is making good on his promise. He has excelled in his classes, is almost ready to graduate with an ample GPA, and is planning to attend law school next year. What made the difference in his performance? In college, he connected with the subject matter—and to the professors who were instructing him.

What do you think is the strongest contributing factor to learning? There are several good answers to this question, but one that stands out particularly is CONNECTION. We learn best when we are engaged in some way with the subject about which we’re learning, and the environment in which we’re learning it. This important aspect of learning is based on the principle that humans are heavily influenced by how we feel and the emotional state we’re in.

Neuroscientists tell us that humans are fundamentally “hard-wired” to connect. This applies to everyone, but has particular ramifications for students who have been impacted by adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), including abuse, neglect, and poverty, etc., whose “connection” mechanisms in their brain have been impaired by these experiences. They can appear disinterested or anti-social, tending to push away the adults in their life with defiance, withdrawal, and sometimes violence, out of fear and self-protection. However, on the inside, what they really want to do is connect.  They just don’t know how. Or, they can’t trust.

Here’s how this impacts their learning: when humans are in this affected state, the heightened level of cortisol in the body essentially puts a “padlock” on the learning centers in the brain. On the other hand, when social/emotional connections are made, powerful hormones are released (like dopamine and oxytocin) that diminish the cortisol levels and UNLOCK those learning centers.  Emotions are the fast lane to the brain!

Most of us think of ourselves as thinking beings that feel but we are actually feeling creatures that think.” -Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor,  Neuroscientist

If we want to close the achievement gap, if we want to help our kids learn the vital skills and lessons that will enable them to thrive in life, we’ve got to harness this powerful component of learning!

Educators, you may be thinking, I don’t have time to develop relationships with all my students.  Or, I don’t want to risk rejection or disrespect by making myself vulnerable. Or even, I’m not particularly good at being relational. Thankfully, it’s not as complicated as it might seem. Things like smiles, small gestures of kindness and respect, and simple appreciation can all go a long way in contributing to a climate conducive to healthy social and emotional learning. Parents, this goes for you, too!

In our next blog, we’ll talk about four motivations that influence human behavior, decisions, and actions, and how they impact the process of Social Emotional Learning. You might be surprised by how they can help you relate to the children and teens in your life. We hope you’ll join us and keep the conversation going!

Check out LifeSmart’s What I Wish I Knew at 18 resources for developing life skills, college and workplace readiness, and a strong personal leadership foundation in teens. Conversationally written, and designed to impart life wisdom and practical skills in a relational context, our resources will help you make Social Emotional Learning a vital part of your classroom or home environment.

Building Workplace Readiness: Part Three

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Welcome to the last installment of our three-part series on workplace readiness skills for teens and young adults. In this installment, we’ll address four prized leadership attributes employers are seeking. They are:

  • speaking and listening
  • critical thinking and problem solving
  • job acquisition and advancement
  • time, task, and resource management

 

Speaking and Listening

Good communication skills, both written and verbal, are a must in today’s workplace (and, in life!). However, many employers report that today’s young adults are often challenged in this area. They may be prolifically communicative with their smart phones and social media—but these more casual skills don’t necessarily translate to a professional environment with diverse audiences.

Educators, parents, and mentors, you can help by teaching them:

  1. How to write a superb professional letter. Great examples are a thank you letter after a job interview and a cover letter to a potential employer.
  2. The importance of clearly understanding instructions, deadlines, and expectations.
  3. The value of building relationship capital with their colleagues and customers. Every communication should be courteous and tactful.
  4. To practice the “40/60 rule.” When communicating with others, spend 40% of the time talking and 60% listening—not the reverse!
  5. To be sensitive to tone and body language. Remember that how you say something can matter more than what you actually say.

 

Critical Thinking and Problem Solving

In this data-driven world, employers are rewarding problem solving and decision-making skills. These can present special challenges to students who are conceptual by nature, or who have been educated in schools that value memorization of facts over real world application.

If this is the case with your teen, you can help by providing training and opportunities to practice. What I Wish I Knew at 18 includes a highly effective decision-making process that guides the both the conceptual and the analytical thinker. Here’s the process, using the example of choosing a college:

  1. Get the facts. Identify all key inputs and assumptions (e.g., tuition, location, size, majors offered, admission requirements).
  2. Determine the key decision criteria (e.g., cost, location, reputation, availability of desired major). Be sure to prioritize these criteria by importance.
  3. Identify all realistic options (i.e., final candidates)
  4. Engage wise counsel. Ask others with valuable, firsthand perspectives (e.g., alumni and current students)
  5. Conduct a thorough and objective pro/con evaluation for each option. Be sure your research addresses the key decision criteria from step two. Also, remember that not all pros and cons are equal!
  6. Consider your gut instinct or intuition. Your preliminary decision may not feel right. If so, further evaluate each alternative until you’re at peace.

 

Job Acquisition and Advancement

When young adults enter the workforce, they soon realize that grading doesn’t end upon graduation! To avoid this rude awakening, here are two career advancement strategies to teach students:

  1. Come prepared to model the qualities that employers value: These include high standards, integrity, reliability, relational skills, positivity/enthusiasm, motivation, innovative, resilience, and likeability.
  2. Commit to delivering excellent job performance that exceeds expectations. This means: 1) understanding how they’ll be evaluated and going “above and beyond,” 2) knowing how their supervisor defines “excellence,” and 3) having their supervisor identify their most significant potential accomplishments and delivering them.

 

Time, Task, and Resource Management

In an increasingly competitive environment with high attention to costs, workplace productivity commands a premium. Accordingly, new employees will need to be effective and efficient. Here are some helpful tips to help them learn how:

  1. Become a disciplined goal setter and planner. Always strive to complete work at least one to two days before the deadline…just in case!
  2. Avoid procrastination…it reduces stress and improves quality.
  3. Organize a daily to do list by priority and urgency. Always complete the most important work first.
  4. Manage time in blocks and control distractions. Time is a precious asset to manage wisely!

 

It’s never too soon to begin imparting these essential skills and strategies. Today’s students are tomorrow’s work force, and we owe it to them—and their future employers—to set them up for success!

Building Workplace Readiness Skills: Part Two

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Last week we began our three-part series on workplace readiness skills for teens and young adults. We’re writing this series because we share the concern being voiced by many employers and educators that our nation’s young people are not (generally speaking) well-equipped with the skills to succeed in today’s workforce.

As an organization committed to empowering the next generation, LifeSmart is honored to contribute our perspectives on this subject. Whether your role is educator, mentor, parent, or otherwise, we hope you’ll find these insights helpful in preparing the young adults in your life for success in the “real world.”

Today we’ll focus on four important personal leadership attributes: teamwork, diversity awareness, conflict resolution, and creativity/ resourcefulness.

 

Teamwork

With rare exceptions, most young adults will pursue careers where teamwork skills are critical. Today’s workplace is far more collaborative than in the past, and career success is greatly influenced by a person’s ability to work well with others. Here are the attitudes and actions of great team players:

  1. Giving everything their best. This means delivering excellent results for their assumed roles/tasks and relating well with the others. They set their bar even higher in a team context since others are counting on them.
  2. Encouraging and appreciating their teammates.
  3. Embracing feedback, rather than treating it defensively.
  4. Keeping their communications neutral or positive.
  5. Focusing foremost on the team and achieving its goals. “Team > me!”

 

Diversity Awareness

As they find their way in the workplace, young adults will be working with people of different ages, genders, ethnicities, faiths, backgrounds, and worldviews. By making a concerted effort to appreciate others’ uniqueness and value, they will build synergy, trust, AND a better workplace environment. That means:

  1. Taking opportunities to get to know their colleagues both professionally and personally. How are their personalities wired? What are their interests? By better understanding their coworkers, everyone can relate more successfully.
  2. Always looking for the best in people even if they won’t make the “BFF” list (hint: most won’t!).
  3. Being respectful and tactful while building relationship capital.
  4. Being an inspiring team player and avoiding supercharged conversation topics (hint: be careful during election season!).
  5. Always remembering that no one can know the burdens each person is carrying.

 

Conflict Resolution

It would be nice if everyone always got along, but the workplace offers special challenges. Some people position for advantage and power. Some won’t pull their weight.  Some people prefer drama and gossip. Some lack integrity. And, sometimes personalities clash.

When conflict does arise in the workplace, here are some successful strategies to manage it:

  1. Giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. Often, conflict arises from simple misunderstandings. Try not to prejudge or assign motives.
  2. Respecting themselves and their right to be heard.
  3. Striving for mutual understanding, sharing perspectives respectfully, and agreeing to disagree if their positions are irreconcilable.

 

Creativity and Resourcefulness

As I share in my “How to Be an MVP Employee” DVD, one of the keys for career advancement is building value in the eyes of an employer. That means not only delivering excellent job performance, but also contributing to the overall success of the organization. It means going above and beyond the job description with initiative and creativity to improve results.

“Workplace MVPs” build their value by:

  1. Improving revenues (increasing sales and customer loyalty)
  2. Reducing costs and improving organizational efficiency
  3. Innovating (developing new products, services, or procedures)
  4. Leading high impact projects that contribute to the success of the enterprise

 

Importantly, each of these soft skills applies to our personal lives as well, and it’s never too soon to start building them. How would the teens you know fare in these skill areas? Yourself? Stay tuned for Part Three next week!

Building Workplace Readiness Skills: Part One

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We’ve heard the stories all too often. You have your own stories, no doubt, but here are some of mine:

  • My friend, a corporate executive, was preparing to interview five finalists for a new position; only one showed up on time. (Guess who landed the job?)
  • Another employer was recruiting at a career fair on a college campus. Based on first impressions and conversations with graduating seniors, not a single student was invited in for an interview.
  • A local restaurant owner received a call from an “ill” teenage employee five minutes before start time, yet fifteen minutes later she was posting pictures of herself at a beach party. It cost her the job.

You might think these are exceptional cases, but we hear stories like this all the time from employers of teens and young adults. As accomplished as young workers may be academically or otherwise, far too many are not workplace ready.

As the marketplace becomes more competitive, are we actually regressing at launching real world-ready graduates from our homes and schools? Many agree and point to such contributors as ineffective parenting, lack of whole person training in schools, and high youth unemployment rates.

This is why I’ve been encouraged by the work at the Weldon Cooper Center at the University of Virginia and CTECS (Career and Technical Education Consortium of States), who have taken proactive steps to turn the tide. They surveyed employers to identify their most valued workplace readiness skills, and their conclusions, summarized here, establish 21 Workplace Readiness Skills (WRS) for the Commonwealth of Virginia.

[After reviewing the WRS list, we were gratified to learn that our What I Wish I Knew at 18 curriculum (including our “How to Be an MVP Employee” DVD) address 14 of these 21 employer-based skills! You can see how our lessons and success pointers align to these WRS here.]

At LifeSmart, we want to contribute to this crucial conversation by sharing some thoughts on ten of these important skills, starting this week with “Work Ethic” and “Integrity.” We hope you’ll follow along in our series and share your ideas as we go!

Work Ethic   

Fresh out of college, Joe arrives at his new job with visions of grandeur—perhaps a corner office with a great view. Then reality hits—his new work station is a bite-sized interior cubicle. Feeling disgraced, he delivers an inferior product and doesn’t last long.
How can we help the “Joes” we know—whether as students, mentees, or children in our home? Parents can help by instilling the intrinsic value of hard work, avoiding doing their work for them (including homework!), and by not condoning efforts that are clearly lacking.

Educators can help by being mindful of how grade inflation is affecting work ethic and creating attitudes of entitlement. Our colleges and employers are increasingly dealing with both, as students feel “deserving” of special considerations and concessions.

The bottom line: A strong work ethic builds dependability—an essential leadership quality.

Integrity

“We may not always be loved, but we must always be trusted.” This saying is so true! Integrity is one of the most important qualities (arguably number one!) that make up one’s “personal brand.” It’s very difficult to recover from a damaged reputation, and a lack of integrity is often the cause.

 

Here are five attributes of a person of integrity:

  1. They always tell the truth and call out the untruths of others.
  2. They own up to their mistakes and shortfalls.
  3. They uphold high ethical standards, both personally and professionally.
  4. They keep their promises.
  5. They keep their communications about others neutral or positive (especially those who are not present).

 

Whether we’re educators, parents, or mentors, we all have opportunities to incorporate these vital skills into our training of this generation. As you consider those under your guidance, how do they fare on these 21 skills? How might you help address the gaps?

 

Playing the Blame Game Won’t Help You Win

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Consider this scenario: It’s finals week, and you’ve spent the last few days cramming like mad. Deep down, you know you should have started studying earlier in the month, but with intramural football, that new video game, spontaneous trips to the beach, and Netflix parties with your friends, there just wasn’t enough time. Although you’re doing all the “right things” now by highlighting your reading and going over old quizzes, you’re rushed and anxious.  It’s no surprise, then, to see a disappointing C- at the top of your paper. Regrettably, you know you could have done better.

So, what now? Do you take issue with the professor or teacher, complaining that the questions were too hard? Do you accuse him or her of biased grading, or being out to get you? Do you compare your test to those of classmates who earned better grades? Worse yet, do you recruit your parents to petition on your behalf?!?

Or, do you take personal responsibility for your grade and accept the fact that you underprepared? Will you own the outcome?

We call this topic “Accepting Personal Responsibility for Our Mistakes and Shortfalls.” And believe me, it’s no easy feat. However, it’s a sign of maturity and a hallmark of a true leader. Being able to put complaints, self-pity, and the desire to blame others for a negative outcome aside is a sign of integrity and self-awareness. Moreover, accepting responsibility causes us to live with an accurate perspective of reality.

Blame shifting and negative behavior justification distorts our reality—causing us to live in a world where we believe we do no wrong. It’s rooted in insecurity, and it affects our decision making, job performance, academic achievements, relationships, and more. Everyone else screws up but us, right? Wrong! The real reality is that we all mess up but have the capacity to accept the consequences and learn from our mistakes.

Refusing to own up to our shortfalls creates a blind spot in our lives—one that may cause us to miss out on great opportunities. That professor who was “biased” against you? She could have turned out to be a great tutor. The coach who you were convinced benched you every game because he “didn’t like you?” He could have been a great personal trainer and helped you up your game. That classmate who was “jealous of you?” She could have helped you become a better friend.

The long and short of it is this: as we grow into well-rounded, confident, and contributing members of society, it’s crucial that we accept responsibility for our mistakes and shortfalls. Although it may seem difficult at the time, this practice will make us better friends, employees, players, and students who have an accurate and healthy view of ourselves and the world around us. Humility and self-awareness are of high value, so start this practice now!

Can you think of a situation where you stood up and took responsibility for your actions? What good came from it? If you are a parent, teacher, or mentor, consider taking some time to sit down with your teen and talk through real-world examples of accepting responsibility for poor choices.

Building Likeability Skills in Our Students

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ID-10062570Although Valentine’s Day is all about love, this week we’re taking it down a notch to celebrate like—specifically, likeability! The fact is, likeability is a hallmark of successful people and an especially valuable social skill to nurture in our students. In fact, when it comes to landing a job, it’s often the deal breaker in who receives the offer (and even who wins the Presidential election!).

For some, likeability comes naturally; for others, not so much—especially when they enter new environments like college and career settings and social gatherings. Whether it’s from inexperience, low self confidence, or inadequate training, many struggle with social awkwardness (e.g., withdrawing, coming on too strong, demonstrating poor manners, and being blind to the social cues of others). Unfortunately, these tendencies can overshadow the otherwise great qualities of a person.

We’ve all been in challenging social settings and it’s never fun. But, the good news is that likeability skills can be learned with proper training and experience. To that end, I came across an excellent article written by Travis Bradberry at Forbes.com, “13 Habits of Exceptionally Likeable People,” which you can access here.

Here’s a list of his 13 habits, which are spot on:

  1. They ask questions
  2. They put away their phones
  3. They are genuine
  4. They don’t pass judgment
  5. They don’t seek attention
  6. They are consistent
  7. They use positive body language
  8. They leave a strong first impression
  9. They greet people by name
  10. They smile
  11. They know when to open up
  12. They know who to touch (and they touch them)
  13. They balance passion and fun

I encourage you to read the entire article as Travis elaborates on these important behaviors. If you are an educator, parent, or mentor, these make for fabulous small group discussions and (especially) role plays. Practice situations where they act out each of these 13 habits—both positively and negatively. This will not only train them how to model likeability, but it will also build awareness of important social cues like body language.

Likeability is a huge factor in successful relationship building. What additions would you make to the list?

photo: freedigitalphotos.net, jannoon028

Priceless Mentoring Conversations

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mentoring

You did it! You’ve entered into one of the most important and fulfilling roles you’ll ever play. You’re a mentor. And now that you’ve signed up, you’re probably wondering, “What next?” And, then you remember all of the mentors who invested in you and how they…

  • Listened to what was on your mind and heart
  • Encouraged you every step of the way
  • Inspired you to be more than you ever imagined you could be
  • Shared real life stories to help you face difficult situations
  • Offered wisdom that you would apply in the years ahead
  • Understood you and believed in you

    These are the hallmarks of a great mentor.

If you are a new mentor, perhaps you’re asking the question, “What should we talk about?” Of course, the answer depends on the age of your mentee and whether yours is a more formal or informal mentoring relationship. If it’s a formal one, you’ll be given guidance and direction from your program leaders. Regardless, the age of your mentee will also inform your conversations…helping them navigate life NOW while sharing a glimpse of what lies ahead in the next few years. That’s different for a fourth grader than for a middle schooler or high schooler.

In our work with What I Wish I Knew at 18, we are often asked what are the most important topics to share with the younger generation, whether in the classroom, the home, or in mentoring relationships. Drawing from our recent “Leadership for a Lifetime” blog series, here are some invaluable subjects to discuss in an age-appropriate way and when the timing is right:

  1. Their uniqueness, value, and strengths. Far too many young people have an incomplete understanding of the treasure they are to this world. You can help them build their self awareness of who they are and what they have to offer. This Personal Balance Sheet exercise can help.
  2. The importance of positivity. It is said that you become the average of the five friends with whom you associate with most. Whether it’s friends, music, video games, TV, movies, or websites, surrounding yourself with positive influences is a key in life.
  3. Living with vision and intentionality. Today’s students are facing tremendous pressures, distractions, and anxiety with little margin to spare. It’s easy to become consumed with the NOW. Have them share their dreams and their goals for the next five years. Then, encourage them to make plans to turn their dreams into reality.
  4. Building a personal brand based on integrity. Brands aren’t just for businesses like Coca Cola and Starbucks! Encourage your mentees to develop a strong set of core values like integrity, work ethic, dependability, kindness, generosity, respect, teamwork, humility, and high standards of excellence. Share whom you admire the most and encourage your mentee to do the same, and you’ll open up this critical topic.
  5. The value of adversity and the power of resilience. Help them understand that adversity happens to all of us (using your own story for examples). The question is, How will we handle it? Share the personal growth you’ve gained from adversity and how those who helped you often faced similar challenges. Today’s adversity can become tomorrow’s encouragement to someone else!
  6. Time is of the essence. We’ve never faced a time when distractions were more prevalent. Help your mentees understand that time is a precious asset and should be managed accordingly.
  7. The secret formula to life. In the end, life is about how we use our time, talents, and treasure to make the world a better place. Through conversation and volunteering together, you’ll help them appreciate the formula, U>Me.
  8. Stay flexible. While you may have a lesson topic in mind, it’s important to ask whether there’s anything special they’d like to discuss. Whatever that is, that’s where you go!

We hope these suggestions lead to unforgettable conversations with you and your mentee. We salute you and wish you the very best in your mentoring relationships!